Overly talkative guy

[AprilR]

I met a guy through my father's friend. He said we would get along well since we are very similar. (?) The day after that this guy added me on social media and since then he keeps on texting and sending voice messages. I thought maybe we could be friends but he turned out to be a homophobe and i don't have anything in common with him also.

I have only one irl friend so i thought maybe could be friends but his constant messages are starting to annoy me. But since our fathers are friends i don't want to block him.
The other problem is i don't know WHY he keeps sending messages so much when i barely respond, does he really want to be friends or is he trying to flirt? I don't want to accidentally lead him on by responding to his messages, and he largely annoys me anyway. But like i said blocking is not an option.

What do you think he has in mind, does he see me as a potential gf, or friend? And how should i deal with this situation without being rude?

 

[Judge]

But like i said blocking is not an option.

Never let anyone put you on the spot. Not this person in particular, or your own father.

Block the person and forget about him, but point out to your father that you don't care for this fellow, friend or not. It's his problem- don't allow it to be yours.

If the guy is so much into social media, it shouldn't take long for him to get the message, "Thanks, but no thanks."

 

[Tom]

Pardon my military analogy but I would use delaying tactics and a slow but sure scorched earth policy. The delay would be to set barricades (boundries) like let it be known you don't do voice mail. Then on texts respond as you are and slowly increase delays between responses and let it die of starvation.

As far as what he wants, none can really say as we are not in his head. But if I had to guess would assume he is lonely and probably looking for some sort of relationship as that is a common condition with many guys.

 

[KevinMao133]

It’s ok to block him

I had to block a girl, who sold crypto

Sometimes it’s ok to be tough

 

[Hypnalis]

Based on what you wrote, you're blocked from telling the truth.
It follows that you have every right to craft and sell a convenient lie.

Forget the rudeness aspect - he's not being polite, so you have no obligation there.

A good lie is partly true, and you're an Aspie - unless there's a reason not to do this, maybe lie about information overload. e.g.

1. You don't listen to voice messages (I never do - it's a legit Aspie thing with me, and applies for work as well as private)
2. You can't deal with large numbers of texts (also true for me for private texts - I can handle one or two private "non-technical" reply texts per day per person at most). BTW - "technical" means stuff like OMW's and ETA's

This won't stop the other person, but it should slow them down.
BTW don't just say "fewer texts" - if it was me I'd go with "a couple", and leave out the "per person", so I'd have a conveniently fakeable excuse for regular "zero-text days".

OFC this is useless advice if you communicate a lot this way with your family - your father and his friend might "compare notes" one day.

 

[AutistAcolyte]

i think you are well within your rights to block, but i also have some clarifying questions. are you friends with your father's friend? as in this is a family friend, or is it just someone your father knows and your father is forwarding a message from their friend?

either way, you should be allowed to tell whoever introduced you (either your father or this friend) that you actually aren't very similar, and that this person is actually annoying you with constant voice messages and texts.

it also might be interesting/worthwhile to ask why they thought you were similar. it could just be that they thought you would get along when in reality you don't and there's no harm in saying "thanks for thinking of me and trying to introduce a new friend, but we actually don't click."

just because your dads are friends doesn't mean you have to be. you're all different people.

 

[Aspychata]

Maybe go tell your dad, hey dad, can you help me with this? Your friend keeps texting and l am just not that in to him but since you are friends, how should l let him know this isn't going anywhere?

 

[Rodafina]

I think the block function in current times is not necessarily a good option. I can understand the allure of it, but “blocking” someone always seems to turn out to be more complex than one would think.

I think it is far more important to attempt to set healthy boundaries. You could simply explain to him that texting and talking are not your favorite things to do. You can be polite and simply say that you do not talk or text very often, and that you hope it’s okay that you are mostly quiet because that is how you’re going to be. If it is not okay with him, then that is his problem, not yours.

