Lets Talk About Sex! (and ASD)

[Lady Lucifer]

I tried to keep this post as clean as I can. I mostly made it, so I can understand sex through an aspie POV. I have put spoiler tags on top of certain paragraphs or phrases when I felt they were a bit more graphic and/or controversial.

Not that this will happen to me in the near future, but this is something that I have been thinking about a lot for the last three days or so. But I've been thinking a lot about losing my v-card as an aspie woman.

Spoiler: Warning: Triggering Content Ahead

I have a long history of sexual abuse, as early as second grade. I was never penetrated, but I have been groped, stalked, violated, and encountered invasive sexual comments or questions in my life time. I remember a vague memory I had, after my first encounter with sexual harassment, that I developed a fear of being touched. I remember it started with my dad. He wanted to give me a hug, and I just pushed him away. This still happens to this day.

I've been in a few romantic relationships, but none of them have lasted longer than a month. I also struggle with keeping platonic friends. Ever since I was in high school, I developed a speacil rule, when it comes to my romantic relationship. The rule is that I need to date a person for at least a year, before I decide I want to lose my virginity to him. This way, I know the man cares about me, as he has waited this long. I also know that I can trust him and that relationship has lasted a long time. I'm not sure if that rule will still apply after my virginity is gone.

I've always had intrest in sex. I like talking about it. In fact, its one of my speacil intrest. I like to know the psychology of kinks and turn offs. I'm part of a kink forum as well, despite me never getting intimate with anyone.

Sex education wasn't great at my school. At least my school address the basics, but I always wanted to know more. What are STDs? How do I prevent them? How does one know their sexual orientation? Why do people have to be monogamous? My parents talked about it...but i never had a great conversation with them, as they are aspies as well. (and narcissts)

Spoiler: More triggering content

It was REALLY awkward with my dad. Becuase when I was younger, I used to think that he was sexually attracted to me and wanted to rape me.

Most of my sexual education was self taught by the internet. Ironically, not by porn! I used to go on google to ask whatever sex question I had. (i.e: do all women have hymens?) I also used to sneak in Cosmopolotion only to read the love and sex section, becuase my grandma hated me reading a "pornographic" magazine. That taught me a lot about sex as well. I also had a psychologist, who was also a family friend, teach me about sex.

Its funny, I was never into porn. I never looked at it when I was younger, as my parents were invasive. I remember this one time, I had my screensaver of a slide show of my favorite Naruto characters. My dad walked in on a suggestive (but not graphic) picture of Itachi. My dad and I exchanged awkward glances and he just left. I did read a lot of erotic fan fiction, growing up. (I hid that pretty well)

Spoiler: Kinda graphic

I finally decided, at about 18 or 19, that pillow humping wasn't getting me off one night. I couldn't reach a climax and was just unsatisfied and frustrated. So I tried some visual stimulation and wanted to actually witness some adult entretainment. I decided to start with some vanilla hentai, as I felt real people would be too intimidating. And there were some titles I liked (and still enjoy)...until I went deeper into the rabbit hole and felt really....confused.

I had never seen a man naked, other than my father, when I was really young. And my younger brother, again when I was really young. So seeing a naked man in the hentai felt really....gross. I felt like I was looking at a wet hot dog. (I don't eat hot dogs by the way) And I knew what a female body looked like...but certain angles in the hentai (even the vanilla ones) were...unsettling and gross. I felt like female gentalia was monster holes in a horror movie.

So I had a conversation with an aunt I discussed sex with. (We all have that one relative) The conversation was I was confused about my own sexual orientation. I no longer felt straight after reading the pornographic cartoon. But I didn't feel like a lesbian either. I didn't feel asexual either, as I was still attracted to me, just not naked men. And she said that this was normal.

As I got older, I started to get more accustomed with naked bodies. Thats when I started joining kink forums. I felt that I was more attracted to men, who weren't an adult enterainers. (Male strippers can't get me going either. I feel that they are a bit over the top for my taste. I'm also selective when it comes to my fantasies, of what a man should look like) I identify as a hetrosexual. (Though I have a huge girl crush on Nicki Minaj and Britney Spears) Still a virgin, but I'm okay with that.

