Is this a meltdown?

[Pinkie B]

Every now and then I wake up in the morning and I'm heavy and everything is difficult. Sometimes it happens after I worked really hard the day before, and sometimes I can't, for the life of me, pinpoint any reason whatsoever.

This morning I woke up after a good 8.5 hrs of sleep. It was pretty solid sleep, too. And I did my usual morning routine of checking the one news website that I read and poking my boyfriend (in a txt). He was heading out to ride his bike which was great for me because it gave me a few hours of being alone before our usual phone call and I wanted that...and I thought, maybe I'll go for a bike ride, too? Cuz I like that? but then an hour and then two went by and I could barely make my bed or eat breakfast and every time I imagined myself riding my bike I just felt like crying.

I don't know what this is. I don't know how to get out of it. I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling to anybody because it just doesn't make sense, even to me. Is this one of the Aspie meltdowns I've heard about? Is this something else? Does anyone else even experience this?

I know it didn't happen to me before I went away to school and I know it happens to me more when I live and work alone, like I do as an academic, and less when I have a housemate and a job that connects me to other people that I can exchange pleasantries with. What is this? What do I do about it?

 

[JDShredds]

First of all: I certainly have experienced that a heck of a lot. It could be a shutdown of sorts. For me, its almost a guarantee that if I am high energy one given day and "high achieving," I'll have just as extreme of a compensation the following day. Its why I try to build more of a steadiness into my day to day, so it doesn't swing so far in either direction and I can continue to move forward effectively.

But the highlight that I picked up on was you mentioning it happening more when you live and work alone. That, to me, indicates closer in the direction of what depression looks like. That's how it shows up for me, and it is seriously a lot worse when I get too isolated. Connection is critically important, so if you're lacking it... try to make more time to spend with friends, family, loved ones, or just people in general. However that looks for you.

 

[Suzanne]

Me too have experience what you describe, but think it is more a bit of ocd, rather than a meltdown.

I experience a couple of meltdowns not long ago and it consists of rushed speech and deep negativity and panic and a lot of stimming.

My husband made a suggestion and it involved us going for a walk. The idea of a walk is great, because it is good for me, but that day, I panicked and it was like a nasty stain upon my brain. I had no choice but text and say that I could not go for that walk.

Every time, I have to go out, my anxiety comes along.

 

[Sarah S]

I agree with JD shreds here. I also have this good days as well as DEAD = BAD days were i just dont want to do anything & im just tired (even more then usual ) and im just BLAH !! To me it looks you MIGHT be Bipolar like me so what i would suggest is you go and get checked up and evaluated for possible Bipolar disorder

Bipolar disorder: How to spot the signs and when to see a doctor

 

[theporgsnest]

I understand what you mean because if it's anything like what I sometimes go through - yeah, it's pretty hard to explain sometimes. It just happens.
You mentioned you had a big work day the day before...I mean I don't know what your line of work is, but I often think we as Aspies get overstimulated - after all we are wired differently. And the case of the social stuff, it takes a lot of effort basically 90% of the time we're out and about around NTs. So I'm not surprised if I have a few days chock full of work and activity and then spend the next day mentally and/or physically exhausted. It's like what people who are introverted and have social anxiety often say - yes they can socialise but too much and they need to 'recharge'. I think it might be like that for us bc its something we contend with daily (I mean this is just personally speaking; others may not feel like this as much)

 

[Pinkie B]

I agree with JD shreds here. I also have this good days as well as DEAD = BAD days were i just dont want to do anything & im just tired (even more then usual ) and im just BLAH !! To me it looks you MIGHT be Bipolar like me so what i would suggest is you go and get checked up and evaluated for possible Bipolar disorder

Bipolar disorder: How to spot the signs and when to see a doctor

Thank you for the information. I have wondered to myself if bipolar describes me, but after reading this link I am pretty confident that that's not my bin. While I definitely have depressive episodes, I never experience mania the way it was described here. My "funks" as I have referred to them for many years don't ever seem to have a pattern or a reason. Yesterday was a hard day because I didn't sleep well the day before and I was messing stuff up at work, and so I'm more inclined to say that maybe I overwhelmed myself in some way that I'm not conscious of?

