magicpony1
Active Member
I am a widow who has reunited with a man I was in love with when I was 17. I broke his heart back then because he was too clingy. We kept in touch over the years until I married 30 years ago. Now I am in love with him again--- he lives 4 hours away and calls me every day but only wants to see me every 6 weeks or so.
He is brilliant, funny and socially charming. He has some peculiarities that I am just beginning to see as "being on the spectrum". He is very rigid about scheduling, has lots of self-made rules he follows, has huge collections of books, carefully catalogued, (like, thousands of books) and 5000 movies---every Tuesday he goes to the DVD store for new releases and he has to be there precisely at 9:00. 9:01 is no good. He has hundreds of games stacked in his room, most still in the shrink wrap but he keeps buying more. He will only go out once a day and keeps his door closed and locked even in summer when it's 100 degrees. He keeps lists of everything, like everything he got for Christmas for the past 50 years.
He does not like to kiss. He has never said he loves me. He will never talk about emotions and sees it as "torturing him" if I get upset about something and go silent. He gets so absorbed in a particular pursuit that it becomes all he wants to do or talk about. His intellectual interests are wide ranging. He is extremely creative. He cries at emotional movies yet never speaks of any emotions to me. It took him a year to say "I miss you" when we are apart, and a year for him to hold my hand. Sex has been great but the last time I visited it was different---I had to ask him to put his arm around me. we have been seeing each other for 2 years and I think he's not as excited about the sex anymore.
He has lived in the same apartment for 30 years. It is so filled with stuff there are only narrow paths to walk around.
He gets me lovely gifts and says things like "I hate talking on the phone, except to you" and "you are the only person who has ever heard this song I wrote" and he calls me his girlfriend.
But I feel unimportant and am starting to realize that he will never want to be closer to me, and I think he is drawing away. I sent him a surprise gift but he rarely acknowledges any cards or gifts I send---I have to prompt him.
I think he may be "on the spectrum" and nothing I do will get him to love me. Am I right?
He is brilliant, funny and socially charming. He has some peculiarities that I am just beginning to see as "being on the spectrum". He is very rigid about scheduling, has lots of self-made rules he follows, has huge collections of books, carefully catalogued, (like, thousands of books) and 5000 movies---every Tuesday he goes to the DVD store for new releases and he has to be there precisely at 9:00. 9:01 is no good. He has hundreds of games stacked in his room, most still in the shrink wrap but he keeps buying more. He will only go out once a day and keeps his door closed and locked even in summer when it's 100 degrees. He keeps lists of everything, like everything he got for Christmas for the past 50 years.
He does not like to kiss. He has never said he loves me. He will never talk about emotions and sees it as "torturing him" if I get upset about something and go silent. He gets so absorbed in a particular pursuit that it becomes all he wants to do or talk about. His intellectual interests are wide ranging. He is extremely creative. He cries at emotional movies yet never speaks of any emotions to me. It took him a year to say "I miss you" when we are apart, and a year for him to hold my hand. Sex has been great but the last time I visited it was different---I had to ask him to put his arm around me. we have been seeing each other for 2 years and I think he's not as excited about the sex anymore.
He has lived in the same apartment for 30 years. It is so filled with stuff there are only narrow paths to walk around.
He gets me lovely gifts and says things like "I hate talking on the phone, except to you" and "you are the only person who has ever heard this song I wrote" and he calls me his girlfriend.
But I feel unimportant and am starting to realize that he will never want to be closer to me, and I think he is drawing away. I sent him a surprise gift but he rarely acknowledges any cards or gifts I send---I have to prompt him.
I think he may be "on the spectrum" and nothing I do will get him to love me. Am I right?
