Well it is. It's easy to say "Well I'll just do this! Or that!" without being face to face with the actual situation. You hear this all the time, and then you see them all do the very thing they said they would never do. And usually situations that are not even that tempting. Most people live in a world of pink unicorns and rainbows to begin with, but once the right person comes along that applies pressure there's really no salvation possible.
Various times in the past, I have both waited a super long time, and hardly any time at all.
It really depends on the person, and on a lot of other situational factors. I don't think a year is that long, even in a committed relationship, because sex just isn't that important to me. However, I don't think I'd make a policy of going a year without having sex, because that would severely limit my dating options. Even if I don't think a year is too long to wait, pretty much everyone else thinks it's ridiculously long.
If I was younger, I would probably think the one-year rule is not an outrageous policy, My thinking would be that rushing the sex would shortchange the emotional development, because I was looking for a soulmate or whatever. Also, it would be easier to find people who are sexually inexperienced.
Although if I had to do it all over again, I'd date around more when I was younger and stop caring about finding a soulmate. Soulmates don't exist in the sense that I thought they did, and if they did, it would almost certainly not be the first person I ever dated. Thinking this one person is my "soulmate" puts them on a pedestal, and idealizes them in a way that isn't fair to them.
You are not sensitive to it, but the vast majority of people will abandon all their values as soon as someone shows up with the right shape.
I'm stubborn and stick to my guns no matter what, and I know from experience that you are going to get a lot of quitters. The flesh has very bad standards, so I have to make sure the decision is made by the brain.
Being physically attracted is obviously essential. But there's a problem when people stop treating attraction as binary and the wrong part of the brain starts making the decisions. There's some deep programming inside and following that programming is not exactly the optimal path in modern society.
Hetero Aspie female here. I've only literally been with my husband, although I did quite a bit of porn viewing before I met him because I like looking at hot men.
Anyway, I love it. It's amazing. Best natural joy on Earth. I like all of the aspects to it: the visual, the physical, touch, bonding...all of it. Yep. Yay sex!
I lost my virginity to my future wife when I was twenty-five. It was then I realized I had issues with physical intimacy. My sense of touch is deadened and I go more by the pressure of something upon my skin. I don't receive the full enjoyment out of sexual intercourse as other people do and I have to concentrate in order to perform. It's become more of a chore for me to do for the sake of my wife. It's not that I don't want to be intimate with her, it's just that my deadened sense of touch leaves me discouraged and frustrated with my body and brain. And to add to all of this, my sex drive has been diminishing.
In hindsight, I've gotten more out of emotional connections and interactions via the internet than with the physical act itself.
For me, I am hyper sexual. I think about sex every minute of every day and need constant release. If not, I actually experience pain "blue balls". I actually tend to avoid women with AS to a degree. I LOVE nerdy women, but so many women with AS are either asexual, don't like touching, or aren't open sexual and honestly if my sexual needs aren't met I'll end the relationship because I won't be happy and I refuse to have a commitment that is not fulfilling. In terms of which women I get along with, I tend to actually get along with foreign women, especially asian. There is a woman in Indonesia whom I really care for and I am honestly thinking of working on visiting her. I have found that foreign women are nicer in general, at least the ones from asian countries outside of Korea. For whatever reason, Korean women are usually pretty rude to me, but I'm not going to say all Korean women are rude, just the ones I've talked to online.
I tried to keep this post as clean as I can. I mostly made it, so I can understand sex through an aspie POV. I have put spoiler tags on top of certain paragraphs or phrases when I felt they were a bit more graphic and/or controversial.
Not that this will happen to me in the near future, but this is something that I have been thinking about a lot for the last three days or so. But I've been thinking a lot about losing my v-card as an aspie woman.
I have a long history of sexual abuse, as early as second grade. I was never penetrated, but I have been groped, stalked, violated, and encountered invasive sexual comments or questions in my life time. I remember a vague memory I had, after my first encounter with sexual harassment, that I developed a fear of being touched. I remember it started with my dad. He wanted to give me a hug, and I just pushed him away. This still happens to this day.
I've been in a few romantic relationships, but none of them have lasted longer than a month. I also struggle with keeping platonic friends. Ever since I was in high school, I developed a speacil rule, when it comes to my romantic relationship. The rule is that I need to date a person for at least a year, before I decide I want to lose my virginity to him. This way, I know the man cares about me, as he has waited this long. I also know that I can trust him and that relationship has lasted a long time. I'm not sure if that rule will still apply after my virginity is gone.
I've always had intrest in sex. I like talking about it. In fact, its one of my speacil intrest. I like to know the psychology of kinks and turn offs. I'm part of a kink forum as well, despite me never getting intimate with anyone.
