Intro - Late Diagnosis, Interests, etc.

[BefuddledClarity]

⩩※☀ Introduction ☀※⩩

Autism Diagnosis
Hello, I'm Befuddled Clarity. I am currently awaiting an appointment to receive a diagnosis for autism soon. I screened high on the unofficial CAT-Q & GQ-ASC and have many traits of ASD. I have 4 relatives officially diagnosed with autism (cousins and my son) and 3 relatives that I suspect also have it (younger brother, father, and maternal uncle).

I'm joining to better understand myself and my son (who is level 2).
Would be interested to hear from other autistic parents how it is like being a parent to autistic children.
My son and I haves some similarities (similar sensory issues), but also some differences(different ways of stimming).


Curious, were you guys diagnosed at a young age? Late diagnose? How was your experience with the behavioural health field?
Mine has not been so great...I also happened to be diagnosed with PTSD, depression, anxiety, and I have chronic pain.
Also, how has relationships (romantic, platonic, and familial) been like for you guys?
My mother doesn't believe in autism and was physically, verbally, and other types of abuse towards me that I am unsure if I can write it here.
I'm not close to any family members, I have an easy time making friends but difficult time keeping them...
I have had a rollercoaster ride with relationships, and end up masking a LOT of the time. It's difficult sometimes...

Did you guys feel that the diagnosis helped a lot to navigate the world a bit better?
I am hoping to find some sort of direction or methods to cope...it's been difficult...

Anyhow, if you're interested in connecting, my interests and world view is down below.

∗*⁂Interests⁂*∗
※ Art

Spoiler

✶ Drawing, Animations, Pottery, Painting, etc.

※ Coding
※ Cooking
※ Health/Fitness

Spoiler

✶ Eating healthy, Skincare, Haircare (curly 3a/3b), and General Health
✶ Martial Arts, MMA, Gymnastics, Calisthenics, Weightlifting, and Yoga

※ Learning Languages

Spoiler

✶ I speak both English & español, and VERY basic in 中文/普通话，日本語、and português.

Spoiler

✶ I am also interested in many other languages and have dipped my toes into learning

※ Reading

Spoiler

✶ Articles, Books, Comics, Manga, Manhwa, Manhua, and Online Novels
✶ Genres: Comedy, Fantasy, Medieval, Medieval Fantasy, Psychological Horror, Romance (mostly as a B-plot not main though, WLW is cool too!), Sci-Fi, and Thriller.

※ Researching
※ Psychology

Spoiler

✶ To better understand others.

※Tech

Spoiler

✶ Specs on Phones & Computers, Cybersecurity, Degoogle, and Privacy/Security.

※ Videogames
※ Writing

﹡∴⠾World View/Perspective/⠷∴﹡
※ Philosophy

Spoiler

✶ Secular Humanist who wants to help out as much as possible. Also, interested in secular Buddhism, egalitarianism, and stoicism.

※ Politics

Spoiler

✶ Moderate/Centrist/Independent - Open to talk to people from all walks of life, whether you're right-wing or left-wing. Hell, we don't even have to talk politics, we can just talk about interests/passions instead!

※ Religion

Spoiler

✶ Secular/Not religious/Atheist or whatever term you can't to use for someone who is not religious.

Nice to meet you all, hope you guys are having a splendid day!

 

[Outdated]

Hi and welcome to the forum. That's the most comprehensive introduction post I've seen so far. You sound like so many of us here. Welcome home.

I'm an irreverent Aussie diagnosed at age 55.

 

[BefuddledClarity]

Hi and welcome to the forum. That's the most comprehensive introduction post I've seen so far. You sound like so many of us here. Welcome home.

I'm an irreverent Aussie diagnosed at age 55.

Hello, thank you for the warm welcome! It sounds like home here.
It's nice to finally find others that go through similar experiences and who understand you.
It's been really long and lonely journey until it dawned on me to test since the majority of my relatives (and son) are also autistic.
I'm still awaiting the official diagnosis. It feels like the answer to explaining why my life experiences are so different from others and why I am the way I am.
How was it like for you? Diagnosing at age 55? Did you always know deep down? I never really knew I was until I decided to do the (unofficial) CAT-Q & GQ-ASC screening. Plus, recounting memories from childhood and realizing how much I mask throughout the day, my stims, sensory issues, and how often I think about social interactions when it comes naturally to most people, it does not come naturally to me...

