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Latest park social.

Tony Ramirez

Still single. Friends and acquaintances. Thankful.
V.I.P Member
At first I was not going to go after how I felt at the last one. So at the gym earlier in the week when they were promoting it I posted in the comments how I felt like I was ignored at the last one. I even approached people and was ignored.

The next morning leaving for yoga class the leader texted me personally begging me to come this Saturday afternoon. I said that I have problems socializing. She said to come and we will talk. I told her I might come.

After that week talking to my yoga teacher and my friend at the park I decided to go today. I left later and got there and right away felt ignored by everyone especially the women. I did get some food and ran into the leader.

We has a good talk. She said I can help with the set up. I said that I do yoga which helps. She said she is a yoga instructor. What surprised me is that she said the one that was doing the nametag was on the spectrum. He goes to all the events and I never expected him to be autistic. I then told her I am autistic. She said no problem that there are a few people here that are. That when he first came here he was afraid to socialize too.

I then talked to him for about five minutes and he is going through the same exact experience relationship wise that I am going through.

I then will text her my email when I get home. So then I walked around with some desert an a attractive woman who might have known me or not approaches me as I have a name tag and actually talks to me. We talk about my name and the food. About how she is Italian and how she knows a lot of Tony's. I tell her that is my middle name but my real name is Hugo. I mention my grandfather is Italian and that my cousins names and she says they are Italian. She then points me to the actual food then she says bye and I say thanks.

I go to sit down and eat and after awhile another attractive woman approached me who remembered me from the social a few months ago. I then remember her. We talk about how I felt a little sad and no I did not overshare anything and she said about meditation, and we talked much about that. We had a good conversation that lasted over ten minutes. It was only when another guy came, also I know that we still talked. When another older woman came I did not know the conversation focused more on her so then when another woman joined I said to her I am leaving thanks. She said my name and politely said bye.

I walked home saying no women don't hate me and I have to get that terrible thought out if my mind and she even said to start to write positive things about myself and to meditate about it just like my yoga teacher. I had a good day.
 

Tony Ramirez

Still single. Friends and acquaintances. Thankful.
V.I.P Member
Why did you leave when the guy and the two women showed up?
I felt comfortable around the guy. Did not mind him. When it was him, her and me for a while I felt fine. But when the other women showed up, she occasionally sweared and my Zomaiphobia kicked in so I did not trust her. I started out with the first 4 letter word but did not trust it would graduate to the major 4 letter like it did with that yoga student so I left. If it was me her and the guy, I would have stayed longer.

Also, I felt like I socialized with her and I was glad she cared to listen to me.
 
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Sherlock77

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
It sounds like a real success, I also notice that getting involved with something rather than just being there helps in some cases, and I do think that is often the case
 

Tony Ramirez

Still single. Friends and acquaintances. Thankful.
V.I.P Member
I am glad I am starting to get that crazy thought out of my head that those type of woman hate me. She did not have to come up to me while I was sitting alone eating and sit next to and talk to me for a while, listen to me if she really hated me which she did not.
 

MNAus

Well-Known Member
Here's the thing. You have clear evidence that you were wrong on that point. Do you now accept that you were mistaken? Not shaming, just helping you see that you have new information, and that information has disproved your hypothesis.

You need to update your mental model based on this evidence. As hard as it may be to let go of that belief, it needs discarding for a better heuristic. And it needs to STAY dismissed, and not creep back when not everything goes the way you'd like at some time in the future.

You have better information, update your assumptions.
 

Tony Ramirez

Still single. Friends and acquaintances. Thankful.
V.I.P Member
I accept I was wrong. I know it. I just can't let the actions of a few women judge all women because they are all not like that. I have to keep thinking about that.
 

Kalinychta

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I accept I was wrong. I know it. I just can't let the actions of a few women judge all women because they are all not like that. I have to keep thinking about that.
Also perhaps add to your thinking that the women you’re criticizing here have every right to make decisions about who they do and do not speak to. That needs to become part of your regular thought process as well. If you drop this idea you have that women owe you their attention and they’re just mean-spirited jerks if they don’t give it to you, you’re not going to become upset whenever a woman doesn’t notice you or chooses not to interact with you. It will help tremendously keeping your mood more stable, and you won’t feel so cheated and disrespected all the time.
 

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