So I would like to know your experiences with sex (or inexperiences) while being an aspie. Male, female, nonbinary, etc. I'm also open to hearing different sexual orientations while being an aspie. Or even if your NT with an aspie partner. What is sex like for you? Did you have a similar experiance than I did? I'm curious to know.

Edit: I decided to remove the question I had about fantasies. I slowly realized what I had gotten myself into by asking such questions. The main idea of this forum is to share your sexual experiences through the lens of an aspie. Or an NT dating an aspie.

 

[Shamar]

I tried to keep this post as clean as I can. I mostly made it, so I can understand sex through an aspie POV. I have put spoiler tags on top of certain paragraphs or phrases when I felt they were a bit more graphic and/or controversial.

Not that this will happen to me in the near future, but this is something that I have been thinking about a lot for the last three days or so. But I've been thinking a lot about losing my v-card as an aspie woman.

Spoiler: Warning: Triggering Content Ahead

I have a long history of sexual abuse, as early as second grade. I was never penetrated, but I have been groped, stalked, violated, and encountered invasive sexual comments or questions in my life time. I remember a vague memory I had, after my first encounter with sexual harassment, that I developed a fear of being touched. I remember it started with my dad. He wanted to give me a hug, and I just pushed him away. This still happens to this day.

I've been in a few romantic relationships, but none of them have lasted longer than a month. I also struggle with keeping platonic friends. Ever since I was in high school, I developed a speacil rule, when it comes to my romantic relationship. The rule is that I need to date a person for at least a year, before I decide I want to lose my virginity to him. This way, I know the man cares about me, as he has waited this long. I also know that I can trust him and that relationship has lasted a long time. I'm not sure if that rule will still apply after my virginity is gone.

I've always had intrest in sex. I like talking about it. In fact, its one of my speacil intrest. I like to know the psychology of kinks and turn offs. I'm part of a kink forum as well, despite me never getting intimate with anyone.

Sex education wasn't great at my school. At least my school address the basics, but I always wanted to know more. What are STDs? How do I prevent them? How does one know their sexual orientation? Why do people have to be monogamous? My parents talked about it...but i never had a great conversation with them, as they are aspies as well. (and narcissts)

Spoiler: More triggering content

It was REALLY awkward with my dad. Becuase when I was younger, I used to think that he was sexually attracted to me and wanted to rape me.

Most of my sexual education was self taught by the internet. Ironically, not by porn! I used to go on google to ask whatever sex question I had. (i.e: do all women have hymens?) I also used to sneak in Cosmopolotion only to read the love and sex section, becuase my grandma hated me reading a "pornographic" magazine. That taught me a lot about sex as well. I also had a psychologist, who was also a family friend, teach me about sex.

Its funny, I was never into porn. I never looked at it when I was younger, as my parents were invasive. I remember this one time, I had my screensaver of a slide show of my favorite Naruto characters. My dad walked in on a suggestive (but not graphic) picture of Itachi. My dad and I exchanged awkward glances and he just left. I did read a lot of erotic fan fiction, growing up. (I hid that pretty well)

Spoiler: Kinda graphic

I finally decided, at about 18 or 19, that pillow humping wasn't getting me off one night. I couldn't reach a climax and was just unsatisfied and frustrated. So I tried some visual stimulation and wanted to actually witness some adult entretainment. I decided to start with some vanilla hentai, as I felt real people would be too intimidating. And there were some titles I liked (and still enjoy)...until I went deeper into the rabbit hole and felt really....confused.

I had never seen a man naked, other than my father, when I was really young. And my younger brother, again when I was really young. So seeing a naked man in the hentai felt really....gross. I felt like I was looking at a wet hot dog. (I don't eat hot dogs by the way) And I knew what a female body looked like...but certain angles in the hentai (even the vanilla ones) were...unsettling and gross. I felt like female gentalia was monster holes in a horror movie.

So I had a conversation with an aunt I discussed sex with. (We all have that one relative) The conversation was I was confused about my own sexual orientation. I no longer felt straight after reading the pornographic cartoon. But I didn't feel like a lesbian either. I didn't feel asexual either, as I was still attracted to me, just not naked men. And she said that this was normal.