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Welcome.

I am self-diagnosed at 64 years old. I am 72 now. I had a good career and masked all the time. When I figured out I was autistic (after reading a couple of articles about autism expression in professional women), suddenly my life made sense.

 

[tree]

 

[Something05]

I was diagnosed very early, at around 5 years old or younger.

 

[Outdated]

How was it like for you? Diagnosing at age 55? Did you always know deep down?

From very early childhood I always knew I was different to everyone else but we didn't have the words to describe things like autism back then. I was very successful in life until I burnt out in my 40s, and then I ran away in to the rainforests to live like a feral and was homeless for 12 years. I never do things by halves.

It was while I was living out in the bush that I heard people on the radio talking about autism and the pieces started to fall in to place for me. It wasn't long after that that I got a formal diagnosis and that got me a pension, I'm now officially retired.

 

[monkeyclogs]

hi and welcome

i'm late diagnosed. very confusing history of misdiagnoses that we're currently trying to unravel.

late diagnoses has been very confusing but I've found this forum incredibly helpful. I hope you find it helpful too.

 

[AuAL]

I’m like @WhitewaterWoman, self diagnosed at 64. At that age, and given my personal circumstances, there was no advantage to seeking a formal diagnosis. I knew who I was, and it made an immense difference to my understanding and outlook.

We appear to share a number of common interests - I hope you hang around, and that this community provides an affirming environment for you to develop.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I was diagnosed at 52... after a lifetime of feeling I was somehow "different" from my peers in many ways.

Mental health services are readily accessible in my area... if you have cash as an adult. Children are often covered under insurance, if you have it. Other than to receive my diagnosis, and a son who had some depression and self harm issues as a teen, that's all the experience I have with it. No anecdotal, personal opinion.

Now, I might have "trauma" and "PTSD", but my generation, for the most part, just pushed it down deep... it almost never rises to the surface.

I never had a problem making friends... like you... it's keeping them. It really is a significant, conscious effort... almost to the point of feeling "fake" to maintain a friendship. I tend to focus my attention on objects, concepts, ideas, non-fiction, useful things. So, in my case, my relationships are typically limited to pleasant, likable acquaintances... most of my co-workers. The one and only exception would be my wife of 39 years... like a cat, I have the mental energy for "my one person".

My family doesn't believe in autism either... "It's just a label" and a "Poor excuse". I don't have contact with them anymore. Keep in mind, my autistic behaviors resulted in physical punishment... there was a false "moral diagnosis" put upon me. I just closed the door on that relationship for my own mental health.

The diagnosis was a relief. Finally, an explanation... something I can study and learn about. It has been a journey of learning about myself. It's been good being able to understand... as opposed to being perpetually confused, frustrated.

Some words of advice that worked for me: 1. Have a sense of humor about yourself. 2. Keep your ego in check. 3. Think outwardly... positive energy, acts of kindness, etc. 4. The past happened... water under the bridge... embrace it, don't forget it... and internalize it as wisdom. 5. Take control... do not put yourself in a dependent or submissive position... with anyone.

 

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome @BefuddledClarity!

Better late than never.

Curious, were you guys diagnosed at a young age? Late diagnose?

Diagnosed gifted at age 6.
Diagnosed Aspergers [now] ASD1 at age 45.

Did you guys feel that the diagnosis helped a lot to navigate the world a bit better?

Yes.

 

[Jenisautistic]

Same here it is very nice to meet you.

Welcome to autism forums!

I’ve been diagnosis disabled pretty much since the day I was born.

My family once wasn’t so sure about autism as well.

I also have trauma and want to write stories as well

 

[cooljethro]

Self diagnosed probably in my early twenties. Received a formal diagnosis in my late twenties.

 

[BefuddledClarity]

Sorry! I'm really slow on responding. Going to reply to all of the responses.

Welcome.

I am self-diagnosed at 64 years old. I am 72 now. I had a good career and masked all the time. When I figured out I was autistic (after reading a couple of articles about autism expression in professional women), suddenly my life made sense.

