I'm Really, Really Sorry

[Riley]

You know what...

Screw that article.

Neurotypicals are not automatically superior in morals to Aspies. I know an NT who told my niece her boyfriend would be a drug addict like his brother. At the funeral of said brother.

Sure, I've blamed my shortcomings on Autism. Why? Because I'm a scumbag. My brain wiring is in no way the reason/fault behind my flaws.

And in all my movie expertise, I can safely say Stan from Revenge Of The Nerds was not on the spectrum.

Everyone nerd rages over trivial things. Although I do admit, I need to tone it down.

 

[Gracey]

No Riley. I don't NEED to be normal. I'm having too much fun finding out later in life that I may be on the spectrum.

Please don't try to bend yourself all out of shape in a huge effort to be something you're not.

 

[Rasendra]

There is nothing wrong with any of your feelings and it is understandable to be struggling and want to be normal and just 'fit in' in a world where NT rule things. Just keep in mind that attacking a group of people doesn't really help anything and I can't imagine a time that it would be 'right' as you said you wanted to be. Maybe try expressing your feelings next time without attacking others? I am sure many here would be happy to listen if you are frustrated and want to talk or even just vent. Let's try to support each other okay?

 

[OlLiE]

i am on the spectrum, but other than bouncing my legs when sitting and being stressed, i don't really have any outward symptoms that make me stand out. I would not know what to do if i did - i am lucky,

where i do stand out is in my dealings with other people and how i deal with stress

the posts above are correct, you can learn how to fake 'normalcy', and as an adult i have, but it comes at a price though,
i am older adult, and only got my diagnosis a few years ago,
as a result i was forced to learn how to blend in,
however, by forcing myself to act normal all those years and not respecting my limitations, i have driven myself into a burnout, have been off work sick for almost a year and got fired recently
basically i had built my life around a lie by denying my own needs
after my 'construct' collapsed, i have come to realise that honesty is the best policy, firstly being honest and accepting of myself, and then choosing an environment where i can be honest with the people around me

i am lucky that i am high functioning, the label of autism helps me understand my limitations and strengths, but it does not make me feel like victim or define me as a person, it doesn't keep me from being intelligent, having a good work ethic, being kind and respectful, being helpful etc

i'm trying a different path now, i accept who i am, i don't feel bad about myself or my limitations but try to focus on my strengths and on those people, employers and environments that play to my strengths, like all things in life you have to take the bad with the good, everyone has limitations and has to learn to deal with them best as they can

like a person with bad body odour uses deodorant t avoid 'offending' other people's senses, i am trying to understand that the way i communicate with others may offend them, so i try to keep that in mind when speaking but by having been honest with them about my challenges i expect a bit of understanding if i miss a signal

re NT's and 'normal' i think you may be surprised how many 'normal' people are unhappy, normal people can be shy, awkward, introverted, depressed, have overly sensitive senses, struggle with their personalities and not fitting in, have trouble finding good friends and a partner,...

referring to the start of your post, i would challenge you to propose a generally accepted and historically stable definition of 'normal' that applies to all layers and ages of the global population

i don't know in what country you live, but it is also worth noting that different cultures respond differently towards shy, reserved, introverted personalities
i say this because i have lived in many countries during my life and have experienced anglo saxon, germanic and mediterranean cultures.
personally i would guess the US is the absolute worst place to live for these personality types

society and the media tends to convey a world where everyone looks perfect, is a success and has tonnes of friends and partners vying for their attention etc etc, this however only exists to play on your survival instinct to want to belong, because being in a group is safer - it's manipulation with the purpose to sell product, not life

i'm happy to share experiences and lessons learned if you wish

ps if i sound patronising i apologise, i guess that people speaking from experience always sound that way

 

[OlLiE]

last comment, i understand the concepts of unhappiness and feeling powerless resulting in frustration and the need to lash out

so i don't feel offended by being called 'a monster', i've been called much worse

you can lash out and express frustration, no one will ever judge you for that

but if you want to make a point, make the point,
but offending the people you are speaking to by using inaccurate generalizations about them, will divert attention from the point you are trying to make and get you little benefit

 

[The Midge]

Thanks, Matt. I was reading this and, even though it's a parody site...Yeah...:

Please be advised that the site linked here is a parody site
with humor that may disturb some reader due to offensive content.
Enter it at your own risk.
Asperger's Syndrome - Encyclopedia Dramatica

We are not amused!​

Seriously, I am not sure the content of that page is legal in the UK.