Sex education wasn't great at my school. At least my school address the basics, but I always wanted to know more. What are STDs? How do I prevent them? How does one know their sexual orientation? Why do people have to be monogamous? My parents talked about it...but i never had a great conversation with them, as they are aspies as well. (and narcissts)
It was REALLY awkward with my dad. Becuase when I was younger, I used to think that he was sexually attracted to me and wanted to rape me.
Most of my sexual education was self taught by the internet. Ironically, not by porn! I used to go on google to ask whatever sex question I had. (i.e: do all women have hymens?) I also used to sneak in Cosmopolotion only to read the love and sex section, becuase my grandma hated me reading a "pornographic" magazine. That taught me a lot about sex as well. I also had a psychologist, who was also a family friend, teach me about sex.
Its funny, I was never into porn. I never looked at it when I was younger, as my parents were invasive. I remember this one time, I had my screensaver of a slide show of my favorite Naruto characters. My dad walked in on a suggestive (but not graphic) picture of Itachi. My dad and I exchanged awkward glances and he just left. I did read a lot of erotic fan fiction, growing up. (I hid that pretty well)
I finally decided, at about 18 or 19, that pillow humping wasn't getting me off one night. I couldn't reach a climax and was just unsatisfied and frustrated. So I tried some visual stimulation and wanted to actually witness some adult entretainment. I decided to start with some vanilla hentai, as I felt real people would be too intimidating. And there were some titles I liked (and still enjoy)...until I went deeper into the rabbit hole and felt really....confused.
I had never seen a man naked, other than my father, when I was really young. And my younger brother, again when I was really young. So seeing a naked man in the hentai felt really....gross. I felt like I was looking at a wet hot dog. (I don't eat hot dogs by the way) And I knew what a female body looked like...but certain angles in the hentai (even the vanilla ones) were...unsettling and gross. I felt like female gentalia was monster holes in a horror movie.
So I had a conversation with an aunt I discussed sex with. (We all have that one relative) The conversation was I was confused about my own sexual orientation. I no longer felt straight after reading the pornographic cartoon. But I didn't feel like a lesbian either. I didn't feel asexual either, as I was still attracted to me, just not naked men. And she said that this was normal.
As I got older, I started to get more accustomed with naked bodies. Thats when I started joining kink forums. I felt that I was more attracted to men, who weren't an adult enterainers. (Male strippers can't get me going either. I feel that they are a bit over the top for my taste. I'm also selective when it comes to my fantasies, of what a man should look like) I identify as a hetrosexual. (Though I have a huge girl crush on Nicki Minaj and Britney Spears) Still a virgin, but I'm okay with that.
So I would like to know your experiences with sex (or inexperiences) while being an aspie. Male, female, nonbinary, etc. I'm also open to hearing different sexual orientations while being an aspie. Or even if your NT with an aspie partner. What is sex like for you? Did you have a similar experiance than I did? I'm curious to know.
Edit: I decided to remove the question I had about fantasies. I slowly realized what I had gotten myself into by asking such questions. The main idea of this forum is to share your sexual experiences through the lens of an aspie. Or an NT dating an aspie.
I wanted to comment on something you said, about making the guy wait a year before sex. That is fine, you shouldn't compromise your views, but I wanted to tell you what MAY be happening. Depending on where you live, a guy MIGHT be suspicious of that. For example, a friend of mine was dating a woman and she said she wanted to wait to have sex. Well it turned out that she was just using him as a place to stay and she was prostituting herself to other men when he was at work. I'm definitely not implying anything bad at you and I understand why you want to wait. I am merely stating why a guy might be suspicious about that, especially because outside of being super religious and waiting for marriage, it is very uncommon.
I'm aware of that. My last boyfriend, was the only man I let touch me, let alone kiss me. (Then again, my first kiss was with BF #2, but we were in a long distance relationship....) Its not that I don't like to be touched, I just need get to use to being touch, before I can feel full with that person.
Both my parents are potential ASD candidates. They just won't admit it or seek to be tested. I was the only one in the family officially diagnosed with AS and it brought shame to my family. My parents don't believe in therapy for themselves, just other people.
That being said, I know for a fact that my father is/was not a pedophile. I've seen videos of me and my family when I was younger. None of them are sexual in nature. Its just a matter of social boundaries, that my father dosen't comprehend.
For example, when I was in second grade, I was obessed with the song "I'm too sexy" and I'd used to call myself sexy. So would my dad. However, I didn't start to feel more emotionally uncomfortable around him until my preteen years. How I dressed them was fashionable...but still age appropriate. Like all the other kids wore Gap, I looked like I came out of Kids Top Model. My father didn't understand that he couldn't call me sexy at that age. Or any age. I was his daughter.