As I got older, I started to get more accustomed with naked bodies. Thats when I started joining kink forums. I felt that I was more attracted to men, who weren't an adult enterainers. (Male strippers can't get me going either. I feel that they are a bit over the top for my taste. I'm also selective when it comes to my fantasies, of what a man should look like) I identify as a hetrosexual. (Though I have a huge girl crush on Nicki Minaj and Britney Spears) Still a virgin, but I'm okay with that.

So I would like to know your experiences with sex (or inexperiences) while being an aspie. Male, female, nonbinary, etc. I'm also open to hearing different sexual orientations while being an aspie. Or even if your NT with an aspie partner. What is sex like for you? What fantasies do you have? Did you have a similar experiance than I did? I'm curious to know.

Interesting question and problem. You didn't state clearly if you were ASD, but I will assume for the purposes of my reply that you are.

As you know, social interaction varies from difficult to massively confusing, and the answers that apply to normal people do not always (rarely) apply to us. I can only speak from my own experiences and perspective.

One major problem with me is that I am unable to form any sort of bond or connection to another person. The part of my brain that deals with these things, along with social interaction, seems to be missing. This does not reduce the desire to do so and feel a connection.

You are OK with your situation, Take your time and don't rush. Find a special guy and make sure he really is The One. Don't put too much into your experience with hentai. These are designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator male fantasy. "Body parts" (male and female) are grossly exaggerated (operative word here being "gross"). Similar rules apply to regular porn. The actors are usually chosen for size and it seems to boil down to male appendages going in and out of assorted female orifices. Boring and uninteresting. Real sex with real people is not like that.

You are ASD. Don't try to fake being neurotypical, it won't work. I know, I tried for years before being diagnosed, and consistently failed miserably at it. Good luck in your efforts.

 

[Lady Lucifer]

Interesting question and problem. You didn't state clearly if you were ASD, but I will assume for the purposes of my reply that you are.

I was diagnosed with AS ten years ago. Though it isn't something I'm really proud of either. Thats why I am on these forums, to help me get past my own predjaduces.

You are OK with your situation, Take your time and don't rush. Find a special guy and make sure he really is The One. Don't put too much into your experience with hentai. These are designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator male fantasy. "Body parts" (male and female) are grossly exaggerated (operative word here being "gross"). Similar rules apply to regular porn. The actors are usually chosen for size and it seems to boil down to male appendages going in and out of assorted female orifices. Boring and uninteresting. Real sex with real people is not like that.

Oh I know, I was just giving off my the experiances I had with the adult film/entertainment world. Its not for me. I do, however, like visual and written erotica. That really tickles my fancy.

 

[Bolletje]

I’m a pansexual Aspie woman. I’m in a monogamous relationship at the moment, previously had an open relationship and experimented with poly.

I like sex, but I don’t seem to share society’s obsession with it. Especially the part where it’s supposed to be dirty and shameful and sacred at the same time. I didn’t really buy into the whole “your virginity is a precious thing” hype either, so I lost my virginity when the right time and place came around. Which basically meant I felt ready and went with it. It didn’t change anything. There’s no bells and whistles, no confetti cannon, it didn’t hurt either. I just felt like “well, this is pretty much what I imagined it would feel like. Okay then.” And then I went on ahead with my sexually adventurous and fulfilling life.
I was lucky to grow up in a country where sexual education in school is very thorough. I was fully informed and prepared when I decided to become sexually active.

 

[SusanLR]

I've always had difficulties with the bonding part of a relationship and even though I can have romantic
feelings for men, I still consider myself asexual. Attraction is there, but, the sex part means nothing to me.
I've seen a lot of porn in my life from some of the guys I've been around.
They seem to love it. It does nothing for me. Staged and boring.
If anything, I get a kick out of some of the live entertainment. Mostly watching the reactions of the girls
going coo-coo over the guys on stage. It's all a big show and I have no inhabitions on nudity because
I am a naturist myself. Our motto is Nude is not Lewd.
Not all would agree with that, but, that's my feelings.
A lot of these ideas depend on culture and if you bought into the way of thinking where and by whom you were raised.
I don't think that is too crude to post.

