Looking for some advice re: homeschooling

[On the Inside]

Aspie here, with an 11 year old possible aspie son.

While my son does well in school and we haven't had much in the way of behavioral problems, there seems to be a cycle of up and down in his motivation and esteem. He's in a language immersion school which is challenging enough, but is also considered the "gifted and talented" school. I don't think we would come anywhere near providing the educational experience he's getting, but I really hope to find a way to stabilize his self esteem, (not something I had a problem with until I was in college). So I try to be very encouraging and know what he's working on daily, as well as teaching him about my interests, the broader world, how machines, music and nature work.

 

[ErrolEast]

What is so frustrating is that the very people who know what HFA is, and know how subtle the signs can be compared to LFA will say that. That they know that people with HFA/ aspergers can have very high verbal abilities yet that is the reason he has no IEP or diagnosis.

Unfortunately, her school refused to put an IEP in place for Junior kindergarten, I think the only reason things changed were because she developed some self-harming stimming, she was biting her nails and fingers until they bled, she would pull her hair out a strand at a time behind her right ear until she developed a sizeable bald patch, and then she began scratching her arms and hitting her head off of things. She has had three concussions in the past 12 months, two of those happened at school. And then she started running away from class and left school grounds twice in fall. After that, the school set up an IEP and assigned a full-time EA (probably to try to avoid a lawsuit, in my humble opinion).

 

[ErrolEast]

Aspie here, with an 11 year old possible aspie son.

While my son does well in school and we haven't had much in the way of behavioral problems, there seems to be a cycle of up and down in his motivation and esteem. He's in a language immersion school which is challenging enough, but is also considered the "gifted and talented" school. I don't think we would come anywhere near providing the educational experience he's getting, but I really hope to find a way to stabilize his self esteem, (not something I had a problem with until I was in college). So I try to be very encouraging and know what he's working on daily, as well as teaching him about my interests, the broader world, how machines, music and nature work.

Hi!
My daughter is in language-immersion, as well. I had hoped that extra step of translating would make things more interesting for her. (Now she just thinks it's funny to have conversations in French with me in front of her father because he can't understand what we are saying...lots of jokes about stinky feet). But she tells me that at school she is now just awkward in two languages instead of one.

 

[The One True Autist]

I'm a self-diagnosed aspie, and honestly, you know your daughter better than anyone else. You've got almost 6 years under your belt. I would say that homeschooling certainly won't isolate her, at least no more than she may already feel. However, I would say that not being homeschooled was probably the best decision my parents could have made. It all comes down to what you know about your daughter. I don't think you could go wrong either way. I personally wouldn't homeschool my child (if I had one) unless the school system was horrible, or if they were noticeably miserable. But that's me and my personality

 

[Suzanne]

Yes, her dad is pretty smart, too. To look at his grades, you wouldn't think so, though. He struggled through school his whole life and was diagnosed with dyslexia and Aspergers in his early twenties.

We definitely have a type in this household.

I left school at 16 and the school was for people who had learning difficultis and so, we were taught the basic elements of things. I was told that there was no good me taking exams, because I would fail them anyway and in fact, the teacher laughed at me.

I was 9 when I learned to read and it did not take me long to overtake the SCHOOL with my reading skills and recieved an award. But despite this, still told I was too stupid to pass exams!

I went on to college in my early 20's and passed what would be considered more complicated exams than in my school.

People are shocked when I tell them that I had no education. In truth, I love shocking lol

 

[Suzanne]

around people. I am afraid of them

Me too, which, for me, is why I have chronic social anxiety. I feel a sense of peace when no one is around.

 

[Suzanne]

she walked up to another girl (after I encouraged her to introduce herself) and proceeded to tell her about how flamingos pee on their legs to cool down because they don't have sweat glands. The girl told her she was gross and walked away

It is horribly painful to receive a reaction like that. I get it all the time. I used to push my true self into a corner because I wanted to be accepted. I was afraid of who I was, but finding out about aspergers, has, in effect, thrown off all those shackles and I am being faced with a brick wall of ignorance around me. Been told that I have no heart, because of a terrorist attack that occurred in Nice. I was looking at the practical element and in truth, I did not feel emotion towards the people, until I saw a reinactment, and my heart was touched.