That's cool that after you self-diagnosis, your life made sense. After I took the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q) and the Girls Questionnaire for Autism Spectrum Condition (GQ-ASC), I had a huge revelation and read more articles on female autism (since it exhibits differently than males). How was it like masking at your career by the way? Most of the jobs I had in the past were fast-pace and customer service facing, so when I got home, I had to decompress right away...I was good at the majority of the jobs (some, not so much), and felt overworked most times and forced into the supervisor role without the pay nor title. I'm not sure how I'll feel going back into the work field soon...I have medical issues and have been recovering, so I lack practice for about a year or so now. Hoping for a more mellow job this time around though.

View attachment 149041

Thank you, you are kind! I love the font btw! I love writing in new fonts sometimes whenever I'm notating, so I may try this one!

I was diagnosed very early, at around 5 years old or younger.

How was it like being diagnosed at a young age? Did you parents tell you about it? My son was diagnosed at 2 years old for speech delay and possible autism, then received an official diagnosis for autism when he was 4 years old, he's currently 6y.o. I haven't really outright told him he's autistic, I don't know if maybe he might already be aware though? If he asks about it, I would always be happy to talk to him about it.

From very early childhood I always knew I was different to everyone else but we didn't have the words to describe things like autism back then. I was very successful in life until I burnt out in my 40s, and then I ran away in to the rainforests to live like a feral and was homeless for 12 years. I never do things by halves.

It was while I was living out in the bush that I heard people on the radio talking about autism and the pieces started to fall in to place for me. It wasn't long after that that I got a formal diagnosis and that got me a pension, I'm now officially retired.

I'm glad you were able to get the formal diagnosis and pension. Where I currently live, the autism resources are...not...the best (ex. long wait time, poor reviews in the facilities, etc.). It's been difficult finding help for my son and myself. However, we're hoping to move to someplace maybe that can help more.
In my late teens to early 20s, I was set on moving FAR away from everyone. I always felt like an alien from a different planet and wanted to live my life in solitude, and at one point thought about van living while travelling. But a lot of things happened outside of my control in life and it didn't work out...I'm currently experiencing major burn out from the constant life changes, but should be moving here soon-ish to somewhere more quiet and more my speed? I guess.

hi and welcome

i'm late diagnosed. very confusing history of misdiagnoses that we're currently trying to unravel.

late diagnoses has been very confusing but I've found this forum incredibly helpful. I hope you find it helpful too.

Hello! Thank you for the warm welcome.
That's frustrating having multiple misdiagnoses, sorry you had to go through that.
This place is really awesome and friendly!
I honestly feel like I found a place to call home.

I’m like @WhitewaterWoman, self diagnosed at 64. At that age, and given my personal circumstances, there was no advantage to seeking a formal diagnosis. I knew who I was, and it made an immense difference to my understanding and outlook.

We appear to share a number of common interests - I hope you hang around, and that this community provides an affirming environment for you to develop.

Thank you! It's definitely been a lot more clarifying after learning more about autism tbh. I originally took the standard unofficial Autism assessment online around the time my son was first diagnosed, just out of curiosity, and the score said "not as likely" or something like that. So I didn't think about it. But the older my son got and having to revisit childhood memories...I realized that I had some "odd traits". That's when I read somewhere that there are more studies on male autism vs female autism and the test was made with male autism on the mind. Plus, I used to mask a LOT because my mother used to hit me a lot as a child if I wasn't "normal", and sometimes it confuses me on who I am... So I took the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q) and the Girls Questionnaire for Autism Spectrum Condition (GQ-ASC) and scored really high.

Continuing responses in the next comments.

 

[BefuddledClarity]

I was diagnosed at 52... after a lifetime of feeling I was somehow "different" from my peers in many ways.

Mental health services are readily accessible in my area... if you have cash as an adult. Children are often covered under insurance, if you have it. Other than to receive my diagnosis, and a son who had some depression and self harm issues as a teen, that's all the experience I have with it. No anecdotal, personal opinion.

Now, I might have "trauma" and "PTSD", but my generation, for the most part, just pushed it down deep... it almost never rises to the surface.

