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Is my boyfriend in the wrong for ending our relationship because we don’t mentally connect?

Mary Terry said:
I can only guess that he has a fixed, rigid idea of what he thinks a perfect mate should be and he will not accept any woman who does not meet his ideal.
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I don't think that's a fair assumption. She might just not be a good fit for what he wants from a romantic partner. Again, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either her or him. It just means they're not compatible.
 
Wizardry said:
I don't think that's a fair assumption. She might just not be a good fit for what he wants from a romantic partner. Again, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either her or him. It just means they're not compatible.
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But we are attracted to each other and have good sex but it’s the mental part?
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
But we are attracted to each other and have good sex but it’s the mental part?
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Physical attraction and physical intimacy are generally important in relationships, but other things like connecting and relating with your partner are also important. It seems like he doesn't feel mentally connected to you in a way that satisfies him.

This happens in other contexts too. When people's values and what they want out of life differ too much, when they don't have enough in common, when their personalities don't match. It doesn't mean anyone's wrong or bad. It just means that one or both people want something different from a romantic relationship.
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
But we are attracted to each other and have good sex but it’s the mental part?
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I do not think you are understanding what a bad look it is for a male to be dating and having sexual relations with a woman who is not intellectually his equal, especially if the woman has been formally diagnosed as being more childlike in nature mentally. Not saying that you are, just that this looks extremely exploitive on the part of the male and being labeled as someone who is into those relationships can wreck your life.

Don't know if this is the case and not saying it is, but this immediately popped into my head as a likely reason for him heading for the exit when you described your situation. All this being said, I understand how awful this is for you personally and you sincerely have my sympathy here. You're in an awful place and I feel for you. You're not in the wrong at all in this situation. Your feelings are entirely valid and you're still a person with as much worth as any other. If you take anything away from this, take away the last bit.

Sending (((hugs))).
 
velociraptor said:
I do not think you are understanding what a bad look it is for a male to be dating and having sexual relations with a woman who is not intellectually his equal, especially if the woman has been formally diagnosed as being more childlike in nature mentally. Not saying that you are, just that this looks extremely exploitive on the part of the male and being labeled as someone who is into those relationships can wreck your life.

Don't know if this is the case and not saying it is, but this immediately popped into my head as a likely reason for him heading for the exit when you described your situation. All this being said, I understand how awful this is for you personally and you sincerely have my sympathy here. You're in an awful place and I feel for you. You're not in the wrong at all in this situation. Your feelings are entirely valid and you're still a person with as much worth as any other. If you take anything away from this, take away the last bit.

Sending (((hugs))).
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Ok gotcha!! Even if they can consent to sex?
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
Ok gotcha!! Even if they can consent to sex?
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Yes. Your situation comes with some awful stigma so you will be seen as less capable than you are even when you have doctors saying you function at a higher level than what people expect of you. Labels often make life harder than it needs to be.
 
Wizardry said:
I don't think that's a fair assumption. She might just not be a good fit for what he wants from a romantic partner. Again, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either her or him. It just means they're not compatible.
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He told her what he wants and why she does not fit his criteria. Yes, that means they are not compatible. No, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either one of them.
 
velociraptor said:
I do not think you are understanding what a bad look it is for a male to be dating and having sexual relations with a woman who is not intellectually his equal, especially if the woman has been formally diagnosed as being more childlike in nature mentally. Not saying that you are, just that this looks extremely exploitive on the part of the male and being labeled as someone who is into those relationships can wreck your life.
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This isn't necessarily the case.
A situation can work if the person has a strong, nurturing personality.
This wasn't the case here, however.

There wasn't any obvious exploitation here based on what was said, from what I can see.
He could have dated her and found someone else, but he didn't.
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
What stigma does my situation come with?
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dancerxoxo123 said:
I talk in an elementary school level because I have a disability that affects my communication such as my autism and borderline intellectual functioning
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Info link:

Borderline intellectual functioning - Wikipedia

People will hear what you shared and automatically downgrade their expectations of how capable you are or how smart you are. Make "Run Forrest" jokes. Ignorant things.

I also have schizophrenia in addition to ASD. You have no idea how many people automatically assume this means I am prone to violence. I'm not, but they act like I'm a risk to them after they hear what MY label is.

The plain truth is that other people suck 99% of the time.
 
velociraptor said:
Info link:

Borderline intellectual functioning - Wikipedia

People will hear what you shared and automatically downgrade their expectations of how capable you are or how smart you are. Make "Run Forrest" jokes. Ignorant things.

I also have schizophrenia in addition to ASD. You have no idea how many people automatically assume this means I am prone to violence. I'm not, but they act like I'm a risk to them after they hear what MY label is.

The plain truth is that other people suck 99% of the time.
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What do they think about people with borderline intellectual functioning? I have that as well and what stigma do they have against them?
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
What do they think about people with borderline intellectual functioning? I have that as well and what stigma do they have against them?
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It's why you must be sooooo careful about telling anyone about your documented medical condition, period. When the average person is likely to think less of you than you actually are.

Perhaps the greatest reason to keep such things to yourself, and always on a "need-to-know" basis only.

That if they don't really have an absolute reason for knowing your medical history, don't give it to them.
 
Judge said:
It's why you must be sooooo careful about telling anyone about your documented medical condition, period. When the average person is likely to think less of you than you actually are.

Perhaps the greatest reason to keep such things to yourself, and always on a "need-to-know" basis only.

That if they don't really have an absolute reason for knowing your medical history, don't give it to them.
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Yeah you are right. Even if I don’t tell them some people could tell I am different and mentally disabled then they ghost me. How come?
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
Yeah you are right. Even if I don’t tell them some people could tell I am different and mentally disabled then they ghost me. How come?
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Basic human nature. The kind no one wants to talk about. That too many persons default to fear and rejection over anyone they perceive to be "different" from themselves.

Those who don't embrace diversity, but become repelled by it.
 
Judge said:
Basic human nature. The kind no one wants to talk about. That too many persons default to fear and rejection over anyone they perceive to be "different" from themselves.

Those who don't embrace diversity, but become repelled by it.
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You are right!! How are some people especially guys I try to date get repelled by it?
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
You are right!! How are some people especially guys I try to date get repelled by it?
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People who have not experienced the depth of life will be more concerned what others think about them and make stupid decisions based on that, as they have not matured yet.
People of strength who see life for how it is, will see you for your genuine qualities and love you for who you are. It does not mean they will be your future marriage partner, though the right one will genuinely love you to bits just as you are, and you will love him to bits in the same way... But you will meet some lovely people on the way...
 
Judge said:
Basic human nature. The kind no one wants to talk about. That too many persons default to fear and rejection over anyone they perceive to be "different" from themselves.

Those who don't embrace diversity, but become repelled by it.
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Some people who embrace diversity still want relationships with others who are similar to themselves. For example, I don't think anyone who is a genius would want a relationship with someone who is mentally disabled due to being too dissimilar even if they have nothing against it.
 
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