At that time, that is when I told my therapist, who was also a family friend, we'll name her Penny. I remember Penny trying to calm me down about the anxiety I had towards my own father. I remember her saying "your father dosen't want to rape you. He just dosn't know what is socially appropriate."
He's gotten better over time...but not by much. Like I still wear "fashionable" clothes, but now he calls me cute. It still makes me uncomfortable, but there really isn't much to say to him at this point.
My first non-consensual sexual encounter was actually with a classmate of mine, of the same sex. It was a form of verbal harassment, but I was only in second grade, so I still didn't know what sex was, other than a bad word.
So if we were to make the connection of my attacker to my father....I don't see it. The hugs that he gave or still gives, are not sexual. They are just hugs.
You mean when a baby suckles its mother? Also wouldn't the sensation be different, since your body releases different hormones when a person is aroused vs breastfeeding?
Um, I'm not sure what your problem is. Clearly your the type of person who has had terrible dating experiances. Mabey you can't get a girlfriend for yourself. Have you considered not insulting people when they have underwent trauma? The whole reason I have that policy is because of the traumas I have endured. I know you read the part about the wet sausage, so clearly you weren't that lazy when it came to clicking the spoiler tag. Physical attraction is subjective NOT objective. And it isn't your place wether or not my partners or potential partners, let alone my own standards are weird and gross.
You know your "You can't get a girlfriend" and "You clearly had terrible dating experiences" are actually insults. In high school. I mean personally I would've also tossed a "You must be gay" in there. It kind of completes the holy trinity of self-contradicting jock insults, y'know?
So I cannot get a girlfriend and I have had terrible dating experiences. What's your point?
As I continued to read your posts within this forum, I now understand your point of view. When you first posted in this forum, I was repulsed as you only focused on my weird porn experience and then said I should "chill out about sex and not wait that long."
I felt insulted because i felt like my opinions didn't matter. Especially if I am a woman. I've been sexually assaulted in the past and my attackers always told me that my opinions don't matter.
And then you go on to say its easy if the guy is ugly, which also made my stomach churn a little bit. First of all, you don't know what I look like. You don't know what my partners, or who I want as partners look like. So you can't make the assumption if my partner is hot or not. And frankly, that isn't your business either. On top of that, attraction is subjective to everyone and their physical essence dosen't determine their sexual practices. I get some people saying that I look like a beach blonde hippie slut. But when the reality is I never touched anyone sexually yet.
Well it is. It's easy to say "Well I'll just do this! Or that!" without being face to face with the actual situation. You hear this all the time, and then you see them all do the very thing they said they would never do. And usually situations that are not even that tempting. Most people live in a world of pink unicorns and rainbows to begin with, but once the right person comes along that applies pressure there's really no salvation possible.
True, however not always with those who have undergone sexual or emotional trauma. I never had a friendship that lasted longer than a year. And I want a partner who I know who will stay with me longer for than that. I understand for a romantic partner a year can seem long. However if they are respectful to my wishes, as I am their's, it will go by fast.
I want sex to be enjoyable and fun, not depressing, traumatic or forgettable. And I'm not saying the person who I should loose my virginity to should be my husband. I just want someone who makes me feel like an actual human being and actually trust and cares about me. Yes, I'd be sad if we broke up, but I know that other people will treat me like my first sex partner did. I'm not sure what my sex policy will be after my virginity is gone, but I'll figure that out when I get there.
The TLDR: I want to recall my first time to be like "Wow, Jack was really sweet when we first made love" not "Wow Jack never really cared about me and only wanted to be inside me."
I actually tend to avoid women with AS to a degree. I LOVE nerdy women, but so many women with AS are either asexual, don't like touching, or aren't open sexual and honestly if my sexual needs aren't met I'll end the relationship because I won't be happy and I refuse to have a commitment that is not fulfilling.
I'm like this with aspie men, LOL, but for other reasons. The aspie men I've been around have been crude or inappropriate socially. I am repulsed and will often keep my distance from them (Note to men on this forum: I do not generalize men on the spectrum in this way, but this has been my experiences as of recent)
I actually made a separate forum regarding dating preferences. I'm amazed by what the poll looks like.
I . Depending on where you live, a guy MIGHT be suspicious of that. For example, a friend of mine was dating a woman and she said she wanted to wait to have sex. Well it turned out that she was just using him as a place to stay and she was prostituting herself to other men when he was at work. I'm definitely not implying anything bad at you and I understand why you want to wait. I am merely stating why a guy might be suspicious about that, especially because outside of being super religious and waiting for marriage, it is very uncommon.
I am a very open and always talk to my partners. I have been cheated on before (the aspie boyfriend. That was my first boyfriend) so I know what its like to be cheated on. I also put in my dating profile that I am non-monogamous. That being said, people within these relationships communicate with all their partners. I give my partner the same respect that they give me. I would never stoop to so low that I would hurt my partner that way. Though I'm glad you brought that point up.
