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Is having bad social skills offensive.

While you personally don't find small talk efficient, think of it as a tool to manipulate and influence NTs to do what you want or behave how you want. This doesn't mean it is for nefarious purposes. Simple things like "please" and "thank you" can manipulate an NT to like you and give back. A few kind words can gain you a lot of favors and friends. Those same few words will also identify enemies. Why? Because most NTs want to be friends and exchange being friendly. Only the selfish jerks will just take from you. It is better to learn early with a few words of compliment and greeting this is a person you don't want to be friends with then with your money or emotions.
Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant!

My own life improved greatly when I started saying Please, Thank you, and You're welcome, regularly.

I still forget every now and then. When I forget but remember it later, I mentally give myself a small kick and see if there's a way to repair the mistake.

Why should I thank people for doing what they are supposed to do? Including total strangers who I will never see again? At least partly because if you don't show appreciation, they have less reason to behave that way in the future. More importantly, it makes me feel good to have made someone else feel good.
 
When I say that poor social skills is a sin, I’m talking about the general perception. For instance, the word ‘rude’. We know that it’s a subjective thing, but when people say the word, it’s a bad reflection on that person. It’s taken as moral failure, so I called it a sin. Questionable choice of words.

I wonder how ‘hating the world’ came into the conversation. It certainly feels as though you are summarizing my outlook. If that’s the case, you’ve just done to me the thing I’m talking about. You assigned a seriously negative attitude to a guy you don’t know from Adam.

My original comments were stirred by a group of well-intended people giving what I consider to be harmful advice. You don’t blame the rape or mugging victim, but neglect to comfort the victim of anti-ND prejudice. I wasn’t defining an entire outlook on life, I was defining a salient point that I felt was being ignored.

I think it’s entirely human to swing back and forth between extremes. For myself, my knee jerk response is to look for the point of equilibrium. Denying or ignoring issues that weigh on either side is not my way.

I don’t hate the world, @Au Naturel. But I did find that things worked out better for me when I made a point of expecting people to see reason rather than just the common way. They expected me to bend, I expected the same from them. Reading on and on, I felt the victim was being blamed by lack of balance to the argument.
 


I've heard, "It takes two to tango." I associate it with romance or anything that one person cannot perform alone but two people with close cooperation can - the tango dance being one. I assumed that "It takes two to tangle." was being clever by flipping the sign on the equation to demonstrate symmetry.
 
That's actually a pretty good poker strategy. Make people uncomfortable and annoyed. Usually, the more annoyed they get, the worse they play. So talking a lot, commenting on peoples plays, being sarcastic and so on can really goad people into making bad decisions.

I find it the opposite. I want players to love me. If they love me they show hands, fold at times they shouldn't. If they don't like me they play unpredictably. A predictable opponent is far easier to exploit than an unpredictable one. Thus why psychopaths use this method and get away with it.

It also takes way more energy to be that bad boy at the table than the good guy.

Just like it is easier to be Keanu Reeves complimenting people and being humble than being Robert Downey Jr. being sarcastic and fun poking.
 
I find it the opposite. I want players to love me. If they love me they show hands, fold at times they shouldn't. If they don't like me they play unpredictably. A predictable opponent is far easier to exploit than an unpredictable one. Thus why psychopaths use this method and get away with it.

It also takes way more energy to be that bad boy at the table than the good guy.

Just like it is easier to be Keanu Reeves complimenting people and being humble than being Robert Downey Jr. being sarcastic and fun poking.
I’m not sure about that. I would argue that it’s better to go with your own strengths. In your example, it probably takes less energy for Keanu to be Keanu, but it would take more for him to be Robert Downey Jr. Whereas it might be very difficult for Robert Downey Jr. to be like Keanu because it does not come naturally to him.

Then you can keep everybody guessing, by having a strategy that is unique to you and your own strengths and your ability to manipulate others! That’s all poker is, right? A game of manipulation? (Kidding.)
 
As a cashier, this entire thread...is sort of a must-read for me.
Am I remembering correctly that you recently returned to this position after awhile away from it?

How is it going? Are you balancing the social challenges and your own peace of mind well enough?
 
Am I remembering correctly that you recently returned to this position after awhile away from it?

How is it going? Are you balancing the social challenges and your own peace of mind well enough?
Hello there! I appreciate you for remembering that about me--I'm supposed to have my training wrapped up, but my manager went on vacation for a couple weeks after I was hired *shrugs* It'll be a while before I'm on the register, but I'm asking my VR counselor for accommodations just in case.

So far, there isn't much to complain about; I bag items, I collect carts, and I don't talk to my coworkers at all. There's still stuff that triggers my sensory issues but I'm there part-time; four or five hour days. It's working out okay so far :)
 
I say the wrong thing, and it's a social screw-up. So masking to me means keeping my mouth shut, because sometimes l don't care about a random stranger telling me something that isn't relevant in general and they assumed something about me that isn't true.
Too true; I resonate with this a lot. In my experience, most folks in the grocery store just need a face to complain to, and they aren't looking for true interaction. I just nod and say a few scripted responses without really getting engaged. Is this apathy, or stoicism?
 
People find it creepy to talk to yourself in the mirror and smile. Sometimes it is almost paramount to see ones deficit compared to the rest of the world and potentially how your portrayed.

RBF is an automatic distancing tool and also an attractor for people that like mystery.

(On a tangent) Id love to get people on this forum on a zoom call and setup a seminar about "masking." Giving realworld examples of my particular interactions with others in my "non-masked form" and my "masked form" and have others try it or give their experience.

Id like to add this is an on-going skill that requires practice. Being in social settings to acquire and maintain these skills. If you end up mostly in a solitude state for a while or minimal interactions your skills will atrophy.
In my case it's a resting Mitch face
 
I don't understand why I often rub people the wrong way. Is it offensive or insulting to someone else for me to have bad social skills?
it's not you. its them. some people are incredibly judgemental, they project. a lot. they can say the most ignorant things, and laugh about it, act like assholes, laugh about it, but if you do something "weird" all of a sudden you're judged on it, like its the worst thing ever, that could have been done. ugh.
 
I’m not sure about that. I would argue that it’s better to go with your own strengths. In your example, it probably takes less energy for Keanu to be Keanu, but it would take more for him to be Robert Downey Jr. Whereas it might be very difficult for Robert Downey Jr. to be like Keanu because it does not come naturally to him.

Then you can keep everybody guessing, by having a strategy that is unique to you and your own strengths and your ability to manipulate others! That’s all poker is, right? A game of manipulation? (Kidding.)
Of course, but I am not talking about extremes here. Normal personality players that are even keeled.
 
@N2k12... yea NTs are very judgemental. It is human nature to not trust someone who is different.

Take a village 300 years ago. It's snowy in Sweden. A stranger comes to the village. He looks like the village people, talks the same language, has the same god, same culture, same clothes. They accept him and help him.

But say a black man walks into the village with a bone through his nose with an accent and a strange fur coat. They are very likely to be suspicious.

This also applies to social groups. If you are used to your social group anyone acting different is an outsider.
An Aspie is considered an outsider due to a technical "communication culture" difference. Most people aren't deep thinkers either to take the time to understand why.
 

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