My Reaction To Surprises.

[Gomendosi]

How do you react when somebody surprises you with something?
Is a person being nice to you something to be suspicious about?
Do you look for cameras if you get something discounted or even free?

 

[King_Oni]

I think it really depends on what I'm surprised with. Chances are if people surprise me in person (as in scare for example) I might punch them out.

Also it depends who surprises me. The few people in my social group I kinda know what to expect. And I'm not really weary of cameras... Cause I know they wont like it either.

It also helps to be aware of certain situations and I try to avoid those. Silly example; if I know a store nearby is close to it's 100.000 customer (and announced festivities), chances are I'll avoid it for a while.

 

[Bay]

I am not a fan of surprises, as I am far more at ease when I know what to expect. Surely that is true of most people here?

 

[Gomendosi]

Ummm, maybe it's a language barrier King_Oni, I am sorry if my threads illicit anger in you, I forget that I am sometimes being read by people in other countries so I will try to word my posts a bit better for international readers!

What I meant was how do you react when somebody surprises you with something? Like you surprised your girlfriend when you bought her that game on Steam.
And when I said; "Do you look for cameras if you get something discounted or even free", it's about expecting that someone is just doing something nice to get something from you, like I will give you this free gift if you spend over fifty bucks in my store <--- that is just one example ; ]

 

[rolo]

It's my birthday today .I usually don't like surprises but it would be nice to get one today. I never know quite how to react,especially if the surprise leaves me either feeling numb, overwhelmed or plain embarrassed. if someone surprises me by creeping up on me they are more likely to remember to never do it again! surprises have an element of loss of control in other words I am not in control of my own personal environment.

 

[Bay]

Happy happy Birthday Rolo!:bounce:

 

[Gomendosi]

I am not a fan of surprises, as I am far more at ease when I know what to expect. Surely that is true of most people here?

Okay, Bay, maybe I have a real problem expressing myself because your the second person to take this in a different direction, yes, most people here have already suggested distress to outright hate for surprise parties and people dropping in unexpectedly or people scaring them, things of that nature. That's why I tried to clarify the question when I said:
Is a person being nice to you something to be suspicious about? & do you look for cameras if you get something discounted or even free?

What I meant was like when somebody is baking a cake and they let you lick the bowl or somebody gives you too much money and tells you to keep the change or the vending machine gives you to candy bars instead of one! The little things, you know things that surprise you? Random acts of kindness, nice things you weren?t expecting ; ]

I just quickly made this post before I had to go somewhere, I guess I should have waited till I got back, I hope everyone accepts my apologies yes?





Oh, and Happy Birthday Rolo

 

[rolo]

thanks Bay!

 

[Bay]

No apologies necessary Gomendosi. You are someone who I assume is being friendly! Probably just my Aspie "tone of voice" bleeding through. Sorry!

 

[Gomendosi]

No bay, I am the one who is sorry for not thinking about what I type before I type it, I should have been more specific to begin with, I just always keep forgetting that we're all aspergical because you all seem so normal to me (this is my comparison of myself to the rest of you, which is not professional). I mean, everyone is just saying that “surprises” make them angry and I am probably just making it worse by trying to clarify.

This is the whole explanation to why this debacle is even a thread in the first place;
I love aspiescentral.com and as it went down the other week and everyone was a little distraught I figured it was about time I coughed up some money to keep the place running, I figured if I did that I could give away my VIP status (that comes with a donation, as I am already a VIP), but seeing as we're all Aspies I wanted to know if people would be suspicious about getting something for free if it was anonymous!

 

[Christian T]

First of all, Happy Birthday Rollo!

Secondly, I think I would be quite suspicious if I got one of those gifts from a "secret admirer" if that's sort of what you asked, Gomendosi. I'd be worried that it was a prank of some sort.

 

[King_Oni]

Ummm, maybe it's a language barrier King_Oni, I am sorry if my threads illicit anger in you, I forget that I am sometimes being read by people in other countries so I will try to word my posts a bit better for international readers!

What I meant was how do you react when somebody surprises you with something? Like you surprised your girlfriend when you bought her that game on Steam.
And when I said; "Do you look for cameras if you get something discounted or even free", it's about expecting that someone is just doing something nice to get something from you, like I will give you this free gift if you spend over fifty bucks in my store <--- that is just one example ; ]

Myea... I just read surprise in general. So no problem...