 

[WildCat]

Please be advised that the site linked here is a parody site
with humor that may disturb some reader due to offensive content.
Enter it at your own risk.
Asperger's Syndrome - Encyclopedia Dramatica

That's ED for you: the goal there is to spread hate on anything and everything. Seriously, just do a search for ______ on that website. While some of the things said in that article are true, it's still satire in the end. If you let the contents of the site get to you though, guess who wins? You probably know this, so feel free to tell me if I'm restating the obvious.

Also, try not burning your bridges here by calling people "monsters". I can say I'm not offended in the slightest, if you're in a hard spot right now then let it out for goodness sake, but if you're not prepared to receive any backlash from your words here then do everyone else a favor and just keep it to yourself.

 

[Suzanne]

To function in this society of nt's, I wish I could be one, but I am also glad I am not one, because their logic defies me; but what I do envy is the fact that they tend to shrug their shoulders a lot.

If I was offered a pill to just taste what it is like to be an nt and with the choice of remaining one, I would take that pill.

Apparently my logic is vastly different from nts.

 

[Adder1234]

The problem with trying to be "normal" is that there really isn't such a thing as normal. What you want to be is socially acceptable, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it is unhealthy to act like a completely different person all of the time. The best thing to do is when in a public setting, like work or shopping, just keep quiet, keep your head down and do your best not to stand out.

Basically it's following the advice that my great grandfather gave me on how he survived the second world war; "Always be there, but never be seen."

 

[Idahocalypse]

I want to be on whatever the "right" side is.

Long story short, there is no "right side". I've had discussions with my dad where I told him I "felt like a loser", and he told me that depending on someone's perspective, anyone could be labelled a "winner" or a "loser". Just look at the hot-button political issues that are currently affecting the United States. Our country is deeply and painfully divided over a variety of things because each side makes heroes out of people they agree with and demonizes anyone who disagrees with them. Trying to pick sides is difficult in many cases because there are no clear-cut answers as to who or what is "right" and who or what is "wrong".

The way I see it, everyone needs to decide for themselves where they stand on various issues (whether it involves autism, politics, etc.) and hold steadfast to their beliefs even when others disagree with them. People will respect you more if you act with confidence about your choices & beliefs, whereas you will be seen as flaky and easy to push around/bully/manipulate if you keep trying to do whatever is "right" in the eyes of the masses. Socially acceptable opinions and behaviors are like fashion trends, they change all the time, but the more you embrace & live your own truth, the more confident you will feel and the less vulnerable to outside influences you will be.

 

[pjcnet]

To function in this society of nt's, I wish I could be one, but I am also glad I am not one, because their logic defies me; but what I do envy is the fact that they tend to shrug their shoulders a lot.

If I was offered a pill to just taste what it is like to be an nt and with the choice of remaining one, I would take that pill.

Apparently my logic is vastly different from nts.

That's an interesting thought about taking a pill to just taste what it is like to be an NT, I wonder how many aspies would take it here? Well if I knew that it only lasted for say a few hours and wore off without any risk of side effects I think I would try it and most people with aspies probably would. If aspies experienced being NT, then I wonder how many would then decide to take a different pill to stay NT permanently if one was then available? Well for me it's very difficult to say for certain what I'd decide after experiencing being NT as I don't know what it's like, but I suspect I'd still choose to stay the way I am, also when you become NT some people may lose intellect and may not be so interested in their special interest any more or particularly good at it, you have to remember the disadvantages of being an NT too. But what if only a permanent pill was available so you'd become an NT permanently without any way to reverse the transformation without knowing what it was like to be NT first? Personally this would be a too greater risk and I'd definitely choose to stay the way I am and I suspect that a high proportion of aspies here would too.