All I know is that they hit me out of the blue and I feel like I'm standing outside my own brain trying to reason with it to get it to let me get on with my life and it's like the whole system just won't boot up. It used to be that I could cure them with a nap and a cookie, but today nothing worked.

 

[Pinkie B]

I understand what you mean because if it's anything like what I sometimes go through - yeah, it's pretty hard to explain sometimes. It just happens.
You mentioned you had a big work day the day before...I mean I don't know what your line of work is, but I often think we as Aspies get overstimulated - after all we are wired differently. And the case of the social stuff, it takes a lot of effort basically 90% of the time we're out and about around NTs. So I'm not surprised if I have a few days chock full of work and activity and then spend the next day mentally and/or physically exhausted. It's like what people who are introverted and have social anxiety often say - yes they can socialise but too much and they need to 'recharge'. I think it might be like that for us bc its something we contend with daily (I mean this is just personally speaking; others may not feel like this as much)

Thank you (and also to @Suzanne and @JDShredds) for your messages. Half of me just wants to know I'm not the only person who struggles this way.

 

[Sarah S]

Naturally i have again add we all have our BLAH ! days from time time & youre very welkome im happy for you if youre NOT bipolar as it SUCKS !!!

And also i agree the body have its way to ALWAYS reclaim its lost sleep one way or another

lastly Bipolar is ONE of the Co occurring diagnosis to ASD actually

 

[Major Tom]

Doesn't sound like a meltdown to me, I know them well from my son and also myself (very rarely). It sounds like depression to me, which I also struggle with. Living out of your comfort zone is very difficult and is easy to slip into depression.
I hope you feel better once you get back home and have someone to live with.

 

[Juliettaa]

I agree with @Major Tom; what you're experiencing doesn't sound like meltdown to me either.

Meltdowns in autistic people - National Autistic Society

What is a meltdown?
A meltdown is ‘an intense response to overwhelming situations’. It happens when someone becomes completely overwhelmed by their current situation and temporarily loses behavioural control. This loss of control can be expressed verbally (eg shouting, screaming, crying), physically (eg kicking, lashing out, biting) or in both ways.

You sound very low Pinkie B, depressed, low motivation, extreme fatigue - completely different to a meltdown.

It might be worth you discussing your current frame of mind with your doctor.

 

[Tom]

It doesn't sound like a typical meltdown or shutdown to me. I think of those as being more severe responses to overloads/over stimulation. It might be minor depressive episodes as others have mentioned.

 

[Judge]

Frankly IMO this sounds more like a manifestation of depression. Not a meltdown, nor a shutdown.

Where one may feel powerless to do much of anything in a given time and place. Often accompanied with a sense of intense sadness.

Something worth discussing with a medical professional.

 

[BraidedPony]

Pinky, do you have alexithymia?
I do and I'm in the process of figuring out how to deal with it and lessen it's effects.
Sometimes i will suddenly feel overwhemingly sleepy and if I analyze it I can usually link it to something I need to do that I'm putting off.
Then of course there are the days after a stressful event that makes me listless and tired. ie: different kind of tired than the overwhelming sleepiness.
Anyway, just a thought...

 

[Pinkie B]

Pinky, do you have alexithymia?
I do and I'm in the process of figuring out how to deal with it and lessen it's effects.
Sometimes i will suddenly feel overwhemingly sleepy and if I analyze it I can usually link it to something I need to do that I'm putting off.
Then of course there are the days after a stressful event that makes me listless and tired. ie: different kind of tired than the overwhelming sleepiness.
Anyway, just a thought...

I found a quiz (here: Alexithymia Online - Emotional Blindness • Alexithymia) and took it. I got a score of 99/?? and it said I have medium Alexithymic traits.

