BiancaLags
Active Member
Hi all, so I am new to this thread but I need some help so a little background.
My fiancé ended is 6 weeks ago after being together for a year. We got engaged after 3 months (I became his special interest and he fell for me HARD). Apparently before he met me he was AGAINST marriage but when he met me he was all for it hense why he proposed. He comes from a family of 4 (with no extended family) I come from a family of 5 with a big Italian extended family. We had only had about 3 arguments in the relationship, I was fine with staying home And not doing much as he didn’t like leaving the house. I’d say as a NT and an ASD that we weren’t 100% compatible but we were really close. He was very sexual and I told him that he needs to make me want to be intimate with affection or going out on SOME date nights (I didn’t realise that having ASD was affecting him showing affection as I have now learnt). His got ADHD/clinical depression/auto immune disease aswel as ASD also. I always gave him space, was never super needy, didn’t annoy him to go out a whole lot so I definitely wasn’t overbearing. We didn’t see each other for 3 weeks (well we saw each other once in 3 weeks) and on Easter Sunday he was like I’m done. No explanation other then he realised he actually didn’t want to get married (his stance was he didn’t want to get married in general before he met me) and I’m fine with that, I wasn’t fussed on getting married either and was happy to call the wedding off, “different personalities (even though we were quite similar), different tastes in music etc and he was very logical about it, he had no emotions involved what’s so ever and just ghosted me and for the first 2 weeks always extremely “cruel” in the sense he just completely ignored me, gave me no other explanation, wouldn’t communicate with me NOTHING. after those 2 weeks he started saying (I gave him the choice to just not talk at all and not even be friends), he started saying - we don’t know what could happen in the future, we could always get back together, I’m seeing you in a different light, I don’t want to make not seeing you a permanent thing. So we see each other every week when I visit the fur babies at his house, we are intimate with each other, we have good conversation - it’s pretty much like we are in a relationship but without the title. I bring it up gently with him as emotional
Conversation can shut him down and I get answers here and there. He says he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me/anyone else but wants to go day by day with me because things could change and his not one to look ahead in the future but to go day by day. He doesn’t want to hurt me because he does still care about me and my feelings and I said okay that’s fine as Long as ur honest with me then I can do the day by day thing because I do love him and am hoping if we do it this way then he might realise that yes we are good
Together (I also know it could go the other direction). I told him if it were to happen again the prospect of marriage would be out the window, it would be a brand new relationship without much change happening eg talk about future because I know change is a big part of what freaked him out.
Can I get anyone’s opinion as to whether I should just cut off all contact or would there be any hope in reconciliation continuing what we are doing?
Thanks so much!!!!
My fiancé ended is 6 weeks ago after being together for a year. We got engaged after 3 months (I became his special interest and he fell for me HARD). Apparently before he met me he was AGAINST marriage but when he met me he was all for it hense why he proposed. He comes from a family of 4 (with no extended family) I come from a family of 5 with a big Italian extended family. We had only had about 3 arguments in the relationship, I was fine with staying home And not doing much as he didn’t like leaving the house. I’d say as a NT and an ASD that we weren’t 100% compatible but we were really close. He was very sexual and I told him that he needs to make me want to be intimate with affection or going out on SOME date nights (I didn’t realise that having ASD was affecting him showing affection as I have now learnt). His got ADHD/clinical depression/auto immune disease aswel as ASD also. I always gave him space, was never super needy, didn’t annoy him to go out a whole lot so I definitely wasn’t overbearing. We didn’t see each other for 3 weeks (well we saw each other once in 3 weeks) and on Easter Sunday he was like I’m done. No explanation other then he realised he actually didn’t want to get married (his stance was he didn’t want to get married in general before he met me) and I’m fine with that, I wasn’t fussed on getting married either and was happy to call the wedding off, “different personalities (even though we were quite similar), different tastes in music etc and he was very logical about it, he had no emotions involved what’s so ever and just ghosted me and for the first 2 weeks always extremely “cruel” in the sense he just completely ignored me, gave me no other explanation, wouldn’t communicate with me NOTHING. after those 2 weeks he started saying (I gave him the choice to just not talk at all and not even be friends), he started saying - we don’t know what could happen in the future, we could always get back together, I’m seeing you in a different light, I don’t want to make not seeing you a permanent thing. So we see each other every week when I visit the fur babies at his house, we are intimate with each other, we have good conversation - it’s pretty much like we are in a relationship but without the title. I bring it up gently with him as emotional
Conversation can shut him down and I get answers here and there. He says he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me/anyone else but wants to go day by day with me because things could change and his not one to look ahead in the future but to go day by day. He doesn’t want to hurt me because he does still care about me and my feelings and I said okay that’s fine as Long as ur honest with me then I can do the day by day thing because I do love him and am hoping if we do it this way then he might realise that yes we are good
Together (I also know it could go the other direction). I told him if it were to happen again the prospect of marriage would be out the window, it would be a brand new relationship without much change happening eg talk about future because I know change is a big part of what freaked him out.
Can I get anyone’s opinion as to whether I should just cut off all contact or would there be any hope in reconciliation continuing what we are doing?
Thanks so much!!!!