• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

intense bullying?

Plus, so many here have been hurt, including me, that I aspire to be a small bit of kindness in this world.
In my teens I read somewhere something to the effect "because I thirsted in the desert, I dug a well for those that would follow". I have always tried to be kind, or if just too exhausted for that level of interaction, to at least do no harm. It has been sort of my anti-bully mantra throughout life.
 
"because I thirsted in the desert, I dug a well for those that would follow".


It seems that most people who help bullied are those who already suffered it somehow.

People who managed to not being bullied are mostly the ones that will ignore bullying.

Thats how it works. So sad.
 
I've never been able to block out such memories, and I'm 67 years old.

Yes, you are not alone. Sadly the only successful way for me to deal with bullying was to step down and deal with them on their own terms. And at the age of 16 such bullying stopped.

When "the danger" passed, largely because I became "the danger" myself. Not as a bully, but one prepared to periodically beat the bullies up on their own terms.
Same here and I would love five minutes in a locked room with some of them. Bullies never remember their victims but the victims never forget the bullies. To this day, I still recall every face and name.

When I came home from the Army, I ran into some of my former bullies. They became quite respectful. Now that I'm in my mid 60's, people don't bully me because they know that 1) beating up an old man makes them look bad, 2) they could get beat by an old man, 3) the old man will probably just shoot them because at my age life in prison isn't much of a threat.
 
I'm sorry to hear you've been through such tough experiences. It's true, bullies often forget their victims, but the memories stay with us forever. It’s a good reminder of why we need to support each other. It's great to hear you found your own way to stand up to them, even if it took time.
 
Last edited:
I was bullied nonstop when I was in middle and high school. I was the official school punching bag. The staff allowed the other kids to physically assault me and then they punished me whenever I reacted to it.

Yeah, I am bitter about this.
 
I was exceptionally lucky at school, and mostly was just ignored rather than bullied. I was lucky my school wasn't too bad for stopping overt bullying, the outright physically violent type, I was lucky to be large, 6 ft+ and at the time fairly heavy (especially mid teens on); and I think the bullies never quite could decide if I was an easy enough victim, so made the simple choice of picking on the more vulnerable looking one's.

Bullying can invoke such awful feelings, and not just the physical, but mental bullying, cyber bullying (as mentioned) and pretty much any sort of one-sided attack of that nature. It's the unfeeling cruelty and sadism of it. But now I believe it's as much a part of most people as many other social aspects of human culture. We are just beasts, in the sense that in many ways we differ much less than we like to think from our genetic cousins in the animal kingdom. Look at anthropologic style studies of ape communities in the wild, how they interact and develop social standing and position. They too use so many of the same behavioural traits we can see in our own communities. same with other species, though apes are easier to interpret and relate to.

In the uk there was a recent piece of research published on the back of a study of a year of school children, following them through their lives, to gain data not available before as the study ran for many decades (from the 60's or 70's), is still going I think. The point though was this team looked at the people who built up records of bullying at school and related matters (minor police involvement etc), and the results, as I suspect most here would guess, was that those who were the biggest bullies went on to become the most successful in adult life, gained the highest positions, acquired the most wealth, generally were what most people would describe as having done better than most. Their success had little to do with their intelligence or academic ability, but rather their ability to bully their way up the ladder.

Why are the more senior people the most likely to enable bullying? Why do they so often allow it to happened, even participate themselves? Those with the most, picking on those with the least.
I think it's in part a blind mechanism many people run to without knowing why or how, or even that they do it. And this may be expected when considering evolution is not a kind mistress, and fair is an abstract concept, not some law of nature, quite the opposite in fact.

For our 'sins' (an expression only!), we are cursed to be able to see this, we can peek through the veiled view that others are unaware of, and we can see the injustice where they see only social position and order without conscious thought of their part in it.
So, who in the end is the weaker? Those who blindly act and lash out for only their own appeasement and benefit, or us who can see them for what they are, little more than any other animal sightlessly fighting to stay off the bottom of the heap? But never knowing the trap they are in themselves? For the harder they fight and bully their way up the ladder, the more they surround themselves with others waiting to do the same to them.

And these are the people who have done the most to make of our world the worst. Maybe we are the more evolved? What a nice thought that could be! Even if it means little in the face of things.

I for one, while I too can be trite and envious of material gain and perceived popularity of others, I know in my heart I'd never be happy in that position, never feel successful or proud of myself, in fact, I suspect I'd hate it more than anything. So my big FU to them all is to say "I'm still here, and you ain't getting rid of me THAT easy!" (but I have to admit, I may whisper it sometimes, to avoid a metaphorical thump! 😉😊).
 
Oh, I tried all the reasoning, negotiation, and kindness that many people try to use to "logically" deflect bullies. It wasn't until one of them came up to me when I was working on a car in the street, and I hit him over the head with a socket wrench, that I got the reputaiton of being crazy and they left me alone. I do wish someone would have explained this to me several years before. I'm sad to report that some people only respond to aversive conditioning. Those usually are on a power trip, with no one to restrain their deviant impulses.
 