As I continued to read your posts within this forum, I now understand your point of view. When you first posted in this forum, I was repulsed as you only focused on my weird porn experience and then said I should "chill out about sex and not wait that long."
I felt insulted because i felt like my opinions didn't matter. Especially if I am a woman. I've been sexually assaulted in the past and my attackers always told me that my opinions don't matter.
And then you go on to say its easy if the guy is ugly, which also made my stomach churn a little bit. First of all, you don't know what I look like. You don't know what my partners, or who I want as partners look like. So you can't make the assumption if my partner is hot or not. And frankly, that isn't your business either. On top of that, attraction is subjective to everyone and their physical essence dosen't determine their sexual practices. I get some people saying that I look like a beach blonde hippie slut. But when the reality is I never touched anyone sexually yet.
Uhhh... I am not sure where you got all that from. I didn't tell you to just put out. I'm more of the opposite opinion myself. What I meant is that you shouldn't focus on sex and treat it as something amazing that you should spend significant amounts of time thinking about. Weird porn experience wasn't on my mind at all. Wet hot dogs were. Ugh... Now you made me think about them again.
Physical attractiveness is a thing. There will be individual preferences but you can measure the face and body and determine objectively how attractive someone is. There's a huge difference in how people treat someone based on their physical attractiveness and you would have to be a rather unique individual to be unaffected by this. I've never met someone like that, only a lot of people that say they don't care about looks but are then "In love" with a hot guy or girl. They themselves had no clue. "Oh nobody is like that, but I can't quite tell you what I love about them other than everything". Yea I don't know, it's a total mystery.
As in the example mentioned by Shiznown, if you were to date a guy that isn't attractive so you could live rent-free, your "Wait 1 year" is going to be easy. It might turn into "Wait 3 years". Who knows. If it's a guy that lives with his mother that just happened to be born with a cute face, waiting 1 year might not be on your mind at all.
Make sure you read the operative word in these situations, which is "might". Just like I didn't know you looked like a beach blonde hippie slut I have no clue what you are like personality wise (Except that you easily misunderstand stuff and get real angry ). But when I have countless examples of people that didn't know their very own basic biological tendencies despite being completely subservient to them like an animal, I think the possibility of that is worth mentioning.
didn't tell you to just put out. I'm more of the opposite opinion myself. What I meant is that you shouldn't focus on sex and treat it as something amazing that you should spend significant amounts of time thinking about.
Oh i don't think about it all the time. When I say sex is a speacil intrest of mine, I mean more of ethical, social, and psychological standpoint. I'll google weird things that correlate to sex. Like just yesterday I wanted to know "what does a sex therapist do?" and "what are brothels like." I even watch a lot of documentaries regarding sex. My favorite one is How Sex Changed the World. I was also that weird kid during sex ed who asked way too many questions, when everyone was just giving me weird looks. I've also been focused on Freud's theory of Psychosexual Development as of recently. Its...fascinating.
'm not thinking about me having sex all of the time. I do fantasize, but I don't count that as a SI, since I know neurotypicals fantasize to. Its what makes us human.
Physical attractiveness is a thing. There will be individual preferences but you can measure the face and body and determine objectively how attractive someone is. There's a huge difference in how people treat someone based on their physical attractiveness and you would have to be a rather unique individual to be unaffected by this. I've never met someone like that, only a lot of people that say they don't care about looks but are then "In love" with a hot guy or girl. They themselves had no clue. "Oh nobody is like that, but I can't quite tell you what I love about them other than everything". Yea I don't know, it's a total mystery.
Physical attraction is a thing, yes, but its not a fixed trait either. For example most women like Zac Effron, David Buckingham, Brad Pitt (when it comes to their physical appearance) and I'm like....ech. I'm more of a Peter Steele, Sebastion Bach and Before he went crazy Dave Mustane type of person.
As for treating people differently because of appearance? I don't think so. I think it depends on the environment really. And the thing about women is we are very choosy when it comes to partners. While men are more visual and direct when it comes to them seeking partners.
And even if one person is dating another who is a sex god, its unlikely that they will change opinions on anything. For example, lets just imagine you have the hottest partner imaginable, you shared liked intrest, and the two of you have a healthy sex life. And she declares that she is a Trump supporter. Are you going to become a Trump supporter because your partner is one? Of course not, that would be ridiculous! I know that example is a bit extreme, but I'm trying to say you can still have a rational mindset even if your head over heels in love with someone.