It is all so difficult, because for one thing, that is interesting what your daughter related, but sadly, the average little one does not work like that and so, your daugher is left bewildered.

What I consider normal conversation, most find too deep.

 

[grey wolf]

Hi,
I have a five (almost six) year old daughter with OCD, SPD, and Asperger's Syndrome. After having five different specialists now suggesting that I consider homeschooling her, I was looking for some opinions from some other parents with children on the spectrum?

Intellectually, she is very advanced, her peers can't keep up, and she is so clever that she has developed a real skill at manipulating the faculty at school to get extra sensory breaks. She has limited interest in peers as is, but when I ask her why she doesn't want to talk to the other kids she gets very exasperated and says things like "I just can't mommy, they just don't understand me" or "they are soooo boring" (I swear she is actually a very sweet and wonderful child!).

Sorry for the very long post!

One of the 'problems' with Asperses ishttp://www.jneurosci.org/content/26/26/6897)
"by 3–4 years of age, brain size in ASD exceeds normal average by ∼10% ... Overall, the postnatal brain growth trajectory is increased, with the greatest differences occurring in rostral cerebral cortex, amygdala, and cerebellar hemispheres and reflecting greater changes in white than gray matter"

Decades ago when I was going to early primary school my favourite day time TV programs were open university: Physics, Chemistry, Planetology and Nursing.

Going to primary school and trying to find someone to have an interesting conversation with was near impossible.

My own daughter when in primary school science was asked the question: "what makes light?"

Her primary school answer was: "Light is made up of two waves traveling perpendicular to each other, one being magnetic and the other being electric. With the fluctuating magnetic field creating the electric field and the fluctuating electric field creating the magnetic field. Thus it is able to self perpetuate without the need of a medium to travel through".

I know this because she came home mortified at being so dumb as the correct answers were "light bulb", "torch", "candle" etc...

Unfortunately, many Aspies are dropped into primary school with no one of their own age at their level. It is really hard to form social bonds with people having completely different interests, so most in the early years (I assume) grow up in relative isolation.

Home schooling may be good, but seek out other Aspies around the same age as your daughter to interact with, it is easier now with the internet.

My daughter closest and deepest friend is also very high IQ, and they have a very close friendship.

Also find out her strengths and weaknesses, my daughter was very advances in many aspects, but developmentally average/normal with English/spelling.

Which for her she felt spelling was impossible to master, until she realised her fellow students on average needed to put effort to all their subjects (maths/science, etc...) not just spelling.

Finally, find out how to she can exploit her strengths, and mitigate her weaknesses.

 

[ErrolEast]

I am an adult diagnosed with Autism, SPD, and ADHD rather than a parent of a child with those kinds of diagnoses, so of course take my opinion with a grain of this-guy-is-not-a-parent-salt....

Most of our lives are spent outside of school, in social contexts with rules and norms that are largely different from the ones that children will be surrounded by in school. And those social skills children may learn at school that can and do apply to other areas of life....well, why can't they learn said skills in those other areas of life instead?

I think you should do whatever seems to work best for your daughter. If homeschooling seems like it might work better, could you try it temporarily and see how it goes?

Update: So, I talked to my daughter's school, and we are going to do a trial run, half the day being home-schooled and half the day at school.

We are setting up a folder in SeeSaw and a portfolio so that we can share back and forth what lessons we are doing and her competency at each.

We are going to send her to school for the first part of the day, I will pick her up at second lunch, and then we will do school work here at home. The school agreed that if it doesn't work out, we can switch her back to full days at school, no problem, and if it does work out, we can continue on or I can remove her from school.

Thank you so much for your advice, I am glad I approached the school about it and asked if we could try out a temporary plan. They are confident that this could work out best for her because she will still be learning about team work and socialization (hopefully) and will be intellectually engaged.

 

[the_tortoise]

Update: So, I talked to my daughter's school, and we are going to do a trial run, half the day being home-schooled and half the day at school.

We are setting up a folder in SeeSaw and a portfolio so that we can share back and forth what lessons we are doing and her competency at each.