Yeah, but how ruddy awful to be reduced to having to do that.
Not to mention the risks of killing or permanently damaging someone that way unintentionally.
Glad it worked out for you in that way at least.
Those usually are on a power trip, with no one to restrain their deviant impulses.
Or have nothing in them beyond being physically stronger and more brutal and cruel to others, to get what they want. Just empty shells inside, in terms of personality and imagination.
 
I first started getting bullied at age 11 when I started high school, when walking home from school. Kids from my school whom I didn't know, would target me because I had no friends to walk home with and kids just liked to pick on others who were on their own.

Also there was a girl in my class who hated me because she was told I had AS and she hated me because of it. She was wimpy and socially awkward like me but hid it by picking on me. The other girls in the class seemed scared of her, although she was nothing to be scared of. Even I wasn't scared of her, as she wasn't threatening or anything. She just hated me and made sure I was always left out and excluded. She even said to me that she believed I had no feelings and that I was worthless and stupid.

I also got bullied by my sister's friends at high school. They made fun of me because I was so weak and pathetic, and my sister sort of let them do it although not intentionally, she just didn't know how to stop them. They'd often make me cry.

Then these two random boys, much older than me, kept saying "hi, Japanese!" every time they saw me in the hallways or even in the street. I had no idea why they kept calling me Japanese because I looked nothing like a Japanese girl at all. It wasn't even the way I dressed, because I wore the required uniform so I looked just like everyone else.

Then in my LAST year of high school I got sexually harassed on my way home from school, by boys that were TWO years younger than me. Then it started turning aggressive, and one day they tripped me up and almost pushed me into the road. It's horrible being bullied on your way to or from school because there's not a lot anyone can do about it. The teachers can't police the streets.

Then when I was 19 I got bullied by my so-called friends I had met at college. But they were just angry, unstable girls who seemed jealous of me, and one day they were bored so just decided to harass me over the phone and text, first starting off aggressive then turning into juvenile tormenting. I had to get my mobile phone number changed because they just wouldn't stop phoning and sending awful texts (this was back in the days where it wasn't simple to just block a phone number).

I suffered no bullying in my 20s, but unfortunately I'm suffering cyberbullying in my 30s. It's the first time I've ever been cyberbullied and it seems to have damaged me emotionally more than any other bullying I've ever faced. I do wish I could swear on this forum because any family-friendly words to call them would be a complete understatement.
 
Last edited:
I suffered no bullying in my 20s, but unfortunately I'm suffering cyberbullying in my 30s. It's the first time I've ever been cyberbullied and it seems to have damaged me emotionally more than any other bullying I've ever faced.
I'm sorry this has happened to you. I know just how long, how many decades, the after effects of this can last.

Here's an idea that might help in the worst times. Whenever I see an injustice, if I can't do something to directly counteract it, I remind myself to find someone, somewhere, who needs support and then do something for them in that moment. This can be rather mundane, but it really does help, to pay the understanding we've gained forward to the benefit of someone else, especially someone who doesn't have support or who doesn't have the courage to ask for it.

Even dead people can be bullied. I know a professional colleague who has a longstanding bad habit of getting other people to do his work for him, thereafter taking too much credit for it. He's a social genius, in a sea of nerds who are powerless to harvest the same benefits he does while having expertise and abilities that he does not.

One day, he mentioned to me that he had many years before provided professional support to a colleague, since deceased, that I knew he had not provided. I checked out my hunch with the deceased man's spouse. It turned out that I was right. I decided to donate $1,000 to the deceased engineer's scholarship fund, which he had established at a regional university. By then it was mostly dormant. That contribution had the effect of re-booting the thing, so it did attract a few more contributions. While this might seem passive and indirect, it was something I could do to help prevent some moron from stealing from a dead person. This too is a form of bullying.

It's interesting that autistic people--even under our social disabilities--are much better at seeing through disinformation than many people with far better social acuity. We could put that to work, not only feeling better about ourselves but lifting other people up who have a lesser voice.
 
Here's an idea that might help in the worst times.
Oh! I do like that! Because it fits so well our large and complex societies where depersonalisation is a part and parcel of life. To not challenge where challenge so often returns more abuse, sometimes to the victim (maybe later on) you're trying to help at the time. So the idea of injecting a little fairness and compassion elsewhere where it can flow, not be blocked or diverted, seems a nice simple neat solution!
It's interesting that autistic people--even under our social disabilities--are much better at seeing through disinformation than many people
I have wondered about this, with my little 'lie detector' so often ringing it's little bells as people interact, but sadly, people don't generally seem to want to hear the truth, and in fact will bully the messanger just to be in denial of that truth. Maybe I just have too poor a sensitivity for the truths that hurt too much, and fail to express them softly enough.
 

New Threads

Top Bottom