I would like some thoughts on that situation please

[grimmy]

That could be one reason.. Wich first popped into my mind.. Wich I hope it is.. But his other behaviour previously makes him suspicious even when there is maybe a simple explanation like you said.. I hope its this one..

Would you have even said something if he drew a man?

 

[NiniS29]

Would you have even said something if he drew a man?

If he would did the same with a main.. I would also said something since he never does it.. And it was very specific since he never draws.. Like something hit his mind that he has to do that now.. If he let it dissappear the same way of course i would have said

 

[All-Rounder]

That would be true but I think it's not for me to be seen because he made it dissappear.. He did draw a funny giraffe once for me when we started to date.. But that's it about him drawing.. He besides that is loving on his own way beside some issues wich I still don't understand..
But you know how hard it is than..

Sounds like he got upset you didnt react good to his drawing, only questioning him as though he's cheating. So he faked to throw it into the bin. But later removed it maybe because to him it means a lot. And maybe he hid it from you only for himself. It means a lot to him. He wouldn't have shown it to you if he would have made it for someone else.

 

[grimmy]

Sounds like he got upset you didnt react good to his drawing, only questioning him as though he's cheating. So he faked to throw it into the bin. But later removed it maybe because to him it means a lot. And maybe he hid it from you only for himself.

That's a better written version of what I was trying to suggest, thanks for articulating for me Rexi

 

[NiniS29]

Sounds like he got upset you didnt react good to his drawing, only questioning him as though he's cheating. So he faked to throw it into the bin. But later removed it maybe because to him it means a lot. And maybe he hid it from you only for himself. It means a lot to him. He wouldn't have shown it to you if he would have made it for someone else.

Could be possible.. I was likely very open minded who did trust him and thought never in earth is he unlike my last relationship lying or cheating I felt the safest ever with him. But he lied twice big times to me.. With not realy explanation.. Thats why i am suspicious.. But again he always is honest in other things and I don't really feel cheating deep down inside me. But still it is somehow on my mind as a fear.. Probably there is a logical explanation..

 

[NiniS29]

That's a better written version of what I was trying to suggest, thanks for articulating for me Rexi

That is a really logical thought wich I like to stick with.. I still trust him in that way a lot but my trust is a bit suspicious due to his travels.. But i hope of course and will see it that way.. I didn't even ask why he did take it back or so.. Because i didn't want to make him feel as he did something bad.. Because again there might be a simple explanation

 

[grimmy]

You sound like you have been hurt and see the worst case scenario quite fast I don't see much terribly wrong from what you have told us but that is without the context of actually knowing the guy, just saying not trying to be harsh.

 

[All-Rounder]

Could be possible.. I was likely very open minded who did trust him and thought never in earth is he unlike my last relationship lying or cheating I felt the safest ever with him. But he lied twice big times to me.. With not realy explanation.. Thats why i am suspicious.. But again he always is honest in other things and I don't really feel cheating deep down inside me. But still it is somehow on my mind as a fear.. Probably there is a logical explanation..

I understand your concerns, they make sense given what you've been through. Maybe try to ask him if he can help you rely on him more, back himself up and help regain your trust.

 

[NiniS29]

You sound like you have been hurt and see the worst case scenario quite fast I don't see much terribly wrong from what you have told us but that is without the context of actually knowing the guy, just saying not trying to be harsh.

Its not harsh at all.. A few things happend since the 3 years we ben together.. And i have been hurt a lot before so it was hard on him to for me to trust any man.true but I never had the feeling to mistrust him from the beginning.. Until he broke it 2 and many other minor things.. Wich are due to his aspergers understandable now for me and seem to be also a bit my fault.. But the rest was due to his actions... I still love home and try to forget and want the best for him so we can have a better future together at some point.. Since his diagnosis I understand certain things better wich makes our living together way more easier because i learnd to see certain situations differently not expect the worst or certain things

 

[NiniS29]

I understand your concerns, they make sense given what you've been through. Maybe try to ask him if he can help you rely on him more, back himself up and help regain your trust.

You know i said to him.. I decided to move home because then I can safe a bit more money wich we can use for a house and he is finished with his stuff until than and we can appreciate each other again the way we did hopefully.. And i also would like to start new wich means forget what happened I know it was due to situation and he once said he didn't cheat on me asking this is naughty.. So i still believe him.. I just really want when I leave in 2 weeks no secrets or lies or so.. Just start on a happy point.. But i don't know how I can without making him feel uncomfortable about discussing those things. Because if it's to much for him he will just shut down the best or the worst melt down..

 

[grimmy]

I just worry that unless he gives you bad news you won't believe him.

 

[NiniS29]

I just worry that unless he gives you bad news you won't believe him.