We are going to send her to school for the first part of the day, I will pick her up at second lunch, and then we will do school work here at home. The school agreed that if it doesn't work out, we can switch her back to full days at school, no problem, and if it does work out, we can continue on or I can remove her from school.

Thank you so much for your advice, I am glad I approached the school about it and asked if we could try out a temporary plan. They are confident that this could work out best for her because she will still be learning about team work and socialization (hopefully) and will be intellectually engaged.

You're welcome; I'm glad you were able to create a trial plan with the school, and I hope it all works out!

 

[Annabel Lee]

Hi,
I have a five (almost six) year old daughter with OCD, SPD, and Asperger's Syndrome. After having five different specialists now suggesting that I consider homeschooling her, I was looking for some opinions from some other parents with children on the spectrum?

Intellectually, she is very advanced, her peers can't keep up, and she is so clever that she has developed a real skill at manipulating the faculty at school to get extra sensory breaks. She has limited interest in peers as is, but when I ask her why she doesn't want to talk to the other kids she gets very exasperated and says things like "I just can't mommy, they just don't understand me" or "they are soooo boring" (I swear she is actually a very sweet and wonderful child!).

The number one problem she has at school (beyond the socialization issues) is that she gets bored with the materials and has a harder time keeping herself regulated during class time. The teachers have started giving her school work from upper-year classes and she blows through them and is still bored. Often, her boredom results in classroom disruption, she will "play dumb" and tell them that she doesn't know how to do things in hopes that she can go do something else (her teacher and I figured out that she was faking when I asked her if her toy unicorn knew the answer to a question she was struggling with and the unicorn could answer without hesitation). Sometimes the behaviours can escalate to the point that she harms herself.

On average, I am called to the school anywhere from 10-18 times per week. She is in a small class, has an amazing teacher and full-time one-on-one EA, she also works with the resource team and the behaviour team, but still, none of them can seem to figure her out. Her EA has been working with spectrum children in my daughter's age group for about 20 years and she has stated that she has never worked with a child like mine, because there is a precision and logic behind everything she does and that she is too smart for anything that school can throw at her.

At home we are already doing additional assignments, I have the curriculum books and all the education apps on my computer and she consistently skips ahead to the grade 3 level course material. She reads Goose Bumps books to me (one chapter every night before bed) and her understanding of math and science is probably more advanced that the vast majority of my extended family. She loves to learn and is the most inquisitive person I have ever met (sometimes, to a flaw), and most of our time together involves learning activities by her choice already.

We have all the routine charts and timers and fidgets both at school and at home, but she is doing so much better at home. I have recently taken an LOA from my job to be at home as she has not been able to get through a full day of school without my having to come in and intervene. Often times, she isn't able to remain at school, and sometimes her panic attacks can be so severe in the morning that I am unable to get her out of the house at all.

I briefly considered homeschooling when she first started JK due to an immediate regression in her behaviour and the fact that she lost a lot of skills during the first few months of school (ie, she was writing her name, knew the alphabet, was reading picture books, was able to complete basic math problems in August but by Christmas she lost all of these skills). But I ended up dismissing this out of fear that it would impede her socially, and at that point, we didn't have a diagnosis beyond OCD and SPD.

The latest specialist we have gone to see is a speech pathologist, and she didn't just bring up the idea of homeschooling, she strongly suggested that it would be the best thing for my daughter and that by being engaged in her learning, it would give us more time to focus on socializing in other ways (ie joining Sparks and other extracurricular activities).

My husband says he fully supports whatever I think will help our daughter succeed the most, and agrees with the specialists that she would do better at homeschooling, but is worried that I would get burnt out.

So, what I really need to make a proper decision is some input from someone that has experienced this? will she be more successful? will we be able to work on her social skills through other routes? Any other suggestions or extra information?

(PS. please don't be afraid to give me honest answers, I have yet to get through a family event without at least one person telling me that the real problem is my parenting or my favourite, "She doesn't look autistic")

Sorry for the very long post![/QUOTE/]
I had the same problems and at age 7 was moved up a grade in school (from 2nd to the end of 3rd). Maybe you could suggest this to the principal or school district. Even though they had made my classes more advanced, I still did so many academic activities and extra studying outside of school. She could continue with the things you are doing at home while you figure out a more permanent solution (like a gifted and talented program or advanced courses).

