Hi all! So I've been selling my friend on what a great group we have here but she's happy living life outside of the internet. I've been trying to help her deal with a problem and since we are now both out of ideas, I asked her if she'd mind if I brought it to the group. She's fine with it -- probably only because she's nearly at her wit's end.
Here's the problem. Her adult son lives at home, has ASD, and some of his tics are driving her crazy. On the positive side, he's a good kid, early twenties, and has quite a few friends. (Plural!) On the not-so-positive side, she's dealing with some boundary issues with him. It might help to know that his dad died a couple of years ago and that the boundary issues problem began developing shortly thereafter.
Problem #1: Not respecting boundaries.
She works from home. When he comes home from school or work, she takes a short break to catch up on the day with him before returning back to work. The problem is, once he starts talking, sometimes he doesn't stop. Her general tactic then is to remind him that she's working and for him to go do something else--something else usually being getting dinner started. When that doesn't work, she'll escort him from her office. When that doesn't work and she's shut the door, and he's still chattering on about every event of the day in minute detail through the door, her frustration level just climbs. Not much sets her off, but this does! She's an Apsy and can't just 'tune' him out.
I have known him long enough and well enough to have seen other NT adults take the frustrated, "[name], STOP!" approach with him. I don't know how successful that tactic has been for her. My guess is not very well. I used to take the redirect-the-activity approach, which I thought worked pretty well, but he doesn't internalize that well at first and she's right--she really does need to get back to work and redirecting takes time.
Problem #2: Not keeping up with household chores.
He's responsible for doing the laundry. It can literally take him all day to do ONE load of laundry. Oh, he says he'll do it--I've heard him say quite cheerfully, "I'm on it!" And then, nothing happens. For hours. He's quite willing to wear clothes long after they ought to have been laundered, too. This leads me to...
Problem #3: Hygiene
Okay, so we've all met the person who doesn't want to bathe. Nobody wants to be around them! She's explained this to him but he still won't bathe. His reply? "People just have to accept me for who I am!" UGH! Any ideas on how to get him to bathe? Yes, he's an adult -- and no, she can't just threaten that he'll have to move out if he doesn't comply. He's not able to live on his own.
Ideas?
Thanks!
GypsyMoth
Here's the problem. Her adult son lives at home, has ASD, and some of his tics are driving her crazy. On the positive side, he's a good kid, early twenties, and has quite a few friends. (Plural!) On the not-so-positive side, she's dealing with some boundary issues with him. It might help to know that his dad died a couple of years ago and that the boundary issues problem began developing shortly thereafter.
Problem #1: Not respecting boundaries.
She works from home. When he comes home from school or work, she takes a short break to catch up on the day with him before returning back to work. The problem is, once he starts talking, sometimes he doesn't stop. Her general tactic then is to remind him that she's working and for him to go do something else--something else usually being getting dinner started. When that doesn't work, she'll escort him from her office. When that doesn't work and she's shut the door, and he's still chattering on about every event of the day in minute detail through the door, her frustration level just climbs. Not much sets her off, but this does! She's an Apsy and can't just 'tune' him out.
I have known him long enough and well enough to have seen other NT adults take the frustrated, "[name], STOP!" approach with him. I don't know how successful that tactic has been for her. My guess is not very well. I used to take the redirect-the-activity approach, which I thought worked pretty well, but he doesn't internalize that well at first and she's right--she really does need to get back to work and redirecting takes time.
Problem #2: Not keeping up with household chores.
He's responsible for doing the laundry. It can literally take him all day to do ONE load of laundry. Oh, he says he'll do it--I've heard him say quite cheerfully, "I'm on it!" And then, nothing happens. For hours. He's quite willing to wear clothes long after they ought to have been laundered, too. This leads me to...
Problem #3: Hygiene
Okay, so we've all met the person who doesn't want to bathe. Nobody wants to be around them! She's explained this to him but he still won't bathe. His reply? "People just have to accept me for who I am!" UGH! Any ideas on how to get him to bathe? Yes, he's an adult -- and no, she can't just threaten that he'll have to move out if he doesn't comply. He's not able to live on his own.
Ideas?
Thanks!
GypsyMoth