But no, I don't mind if someone surprises me with a gift. I don't expect anything back, and I pretty much hope/expect people to be the same. At least I know who I'm giving a gift to, lol. But I should add, the only one who surprises me with actual gifts is my girlfriend and I know she's not up for camera shenanigans.

 

[Geordie]

I love pleasant surprises.

Otherwise, I'll make all surprises pleasant.

Good to live positive! As much as I can.

 

[rolo]

Thanks Gomendosi

 

[rolo]

Thanks Christian T

 

[Soup]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROLO! I hope you do get a surprise since you'd enjoy one. Tomorrow is my son's birthday (which is why he came over on the wknd for a BBQ).

As for me, I'm a lot like you guys with surprises. I avoid those raffles where you have to come up onto a stage to claim a 'prize'. NEVER jump out at me unexpectedly & yell BOO (clocked someone with a frozen pizza once...). NEVER surprise me by ' spontaneously ' thinking I'm going anywhere whatsoever. If it's my birthday, for ex, & you are someone from whom a gift would make sense AND the gist is something you know I'd actually enjoy AND you give it to me in a non-surprising non-embarrassing manner, then fine!

 

[rolo]

well I did get a surprise-one of my sisters called me-i have not seen her for seventeen years-two of her grandsons are autistic-she started by saying I am not like them therefore what is my problem-You have to let go of the past-You are grown up now-followed by I do not think you have Aspergers- answer: I ****ing hate surprises sometimes-I have been officially diagnosed twice-i know what I am-it took some explaining but I think I got there. some people think that we seem to want to hide behind a label that's just not true-in fact at the beginning I tried hard to find ways to deny my diagnosis-I am not the one in denial they are! by the way thanks Soup-I hope your son enjoys his birthday.

 

[Gomendosi]

I think I would be quite suspicious if I got one of those gifts from a "secret admirer" if that's sort of what you asked, Gomendosi. I'd be worried that it was a prank of some sort.

Secret Admirer? How did you arrive at that conclusion from what I wrote? Nah it's not about being a 'secret admirer' or anything of the sort, I just have a habit of going Sherlock Holmes anytime I don’t know the source of something because I get very suspicious if I get something for nothing, I was trying to gauge the reactions of the rest of us to determine if it was a good idea to try to be anonymously nice for no good reason. Looks like I might have saved the mods a lot of queer questions huh, anyway, quite obviously I won’t be doing what I had planned now.

I have to wonder if Santa hates Aspergers, we must be a giant pain in his butt each Christmas huh ; ]









(If a mod wants to close this thread it might be a good idea as it seems to be making people angrier than they need to be)

 

[Soup]

Naww. Anger & irritation are necessary forms of emotional expression. Better it comes out here amongst kindred spirits than we bottle it up & it comes gushing out at a bad time. This is constructive anger: we're getting somewhere talking about this. Read Rolo's post above: what insight into the true source of denial! Also interesting is the point about how we aren't hiding behind a label: labels 'out' people. You can't hide once a group of Nts know you've got one. EVERY little thing you do, every little mistake or misstep gets attributed to the label whether it's tripping & falling, forgetting something, getting annoyed: ALL these things happen to all of us as a part of being human & fallible. There's a lot of denial around me too: my relatives labour under the pathetic delusion that this Asperger's is like a 'shell' the real me is allegedly screaming to get out of....I think I'll reinforce this shell with an electric fence!!!

 

[Kelly]

First happy belated birthday rolo :dance::clown:

Reactions to surprises vary for me. If my husband randomly gives me a present my first reaction is not one of happiness, I'm embarrassed and I feel awkward and I worry that I should have got him one.

If someone was randomly nice to me I would be very suspicious and wonder what they want from me. Example someone I went to school with who added me on facebook years ago randomly messaged me the other day to ask if I wanted a prize they'd won. That it was a free cookery course(worth a fair amount of money) but it was in the town near me wheras she lives 300 miles away and can't get there. I turned it down, not because I didn't want it but because I was so worried about owing her something or that it was some elaborate joke/trick etc.

If I randomly found a ?5 note in the street or a drinks machine gives me 2 cans instead of one I will be pleased but also worried about the repercussions. What if in some crazy way that ?5 notes owner tracked me down and accused me of stealing it, same with the drinks machine, what if the machine operator or whatever they would be called happened to be coming by and accused me of screwing with the machine.

I have the stupidest most paranoid thoughts about everything, for example everytime I walk out of the supermarket I have a surge of panic incase the alarm goes off and then the security guard would accuse me of stealing. I know I haven't and I have a reciept etc but this thought still enters my mind every single time.