I know love makes you do stupid things, but it varies in different degrees for different people. I'm always talking things over in my own head and with other people, so I don't make mistakes I deeply regret. For example my last boyfriend was a sex god. As much as my sexuality wanted him, my rational brain knew that waiting was the best plan. And I'm glad I didn't have sex with him because he dumped me after a month. (Personal reasons, it had nothing to do with our sex life, since he knew my policy)
Yes, I do need physical attraction in my partner. But I wouldn't count the people who are interested me that I have no intrest in "ugly." They just don't suit what I'm looking for. I mean they could be "ugly" but I normally keep those opinions to myself and just keep walking/browsing OKC.
Sorry I insulted you earlier. The post I made yesterday took some time to write, as I was trying to have a civil conversation and I didn't want it to dissolve into something ugly. I'm going through something right now, so I can be a bit jumpy and hostile.
Will be a little detailed, so if you're squeamish over highly detailed things, please move on
My apologies if this is going to break any rules at all; not my intention:
I'm still a virgin and am unashamed to admit that I masturbate fairly frequently (who doesn't?); though I have gotten close to getting down n dirty a couple times; once with a fling (we were alone at her house as she needed to stop by and grab something) and the only other time was with an Ex GF
(I should note that my Ex was on the Spectrum, much like myself, likely a PDD-NOS)
Only real sexual contact was with the above Ex GF; she let me touch her breasts and rub/finger her which was a fantastic thing for both of us; I once had her over at my house one time and we were watching the newer Ghostbusters alone while my mom was downstairs doing her crafts. She let me finger her; it was great as at one point I actually climaxed without myself or her touching me, was also a very powerful one that I've never had before that made me kinda weak, I guess from the excitement of everything?
I'm also a fairly sexual person, as in, a fairly high sex drive; I at times think I could be a Sex Addict, but I wouldn't classify myself as such as I don't think I qualify to be labeled as one
I lost my virginity in my late teens. It wasn't magical, nor was it terrible.... it made me question why everyone makes such a big deal about losing your virginity.
I don't need to love someone and feel romantic attraction for them to be sexually attracted to them or to actually have sex with them (this does not mean I am totally indiscriminate in choosing sexual partners nor that I am an amoral person who wouldn't honor the commitments of a monogamous relationship...it means exactly what I said and nothing more).... On the flip side, I don't need to have sex with (or even be sexually attracted to) someone to love them and be romantically attracted to them; I think I could be perfectly happy in a committed relationship with no sex at all.....sex can be a lot of fun, but it's not what's important to me when it comes to romance and partnership.
Sorry I insulted you earlier. The post I made yesterday took some time to write, as I was trying to have a civil conversation and I didn't want it to dissolve into something ugly. I'm going through something right now, so I can be a bit jumpy and hostile.
Eh, chill. I just mentioned it like that in order to make you see the rather funny situation; accusing me of insulting while you fired off an insult yourself right there. Half the people that read it probably think I got what I deserve for always being such an asshole, so nobody cares. I'm probably the best person to go off on since I got elephant skin anyway.
The thing with being interested in sex is that none of it is interesting... except Freud's psychoanalysis. The most interesting thing is probably closer related to the actual biology and genetics. I'm surrounded by prostitutes and none of it is particularly exciting, it's just a way to make money. Actually, that part is exciting...
But if it's from a scientific inquiry part... well if it floats your boat.
And those guys you mentioned... are all good looking. By the way, I suppose the last one you mentioned is the dude from Megadeth? Never knew he went crazy. Maybe you meant someone else but that's the only one that pops to mind. Since we're talking about metal dudes... compare them to Heri Joensen. I don't think he's a bad looking dude, but clearly less attractive than the guys you mentioned.
Many online dating sites posted statistics on physical attraction and the results were all extremely close. Same with Tinder swiping. The "women go for personality" is completely untrue, as in that case every woman would be interested in every man and only lose interest once the personality wasn't right. But right off the bat based purely on appearance, women will preselect only 20% of men while men preselect 50% of women. There is also a lot of overlap, as in it's not like it's spread across the board. The women that all men find attractive are generally the same 50% of women and the men women find attractive are generally the same 20%.
Everyone says "But not me!" but I have a hard time believing that as truths are universal. I've heard the "I don't care about looks" from nearly every woman ever (except a few interesting ones, haha) and each and every one of them proved otherwise later on. Nobody is beating the biological programming, the best you got is to not prioritize more attractive over less attractive. Turbo hottie or kinda cute, just go for personality and compatibility from there.
I also know from some of my friends. One in particular was a bald fat guy (and ginger, just mentioning this to give hope to any ginger dudes ). He always had hot girls showing clear interest and dropping hints that they wanted to go home with him. After a few of my female friends saw him I asked them and all of them had the same response "He is very good looking". It had to do with his face and his height, because it sure wasn't his hair and weight. Another dude (not really my friend) was a strung out junkie with bad teeth and literally every girl we ran into went after him. They weren't hot ones, though, but I'm sure he would do well with those as well.
