People who are young and in college

[acstar]

How do your social skills interfere with your life? Do you have a job?

 

[The Penguin]

When I was in college I never interacted with many people. The closest thing I did was when I was part of National Society of Black Engineers. But even when I was with them, I still didn't socialized much. Everyone into going to parties and stuff which I don't like. So there many times I would be alone.

Work life was not any better. All I focus on was doing my job and getting my pay cheque. I'm a person keeps to my self and the main interactions I have to connect with living things are animals.

 

[Harrison]

I've worked throughout my life, although my social skills have meant that I have changed jobs many times. I was diagnosed at 50 so up till then I just dealt with life without knowing why I saw it the way I did. I realise now that I played to my strengths at every turn without knowing what I was doing. Though I failed in relationships I had enough of them to finally realise that the 'problem' was me, that's when I got diagnosed. Since then I haven't had a relationship although I feel that I could do justice to one now.

 

[Poppet]

I don't have a job right now, I have a really hard time keeping a job. Not because of the employer or anything, I have always been the one to quit even if I'm doing "really well" and thriving from the employer's perspective, but I get horrifically depressed while keeping a job... It's not something I'm proud of, in fact I hate it about myself. But I do, I become so depressed and feel suicidal when all I'm doing is working. Like "what is the point of life" kind of mentality... I don't really want to get into that because it's complex but the last job I had caused me so much stress that I was having daily panic attacks and nearly fainted several times. It's actually what prompted me to finally get my diagnosis so I could reach out to my family telling them about my stress and depression, etc.
Anyway, I make some money sometimes with art gigs or selling artwork. Not enough to sustain my life, but a little extra income. My fiance is the bread winner, so I am the house-wife. I cook, clean, take care of the pets and the two of us. I come up with fun things to do, and generally try to make our lives happy and fun. I've told him since the beginning of my struggles with working, he's always been supportive of me and okay with me not being the one to make money. I do other things to pull my weight (although most people are very critical of someone who says they don't like to work, go figure)... I hope eventually I will be able to sustain myself with my career in art and writing, and possibly going into some job in the field of psychology or criminology. I would like to go back to school for that...
My social skills are not horrible, but not amazing. I am fine with the basics and getting by, but I am awkward or just non-functioning when it gets a little more in depth. Like, I can have a normal convo with someone if they ask me Qs. I can interact with someone in official matters (like a grocery clerk, or a teacher) but I suck at normal conversational talking (like talking one on one or to a group at a party, following the convo, building the convo further). People usually just stop engaging with me and eventually I just become the mute ghost in the corner that people overlook.


I'd like to work on improving all of these things greatly though...

P.S. I just realized you said "in college"... I am no longer in college, although my fiance is in law school and I graduated with an associates in psych in 2011. I'm looking into going back to school to further my degree in the next few years if possible. We live kind of like we're in college still, and kind of like adults, so it's a good mixture of both worlds. I'm young (mid-twenties).

 

[acstar]

I've worked throughout my life, although my social skills have meant that I have changed jobs many times. I was diagnosed at 50 so up till then I just dealt with life without knowing why I saw it the way I did. I realise now that I played to my strengths at every turn without knowing what I was doing. Though I failed in relationships I had enough of them to finally realise that the 'problem' was me, that's when I got diagnosed. Since then I haven't had a relationship although I feel that I could do justice to one now.

See not knowing you have aspergers is a downside. Im not saying having it is bad but not knowing is horrible. You struggle thinking that you think like everybody else in society, so you do your best to fit in because its expected of you. But you dont realize youre trying 10x harder than the average person. This is the reason I want to know once and for all. I want to be able to understand what kind of person I am. I hope you find someone now that you have found yourself. Good luck

 

[acstar]