 

[Annabel Lee]

Hi,
I have a five (almost six) year old daughter with OCD, SPD, and Asperger's Syndrome. After having five different specialists now suggesting that I consider homeschooling her, I was looking for some opinions from some other parents with children on the spectrum?

Intellectually, she is very advanced, her peers can't keep up, and she is so clever that she has developed a real skill at manipulating the faculty at school to get extra sensory breaks. She has limited interest in peers as is, but when I ask her why she doesn't want to talk to the other kids she gets very exasperated and says things like "I just can't mommy, they just don't understand me" or "they are soooo boring" (I swear she is actually a very sweet and wonderful child!).

The number one problem she has at school (beyond the socialization issues) is that she gets bored with the materials and has a harder time keeping herself regulated during class time. The teachers have started giving her school work from upper-year classes and she blows through them and is still bored. Often, her boredom results in classroom disruption, she will "play dumb" and tell them that she doesn't know how to do things in hopes that she can go do something else (her teacher and I figured out that she was faking when I asked her if her toy unicorn knew the answer to a question she was struggling with and the unicorn could answer without hesitation). Sometimes the behaviours can escalate to the point that she harms herself.

On average, I am called to the school anywhere from 10-18 times per week. She is in a small class, has an amazing teacher and full-time one-on-one EA, she also works with the resource team and the behaviour team, but still, none of them can seem to figure her out. Her EA has been working with spectrum children in my daughter's age group for about 20 years and she has stated that she has never worked with a child like mine, because there is a precision and logic behind everything she does and that she is too smart for anything that school can throw at her.

At home we are already doing additional assignments, I have the curriculum books and all the education apps on my computer and she consistently skips ahead to the grade 3 level course material. She reads Goose Bumps books to me (one chapter every night before bed) and her understanding of math and science is probably more advanced that the vast majority of my extended family. She loves to learn and is the most inquisitive person I have ever met (sometimes, to a flaw), and most of our time together involves learning activities by her choice already.

We have all the routine charts and timers and fidgets both at school and at home, but she is doing so much better at home. I have recently taken an LOA from my job to be at home as she has not been able to get through a full day of school without my having to come in and intervene. Often times, she isn't able to remain at school, and sometimes her panic attacks can be so severe in the morning that I am unable to get her out of the house at all.

I briefly considered homeschooling when she first started JK due to an immediate regression in her behaviour and the fact that she lost a lot of skills during the first few months of school (ie, she was writing her name, knew the alphabet, was reading picture books, was able to complete basic math problems in August but by Christmas she lost all of these skills). But I ended up dismissing this out of fear that it would impede her socially, and at that point, we didn't have a diagnosis beyond OCD and SPD.

The latest specialist we have gone to see is a speech pathologist, and she didn't just bring up the idea of homeschooling, she strongly suggested that it would be the best thing for my daughter and that by being engaged in her learning, it would give us more time to focus on socializing in other ways (ie joining Sparks and other extracurricular activities).

My husband says he fully supports whatever I think will help our daughter succeed the most, and agrees with the specialists that she would do better at homeschooling, but is worried that I would get burnt out.

So, what I really need to make a proper decision is some input from someone that has experienced this? will she be more successful? will we be able to work on her social skills through other routes? Any other suggestions or extra information?

(PS. please don't be afraid to give me honest answers, I have yet to get through a family event without at least one person telling me that the real problem is my parenting or my favourite, "She doesn't look autistic")

Sorry for the very long post!

Maybe this part is unimportant, but I just want you to know that you're not alone and there are other kids like her. She has the possibility of being able to socialize and connect to someone. My mom realized I was different when I read ahead in the books she read to me at bedtime. (It was Harry Potter and I read the series by myself at 4 years old). Being ahead was a problem with teachers, who don't like to be corrected by students. Homeschooling might be the best thing, in high school I was taken out of school for a variety of reasons. (The educational system is deeply flawed and the teachers adhere to it. I also was bullied, had deep anxiety issues, and Tourettes').