The point is that while you can put someone in a bad category because they aren't perfect, the insane amount of interest some guys receive is something nobody would believe unless it smacks them right in the face. I always thought I was extremely lucky in the looks department but a junkie with bad teeth and a fat bald dude were clearly much better looking despite less than perfect presentation, it's just the biology of the situation. Interestingly, one friend of mine saw the junkie guy and said he was completely unattractive to her, so there is of course some variation. But when you have even 50% of girls totally crazy for you, the other 50% don't really matter.
Clearly you got past one wrong sex god so that's very good. Just be prepared for an even bigger sex god in the future.
Agree to disagree. Different aspies have different speacil intrest. Mine just so happens to be sex through a psychological, ethical and political stand point. I find it very unique on what different cultures consider to be okay and not okay.
. By the way, I suppose the last one you mentioned is the dude from Megadeth? Never knew he went crazy. Maybe you meant someone else but that's the only one that pops to mind. Since we're talking about metal dudes... compare them to Heri Joensen. I don't think he's a bad looking dude, but clearly less attractive than the guys you mentioned.
He's not crazy...but he isn't a good person either. I think he did some drugs in the late 90s that made him loose his mind just a little. He is also a born again Christan. He is incredably rude to fans and also racist. Speaking of a hot racist metal musician, Varg in the 90s. Damn, was he a looker. Now he looks like a dried up hobo.
I googled Heri Joensen since I had no idea who he was. If I had to rank hotness; Peter Steele on the top, Sebastion Bach would be a close second, Varg from the 90s, Joensen, and then Mustane at the bottom.
Hmm...can you cite your source on this? Becuase my OKCupid is just showing 90% of men that I'm not attracted to. And with Plenty of Fish and similar websites, i'm lucky if I can find one person I'm attracted to.
The "women go for personality" is completely untrue, as in that case every woman would be interested in every man and only lose interest once the personality wasn't right.
EEEEeech, yes and no. See there is two kinds of likes when it comes to the world of online dating that most women do. I like to call the "potential partner" like and the "just a pretty face" like. The potential partner meet both physical and personality needs. For example I like metal, eating at restruants and want to go in the psychology feild. So the potential partner will have intrests that are similar to mine and I'm more inclined to message them. (If I feel confident) Then the pretty face are people who have no intrest similar to mine, we have nothing in common. He is just pretty and thats it. I'm not gonna message him, but I will admire him when I scroll down my feed.
He's not crazy...but he isn't a good person either. I think he did some drugs in the late 90s that made him loose his mind just a little. He is also a born again Christan. He is incredably rude to fans and also racist. Speaking of a hot racist metal musician, Varg in the 90s. Damn, was he a looker. Now he looks like a dried up hobo.
I googled Heri Joensen since I had no idea who he was. If I had to rank hotness; Peter Steele on the top, Sebastion Bach would be a close second, Varg from the 90s, Joensen, and then Mustane at the bottom.
He's racist? I tried some searching and all I could find was the put a plug in it. Personally I'm pro-plug. I've seen the whole drugs-turned-religious thing a few times. Not sure what triggers it, but it's a thing. The rest is USA political stuff that I'm lukewarm about and doesn't belong here anyway. I see every Democrat and Republican as crazy, sane people see some good ideas drowned in a sea of insanity when it comes to these parties.
Varg is still hot! What woman doesn't want her very own militant survivalist hobo?! And you didn't know Tyr?! Pffft here I was thinking you knew your metal. The ranking I suppose is based on Mustaine now? He's a bit unfortunate since it seems aging turned him into David Icke, but a young Mustaine is definitely more attractive than a young Joensen. Again, though... there is such a thing as personal preference. The OKC study also said that some men rated generally as very attractive were also rated as average or below average by a significant number of women. Also confirms my personal experience. Long hair scares away 80% of women, no matter how hot you are, haha.
Hmm...can you cite your source on this? Becuase my OKCupid is just showing 90% of men that I'm not attracted to. And with Plenty of Fish and similar websites, i'm lucky if I can find one person I'm attracted to.
I wish I could. OkCupid removed this study, too much truth I guess. Tinder still has articles up on mainstream sites but unfortunately all these articles do is quote percentages without citing the sources. Journalism is more about what feels good rather than actual facts these days, it seems.
It seems you know it's true, from your own experience. Most guys that are on there are there because they're not hot. Hot guys get women after them. Virtually all hot guys on online dating have a rather big appetite and need fresh ingredients, if you know what I mean. You are looking for the 1 in a million guy on there that's good looking but a NEET hermit that doesn't go outside so no woman can approach him. And even then you got to get to him before the rest of the site's women that are looking for the same jackpot.
