Love is really a disease!

[GrownupGirl]

It must be, it's the only way it makes any sense. A person can be completely, passionately in love with someone else, and then it fades and the formerly lovesick person wonders why they were interested romantically with them in the first place. And I'm always hearing about NT women both on WP and Autistic Forums who met am ND man, and they thought he was amazing and didn't mind his quirks or even found them part of his charm. But now that they're married or been together for a while the women now finds the man cold and heartless or annoying, even though I'm sure he was the same guy before then. The sickness must conjure up delusional beliefs of some kind that wear off only after the couple are ready for long-term commitment.

Of course, I'm not referring to the type of unconditional love a person may feel for their parents or their children or their pets. And I personally seem to be immune to the kind described above.

 

[tree]

What you describe sounds like rut,
the periodic mating season experiences by some animals.
Rut (mammalian reproduction) - Wikipedia

When I read Bambi, it was described in a sensitive way.
For awhile Bambi and Faline want to be together all the time.
And then the feeling fades.

 

[Judge]

True, but it makes for some good tunes though...

Unrequited or lost love...take your pick.

 

[Pats]

Funny, I was thinking that we need to have a thread for all those - "Once and for all". And let everyone give their opinions once and for all and paste the thread. It does seem like it's always the same. They fall in love and think they can handle whatever comes, only to find that they can't. I think we need to come with a warning sticker.
Do not expect us to fulfill all your desires. (we don't pick up on subtle hints)
Do not even attempt if you need certain actions to feel loved. (we have our own unique expressions of love)
If you feel slightly lonely in the beginning, it is not going to improve.
Expect to share us with our interests.
We have a difficult time living in your world, so expect to live in mine.

I'm not blaming NT's for falling for someone on the spectrum, but 9 times out of 10, it ends the same way. If we had the warning sticker, maybe it'd save a lot of heart break. And I understand that many on the spectrum seem attractive, partly due to their differences than most. I remember always being told, "You're so different than all the other girls." Yep, we are, and that needs to be a warning, not an asset.

 

[unperson]

 

[clg114]

Well, I guess I get to be the odd one out again. However, I am not complaining. My NT wife and I have been married for almost 49 years. How did we do that? I think it is understanding, mostly on her part. She has made the effort to understand autism and me. We know each others needs and work to fill those needs. I think that the biggest thing that holds our relationship together, we love each other very much.

 

[Tom]

I'm with cig114 on this one. Love is the best thing I have ever had/experienced in life. So I know it is not of itself toxic. That said, I of course see that many relationships fall apart. So sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I will add that both of you, working at on it as you go, is I believe a important part of it.

 

[Streetwise]

It must be, it's the only way it makes any sense. A person can be completely, passionately in love with someone else, and then it fades and the formerly lovesick person wonders why they were interested romantically with them in the first place. And I'm always hearing about NT women both on WP and Autistic Forums who met am ND man, and they thought he was amazing and didn't mind his quirks or even found them part of his charm. But now that they're married or been together for a while the women now finds the man cold and heartless or annoying, even though I'm sure he was the same guy before then. The sickness must conjure up delusional beliefs of some kind that wear off only after the couple are ready for long-term commitment.

Of course, I'm not referring to the type of unconditional love a person may feel for their parents or their children or their pets. And I personally seem to be immune to the kind described above.

It’s slightly different for me !but one of the forms of life can’t be discussed in this section .For me it was just receiving love from my mother and living creatures ,I don’t really feel like I give it.

 

[Wolfnox]

I had my life saved by love. By the love of a friend and a beautiful she wolf. Their love helped me rebuild my will to live and is something i carry to this day. I have not seen my she wolf since. But believe she still loves me as i do her. Hope to meet her again someday.

