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problem with letting people I should know are my enemies back into my life,

Domani said:
From what I see posted here, we don't need to YouTube it. You're preaching to the choir here @Aspychata, lol.

But what do you do when someone is lying to you? Do you
a) Call them out on it?
b) cut them out of your life without explanation?
c) smile right back and pretend you're stupid?
d) other?
Click to expand...

It depends a lot... it depends if you've got material evidences or not, it depends the type of person, situation, relationship, what it would imply for you, what is the matter, the repercussions it has, if it's really beneficial to handle the situation or let it pass and move on, ... it's a big subject I think...
 
It's hard to do what's best for you, because I imagine if you are anything like me, its met with guilt. I have dropped several people from my life. The hardest one being a former best friend who used me, lied to me, and tried to get me to lend her a large sum money for drugs and alcohol. A year after she tried to get back in my life by sending me a picture of her child she now had. After I denied her, she cussed me out and sent me pictures of someone's penis
After looking back at our friendship that was nearly 10 years I realized many times she had taken advantage of me, and slowly the guilt faded.
If someone you know is toxic is trying to get back in your life, don't. People don't change until they are tired of their own behaviors and with that. People don't change very often.
For the sake of your mental health be strong and leave hurtful people behind
 
I have the same exact problem. Something that has helped is slowing down and thinking over my relationships with others more carefully, asking specific questions like how does this person benefit me? How does this person hold me back? Do they balance out? Are they worth it? Can they do real harm to me? Etc.

Basically, I have to give myself this extra conscious push to focus on ME, not US, not THEM. I'm so laid back most of the time, and get over being angry so quickly, it's easy for me to wake up one day in a miserable life like, WTF just happened? I was happy yesterday! I also have a tendency towards impulsivity, which can get pretty rough when combined with my sensitivity, altruism, and passion. But I think most of all, it's because I don't seem to have this well defined sense of ego others have. My ego envelopes the community around me and not JUST myself, if that makes any sense. It's not like I put people before myself, and I definitely have issues putting myself before them. It just never occurs to me to think of us as separate individuals and not an overall group.
 
Great description of the whole thing, Rollerskate, much better than I could characterise - good advice too. : )

Time thieves abound in life.
 
unperson said:
...hard to describe why I do this, cos I don't understand why i do it, and it's dumb, but I can completely forget all the nasty abusive stuff people do and get sucked in by the 'friendly' voice tone and the smile, and just interact with them normally, as though nothing untoward had been done to me by this person. I think it's partly not understanding they're 'frenemies', not friends, not perceiving deception. It started waayback with family, but it's been an ongoing problem

How do others deal with this, anyone relate?
Click to expand...
That is a good question, or a good post! I think there are so many reason that people do what they do and we can't know why people act the way they do. There were a couple things my mother used to say to me(which I have to admit she was good at giving advise but not taking her own advice lol) She told me NEVER change who you are because of someone else's actions. If you are nice and kind don't change yourself, still be nice and kind even though they aren't. Of course that doesn't mean that you have to be close to them, you can still be distant. The second thing she said was that sometimes people who are mean or say mean things to you have a problem with their own self esteem, they feel beneath other people inside so by putting you down then they feel more equal. I guess I have always tried to be nice to everyone, even those who were kind of mean to me but I didn't hang around them... I distanced myself somewhat. I have noticed though that sometimes in life when something really bad happens, even your regular friends do not feel the need to help you. I went thru some very bad times, I didn't have much to eat, I couldn't find a job, I had no heat in the house, my electric was on the verge of being turned off.... none of my family or friends helped me, I never asked anyone for anything but no one offered. The one who did offer (and there was only one) I never would have guessed! She came to the door with boxes of food, shampoo, paper towels and toilet paper, hams, turkey, etc...like 6 big boxes over. Never would have seen that coming because she wasn't a close friend and to tell you the truth I didn't like her all that much, but my mind sure did change about her after that...… You just never know.
 
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