EEEEeech, yes and no. See there is two kinds of likes when it comes to the world of online dating that most women do. I like to call the "potential partner" like and the "just a pretty face" like. The potential partner meet both physical and personality needs. For example I like metal, eating at restruants and want to go in the psychology feild. So the potential partner will have intrests that are similar to mine and I'm more inclined to message them. (If I feel confident) Then the pretty face are people who have no intrest similar to mine, we have nothing in common. He is just pretty and thats it. I'm not gonna message him, but I will admire him when I scroll down my feed.
If you are taking into account personal compatibility then you are halfway there. The vast majority of people don't have that resolve, however. Especially when 90% of guys are unattractive.
No clue when it comes to demisexuals. I am not sure if they really are like that or if it's just a cool label they like for those that don't like hook-up culture. I personally have no interest in sex with the wrong person but the attraction is there upon sight. But maybe I'm just an extreme pervert that can't control himself. Assuming it's real, exceptions exist. I'm one myself, after all.
If you think blind girls are all a-ok with an ugly guy... you thought wrong. Not sure how it's with guys. Never in my life knew a blind guy. I assume it's the same.
Iagree. I'm not necessarily a-sexual. I don't know if I qualify for that because I had a boyfriend several years ago that I thought I was in love with. I might have been, really do think that I probably was. Anyway it was to the point of experimenting and I said no I don't know anything I don't know what I want to do. and I was nervous about what I don't understand and he said well that's okay we can just do whatever you want whenever you're ready. and I took my shirt off and that's as far as I got and then it turned into that's okay we'll just work on that. Then After a couple make outs that way, I wanted to go more. I was very nervous but I said let's just do it and then I wanted to do shirt off and pants off and he said are you sure you're ready for this? I said no but make me be anyway. Throw my pants where I can't reach them I want to do this. And I realized I wasn't as scared as I thought. We made out like that for a while and then after a long time he wanted to see how I felt about seeing him naked, naked. that's when I was like oh crap in my mind and I had like total aversion to seeing that and was like nope!! So I figured maybe I just needed time and we can just work on playing with me but I didn't want to do that part yet . I discovered I liked it when I was messed with but I didn't want to see him naked for nothing and I figured that maybe I was a-sexual. I kept telling myself that but I wasn't totally only into platonic. So then I kept thinking I was demi-sexual and I kept telling myself all these different things I like being romantic but that's as far as it goes etc. And after a long time maybe like nine months he got interested in somebody else but years later (now), I have a new boyfriend who's a nice Christian guy he's very religious and that he doesn't really want to do anything because he respects me and he also was raised to be respectful of himself and not do anything out of wedlock but he wants to and he's kinda reserved in the fact that he won't spend the night. and I can't drive because of my AS therefore he drives to me and stays all day and then if we go to dinner or a play etc he has to think about what time because he can't be home too late for work and I've told him just spend the night that'll be easier on him but he says no he has to talk with his mom first blah blah blah. I'm like come on he's 29 and I'm 29 he needs to get over that whole I would have to talk to my mom about spending the night first because I don't know how she feel about that. but that's okay I'm not so much worried about that because I know that he's got some issues of his own so it's not so crazy that I've got this weird thing about sex. But we started getting to where he wants to try more than just make out and I thought that was a little bit strange for him that he's kinda reserved religiously but it's more that he just won't tell his mom that he's at that level of relationship with me yet and if it gets to that level where he feels like spending the night and has to tell his mom that's where it gets weird he wants to do stuff he just hasn't really discussed with his mom that he's at that level where he's ready to spend the night and say I love you. but it's none of his mom's business at this point when he's 29 but I also get it. um but since he's made it clear he kinda wants to do stuff I've had to tell him "I'm a little bit nervous about that you're gonna have to be super slow with me" and he is . But ever since my last experience where I was kind of had an aversion to seeing a man naked but I kind of like being played with I kind of was like well I don't know I didn't like the last guy naked so I probably won't like this guy naked and we kind of talked about it and he wanted to see how I felt so he asked if he could and I was like nope. I just kind of panicked and I got really in my mind and started having almost like a freak out kind of like an asperger moment we all know what that means and I had to calm myself down. And mind over matter and tell myself relax I don't have to do this right now just chill . But then I just couldn't and he was like that's fine so I kinda wonder why am I like this? Why do I get strange about seeing a man naked and seeing his parts but I like to have myself messed with? And there's also that whole thing of even when we do stuff with our clothes on like you know I get kinda nervous and I'm like I don't know that I like this. And we've gotten to the point of I can go naked and he goes just shy of naked because he knows I don't like that yet and then he can go naked I just can't look. And it makes me