VintageKitty
Raging Autist
So, I've been told I tend to lack empathy for others, which yes, I find to be an accurate assessment. There are times where I cannot find myself to give a damn about others or hurting their feelings and whatnot. There have been times where I have done seriously harmful things such as break things around me during my rage-fuelled outbursts - where I am blinded by it and cannot think rationally as a result - and not care about the broken thing afterwards, not care about scaring other people during the aftermath of my outbursts, or I am being lectured about how my actions can and will affect other people and I cannot find myself caring about it all. I'll literally be thinking things like "Okay, who cares?" the entire time.
I was thinking it was potentially a side effect of my autism symptoms, but I'm afraid to look into it because I'm worried I'll get a bunch of ableist search results from scrupulous places like autism mommy forums - if such a thing exists - and KiwiFarms if I do. I'm also afraid to mention this in more mental health oriented places because I don't want to perpetuate stereotypes about autistic people and also I'll get crucified by the toxic positivity types who lurk in those spaces if I do suggest such a thing.
I also don't think it's a result of something else like undiagnosed ASPD, because I don't fit the other symptoms of that condition.
Maybe I'm just an asshole, regardless of disorder, who knows. Either way, it's something I want to work on, because it's causing me a lot of issues.
I was thinking it was potentially a side effect of my autism symptoms, but I'm afraid to look into it because I'm worried I'll get a bunch of ableist search results from scrupulous places like autism mommy forums - if such a thing exists - and KiwiFarms if I do. I'm also afraid to mention this in more mental health oriented places because I don't want to perpetuate stereotypes about autistic people and also I'll get crucified by the toxic positivity types who lurk in those spaces if I do suggest such a thing.
I also don't think it's a result of something else like undiagnosed ASPD, because I don't fit the other symptoms of that condition.
Maybe I'm just an asshole, regardless of disorder, who knows. Either way, it's something I want to work on, because it's causing me a lot of issues.