 

[ErrolEast]

Maybe this part is unimportant, but I just want you to know that you're not alone and there are other kids like her. She has the possibility of being able to socialize and connect to someone. My mom realized I was different when I read ahead in the books she read to me at bedtime. (It was Harry Potter and I read the series by myself at 4 years old). Being ahead was a problem with teachers, who don't like to be corrected by students. Homeschooling might be the best thing, in high school I was taken out of school for a variety of reasons. (The educational system is deeply flawed and the teachers adhere to it. I also was bullied, had deep anxiety issues, and Tourettes').

That is definitely important! Half the time I feel so alone and isolated trying to help her and keep myself sane simultaneously (it is a losing battle most days). And I had a combination of good and bad teachers growing up, ones that would instigate the bullying when I would correct them and others that would give me extra assignments beyond my years to keep me interested in learning. If it weren't for those couple of good teachers, I don't know where I would have ended up.

So far, having her home-schooled half the day and in class the other half has really helped. Her meltdowns have decreased dramatically, she is ,more engaged when she is in class, and she is retaining so much new information from our lessons at home and relaying them to her EA and teacher at school.

Recently, she was sent home with an art project, they were asked to paint something they are interested in and she painted light refracting (a science experiment we had done a few days prior).

 

[SchrodingersMeerkat]

I was home-schooled since the fifth grade. My mother wasn't perfect but she wasn't the worst either. There are things I wish she would have done differently and let me pursue my special interests and incorporate them into the lesson plans instead of trying to force me to learn things I just couldn't. I had an diagnosed math disability she should have had me tested for from the beginning. I got myself tested for that so I could get accommodations on the GED (I got sick several times and eventually my mom just gave up working with me) and in college and veterinary school. My family doesn't really believe in in learning disabilities like dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, etc; in their mind, those are all made up by the government so kids don't have to work as hard in school. Anyhow, had I been forced to stay in the traditional school system, I think I would have committed suicide around 7th grade.

 

[Ylva]

learning disabilities like dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, etc

Those are neurodiversities, too.

 

[SchrodingersMeerkat]

Those are neurodiversities, too.

They don't really believe in those either.

 

[Jana Delaney]

Hi,
I have a five (almost six) year old daughter with OCD, SPD, and Asperger's Syndrome. After having five different specialists now suggesting that I consider homeschooling her, I was looking for some opinions from some other parents with children on the spectrum?

I have no idea whether anyone else on this forum has said it or not, but this was an extremely foolish thing to say on a forum called 'Aspies Central'. Whilst the website clearly accepts parents of autistic people, starting a thread and then trying to exclude autistic people from commenting on it is outrageous. The fact that you believe no Autistic adult has any insight to offer regarding how to school your autistic daughter further reinforces my intuitive knowing that the majority of non-autistic people view the autistic community as foolish children with no insight or wisdom to offer. On that count you are mistaken.

she is so clever that she has developed a real skill at manipulating the faculty at school to get extra sensory breaks.

I don't doubt her intelligence. But if she is manipulative, then she probably isn't Autistic. I have heard many non-autistic people try and label us as manipulative. I am certain they are psychologically projecting. I'll let you in on a secret: the reason we are accused of having poor 'theory of mind' isn't because we lack empathy, we have a surfeit of that, but because we have an impaired ability for deceit and manipulation - two skills which most non-autistic people possess an abundance of.

She has limited interest in peers as is, but when I ask her why she doesn't want to talk to the other kids she gets very exasperated and says things like "I just can't mommy, they just don't understand me" or "they are soooo boring" (I swear she is actually a very sweet and wonderful child!).

Why would you have to 'swear' that she is a sweet and wonderful child? Was that in any doubt? Which part of her saying that her peers don't understand her, or that they are boring, in any way raises doubts over her being a wonderful child? If she is Autistic, then they don't understand her. Subjectively, from her perfectly valid perspective, they are boring. Also, if she has figured out by age five that her peers 'don't understand her' she could well be a genius.