Fantasies? I don't really have any. I do have my ideas of what I call physically handsome, but, that's all.
I'm afraid my intimate life has been pretty boring.

 

[Adora]

While I am definitely not asexual I have had difficulties in the past when in regards to sex,it could be a combination of bad and you could say traumatic instances from my past that may have contributed to how I feel and even though I can enjoy sex there is also a part of me that feels bad,my husband is the only one where I felt I could fully trust him and before that I kind of struggled with being intimate,to be honest it’s a very uncomfortable topic for me to go into full details about but just say my relationship with sex hasn’t really been that easy.

 

[Graphin]

I barely have experience.
The obsession with looks and sex never got me, as appearantly with many in this thread, and never got material i enjoy, what can turn me on are certain combinations of feelings. Demisexual is a term i heard, and it's the closest (and still not accurate) way of describing it. I get some sexual feelings, but mostly i don't really can/want to have more than a friends relationship for a long time before even being able to want really more, though i tend to want to get emotionally very deep with friends.
I did not find a way to confirm or deny it, but some blog once said that medications female autists get often surpress their sexual desires.

 

[Crossbreed]

I remember it started with my dad. He wanted to give me a hug, and I just pushed him away.

Were his hugs lecherous?

I've always had intrest in sex.

You are going to have to invite (at least) proper touch before that can happen.

It was REALLY awkward with my dad. Becuase when I was younger, I used to think that he was sexually attracted to me and wanted to rape me.

I think that all three of my daughters are lovely, but I have no such desire for them. And I am the guardian/caregiver for my youngest (24yo, ASD3), so I see everything. (She reminds me of my mother.)

Unless your dad had unusual problems, there is a natural barrier there.

 

[Crossbreed]

Also, if you think about it, most people are born into an intimate relationship that they have no control over and required no effort on their part.

When a mother suckles her newborn, her body reacts the same as it does to foreplay from her husband. It is not a libidinous act, but it is still a very intimate one. And healthy parents are nuts about their baby even though baby didn't do anything to earn such favor.

When we desire a mate, we start out cold. It is even more difficult when one has a diminished social instinct.

It is a lot easier to grow in intimacy with a well-established friend than a "hot" stranger.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

7 replies and no mention of the wet hot dog? ... Oh I get it. I'm the only one perverted enough to click the spoiler tags.

I once saw a wet hot dog. It was terrible. Made me go vegan. It was all soaked and pale and wrinkly. Ugh. From that point on I was like "I need some broccoli". I cannot believe they showed something that filthy in Hentai.

You should chill a bit. If you think about sex all the time... you will think more about it... even when you don't want to. If you aren't careful you will turn into the average person. There are all these people shambling around on the streets going like "ssssseeeeexxxxxx..." without giving any consideration to the fact that there is actually a 2nd season of Stein's Gate out.

If you don't take some of the pressure off you are totally not going to last a year. All it takes is the right guy and you'll be in a bedroom on your back on a futon covered in breadcrumbs before you can say "Empty pizza boxes".

A year is a very long time. It's easy to do with an ugly guy (actually much harder to do than never) but good luck when it's anything but that. Also, people assume the worst in such cases. It takes a particularly desperate person to put up with that. Like 90% of the girls I dated couldn't even wait a week. And those are girls. I imagine it's even worse with guys. With an LDR it's easy though. Meet someone on the internet in a different country? That can easily take more than a year. But that doesn't count. A year in internet time is like a week in RL time. So then you have to know each other for 52 years!

 

[Lady Lucifer]

You are going to have to invite (at least) proper touch before that can happen.

I'm aware of that. My last boyfriend, was the only man I let touch me, let alone kiss me. (Then again, my first kiss was with BF #2, but we were in a long distance relationship....) Its not that I don't like to be touched, I just need get to use to being touch, before I can feel full with that person.

I think that all three of my daughters are lovely, but I have no such desire for them. And I am the guardian/caregiver for my youngest (24yo, ASD3), so I see everything. (She reminds me of my mother.)