I don't have a job right now, I have a really hard time keeping a job. Not because of the employer or anything, I have always been the one to quit even if I'm doing "really well" and thriving from the employer's perspective, but I get horrifically depressed while keeping a job... It's not something I'm proud of, in fact I hate it about myself. But I do, I become so depressed and feel suicidal when all I'm doing is working. Like "what is the point of life" kind of mentality... I don't really want to get into that because it's complex but the last job I had caused me so much stress that I was having daily panic attacks and nearly fainted several times. It's actually what prompted me to finally get my diagnosis so I could reach out to my family telling them about my stress and depression, etc.
Anyway, I make some money sometimes with art gigs or selling artwork. Not enough to sustain my life, but a little extra income. My fiance is the bread winner, so I am the house-wife. I cook, clean, take care of the pets and the two of us. I come up with fun things to do, and generally try to make our lives happy and fun. I've told him since the beginning of my struggles with working, he's always been supportive of me and okay with me not being the one to make money. I do other things to pull my weight (although most people are very critical of someone who says they don't like to work, go figure)... I hope eventually I will be able to sustain myself with my career in art and writing, and possibly going into some job in the field of psychology or criminology. I would like to go back to school for that...
My social skills are not horrible, but not amazing. I am fine with the basics and getting by, but I am awkward or just non-functioning when it gets a little more in depth. Like, I can have a normal convo with someone if they ask me Qs. I can interact with someone in official matters (like a grocery clerk, or a teacher) but I suck at normal conversational talking (like talking one on one or to a group at a party, following the convo, building the convo further). People usually just stop engaging with me and eventually I just become the mute ghost in the corner that people overlook.


I'd like to work on improving all of these things greatly though...

P.S. I just realized you said "in college"... I am no longer in college, although my fiance is in law school and I graduated with an associates in psych in 2011. I'm looking into going back to school to further my degree in the next few years if possible. We live kind of like we're in college still, and kind of like adults, so it's a good mixture of both worlds. I'm young (mid-twenties).

I see exactly what you mean. I feel for me however. I need my down time. I need to be alone for a while every day. I went from doing nothing over the summer to working and going to school. Like you, this all time business caused my depression I think. We have the same issue, I can talk for about 3 minutes, after that it gets awkward and quiet.

 

[Randomperson]

How do your social skills interfere with your life? Do you have a job?

When I was young I went to college, my lack of social skills had me perpetually nervous, anxious, and severely depressed. At the time I could not fathom a job I even wanted to try to do, and eventually I ended up out of money for college, and no degree, and things were not good. Many years, a few false friends, a stint of homelessness, and too much other stuff to list in this post later, I am gainfully employed, have held this job for over half a decade, and I am finally working on my issues in a constructive and positive way thanks to this place and the people I have met here.

 

[acstar]

When I was young I went to college, my lack of social skills had me perpetually nervous, anxious, and severely depressed. At the time I could not fathom a job I even wanted to try to do, and eventually I ended up out of money for college, and no degree, and things were not good. Many years, a few false friends, a stint of homelessness, and too much other stuff to list in this post later, I am gainfully employed, have held this job for over half a decade, and I am finally working on my issues in a constructive and positive way thanks to this place and the people I have met here.

Im srry to hear you couldnt pursue further education, if you wanted to anywayn its good that you found a good job nd good people eventually.

 

[Randomperson]

Im srry to hear you couldnt pursue further education, if you wanted to anywayn its good that you found a good job nd good people eventually.

That is exactly how I would put it, things could have gone so much better, and at the same time I could be dead, so it all worked out in some regard.

 

[Ereth]

I graduated last May. I do volunteer work, but I'm still looking for a paying job. I don't think my social skills are necessarily the issue here, though---employment's a little tough to come by right now, especially for young grads.

 

[Randomperson]

I graduated last May. I do volunteer work, but I'm still looking for a paying job. I don't think my social skills are necessarily the issue here, though---employment's a little tough to come by right now, especially for young grads.

Depends on the degree entirely, if you want to work for an oil company on a rig or in an office or driving a truck and you are eligible to do so they are hiring and paying huge bonus's for you in North Dakota right now, oil boom for the last few years for that sort of work.

 

[Ereth]

Depends on the degree entirely, if you want to work for an oil company on a rig or in an office or driving a truck and you are eligible to do so they are hiring and paying huge bonus's for you in North Dakota right now, oil boom for the last few years for that sort of work.