Some have mentioned to me that I should talk with my doctor about what's going on and I wish that was an option. I don't trust doctors in general and I take a very long time to become comfortable with one that I would waste effort trying to get a diagnosis on anything more than an ear infection. Because I move so much I can never get that far and right now I'm living without any kind of professional support.

But who needs a doctor when I have all of you! You guys/non-guys are the best!

I used to see a therapist for depression after my divorce and during my sexual harassment (aka trying to graduate) and I was given meds, too. I found the depression specific meds did nothing for me and I eventually weened myself off, hoping that having changed my environment that I would be better. And I was better, but never really good.

For those of you who have experienced something like this, how do you cope?

 

[BraidedPony]

I scored 146 on the test.

 

[inkfingers]

It sounds a bit like the autistic burnout that I sometimes experience. Do you feel very tired, leaden, and foggy-headed? Like you don't have the energy to do anything, and even just walking through your house feels like running a marathon? That happens to me after a period of continued stress, such as continued sensory issues, social difficulties, etc. It seems to be the opposite of a meltdown, so that instead dealing with stress by lashing out, your body just can't process anything anymore, and it shuts down on you.

It also sounds a bit like depression. Perhaps you could ask your doctor about it.

 

[Pinkie B]

It sounds a bit like the autistic burnout that I sometimes experience. Do you feel very tired, leaden, and foggy-headed? Like you don't have the energy to do anything, and even just walking through your house feels like running a marathon? That happens to me after a period of continued stress, such as continued sensory issues, social difficulties, etc. It seems to be the opposite of a meltdown, so that instead dealing with stress by lashing out, your body just can't process anything anymore, and it shuts down on you.

Yes, it is very much that.

 

[Katrina Wolf]

I am new to the forum but not new to mental health. What you're describing to me sounds like depression. Comorbidity of depression is very common with asd. It's very hard to treat aspergers when you have to fight through the fog of depression. That is why they triaged my symptoms. First they don't lose my depression then they dealt with my paranoia. Once I had the two of those under control I was able to get proper testing and get an official diagnosis. My meltdowns do not look like depression I lived with depression every day until they got my medication right and put me on emsam. I get shutdowns more often than meltdowns. My shutdowns I literally just get a migraine any noise or light causes severe pain. Meltdown so I don't have often as I've lived a very eventful life that's taught me how to cope. But they can get very extreme. Police are usually called.

 

[Katrina Wolf]

Not that it matters that I took that alexithymia test, 139.

 

[SusanLR]

It sounds a bit like the autistic burnout that I sometimes experience. Do you feel very tired, leaden, and foggy-headed? Like you don't have the energy to do anything, and even just walking through your house feels like running a marathon? That happens to me after a period of continued stress, such as continued sensory issues, social difficulties, etc. It seems to be the opposite of a meltdown, so that instead dealing with stress by lashing out, your body just can't process anything anymore, and it shuts down on you

I live with this constantly especially since I've lost my parents and had to learn to live with a house share
person who is an angry abusive type.

It is my body shutting down, making me get rest after a rough day or a run of several days of having to
go places and do things that are stressful. Just getting groceries is stressful as anxiety follows me
everywhere too.
I also have some physical problems that add to it all, fibromyalgia which leaves me tired and achy the day after physically overdoing it and Menieres. An inner ear problem that causes days of vertigo which anxiety
is the number one cause of setting it off.
It is hard to cope and if I still had to work I couldn't.
But, finding a balance of not too many days in a row of too much stress and days to rest without having
to think about going somewhere is the only way I can stand it.
Sometimes things happen where I can't keep a balance and too many things must be attended to
without the needed days to rest. So that's how I end up. Burnt out and with vertigo a lot of times.
Also for me, with depression problems, I find mornings are when I feel emotionally and physically worse.
That is any day. I feel better at night. I always take a nap around mid day when I am at home.
Following a routine when possible makes life so much better.