wonder if I am not a-sexual or Dimi-sexual or anything like that it makes me kind of wonder. Don' know. Is this normal for an Aspie person? I want him to say that he wants to marry me. I mean it's been seven months and it's not long before it turns into a year. But he mentioned to me that his buddies keep teasing him and asking jokingly when's the wedding and he told his buddies we're not quite there yet . And I'm pretty darn sure that if I would just be less reluctant and just look at it and let him do it maybe he would think more on the lines of we're getting to that point . I mean he still says I love you and everything when we get off the phone and when he leaves my apartment to get in the car and he texts me I love you. and you don't really say I love you unless you mean it you know? I mean you say that when you are beyond the level of just girlfriend and boyfriend when you're getting closer to that point of knowing it's more even when you're still just girlfriend and boyfriend and haven't said "marriage" but you're getting to that level where it's not there yet but beyond just a girlfriend and boyfriend if I'm making any sense. So I feel like if he's saying I love you in that way then we must be getting to that level but he says that we're not quite ready for marriage and I'm kinda confused on the I love you because of that. I love him in that way and I think he does too but can you love a significant other in that way and want to marry them and want to be romantic but not want sex? I mean I've talked to a guy friend of mine who said his wife was very much like me. She was kind of nervous about sex and she didn't know what to do and wasn't sure that she was ready or wanted to until six months in and it was only just the basics and then about a year is when they really started experimenting more. And he said if it had gone much longer he might not of stayed with her because guys don't want to just wait forever and it might kill them to wait mentally and emotionally and he said this guy of mine has patience of steel to be as patient with me to go at my level and not be worried about 7 months in and we're not doing anything much but that he probably won't wait forever and I've got to decide am I ready or not. And I've got to decide if I'm ever gonna do this or not because I can't just keep stringing him along to think that maybe one day something will happen and it never does and he could've found somebody else that does not waste his time. And I know this and I feel like that myself but I feel like if I say I don't ever want sex I'm gonna lose him because I can't just not "ever". I don't know, I mean I just have this weird aversion to the naked male body and what I don't understand and the whole am I gonna be good enough? and I not gonna be good enough? what if I do this or this? what if I don't do this? what am I supposed to feel like what is he supposed to feel like? etc. etc. and all going with the whole I don't know if I like to see him naked...
and I take a valume when I go to the gynecologist because again I don't like the unknown I don't like when they might do something and it's gonna bother me and being an Aspie I might think okay I don't like this I'm done. You can't do that at the doctor you need to get tested for cancers and all this other stuff you have to go get your check up you have to do it it's part of being human. But I don't like when I get the feeling of being invaded and overstimulated and I'm like okay now you're touching me and I don't like that that's my personal space I don't like that being invaded you need to stop now! but you can't do that at the doctor he has to do that and you can't do it for yourself. so I mean I take a valume for that purpose so that it calms me the hell down . Because it used to be three hours of okay I can do this no I can't yes I can no I can't okay just do it and then it happens and I'm like oh god I'm done I can't and I tense up and then he's like well I'm stuck because you're so tense you need to relax and I can't relax because now I'm nervous and my body has been invaded and I'm freaking out and I want it to be done and I'm scared and I want to leave the doctors office. and I can't act like that when I'm an adult so I take a valume and I relax a whole lot. But the problem is would that work for sex? I mean my mom keeps questioning if that would even work because what if I take a volume and I get to relax and then I get sleepy ? At that point I'm too out of it to even want it. It's supposed to make me relax enough to not care and to just do it but what if I get too relaxed to the point that I'm too sleepy and I'm even further to I don't want to do it because I'm too sleepy to care to do it and that's not quite what I'm wanting to happen. I need something to relax me so that I will not be nervous and get out of my head but not relax me to the point that I'm sleepy and I don't want to do it anymore because I'm sleepy. And mom thinks that that might be something that the valume would do to me and that there's really nothing I can take that won't do that but I don't know. maybe I'm just weird. Is there anything wrong with what I'm saying? Any advice I'm feeling like a lot of the way I feel is a lot of the way you guys are feeling but also not. You guys are making me feel less weird and I'm feeling more like okay this is probably an Aspire Saying so I'm not strange. But I'm finding that my issues are a little bit further than a lot of you guys are mentioning so maybe I am still in the category of "weird " . Although for an Aspie I probably and not too bad because it sounds like I'm pretty typical for an Aspie. but I still feel like even for an Aspie I a falling a little bit more weird than you guys because I don't quite match up but I still do if that makes sense. And I feel like since I'm understanding you guys and I'm finding commonality with myself and all these responses to the poster that I could post this here and see what people think about what I've said and offer some advice.