Brilliant deduction, Sherlock. Of course I know that. But I can't work on an oil rig or drive a truck, so I'm SOL.

 

[Etzelaire]

I am 20, taking a degree on something very much alike English philology but not exactly the same, the translation for you would be English Studies. In my opinion is more practical and interesting. Anyway, I am also taking a course to start working as a... Something like a flight steward but has more to do with security. I manage well and many people think I'm both interesting and weird hahah at least interesting is positive. But I often recieve comments like: why do you say..., how can you..., why didn't you...., it wasn't necessary to..., but while working I am different cause I learn how to do everything it's automatic. In my everyday life I totally pass.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

I just started an MSc (induction last week, first day of modules today). My social skills are ok in that I can make small talk and do the whole "getting to know you" bit quite well (although I tend to run out of things to say far more quickly than other people), but it takes a lot of effort, and is completely exhausting.

The first day of induction I had to sneak off to the loo to cry and rock for a bit in the afternoon cause I was so tired and stressed from half a day of non-stop small talk with strangers. Today socialising with the people I "made friends" with last week was far more tiring than the module work, and I have no doubt that this will continue to be the case.... the work will be difficult and time consuming but the socialising is far more daunting!

I'm at least doing better than at my old uni, where I didn't make any friends until my final year

No way could I cope with a part-time job, every moment away from uni will be cherished as precious alone time to recover!

 

[Poppet]

See not knowing you have aspergers is a downside. Im not saying having it is bad but not knowing is horrible. You struggle thinking that you think like everybody else in society, so you do your best to fit in because its expected of you. But you dont realize youre trying 10x harder than the average person. This is the reason I want to know once and for all. I want to be able to understand what kind of person I am. I hope you find someone now that you have found yourself. Good luck

I also definitely think I would have been better off in school knowing I had aspergers (I just got diagnosed this year). I spent 5 years on a 2 year degree..... At a community college.... I'm an intelligent person, things just go over my head... Plus the anxiety. It sucks to think about how my life could have been changed if I had had more help. But no use being upset over that I guess, I'm hoping my future will be better now that I know!

 

[paloftoon]

For me, I do have a job. Either I tend to have to work too hard and feel out of it, or I tend to want to socialize a bit too much. It can be quite the balancing act. . .

 

[I am Matt]

I have actually improved in social skills since I was in high school. I am no social butterfly (and do not really want to be), but I can make eye contact with people and can talk in class. I do not have a job, but I feel like I would be horrible working anything retail because I can be incredibly sarcastic.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I did great in college for the most part. Some of my classes were highly undisciplined and the students were allowed to talk to each other at the top of their lungs over the music and movies blasting from their computers. Didn't do so well in those classes. I did drop out after I learned speech class was mandatory, they didn't understand I couldn't do speeches. I usually excel in my jobs, until my coworkers get offended by my no touching rule or my employers don't like that I can't handle harsh cleaning chemicals. Apparently letting people grab your butt and scrubbing toilets is an unwritten prerequisite in everything from running a register to doing a company's bookkeeping. I do everything on my own now.

 

[Cerulean]

I also definitely think I would have been better off in school knowing I had aspergers (I just got diagnosed this year). I spent 5 years on a 2 year degree..... At a community college.... I'm an intelligent person, things just go over my head... Plus the anxiety. It sucks to think about how my life could have been changed if I had had more help. But no use being upset over that I guess, I'm hoping my future will be better now that I know!

I'm with you on that one, I struggled all through college and got kicked out in my second year. I went back with a major more related to my interests and completed my four year degree in six years. For me it was partly the new environment and expectations of college life, and partly that the second I moved out my parents separated and got divorced, so my support system disappeared seemingly overnight.
I didn't find out about the Aspergers until about two years after I graduated, but remembering all the crap I went through, it would have been much better if I and my parents were aware of what was really happening with me.

 

[handbanana]

Been going to college for 8 years and have an associates. I recently changed majors and now am lost and am struggling. Its hard going from knowing everything in your major to knowing close to nothing, but it beats spending years going for a major and job that I would hate.

I use my down time to catch up and adjust, I have a small part time job, nothing over 10 hours/week.