From what you've written on this thread @Riley I suspect you would take a pill to make yourself an NT permanently if one was available? Being an aspie isn't necessarily a bad thing, it is what you make it, please don't read too much into sites such a the parody site linked to earlier as that's not the way most of the general population think of aspies and anyone that does should concentrate on sorting out their own life which is obviously missing something. Best of luck!

 

[xudo]

We need to be normal.

I would never want to be "normal". How incredibly boring.

I agree with others who have said that just because you may feel that way, doesn't mean you need to be so rude to us. We are not monsters, and we are not abnormal. If you want to change yourself, maybe start with how you treat other people.

 

[ksheehan88]

The way I behave, my mannerisms, the way I think and feel and see things IS MY NORMAL. All the things I do are NORMAL to me. Lots of people think I'm weird, and they'd be right. But its still normal.

 

[Mathalamus]

i must be incredibly odd. i just sort of glossed over the monster bit, not taking it seriously, because i knew it was said in anger. i'm not even offended, because i knew it wasn't meant to be taken seriously.

im with Riley, still. all the defense of autism and all that doesn't change the fact that, medically, its a disability. i take a great amount of effort to bypass it, work around it, and make it as irrelevant as possible, because disabilities should not be resigned to, and lived it. no. its meant to be resolved.

i can understand the desire to be nornal (defined: not autistic in any spectrum) and i support it. if there was a cure, id take it. instantly. its not like the gifts of autism ever made up for the many, many, flaws.

 

[ksheehan88]

i must be incredibly odd. i just sort of glossed over the monster bit, not taking it seriously, because i knew it was said in anger. i'm not even offended, because i knew it wasn't meant to be taken seriously.

im with Riley, still. all the defense of autism and all that doesn't change the fact that, medically, its a disability. i take a great amount of effort to bypass it, work around it, and make it as irrelevant as possible, because disabilities should not be resigned to, and lived it. no. its meant to be resolved.

i can understand the desire to be nornal (defined: not autistic in any spectrum) and i support it. if there was a cure, id take it. instantly. its not like the gifts of autism ever made up for the many, many, flaws.

But then you wouldn't be Mattie, and we can't have that!

 

[Mathalamus]

But then you wouldn't be Mattie, and we can't have that!

theoretically speaking, if i cured my aspergers right now, my personality wouldn't instantly change. i would, in theory, be exactly the same, just more socially capable. maybe. im 26 years old, there's a *lot* of inertia.

the cure would have more of an effect for those who are more severely affected, cannot work with it, cannot bypass it, or the like.

 

[ksheehan88]

theoretically speaking, if i cured my aspergers right now, my personality wouldn't instantly change. i would, in theory, be exactly the same, just more socially capable. maybe. im 26 years old, there's a *lot* of inertia.

the cure would have more of an effect for those who are more severely affected, cannot work with it, cannot bypass it, or the like.

I disagree, I think it would change you entirely. You are who you are, personality included, because of the effect of the Aspergers. It doesn't define you but it has shaped the person you are.

 

[Mathalamus]

I disagree, I think it would change you entirely. You are who you are, personality included, because of the effect of the Aspergers. It doesn't define you but it has shaped the person you are.

its only theoretical, though. both of us could be right. but i know one thing: id still be a mattie. most parts of my personality isnt affected by autism, being completely unrelated.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

disabilities should not be resigned to, and lived it. no. its meant to be resolved.

The key is in how we look at it. Asperger's itself is not meant to be resolved. That's not even possible. We are wired to be that way. (I think God made us that way for a good reason.)

Overcoming the challenges of functioning socially in an NT society is what needs to be resolved. If we focus on resolving aspergers, then we will never accomplish anything. If we focus on the latter, then who knows what the possibilities could be? We might even change the world.

 

[Mathalamus]

The key is in how we look at it. Asperger's itself is not meant to be resolved. That's not even possible. We are wired to be that way. (I think God made us that way for a good reason.)

Overcoming the challenges of functioning socially in an NT society is what needs to be resolved. If we focus on resolving aspergers, then we will never accomplish anything. If we focus on the latter, then who knows what the possibilities could be? We might even change the world.

you can easily do both. do the latter, to help with the former.