Unless your dad had unusual problems, there is a natural barrier there.

Both my parents are potential ASD candidates. They just won't admit it or seek to be tested. I was the only one in the family officially diagnosed with AS and it brought shame to my family. My parents don't believe in therapy for themselves, just other people.

That being said, I know for a fact that my father is/was not a pedophile. I've seen videos of me and my family when I was younger. None of them are sexual in nature. Its just a matter of social boundaries, that my father dosen't comprehend.

Spoiler

Kind of like @AloneNotLonely (Oooh, sick burn!!!)

Spoiler: Triggering Content

For example, when I was in second grade, I was obessed with the song "I'm too sexy" and I'd used to call myself sexy. So would my dad. However, I didn't start to feel more emotionally uncomfortable around him until my preteen years. How I dressed them was fashionable...but still age appropriate. Like all the other kids wore Gap, I looked like I came out of Kids Top Model. My father didn't understand that he couldn't call me sexy at that age. Or any age. I was his daughter.

At that time, that is when I told my therapist, who was also a family friend, we'll name her Penny. I remember Penny trying to calm me down about the anxiety I had towards my own father. I remember her saying "your father dosen't want to rape you. He just dosn't know what is socially appropriate."

He's gotten better over time...but not by much. Like I still wear "fashionable" clothes, but now he calls me cute. It still makes me uncomfortable, but there really isn't much to say to him at this point.

My first non-consensual sexual encounter was actually with a classmate of mine, of the same sex. It was a form of verbal harassment, but I was only in second grade, so I still didn't know what sex was, other than a bad word.

So if we were to make the connection of my attacker to my father....I don't see it. The hugs that he gave or still gives, are not sexual. They are just hugs.

When a mother suckles her newborn, her body reacts the same as it does to foreplay from her husband.

You mean when a baby suckles its mother? Also wouldn't the sensation be different, since your body releases different hormones when a person is aroused vs breastfeeding?

A year is a very long time. It's easy to do with an ugly guy (actually much harder to do than never) but good luck when it's anything but that.

Um, I'm not sure what your problem is. Clearly your the type of person who has had terrible dating experiances. Mabey you can't get a girlfriend for yourself. Have you considered not insulting people when they have underwent trauma? The whole reason I have that policy is because of the traumas I have endured. I know you read the part about the wet sausage, so clearly you weren't that lazy when it came to clicking the spoiler tag. Physical attraction is subjective NOT objective. And it isn't your place wether or not my partners or potential partners, let alone my own standards are weird and gross.

 

[pamelaperejil]

What is sex like for you?

(This is an excerpt from another thread)

Does sex feel frustrating/disappointing?

I can relate to craving something, without being able to articulate quite what, and a profound disappointment at the difference between what I imagine and what is.

Do you experience this craving as an emptiness within yourself or a kind of deficit in your partner? (Or both?)

For me, I've always seen it as a deficit in my partner (few as those partners have been). I feel like I'm a slot filler, a path to orgasm, rather than a person in my own right. I feel like they are fully well aware of this and yet playing the game... because they want to get off. I feel like we're each using the other person for something, Eventually, I gave up trying to find a connection through sex or intimacy.

What goes through your mind during sex? Are you "present" or detached? Are you more conscious of the physical sensations or of the emotions at play?

I'm very detached, contemptuous, seeing the whole "sex" thing as something to be endured rather than experienced and enjoyed. I think I go into survival mode: thinking only about myself and getting it over with while trying to betray as little of these emotions as possible.

What makes sex good or bad? Are you conscious of acting or playing a role during sex?

I don't know. For me, sex is a profoundly solitary/alienating experience. I'm well aware that that's not how I'm "supposed" to feel, which only makes things worse. I feel like during sex I become a blank, letting my partner do whatever they want while silently hating them for it and making sure they know I hate them for it. This only emphasizes the contractual nature of the thing. They're getting what they want/need without caring about me as a person, viewing me simply as a means to an end, while I'm getting something I want/need by allowing it. There is a thinly veiled contempt beneath the whole thing. Both of us, I think, are well aware of what we're doing, and what we're giving up by doing it. The problem is neither of us can find any other way to get our needs met. Thus sex becomes incredibly melancholy, a false and desperate sort of play.

