Problems with intrusions on personal space

[arthurfakaya]

Perhaps this has been dealt with and I've missed it, but do you feel you require more personal space that NTs. I am forever finding people encroaching on my personal space and making me uncomfortable. And I especially find it annoying when after I widen the gap, the other person closes in again. They never seem to get the hint. A couple of times I've felt uncomfortable enough to suggest we sit at a table and I choose a seat at a suitable distance. It's very hard to tell someone, "You're too close. Back off buster!".

 

[King_Oni]

Don't know if I need "more" than NT's... but I do know that I need my personal space often. I kinda solve that by just not getting out a lot. Mind you, I'm not an actual recluse, I do get out, but I could gladly deal with less.

If I'm going out on an evening to grab a snack somewhere, it's quite normal that I'm the only people in the establishment. It's why I sometimes avoid fastfoodplaces, or only go in when I know it's not that crowded and I don't need to be packed.

Public transport is a big one. If possible I always choose a seating that's single so no one sits next to me... unless I'm with a friend or my girlfriend. But I'm not to keen about random strangers sitting next to on said transport.

I keep that distance pretty big that way... only go out when I have to (and as such minimize it). I rarely invite people over at my place either... but luckily my parents aren't too keen on having visitors, so that's one of those things that works out for me without having any rules set up on that.

As for going crowded places... as long as it's places where I have a heads up it can get crowded. I might even not go, but if I have to... restaurants and such, I'd prefer to have a reservation for the exact amount of people I'm visiting with. And then it's less of a problem if we're packed up a bit more. I just hate having random strangers getting close when I'm not prepared for it.

 

[2wheels4ever]

I'm thankful for my motorbike because it affords me the luxury of traveling at will, not having to be tied to anyone else's schedule or the sensory hell that buses are for me. Places to eat are usually not a problem until someone wants to 'treat' me (invariably means loud and crowded). Most of the time when I go to a burger place I'm already out of sync with their busy times, or if I see more than 2 people in line I'll look for food elsewhere, so those aren't usually an issue. What does poke at me though is shopping at stores; some aisles are so narrow 2 carts cannot pass, and don't forget the hybrid donkeys that angle their cart so it blocks the whole aisle while they spend 10 minutes deciding which cereal to purchase.

Now, while I do like kids, bringing them into the store to scream and make lots of sudden movements is not fun for me and probably not that fun for them to be there either. They could hurt themselves or someone else, like me

I shouldn't even have to get into all the things the stores themselves are guilty of like the lights and sounds, although there is 1 certain red bullseye logo'ed establishment I can tolerate being in even at heavier times. I just wish they carried more techie stuff

The worst times for people getting in my space are not in public all that much; it's an ongoing problem around the house where someone is cooking, doing laundry or using the bathroom when I need to

 

[Arashi222]

Ugh I totally am in agreement with this thread. I find I am constantly squirming and trying to back away from NT's I need space. I don't like it people I don't know touch me. I have to be close to people in order to allow physical contact. I always cringe when we get new people at work because i have to teach them personal space. Like don't touch my shoulder or rub my back, don't touch me unless you know me really really well. I have a couple of customers that drive me nuts because they always want to touch me and I just keep backing away cringing. my family knows not to touch me. I just don't know if its them or some times I know differing cultures have different perceptions about personal space so maybe that's it too I don't know but I am sooo with this thread.

 

[HelloDizzy]

Yes, I have no personal space; I live with my boyfriend and his parents so I'm surrounded. I want to have less belongings so I have less to hide.

 

[Bay]

I prefer more space than some people are willing to give. I once read that personal space is a cultural concept, and that western cultures generally prefer more space than eastern cultures. Of the western cultures, people in the US and Canada are second in the world in desiring the most space, with Australians wanting the most personal space out of all cultures in the world.

 

[Gomendosi]

That may well be true there Bay, I know a lot of people that if you get within a few feet of them they arc up.
Generally if you stretch your arms out and can touch another person, which is what I personally would consider to be a violation of my "personal space" (and I have long arms too).

Simple fact is that over time the concept of togetherness and sharing among a small community has been replaced by greed and the need to be alone among others as society grows ever larger, we went from small hamlets dotted about the place and only seeing relatives once in a blue moon, to everybody clustered around a central hub in a huge megalopolis and everybody is available at a moments notice!

I wanna go Grizzly Adams, just build a log cabin up in the woods and be self sufficient, maybe run my laptop of steam power so I can still associate on aspiescentral.com ; ]

 

[Bay]

I especially do not like it when people touch me unless they are family or friends.

 

[arthurfakaya]

I prefer more space than some people are willing to give. I once read that personal space is a cultural concept, and that western cultures generally prefer more space than eastern cultures. Of the western cultures, people in the US and Canada are second in the world in desiring the most space, with Australians wanting the most personal space out of all cultures in the world.

Interesting. I wonder whether that's due to the population densities of those countries and what people are used to. You'd expect urban dwellers to need less personal space than rural dwellers, I suppose.

 

[Gomendosi]

I especially do not like it when people touch me unless they are family or friends.

I know right!

