cosmicfox
New Member
Hi, my name is Jules, they/he, I'm 25 yrs old and trying to get use to the fact I might be autistic. My last therapist highly suspected me of being on the spectrum, she gave me two online quizzes to take and both came out me being "some autistic traits/mild" or "indicative of having ASD" and my therapist was very understanding and accommodating, and gave me sheets to help me understand myself better. So I did feel safe around her, but I struggled with voicing my problems. I'm not very articulate and when I talk, its hard to voice the words I want to come out. Especially when I want to ask for help. Even around my online friends, I feel I can't go to them for help because I feel like I'm "too much" or "too weird" even though none of them have told me that. I just have had bad experiences and I want to overcome that fear.
The reason I say I'm trying to get use to being autistic is because I'm currently dealing with imposter syndrome and thinking I'm not autistic "enough" to call myself autistic. And I know that sounds silly, because every autistic person is different. I do struggle with fitting in with others, I got bullied a lot in school for being different, and I practically taught myself "people will only like me if I act like them and like what they like." I don't really leave the house because of my high anxiety and confusion with socializing, and just general fear of people. But I also have CPTSD, and sometimes CPTSD can show autistic-like symptoms. That's why I feel confused. Though I could just have both.
I don't want to try and list every autistic symptom I have, but my parents did mention when I was a kid, I was very shy and had sensory issues with wearing jewelry. (I still do) I did struggle with selective mutism till I was 18. I'm not a social butterfly, but I am now able to talk to cashier people and order food at restaurants, but that's probably my extent of talking to strangers. One thing I do a lot though is stim, I'm always physically or vocally stimming. I also act very eccentric at home compared to being in public. I have a few stimming toys I bring with me though. I was also obsessed with sonic the hedgehog as a kid, to the point everyone in school knew me as the sonic fan. There's a lot of things I could recall to try to prove to myself I am autistic, but I don't want to type too much anymore. If anyone has any questions though, please let me know. I might respond late though, I need time to think of what to say most of the time. Thank you for having me here.
The reason I say I'm trying to get use to being autistic is because I'm currently dealing with imposter syndrome and thinking I'm not autistic "enough" to call myself autistic. And I know that sounds silly, because every autistic person is different. I do struggle with fitting in with others, I got bullied a lot in school for being different, and I practically taught myself "people will only like me if I act like them and like what they like." I don't really leave the house because of my high anxiety and confusion with socializing, and just general fear of people. But I also have CPTSD, and sometimes CPTSD can show autistic-like symptoms. That's why I feel confused. Though I could just have both.
I don't want to try and list every autistic symptom I have, but my parents did mention when I was a kid, I was very shy and had sensory issues with wearing jewelry. (I still do) I did struggle with selective mutism till I was 18. I'm not a social butterfly, but I am now able to talk to cashier people and order food at restaurants, but that's probably my extent of talking to strangers. One thing I do a lot though is stim, I'm always physically or vocally stimming. I also act very eccentric at home compared to being in public. I have a few stimming toys I bring with me though. I was also obsessed with sonic the hedgehog as a kid, to the point everyone in school knew me as the sonic fan. There's a lot of things I could recall to try to prove to myself I am autistic, but I don't want to type too much anymore. If anyone has any questions though, please let me know. I might respond late though, I need time to think of what to say most of the time. Thank you for having me here.