I never had a problem making friends... like you... it's keeping them. It really is a significant, conscious effort... almost to the point of feeling "fake" to maintain a friendship. I tend to focus my attention on objects, concepts, ideas, non-fiction, useful things. So, in my case, my relationships are typically limited to pleasant, likable acquaintances... most of my co-workers. The one and only exception would be my wife of 39 years... like a cat, I have the mental energy for "my one person".

My family doesn't believe in autism either... "It's just a label" and a "Poor excuse". I don't have contact with them anymore. Keep in mind, my autistic behaviors resulted in physical punishment... there was a false "moral diagnosis" put upon me. I just closed the door on that relationship for my own mental health.

The diagnosis was a relief. Finally, an explanation... something I can study and learn about. It has been a journey of learning about myself. It's been good being able to understand... as opposed to being perpetually confused, frustrated.

Some words of advice that worked for me: 1. Have a sense of humor about yourself. 2. Keep your ego in check. 3. Think outwardly... positive energy, acts of kindness, etc. 4. The past happened... water under the bridge... embrace it, don't forget it... and internalize it as wisdom. 5. Take control... do not put yourself in a dependent or submissive position... with anyone.

That's awesome that it gave you relief and an explanation! Currently, I am anxious about my new patient appointment with psychiatry for the autism assessment. I am hoping I am able to do the assessment on the first day, because sometimes mental health facilities will make us take the intake for the first patient appointment and then the autism assessment would be set on a different day. I heard they do this because of insurance billing issues. For my son, he was able to take an autism assessment with a developmental and behavioural FNP, without needing to do two separate appointments for intake and assessment. Unfortunately in order for him to apply for certain disability assessments and for a school assessment, they want him to get reevaluated by either a psychiatrist or psychologist...he has an appointment next month, so have to start again with the application, but I guess at least I can complete them now.

About the PTSD: Growing up, anytime my mother was angry, she would get mad if I exhibit certain emotions, and she would scream at me or [CAUTION: mild mention about physical abuse]hit me. She wouldn't be able to read my tone of voice and always assumed I was being sarcastic when I was being candid or genuine...For example, if she asked me if I did XYZ(usually, it was my younger brother who caused something, but sometimes my dad...) and I answered honestly with "no" she'll scream and claim I'm a liar and sometimes hit me in the face.. So after awhile, I tried bottling all my feelings in, and used to disassociate as well as daydream a lot for "in the moment" escapisms. I'm older now and feel a little bit more outspoken, but I'm also not around a lot of people so I don't know.

Having mainly acquaintances where one can have pleasant conversations sounds like a good idea. I'm thinking of trying for acquaintances rather than making friends. I move around too much too, to be able to keep friends. Plus, some of my more "long term" friends ended up using me so I cut them out of my life...Similar to you, I also have my one person. That person is my significant other. My son has been wanting to make friends too, but he also suffers from the same issues as me. He's had a few good friends, but it's been difficult and he sometimes get bullied by kids for being different and in the past for being non-verbal (he's tall and looks older than he is)...It really sucks how people can be sometimes. He talks a lot more now and wants friends badly, so I'm looking for more autism-friendly places for him that won't bully or treat him differently.

That sucks that they physically punished you for autistic behaviour. I don't blame you for cutting off your family. I cut them all off and never looking back. My mother growing up was extremely controlling and also did a lot of physical punishments. She has told me before that she hated me and how similar I am to my father (who...happens to have undiagnosed autism...he's part of the silent generation, born the year WWII ended). So, it was a big "ooof" moment. I also don't talk to my father either, but for other reasons, mostly disappointed in him, and also...just taught growing up not to really attach to anything so I'm not super attached...

Thank you for the advice btw. I'm still learning and I feel I have a lot to catch up on. I just barely learned my lesson on point #5. I'm going to try all of those things though and do my best!

Continuing responses in next comment.

 

[BefuddledClarity]

Hello & welcome @BefuddledClarity!

Better late than never.

Diagnosed gifted at age 6.
Diagnosed Aspergers [now] ASD1 at age 45.

Yes.