Do you ever look at other couples and envy them? What do you envy? Do you ever feel pity/disgust for other couples and their sex lives?

I look at other couples in wonder and disgust. Wonder at their desire for sex and disgust at the the whole sex thing itself, why it would be desired. And then that makes me feel like a freak.

Do you feel differently about sex looking back on it after it happens versus in the moment?

In the beginning, I may have tried to romanticize things after the fact. Nowadays, the sooner forgotten the better. Like using the toilet.

Does intimacy (sexual or otherwise) ever scare or repulse you?

Any intimacy or dependency can repulse me. I feel suffocated, and I detach.

 

[Crossbreed]

You mean when a baby suckles its mother?

The verb can be used either way.

Also wouldn't the sensation be different, since your body releases different hormones when a person is aroused vs breastfeeding?

It is the same hormone for a different purpose.

(My wife breastfed ten babies.)

 

[phoe]

I've been married 25 years, and sex is still a bit of a frustrating mystery - I suspect my wife has ASD too (I'm aspie), and there's very little contact between us. It can be months before I have a short window of feeling horny, and I'm not sure my wife ever does - she doesn't reach orgasm under any circumstances, I believe some women are just unlucky that way.

I've always had a low sex drive, and it turns out I had no testosterone in my system. I'm now getting injections every 10 weeks, and I think it's doing "something" but it isn't making a massive difference.

I've always had a problem maintaining an erection, to the point where even trying to masturbate is a lost cause, my body just goes "that's enough now, let go", and it fades into memory.

Along with the testosterone injections, I've also been given a "syringe" (no needle) style applicator to try to squirt some sort of irritant into my urethra to give me an erection. It probably doesn't help that my urethra was so narrow I ended up in surgery for them to widen the passage to get a camera down there to check out my enlarged prostate. Read through the bit below, and bear in mind trying to get hold of "mini me" to apply the damn stuff is damn near impossible. I was given 4 syringes of it about 6 months ago, and I (tried) to use one as a "trial" that didn't really work because I couldn't get the stuff in. The rest of the syringes are still sat there, and I can't see them being used this year (or next)...

Moving on...

I've often ended up masturbating (or trying to) to try to fulfil those "needs", but close contact is... let's face it, i'm still up at 2.55am typing this and my wife has been asleep since about 10pm.

My temperature regulation is shot, and I'm almost always a bit moist / sweaty, even straight from the shower I'm dripping with sweat down my back, and it trickles faster than I can dry myself. My wife doesn't like the feeling of "damp"...

I have "desires" for sexual acts, like oral sex, my wife knows, but I basically don't get it offered, and my aspergers affects me (and my wife I suspect) in a way that means I can't *ask* for something either. Neither can she.

I suffer from extreme anxiety generally, and feel detached from reality to some extent.

I don't know whether I had some sort of childhood trauma that screwed me up (I did have a really messed up childhood thanks to my "mother" who kept threatening to put me in a home, and topped it off by getting me a one to one personal tour of a secure unit for kids who'd killed other kids), but intimate contact can leave me feeling traumatised, and between that, the anxiety, and the feeling of detachment, mixed with my inability to work out whether my wife might like some intimacy, and to what level, mean I'm not even sure I can say I've ever enjoyed sex for what it is. I feel I need some sort of drug to release the anxiety to allow me to be free to explore and enjoy.

Just to make this crap even harder, I probably class medically as having a buried penis (it basically sits flush with my groin), to the point where it's often easier to sit down to urinate, and it can take two hands - one to push the skin back around it to allow me to grab it with the other hand to direct the flow...

I suspect the odds of me ever having a sexual relationship (despite being married) are very slim :-(

 

[phoe]

I'm hoping if they ever make cannabis legal in the UK, it might lower my inhibitions to let me try to enjoy sex for what it is...