People touching you is unnecessary I feel, unless they ask before hand, as in would you like a hug, or I should pat you on the back for that, that way at least you could politely decline.
From friends, family and strangers alike, I have actually shrugged away from touches and alternately, I have actually craved hugs, so I am in two minds about the whole thing.

Seriously, no joke here, what is it with blokes wanting to shake hands, I actually have a compulsion since my last job, where I will quickly excuse myself to go and wash my hands after someone forces me to shake hands.
Yes I said forces, the individuals I have in mind make it uncomfortable not to shake hands by drawing attention to the act itself as they offer the hand.

I have also begun saying that I have dermatitis and it is flaring up right now LOL

 

[arthurfakaya]

what is it with blokes wanting to shake hands, I actually have a compulsion since my last job, where I will quickly excuse myself to go and wash my hands after someone forces me to shake hands...Yes I said forces, the individuals I have in mind make it uncomfortable not to shake hands by drawing attention to the act itself as they offer the hand...I have also begun saying that I have dermatitis and it is flaring up right now LOL

I have difficulty knowing the best time to offer your hand to initiate a handshake. And what's with those trendy, weird clasping type "bro" shakes? What's up with them? Brrrrr.:wtf:

 

[2wheels4ever]

A few hours ago I made the mistake of going to a different location of the store I can deal with. To spare the cry-alogue I'll just say it was a nightmare, but I was moderately successful in warding off a cart-rammer and a neck-breather by straightening my arms slightly and holding out my motorbike helmet and purchases as makeshift shields.

I find it illogical that 'western culture' dictates people don't want anyone less than 20 feet away from their cars yet will compete for the next cubic millimeter of oxygen closest to the checkstand

Handshakes aren't that much of a problem for me; I only wash my hands before I touch food or anything delicate:evillaugh:

 

[buckyboy14]

Actually, a lot of the time, I like being in extremely close proximity to people; I'm a claustrophile. In elementary school, we had these things called "Code Red drills," where we would turn off the lights and all gather behind the teacher's desk. I loved those. I tried to explain that to people, but hey just called me disgusting. I feel good if there's a ton of people surrounding me, as long as they don't make too much noise.

 

[arthurfakaya]

Actually, a lot of the time, I like being in extremely close proximity to people; I'm a claustrophile. In elementary school, we had these things called "Code Red drills," where we would turn off the lights and all gather behind the teacher's desk. I loved those. I tried to explain that to people, but hey just called me disgusting. I feel good if there's a ton of people surrounding me, as long as they don't make too much noise.

I've never heard of that phenomenon. Are you sure you're not confusing that with an orgy?

 

[arthurfakaya]

Handshakes aren't that much of a problem for me; I only wash my hands before I touch food or anything delicate:evillaugh:

The only time? :shocked:

 

[Cerulean]

neck-breather

Oh god. I don't usually have space issues but if someone is breathing on me it drives me up the wall. I cannot tolerate that feeling no matter who it is.

 

[CJinherPJs]

I hate it when people get into my personal space. For me, personal space defines as arm's length in any given direction, and it makes me uncomfortable when people get too close. I also don't like to be touched unexpectedly, but I don't mind if it's my family or a close friend. People sitting right next to me or following me too closely while queuing at the suermarket drives me mad. I also remember that when I was 11 I grew my hair to the point where it reached my bum, and every so often when I was out people (usually old ladies) would come along and touch it. One time I swore at someone who touched my hair because I got to the stage where it really pissed me off, and my poor mum apologised to the woman and made me say sorry too.

 

[Christian T]

what's with those trendy, weird clasping type "bro" shakes? What's up with them? Brrrrr.:wtf:

I totally agree with you - it's been truly awful whenever someone new to me has tried to engage in one of those - it's the moment where his heart sinks as he realises I'm a "freak".

I've never liked handshakes, and because I'm so timid, mine are always so weak and lacking in vigour.

As for personal space in general, if there's a reason for proximity, I'm much more fine with it than most people, but if someone is needlessly touching me, I get very annoyed.

When I was little, though, I'd get into trouble constantly for standing too close to people.

 

[Droopy]

What about your home? Does anyone have problems with a family member or flatmate bringing others into the house to stay overnight? I find it awkward as I regard my home as my escape from everyone else.

 

[Soup]

I'm a lot like you guys regarding personal space. I can't stand the way people think its okay to just touch others. I can't stand being touched even by those who know me well: I want to run & wipe the touch off. This isn't a fear of germs: it's more like I feel grossed out. Here, many people are huggers & do the kiss on both cheeks thing. When I spot this type of person on the horizon, I either escape or, when they're within ear shot, tell them that I have a bad cold & don't want to make anyone else sick.

This personal space thing is where I think male Aspies might have the advantage: few women are going to be sniffing after men like dogs in public spaces. As a woman, I often get strange men approaching me trying to strike up a conversation, get my number or leave me theirs. Some uber creepy ones just kind of follow you & stare trying to catch your eye. Since I drive, I can avoid the whole public transit sitting too close fiasco.

As for standing too close to people, I'm more likely commit the social gaffe of standing a little too far so the person begins wondering if they smell or have bad breath or something- or if I just don't like them.