Hello! Thank you for your warm welcome.
That's great to hear that the diagnosis helped you navigate the world better.
I'm still reading up on autism and trying to understand myself and my son better.

Same here it is very nice to meet you.

Welcome to autism forums!

I’ve been diagnosis disabled pretty much since the day I was born.

My family once wasn’t so sure about autism as well.

I also have trauma and want to write stories as well

Thank you for your friendly welcome!
How was it like being diagnose early?
My son was diagnosed at 4 y.o. for level 2 ASD, he's 6 and will be 7 this year. I haven't really talked to him about it.
But if he ever has questions on his diagnosis, I would be happy to talk to him about it if he wanted to.
I feel that writing stories about the trauma can be very helpful. I used to journal a lot, and it helped me process how I was feeling.
IRL, I don't really have friends to talk to about past trauma nor PTSD/C-PTSD-related topics.
I hope that writing these stories brings you relief.

Self diagnosed probably in my early twenties. Received a formal diagnosis in my late twenties.

When you were in your early 20s, what made you realize that you have autism? For me, it was after taking the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q) and the Girls Questionnaire for Autism Spectrum Condition (GQ-ASC) and scored really high.

Thank you everyone for your kind and thoughtful responses.

 

[cooljethro]

When you were in your early 20s, what made you realize that you have autism? For me, it was after taking the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q) and the Girls Questionnaire for Autism Spectrum Condition (GQ-ASC) and scored really high.

I suspected I was autistic because of my social difficulties and the resulting, high levels of social anxiety that came from that. Certain people had hinted at me being autistic. I was called a "social retard" on occasion by various people.

I completed the RAADS-R (Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale-Revised) test online and scored in the autistic range and from then on began believing I was likely autistic, but was reluctant to be on the spectrum and wished to be 'normal'.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

That's awesome that it gave you relief and an explanation! Currently, I am anxious about my new patient appointment with psychiatry for the autism assessment. I am hoping I am able to do the assessment on the first day, because sometimes mental health facilities will make us take the intake for the first patient appointment and then the autism assessment would be set on a different day. I heard they do this because of insurance billing issues. For my son, he was able to take an autism assessment with a developmental and behavioural FNP, without needing to do two separate appointments for intake and assessment. Unfortunately in order for him to apply for certain disability assessments and for a school assessment, they want him to get reevaluated by either a psychiatrist or psychologist...he has an appointment next month, so have to start again with the application, but I guess at least I can complete them now.

About the PTSD: Growing up, anytime my mother was angry, she would get mad if I exhibit certain emotions, and she would scream at me or [CAUTION: mild mention about physical abuse]hit me. She wouldn't be able to read my tone of voice and always assumed I was being sarcastic when I was being candid or genuine...For example, if she asked me if I did XYZ(usually, it was my younger brother who caused something, but sometimes my dad...) and I answered honestly with "no" she'll scream and claim I'm a liar and sometimes hit me in the face.. So after awhile, I tried bottling all my feelings in, and used to disassociate as well as daydream a lot for "in the moment" escapisms. I'm older now and feel a little bit more outspoken, but I'm also not around a lot of people so I don't know.

Having mainly acquaintances where one can have pleasant conversations sounds like a good idea. I'm thinking of trying for acquaintances rather than making friends. I move around too much too, to be able to keep friends. Plus, some of my more "long term" friends ended up using me so I cut them out of my life...Similar to you, I also have my one person. That person is my significant other. My son has been wanting to make friends too, but he also suffers from the same issues as me. He's had a few good friends, but it's been difficult and he sometimes get bullied by kids for being different and in the past for being non-verbal (he's tall and looks older than he is)...It really sucks how people can be sometimes. He talks a lot more now and wants friends badly, so I'm looking for more autism-friendly places for him that won't bully or treat him differently.

That sucks that they physically punished you for autistic behaviour. I don't blame you for cutting off your family. I cut them all off and never looking back. My mother growing up was extremely controlling and also did a lot of physical punishments. She has told me before that she hated me and how similar I am to my father (who...happens to have undiagnosed autism...he's part of the silent generation, born the year WWII ended). So, it was a big "ooof" moment. I also don't talk to my father either, but for other reasons, mostly disappointed in him, and also...just taught growing up not to really attach to anything so I'm not super attached...