 

[AloneNotLonely]

Um, I'm not sure what your problem is. Clearly your the type of person who has had terrible dating experiances. Mabey you can't get a girlfriend for yourself. Have you considered not insulting people when they have underwent trauma? The whole reason I have that policy is because of the traumas I have endured. I know you read the part about the wet sausage, so clearly you weren't that lazy when it came to clicking the spoiler tag. Physical attraction is subjective NOT objective. And it isn't your place wether or not my partners or potential partners, let alone my own standards are weird and gross.

Exactly what about my post was insulting?

You know your "You can't get a girlfriend" and "You clearly had terrible dating experiences" are actually insults. In high school. I mean personally I would've also tossed a "You must be gay" in there. It kind of completes the holy trinity of self-contradicting jock insults, y'know?

So I cannot get a girlfriend and I have had terrible dating experiences. What's your point?

 

[eulimk]

I'm not sure how reliable the source is, but I read on another website that in many relationships with a partner with Aspergers the sex eventually peters out. I don't know how true that is, but speaking for myself that was the case. I haven't been sexually active in years and have no desire now. And I feel perfectly fine with that.

 

[LearnedCoward]

I like sex, but I don’t seem to share society’s obsession with it.

Same. I enjoy it but don't think it's something I should be obsessed with.

Especially the part where it’s supposed to be dirty and shameful and sacred at the same time.

It's supposed to be dirty and shameful to not think it's sacred. Not sure why though. I mean, I know why, but the reason has never really resonated with me. Why must sex be held in such high esteem? Is it because of the emotional connection that is often associated with it? That can't be, because we fake emotional connections all the time. Even if I say that this artificial elevation of sex is just crowd control, keeping people in line, then why throw such ridiculous nonsense over the top of it?

Note that men aren't particularly taught that promiscuity is something to be ashamed of, and aren't taught to protect their little flowers or what have you...

I was lucky to grow up in a country where sexual education in school is very thorough.

Not me. Not me at all. I'm in middle age and still learning about sex, or rather, unlearning all the toxic bullcrap I've been inculcated with.

It does nothing for me. Staged and boring.

You don't even have to be asexual to think that. Porn is ridiculous. Even if one enjoys it, they probably still realize how ridiculous it is after they're done cleaning up.

Demisexual is a term i heard, and it's the closest (and still not accurate) way of describing it. I get some sexual feelings, but mostly i don't really can/want to have more than a friends relationship for a long time before even being able to want really more, though i tend to want to get emotionally very deep with friends.

I can relate, in the sense that I've never really felt a need for sex.

You should chill a bit. If you think about sex all the time... you will think more about it... even when you don't want to. If you aren't careful you will turn into the average person. There are all these people shambling around on the streets going like "ssssseeeeexxxxxx..." without giving any consideration to the fact that there is actually a 2nd season of Stein's Gate out.

You say this, but then you say...

A year is a very long time.

 

[LearnedCoward]

I'm hoping if they ever make cannabis legal in the UK, it might lower my inhibitions to let me try to enjoy sex for what it is...

Alcohol lowers inhibitions too, and that's legal in the UK, although I certainly wouldn't recommend it. Especially from experience.

Marijuana does help me, mainly because it keeps me from dwelling on intrusive thoughts for whatever reason. I am plagued by intrusive thoughts constantly, but with pot they just slip right back out again, and I'm able to genuinely relax.

Stimulants just make me feel hyper and jumpy and nervous as all get out. Alcohol makes me feel nervous and jumpy for whatever reason, but also makes me feel like wet dog crap. Hallucinogens are just not my thing.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

You should chill a bit. If you think about sex all the time... you will think more about it... even when you don't want to. If you aren't careful you will turn into the average person. There are all these people shambling around on the streets going like "ssssseeeeexxxxxx..." without giving any consideration to the fact that there is actually a 2nd season of Stein's Gate out.

You say this, but then you say...

A year is a very long time.

Well it is. It's easy to say "Well I'll just do this! Or that!" without being face to face with the actual situation. You hear this all the time, and then you see them all do the very thing they said they would never do. And usually situations that are not even that tempting. Most people live in a world of pink unicorns and rainbows to begin with, but once the right person comes along that applies pressure there's really no salvation possible.