Datura
Well-Known Member
It has been some time since I last started a thread, but those who have been on this board for a while might recall that I was having difficulty with depression and finding work. This situation, unfortunately, has not been resolve.
During my hiatus from AspiesCentral I have had my ups and downs in terms of mental health. Sometimes I would be gripped by ambiton and begin ardently looking for work, only to quickly burn myself our and go for months without taking any meaningful action.
Recently I signed up with a program for people with berriers to employment. I was signed up for a bout two weeks of workshops. This consisted of only two half days and one full day per week. By the end of my second day in class I was already feeling fatigued and raw. Half way through the day I was even reaching for my sunglasses to block out the light, only to find that the weight of the glasses on my nose was just as irritating.
To make matters worse the quality of instruction was very poor. The person running these workshops seemed to have a poor understanding of the subject matter and would pretty much just read off of the projector perbatum without any elaborations or clarifications. When asked simple questions (like, "what does it mean to 'sandwich criticisms'?") she was unable to provide a satisfactory response.
The worst part, mind you, was during a "Disclosing Disability" workshop. We were given an exercise which presented us with a list of people with sundry disabilities applying for different positions. We then had space on the worksheets to write out how they might disclose these disabilities to an employer. She seemed to miss the point of the exercise entirely and instead of providing us with even a single concrete answer suggested that maybe all of these people should be looking for other fields of work in which their disabilities would not prove a hindrance.
The next day I had an interview with my job coach. I could barely muster the will to get out of bed and almost wished I would just fall asleep and never wake up. I had no time to really get ready, but I did make it there on time. During the meeting I was nearly in tears, and when asked how I was doing I told her how exhausted and dejected I was feeling. I was hoping that attending some workshops would help motivate me and put me in a job hunting head-space, but I felt even more discouraged than before.
I also disclosed my concerns about the instructor, for which she thanked me and assured me the problem would be addressed. But she did say I should probably not continue with the workshops, not only because I wasn't learning anything new, but because my levels of exhaustion obviously indicated that I didn't have very much "work tolerance."
She then recommended that I apply for disability and attempt to build work tolerance through volunteerism, and coming into the centre to polish my computer skills.
It just seems as though I have such a long way to go before I can have the kind of life I want. For years I was working. There was even a time when I could be called outgoing, but for years now I have been more or less stuck in a state of unemployability and personal stagnation. I thought I would do so much more with my life, but I can't even go to a job fair or apply myself to a course right now without feeling drained and hopeless.
I wonder if anybody has advice on how to get out of this rut. What are good ways of building work tolerance? How fast should one go? How does one know when they are taking on too much versus not enough?
During my hiatus from AspiesCentral I have had my ups and downs in terms of mental health. Sometimes I would be gripped by ambiton and begin ardently looking for work, only to quickly burn myself our and go for months without taking any meaningful action.
Recently I signed up with a program for people with berriers to employment. I was signed up for a bout two weeks of workshops. This consisted of only two half days and one full day per week. By the end of my second day in class I was already feeling fatigued and raw. Half way through the day I was even reaching for my sunglasses to block out the light, only to find that the weight of the glasses on my nose was just as irritating.
To make matters worse the quality of instruction was very poor. The person running these workshops seemed to have a poor understanding of the subject matter and would pretty much just read off of the projector perbatum without any elaborations or clarifications. When asked simple questions (like, "what does it mean to 'sandwich criticisms'?") she was unable to provide a satisfactory response.
The worst part, mind you, was during a "Disclosing Disability" workshop. We were given an exercise which presented us with a list of people with sundry disabilities applying for different positions. We then had space on the worksheets to write out how they might disclose these disabilities to an employer. She seemed to miss the point of the exercise entirely and instead of providing us with even a single concrete answer suggested that maybe all of these people should be looking for other fields of work in which their disabilities would not prove a hindrance.
The next day I had an interview with my job coach. I could barely muster the will to get out of bed and almost wished I would just fall asleep and never wake up. I had no time to really get ready, but I did make it there on time. During the meeting I was nearly in tears, and when asked how I was doing I told her how exhausted and dejected I was feeling. I was hoping that attending some workshops would help motivate me and put me in a job hunting head-space, but I felt even more discouraged than before.
I also disclosed my concerns about the instructor, for which she thanked me and assured me the problem would be addressed. But she did say I should probably not continue with the workshops, not only because I wasn't learning anything new, but because my levels of exhaustion obviously indicated that I didn't have very much "work tolerance."
She then recommended that I apply for disability and attempt to build work tolerance through volunteerism, and coming into the centre to polish my computer skills.
It just seems as though I have such a long way to go before I can have the kind of life I want. For years I was working. There was even a time when I could be called outgoing, but for years now I have been more or less stuck in a state of unemployability and personal stagnation. I thought I would do so much more with my life, but I can't even go to a job fair or apply myself to a course right now without feeling drained and hopeless.
I wonder if anybody has advice on how to get out of this rut. What are good ways of building work tolerance? How fast should one go? How does one know when they are taking on too much versus not enough?
