My language is too mean?

[tripleU]

I woke up, and so many posts. Seems a pretty autistic thing to divert from topic, haha

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Now the penny drops, a movie I've never seen.

You've never seen Mary Poppins? If you have the means to online, I strongly recommend it. It's one of the greats.

I hadn't seen The Sound of Music, another Julie Andrews film, until a couple years ago. That one is incredible as well. If you haven't seen The Sound of Music, watch that one first. It's gripping, and romantic, heart warming. You'd love it.

But yes, watch the original Mary Poppins. It's so heart warming. Dick Van Dyke is in it. He's my favorite character. Because of him, I still want to achieve my childhood dream of becoming a chimney sweep.. and having a one-man (er, woman) band.

 

[Progster]

Calling someone 'dumb' will come across as insulting and agressive, but also, rudeness can be a matter of body language. Those on the spectrum are often considered rude or are misinterpreted simply because even if we learn to mask their words, their body language still reveals their true feelings. Or our body language doesn't our words for whatever reason and gives mixed messages. I have virtually no awareness of how my body language comes across, and until now it never even occured to me to try to modulate it, even though I learned to modulate my words. I don't know how to do it. I'm often misinterpreted for this reason. I also make a really poor actor.

 

[Vindiesel]

So lets unpack a few things. When people are online commenting, chatting, liking etc...you are in a highly invulnerable state and what arises from that feeling is a hyper-extension of your ego or one would say your raw core personality. As interactions I have had across different platforms including facebook, quora and youtube for instance. You will have people that use "dumb" and other derogatory expletives to elicit an emotional response out of others. Usually when the conversation reaches this point there really isn't anything to be gained because the person spouting trash talk to a stranger they know nothing about has nothing constructive to add or a level of understanding to be gained at that point. Typically this is when I move on and not respond. Sometimes when I have some energy I would counter with "If you think Im dumb can you please explain to me why you think that is and please educate me on your understanding." Or something like that to hopefully redact their poor constructive response and to gain knowledge from them if possible. Most times its a lost cause.

The best analogy Ive heard in regards to conduct online is "if you wouldn't say this to a person on an elevator then you shouldn't say it to them online either"

 

[Darkkin]

Trigger warning: Mentions and may use figurative, (not literal), forms of language for explanatory purposes only.

Some people have comprehensive issues with figurative, idiosyncratic, extrapolative, derivative, allegorical, metaphorical, or any type other of non-literal communication. Some even find it offensive.

It is never socially acceptable to say, 'I'm sorry, but you sound like an idiot.' As direct and accurate as this may be, social dictates deem it as 'mean' and/or 'rude'.

Society for all its 'enlightened' and 'inclusive' attitudes and ideals forgets that each situation is unique the its context and often yields the loudest complaint.

Overt name calling is clear cut. Don't do it. We learn this as kids. Some things are just that simple.

Whereas, writing to the lowest common denominators for easy of clarity (transparency of meaning), retention and comprehension of any form of communication presented to the public eye can come across as sounding scripted and 'mean' in a satirical way simply because of the inherent nature of language and communication itself.

Baseline test: If you said this to a five year old child, would it hurt their feelings? If the answer is yes, maybe vent to a journal or other private space. If no, keep it objective, simple, and short or say nothing. Some battles are just not worth the effort.

One of the flag criteria of ASD is overt use of idiosyncratic language (a dialect of muppet unique to the individual). This is very different than overly literal (taken at face value) translation of language.

The prior is a key component in the pedantic hyperspecific explaining of context in a simple situation (often seen as a near pathological fear of being misunderstood (often associated with the pre-apology habit, (apologizing for theoretical social gaffes before they occur, apologizing for their very existence because they are nothing, but wrong or an embarrassment to those around them)).

The latter is often illustrated in the missed connotations of a joke or sarcasm, or intense emotions of feeling tricked, duped, or lied to if something is not overtly and clearly labelled.

e.g. trigger warning (figurative language in use).

 

[Shevek]

When we are young, we are protected from the full horror of the situation. Our parents may be in dire straits, but we don't go hungry or have to fight. Instead, we hear about Santa Claus, and read about young heroes.
As we get older, there is less protection from harsh truth, but anything upsetting is still usually censored unless it can't be avoided. Most people live in a partial illusion maintained by those around them. ("Don't tell mom!" we can take care of it better without her reactions.) Only in truly scientific discussions are you likely to be thanked for correcting someone.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

Some of it is training. Scripting is a valuable study. NT conversations often include, layered speech, innuendo, vieled reference, double entendre, and other things more difficult to understand, such as references to specific songs or television shows or to celebrities. To some people the life of celebrities is current events. Many people follow politics, rumors and news programming as well, and refer to that assuming that you know what they are talking about.

There is no indicator to the other persons use of any literary device, they just pop up, without warning. It can be difficult to tell if something said should be taken literally or if it is some type of metaphor or other literary device, such as above.

Scripting is a type of small talk that can be learned to seem more effective in conversation. You will need a notebook that fits in your pocket and something to write with as well.

The note book is used by you. You excuse yourself briefly and withdraw somewhere and write down something the person said, quickly, like a spy. Then later, you ask us here about what the heck the person meant, and we can help interpret it. Well i can only speak for me. I will try and help you interpret. I am not a frequent visitor here.

Scripting is a thing best learned in CBT types of counseling. It is much like a haiku, if you are familiar with that, or like a sonnet. Both of these are types of stylized lyrical poetry. The scripted response acknowledges some aspect of what was said and then adds a question, shared reference, suggestion, apology or something like that. Then you change the subject.

Everyone wants to talk about themselves. To impress people you can express your admiration for anyone or anything.

Its like learning a foriegn language. You can study it on your own, but having a mentor IRL helps alot.

So devise a set of stories, that are true about things you have seen and admired in other people. *abandon altogether anything self depreciating*

....."as you were speaking about the [topic, current] i was reminded of a man i knew who lived alone, in a house on my street. He has these beautiful flowers that grow in his yard, i love walking by there, because its so peaceful. Did you ever do any gardening? ...."

As an ND person you can train yourself for eidactic and pneumonic recall. You can easily devise a set of things like this to use. It can totally backfire though

People love confessions and many people like being asked for advice.

One thing you will likely struggle with is the teaching of the "A"s.

Here is some vocabulary. Dont try and explain this one to the people in your local scene, it will just make you seem even wierder. I am a level one wierdo, so i know about these things.

Advocate. Ally. Acquaintance. Associate. Adversary.

There are a few more but thats a good start. You are likely mixed up about the role of people in your life. You also likely assume familiarity, which can be offensive. The trouble is that it can be hard to tell what the other person thinks of you and what they think your role in thier life should be. If you accidentally send mixed signals, then that can frighten people.