 

[Bolletje]

I’m with @clg114 and @Tom. I think love is the best thing that I’ve ever experienced. It’s the sole reason I wanted to keep on living even when I was suicidal. After the honeymoon period in my current relationship wore off I had to get used to what love feels like in a long term relationship. Through the years we’ve grown closer and closer as we’ve gotten to know each other better. We’ve been with each other through extreme highs and lows, always supporting each other. I don’t go for big romantic gestures, but just being together makes me happy. We make small gestures to show each other how much we care and that is enough for me.
I’m currently coming out of a long depression and I feel like our relationship is experiencing sort of a second wind. I’m able to feel again, and what I feel is a lot of love. But this time it’s not the brand new overtly sexual kind, but deep affection and appreciation for my boyfriend. He’s a wonderful addition to my life and just being in the same room as him makes me giddy.

 

[Fino]

That was the pattern for all of my relationships! I go from being seen as perfect to being seen as abusive, and I don't behave any differently.

 

[Thinx]

I think @Bolletje makes a useful reference to the 'honeymoon ' period, this is a researched phenomenon that seems to last 18 months or so, after which we contend with the reality that our partner isn't perfect and we learn to live with their downsides. Or not. A key factor in coping may be our level of attachment security which is based on how secure we were able to feel in our family, and any progress we made with this in subsequent relationships and therapy.

Not surprisingly, people who have developed insecure attachment styles in childhood are likely to struggle more in adult relationships and if both partners have insecure attachment styles it is hard for them to comfort each other or themselves, make allowances for each other or themselves, or to recover from distressing experiences and upsets.

However, levels of felt security can be improved through working in developmental ways on oneself, in therapy, in confidence building and self awareness activities. This improves people's ability to form secure attachments. Although ND people may have some relating and communication issues, research evidence is that attachment theory works the same for us as for NTs, with similar proportions of ND people having secure or insecure attachment styles as for NTs.

So I certainly think any difficulties experienced in relationships between NTs and NDs are likely to be significantly about each person's level of attachment security more than about their different neurology.

 

[zurb]

One of the main problems is most people don’t know what love is, and they confuse it with infatuation, lust, or some airy fairy vague romantic feeling. All of which fade.

 

[Wolfnox]

One of the main problems is most people don’t know what love is, and they confuse it with infatuation, lust, or some airy fairy vague romantic feeling. All of which fade.

Or just being nice.

 

[Nervous Rex]

My brain is always filled with math and code. I seem to be made to solve problems, and I'm the most comfortable when I'm doing that.

But everything I can understand about the real world points to the fact that it's all about people.

The best thing we can do for ourselves is build good relationships with those around us. The best thing we can do for others is be a good friend, coworker, husband, wife, father, mother, brother, sister - anything.

"That which matters most is that which lasts the longest." If you want your life to affect the world for generations to come, love those people who are alive now.

Love fits the disease analogy in that it is contagious. Pass it on.

 

[Nitro]

I have one girl in my life that I can honest say I love you to and mean it.
The cool part is that the feeling is mutual.
It exists, but everyone experiences the partnerships differently, so it is never a one size fits all deal.

We have had our ups and downs, but when we need the other one to be there for us, we always put the nonsense to the side and are fully supportive of each other.

She's 100% NT by the way, but we are peas in a pod

 

[megacomic]

What people don't know is that love has to evolve. Passionate love is great for creating a spark in the initial stages of love but can burn out quickly. Companion love is the key to great marriages because while it's less spicy and passionate, being rather calm and warm it's more stable and maintainable with sparks of passion in between to keep things from getting stale.

Alot of younger people seem not to understand this and once the passion burns out they're back on Tinder or whatever looking for the next hot thing.

 

[Nitro]

 

[Aspychata]

Feel strongly as the first day l met them. Every day feels like the first time l met them. But it was a rocketship that hit the moon the first time l met them. And the flames burn passionately for me.

It's amazing how the first time you met sets the stage always in my mind in a positive g-force explosion.

 

[Aspychata]

What people don't know is that love has to evolve. Passionate love is great for creating a spark in the initial stages of love but can burn out quickly. Companion love is the key to great marriages because while it's less spicy and passionate, being rather calm and warm it's more stable and maintainable with sparks of passion in between to keep things from getting stale.

Alot of younger people seem not to understand this and once the passion burns out they're back on Tinder or whatever looking for the next hot thing.

Sorry but it can be extremely passionate even after some time at least for one of us. (four years later).