Over-bearing people constantly telling me what to do....

[Aspychata]

Tired of people who always come up to me, in the pretense of being friendly, with the constant suggestion of telling me where to go. It always seems to involve driving somewhere, and to do this. As a older individual, l don't need you in my face, telling me what to do, what to get over, blah blah blah. l am still working through a traumatic marriage and divorce, and l had a lady who just decided to play faux therapist and tell me to get over it. How do you handle overbearing people?

 

[Bolletje]

Depends on who’s overbearing. If I don’t know them well, I thank them and go on my merry way. If I do know them well, I get snippy and tell them I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions and kindly butt out.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

and l had a lady who just decided to play faux therapist and tell me to get over it

You really should.

(Runs and hides)

 

[Sarah S]

If you feel that some people are overbearing then its very simple JUST polity inform them im fine & you needn't worry about me

 

[Tom]

I put full power to the Warp Drive and begin evasive maneuvers.

 

[Pats]

I wanted to ask how long it's been - but it doesn't matter. Everyone has their own ways and time frame of dealing with things and no one, other than ourselves, understands what's going on in our heads. It's hard to know what to say to people who are dealing with this kind of issue and it's also hard to know what to say to people to get them off your back. I was proud of myself the other night because I'm one who finds it hard to stand up for myself. My sister had called and started talking about my brother, whom I'm trying to cut out of my life. I just politely said, "I don't want to talk about him" and it stopped.
I don't know how long you were in the relationship or just how bad it was, but you have a lot to process. Finding yourself again. Getting over the hurt. Learning to trust. Just learning how to go about your day to day life. And all those things are personal issues. So you can do the 'evasive maneuvers' like @Tom suggested , you can nod your head and go on your merry way, like @Bolletje mentioned or get snippy. You can do like @Sarah S mentioned and say you're fine. You can make a badge to wear saying you are not accepting unwanted advice. Whatever way you choose to handle it, we support you. None of us want or appreciate people trying to tell us what they think we need to do. I realize they have your best interest in mind and I'm sure you know that, too, or it wouldn't have been a question about what to do. Easiest thing is to say okay and then do your own thing.
But I do hope you are able to move on in your life, an abusive spouse is not worth taking away your future, too.

 

[Gracey]

Mr Gracey informs me I have ‘a look’

An expression on my face that suggests I’m trying to work out if the speaker’s head buttons up at the back.

Perplexed, trying to fathom why the speaker would presume to know what’s best for me and try to instruct me with unsolicited advice.

I wasn’t aware I had this ‘look’.

Other than that,
If I think they mean well, I’ll thank them graciously
(and probably ignore advice)

Or be interested in a word or words they’ve used and persue it.
(Interrogation)

Edited to add,

I’m aware that I too am capable of being ‘overbearing’
Bossy Boots.
Sometimes it makes it easier to recognise it in others.

 

[Aspychata]

You really should.

(Runs and hides)

Suffered battered woman syndrome, which it was that easy.......

 

[Ken S.]

I can't post how I handle it here.

 

[Aspychata]

Thought about getting a prescription but have talked myself out of it. Have had therapy, but most therapists are unskilled in gaslighting, and the issues it brings.

 

[Suzanne]

I have an overbearing, well meaning friend, who I just do my best to let her rant, eager for the time when I can wave her off lol

 

[All-Rounder]

I think if you wont tell such people your struggles, they wont feel the need [or be able to in the first place] to say something or give advice, so the less they know, the less they can wrongly comment on.

 

[Aspychata]

l am doing mych

I have an overbearing, well meaning friend, who I just do my best to let her rant, eager for the time when I can wave her off lol[/

l am doing much better with the ranting complainy part of my life, l am getting better at dealing with crappy people who feel a need to be a part of my life, just have to stand up every day, and remember to say f'off. lol

 

[Mia]

How do you handle overbearing people?

Tend to listen, if they are elderly, out of politeness. But, only if it's their stories and such. The rest of the instances, usually nod my head and then say I have to go. Often don't even realize that they might be overbearing until the next day. Then don't react to what they might say until much later. Tend to not take it all in at the time. Sometimes I ignore them, but if they are in my face, as in an airport line or in a supermarket there's little I can do.

Would like to tell them often, and I have done this more than once, that they don't know what they are talking about. Some people seem to think in basic platitudes, but, they indicate only superficial common knowledge that any child knows. Think sometimes it's their way of being helpful or kind, depending on the person. Or their way of giving you good advice. Much of which I don't want or need.

People who say things like "get over it" are dismissive, it's the same as saying your feelings and trauma don't matter. It simplifies people's struggles, and it seems cruel.

 

[Fino]

I just listen and say things like "yeah" and "uh huh" and "okay" and "thank you" and eventually the noise stops.

 

[Creep]

I’m assertive. Whatever they’re telling me to do, I tell them to do it. Since most people won’t follow their own advice, this shuts them up pretty quickly.

 

[Ylva]

Tired of people who always come up to me, in the pretense of being friendly, with the constant suggestion of telling me where to go. It always seems to involve driving somewhere, and to do this. As a older individual, l don't need you in my face, telling me what to do, what to get over, blah blah blah. l am still working through a traumatic marriage and divorce, and l had a lady who just decided to play faux therapist and tell me to get over it. How do you handle overbearing people?

Over the years my ignore muscles have gotten stronger, and often I don't even register bothersome people until well after they're gone. Then I can have a moment of "was someone talking to me just now?". It's mostly a matter of realizing these people are irrelevant.

Don't expect to show them up or teach them any lessons. Your neurotypical conditioning of paying attention to every little attention beggar who realizes you will give them what they demand – that conditioning will let go when you relax out of it and just accept the universal truth that not everyone is relevant.

 

[Peter Morrison]

How do you handle overbearing people?

I tend not to react to the "unsolicited advice" of others, especially when it is clearly designed to be demeaning. My most enjoyable approach is to take them seriously and ask them detailed questions pertaining to the advice or comment. Most people who offer their obnoxious advice expect to do so in the manner of a bully who can make their quick hit, then move along in a smug manner. I won't start a fight by snapping back for being insulted. I ask for more details and clarification, and they soon realize I am now making fun of them. I will drag the conversation deeper and deeper into the mundane. It's effective, and I must admit, a little evil. My other approach is to simply say "thank you" - short and sweet. I don't let them continue. If they insist on talking, I ask them an inappropriate personal question. I won't follow their lead. Just introduce a new topic with a question they have to answer. It derails their agenda.

 

[tducey]

I've dealt with it too, thing is everyone means well. You should tell them you appreciate their concern but you can fend for yourself.

 

[Aspychata]

I've dealt with it too, thing is everyone means well. You should tell them you appreciate their concern but you can fend for yourself.

l have to disagree, there are plenty of trolls out there.