Thank you for the advice btw. I'm still learning and I feel I have a lot to catch up on. I just barely learned my lesson on point #5. I'm going to try all of those things though and do my best!

Continuing responses in next comment.

It is a journey... but a beautiful one if you let it. Self-acceptance. Forgiving yourself. Let go of your ego with peace, love, joy, and happiness. Having a sense of humor about your "autistic moments". Appreciate some level of peace in going about your life just not giving a "F" about what others think of you. There is so much beauty in this world if we just open our eyes...and our souls to it. Appreciate the few loves in our lives... those souls we are connected to. Too many of us have lived too long shut off from all of this... disconnected... time to open up and allow it to fill our souls... all of us deserve to see... truly see.

To anyone reading:

For those stuck behind that "glass wall"... all I can suggest... and it's totally up to you, how deeply you want it... but psilocybin + meditation have helped me tremendously with my outlook on life, love, inner peace, release of fear, trauma, and has allowed me to project a better person.

I have always said there are things in life we do not have control over... the fact that we have autism, for one... but we do have some degree of neural plasticity... the ability to make those new connections and erase old ones. The studies on this are pretty clear. Psilocybin-containing mushrooms + Lion's Mane mushrooms, and meditation with intent... repeatedly... therapeutically... are useful tools for rapidly accelerating neural growth... and to be a better person. It's been a slow process, but after a year or so of micro-dosing... afraid to let go... I finally mustered up the courage to take that journey with a high dose... and it was a beautiful ride... a lot of positive therapy. Highly recommended.

 

[Crossbreed]

...but psilocybin +...

Psilocybin is legal somewhere...?

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Psilocybin is legal somewhere...?

Where to find legal or decriminalized access:​

• Oregon: The first state to legalize psilocybin for therapeutic use through licensed providers. Oregon has a regulated program for psilocybin therapy, but it's limited to supervised sessions rather than general dispensaries selling magic mushrooms for recreational use.
• Colorado: Denver was the first city to decriminalize psilocybin mushrooms in 2019. Boulder and some other cities have followed suit. While this means law enforcement deprioritizes psilocybin, formal dispensaries are not yet legally established.
• California: Some cities like Oakland and Santa Cruz have decriminalized psilocybin mushrooms, but no official dispensaries exist yet. Therapeutic use remains largely illegal statewide.
• Washington, D.C.: Decriminalized psilocybin, but no legal dispensaries.
• Other cities: Some places like Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Somerville, Massachusetts, have decriminalized psilocybin.

Estimates of Microdosing Prevalence in the U.S.​

• General prevalence: Surveys and studies suggest that approximately 4% to 6% of American adults have tried microdosing psychedelics, with psilocybin mushrooms being the most common substance used for this purpose.
• Population numbers: Given the U.S. adult population is roughly 260 million, this translates to around 10 to 15 million people who have experimented with or regularly microdose psilocybin.
• Recent trends: Interest in microdosing has been rising, especially among younger adults (ages 18-35), tech professionals, and wellness communities. The COVID-19 pandemic also saw an increase in psychedelic use for mental health.

Why these are rough estimates:​

• Microdosing is often done privately due to legal restrictions, so exact numbers are hard to verify.
• Many users do not report microdosing in surveys due to stigma or legal concerns.
• Definitions of microdosing vary, affecting survey results.

Supporting data sources:​

• A 2021 study published in Nature found about 4.2% of respondents in the U.S. had microdosed psychedelics in the past year.
• The Global Drug Survey, a large international survey, also reports increasing microdosing rates, with psilocybin mushrooms being the most common psychedelic used.

Summary​

Around 10–15 million Americans have likely tried microdosing psilocybin mushrooms, with a growing interest fueled by potential mental health benefits and cultural shifts toward psychedelic acceptance.

• Spores: At the federal level, psilocybin mushroom spores themselves do not contain psilocybin or psilocin, so they are not classified as controlled substances. Therefore, spores can generally be legally purchased and possessed in most states for microscopy, research, or identification purposes.

Bottom line: Most people cultivate their own. Purchasing them is often quite expensive in comparison.