This is not a situation where pleasing others should be at the forefront of your mind. Yes, keeping the peace is important if you can, but this is an excellent opportunity to practice setting healthy boundaries.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

I think that maybe i would delay responses instead of blocking. But i know little of such things. Friends are good to have, and they can be diverse. A decent man will be willing to do things in groups and in public places, and thats a good policy with new people.

Some of the people are just people we know and have to deal with, but never become anything more than that.

It seems like the delayed response is a compromise between blocking and having someone too forward in constant contact.

 

[AprilR]

I think delaying my responses is the best idea, hope he doesn't guilt trips me though, even though i know its wrong i feel guilty when that happens.

 

[Crossbreed]

The other problem is i don't know WHY he keeps sending messages so much when i barely respond, does he really want to be friends or is he trying to flirt?

What do you think he has in mind, does he see me as a potential gf, or friend?

Your dad's friend said...

...since we are very similar. (?)

I am guessing that he is autistic with a co-morbid of OCD (on-top-of loneliness).

Blocking him is appropriate.

My ASD2+OCD son will ring the phone off the hook for every anxious thought that occurs to him. We have blocked his voice calls but leave text available to him.

1. It still gives him a way to reach us for real concerns.
2. We only have to answer once.
3. It discourages him from repeating himself and ignoring our answer.

 

[AprilR]

@Crossbreed: He is not autistic neither is he anxious. He seems to be the opposite of me. He is very talkative and outgoing sort. I wish he was more like me
If he was autistic i would not block him, its not his fault he cannot read social cues. But i am p. Sure he can and just does not care which is way worse

 

[Crossbreed]

Okay. I thought you said in the OP that your father's friend said that you two were similar.

In what way do you think he meant that?

(I am ASD, too, but I cannot keep pace with my son's OCD.)

 

[AprilR]

Okay. I thought you said in the OP that your father's friend said that you two were similar.

In what way do you think he meant that?

He mentioned his son also liked the band Nightwish and eating sushi. I think he thought it enough to say we are similar. He also does not know me at all

 

[Crossbreed]

He also does not know me at all

Apparently.

 

[AprilR]

People who don't respect other people's boundaries are awful. I sent a short message after 2 days to him and he responds with 5 messages immediately. This is not normal behavior

 

[Rodafina]

People who don't respect other people's boundaries are awful. I sent a short message after 2 days to him and he responds with 5 messages immediately. This is not normal behavior

Definitely sounds like unbalanced expectations for communication.

I think I would feel smothered in your situation.

 

[Judge]

People who don't respect other people's boundaries are awful. I sent a short message after 2 days to him and he responds with 5 messages immediately. This is not normal behavior

He's projecting desperation from the outset. Best to shut him down decisively. Otherwise such a mindset is likely to hang onto every politeness you may inadvertently extend to him in attempting to break away.

 

[paloftoon]

I think this guy at least wants to be friends, but wants to go out with you instead if possible too.
Since you're not into him, definitely continue to set up healthy boundaries. It's okay to be direct with him but 1-1. and if he still isn't vibing in a way that works with you, then cut your losses.

Depending on your relationship with your father, you shuold talk with him about this to minimize any conflict your father might have to his friend.

 

[Aryana]

I met a guy through my father's friend. He said we would get along well since we are very similar. (?) The day after that this guy added me on social media and since then he keeps on texting and sending voice messages. I thought maybe we could be friends but he turned out to be a homophobe and i don't have anything in common with him also.

I have only one irl friend so i thought maybe could be friends but his constant messages are starting to annoy me. But since our fathers are friends i don't want to block him.
The other problem is i don't know WHY he keeps sending messages so much when i barely respond, does he really want to be friends or is he trying to flirt? I don't want to accidentally lead him on by responding to his messages, and he largely annoys me anyway. But like i said blocking is not an option.

What do you think he has in mind, does he see me as a potential gf, or friend? And how should i deal with this situation without being rude?

I would tell him straight out you are not interested. If he doesn't get that message then I would block him !