The number one problem she has at school (beyond the socialization issues) is that she gets bored with the materials and has a harder time keeping herself regulated during class time. The teachers have started giving her school work from upper-year classes and she blows through them and is still bored. Often, her boredom results in classroom disruption, she will "play dumb" and tell them that she doesn't know how to do things in hopes that she can go do something else (her teacher and I figured out that she was faking when I asked her if her toy unicorn knew the answer to a question she was struggling with and the unicorn could answer without hesitation). Sometimes the behaviours can escalate to the point that she harms herself.

The education system fails autistic children systemically because it does not accommodate their prodigious talent for focusing on what they are good at. Instead it places disproportionate emphasis on nonsense, such as conditioning children to worship at the altar of groupthink, social conformity and other facile constructs which inhibit the autistic abilities of critical thinking, being genuine and intense focus on special interests. Schools are not schools, they are indoctrination centers.

On average, I am called to the school anywhere from 10-18 times per week. She is in a small class, has an amazing teacher and full-time one-on-one EA, she also works with the resource team and the behaviour team, but still, none of them can seem to figure her out.

She is a human being with feelings, not a crossword clue. You are not meant to 'figure her out', you are meant to offer her unconditional love.

Her EA has been working with spectrum children in my daughter's age group for about 20 years and she has stated that she has never worked with a child like mine, because there is a precision and logic behind everything she does and that she is too smart for anything that school can throw at her.

All of which is positive.

My husband says he fully supports whatever I think will help our daughter succeed the most, and agrees with the specialists that she would do better at homeschooling, but is worried that I would get burnt out.
So, what I really need to make a proper decision is some input from someone that has experienced this? will she be more successful? will we be able to work on her social skills through other routes? Any other suggestions or extra information?

So, let me get this straight in mind, just so that I'm clear... You have spoken to your husband, some staff at her school, some people in the medical profession, and now some strangers on the Internet about this, but you didn't even think to ask your own child how SHE feels? What is she, invisible? You do realise that she has feelings? Or are you one of those parents who genuinely 'believes' that children cannot know what is good for them? Honest to God... and the closest you might have actually got to getting some insight into the matter, i.e. Autistic adults, was not even an option you were willing to explore - as you stated in the first paragraph of your post! Seriously? First off, you come onto a forum called 'Aspie Central' and make a post which excludes Autistic people from answering, then you describe a dilemma regarding your daughters schooling apparently excluding her from having any input into that! Um... hello? I think I sense some cognitive bias lurking nearby.

(PS. please don't be afraid to give me honest answers, !

No problem.

 

[inkfingers]

If you are fine with public school or home school, why don't you ask her what she wants? I was home schooled through elementary and high school, and I loved it. Also, when I tried going to public school, it didn't work because I would hold it together in the class room, but when I came home I would just blow up and have a melt down. Also, if you're worried about your daughter getting opportunities to socialize, you can always find a home-school co-op to participate in. That's what my mom did.

 

[meepmeep]

I was that kid when I was a kid, and I would vote for homeschooling. My parents couldn’t full-on homeschool me in my country of origin, but I spent most of my first three years of school at home, coming to school only for tests. It was so helpful in keeping me sane. When I did start going to school regularly, in 4th grade, I was bullied mercilessly, and was near-suicidal by 6th grade. I sure as hell didn’t learn any social skills.

 

[Mary Lyn]

I don't know whether you have resolved the problem by now - and hopefully through home schooling and want to comment on the utter ignorance of some of the posters who know nothing about the subject yet feel they are qualified to have an opinion.

I home schooled two sons one of them with special needs, though now think he may be on the spectrum aged 32. He would not have been picked up at school either as he also had another genetic condition.

The other son was offered a place at the Open University in the UK to study computing at home when he was 13. I did not do formal educating just let the boys follow their interests. The youngest was not interested in reading till he got to 11 and then caught up very quickly to follow and interest.

A women in the UK had four children and her husband was offered a contract in America for a year, and not wanting to disrupt them with having to also adjust to a new school system, taught them at home - well taught them doing what I did, justt taking them out to visit places of interest and follow their interests at home, buying them books etc but said that they had to keep a dairy of what they had done that day.

On return to home, she found they had to go forward a year in school as they had were now ahead of their peers.

Even examinations, which they can take as outside candiates, are not totally necessary and a number of employers much prefer home educated kids if they can show their skills in an entry test. Even universities. This came from a man high up in banking.