I know.. Thats what it sounds like.. But i think no news would be the best news.. How he acts shows me that he cares and that he loves me probably. Its i think just due to what happend before that sits in my head nagging on my mind as soon as something unexplainable happens. But it might be simply just like you and rexi said.. So i will trust that and just stay calm and see what happens.. Like i said when I leave and we work on it it would be great if there are no more lies between us.. Because they make it hard to believe and just be happy.. I try my best to support him every day how I can.. Because he really is working a lot..

 

[grimmy]

I wish you good luck.

 

[All-Rounder]

I know.. Thats what it sounds like.. But i think no news would be the best news.. How he acts shows me that he cares and that he loves me probably. Its i think just due to what happend before that sits in my head nagging on my mind as soon as something unexplainable happens. But it might be simply just like you and rexi said.. So i will trust that and just stay calm and see what happens.. Like i said when I leave and we work on it it would be great if there are no more lies between us.. Because they make it hard to believe and just be happy.. I try my best to support him every day how I can.. Because he really is working a lot..

instead of supporting him when you're miserable you have to get support from others and support yourself. You best not let him rely too heavily on you and say no more. Youre suffering now, its not appropriate to be spending your energy so much on him.

 

[NiniS29]

instead of supporting him when you're miserable you have to get support from others and support yourself. You best not let him rely too heavily on you and say no more. Youre suffering now, its not appropriate to be spending your energy so much on him.

I understand.. And that was a problem.. I tried to make him more comfortable with the living situation that I forgot about me.. Did everything to not overwhelm him but in the end it did and I didn't want to see that in that situation it was not possible. Since we cleared this out and i decided to take that step I did focus more on me and hang out more with friends and be happier.. But than something happens and it buts me back.. I really try hard to think more about me now.. And thats why I decided to move back home for awhile.. To be able to.. We will see each other all 3 months or so.. And spending important dates together.. But still living speerat until we both are ready and happy.. Especially me. Because I will be the one who has to move into a different country he just his place.. So that's why. I need to figure things out aswell.. And give him the chance to show me that he still wants the relationship

 

[All-Rounder]

I understand.. And that was a problem.. I tried to make him more comfortable with the living situation that I forgot about me.. Did everything to not overwhelm him but in the end it did and I didn't want to see that in that situation it was not possible. Since we cleared this out and i decided to take that step I did focus more on me and hang out more with friends and be happier.. But than something happens and it buts me back.. I really try hard to think more about me now.. And thats why I decided to move back home for awhile.. To be able to.. We will see each other all 3 months or so.. And spending important dates together.. But still living speerat until we both are ready and happy.. Especially me. Because I will be the one who has to move into a different country he just his place.. So that's why. I need to figure things out aswell.. And give him the chance to show me that he still wants the relationship

Its not your fault. might be that you cant prevent overwhelm. you can just try to avoid topics that affect you with him to an extent where its not as necessary, that may result in him lashing out at you or affecting you.

 

[All-Rounder]

You know i said to him.. I decided to move home because then I can safe a bit more money wich we can use for a house and he is finished with his stuff until than and we can appreciate each other again the way we did hopefully.. And i also would like to start new wich means forget what happened I know it was due to situation and he once said he didn't cheat on me asking this is naughty.. So i still believe him.. I just really want when I leave in 2 weeks no secrets or lies or so.. Just start on a happy point.. But i don't know how I can without making him feel uncomfortable about discussing those things. Because if it's to much for him he will just shut down the best or the worst melt down..

Hes lied twice, it's only 'naughty' because his word is worth zero so might as well just dump him instead of asking a liar questions, as repeated offence is grounds for that. Who does he think you are?

 

[NiniS29]

Hes lied twice, it's only 'naughty' because his word is worth zero so might as well just dump him instead of asking a liar questions, as repeated offence is grounds for that. Who does he think you are?

That's what I mean.. If he wouldn't lie to me twice.. I would see no need to be suspicious and confused.. And of course if someone lies about his were about you be suspicious to.. And the first thing you think is is he hiding something that he can't tel me the truth...and me confronting him with that thought is natural.. So he shouldnt say it like that.. Still why he went just there 2 is still not explainied.. Just when he had his meltdown and screaming at me he needed to go far away for space.. But also after this his behaviour changed a lot.. Asperger or not.. Its no reason to be so

 

[All-Rounder]

That's what I mean.. If he wouldn't lie to me twice.. I would see no need to be suspicious and confused.. And of course if someone lies about his were about you be suspicious to.. And the first thing you think is is he hiding something that he can't tel me the truth...and me confronting him with that thought is natural.. So he shouldnt say it like that.. Still why he went just there 2 is still not explainied.. Just when he had his meltdown and screaming at me he needed to go far away for space.. But also after this his behaviour changed a lot.. Asperger or not.. Its no reason to be so

itd be best if he would be able to reassure you as you need That. Also to take responsibility for what his behavior has dragged along

 

[All-Rounder]

a big lie is enough for breakup, it messes with trust, especially if his friends back him up for it. why won't they stop interfering with your relationship and just mind their own business. do you think they might be a bad influence on him? even so, that doesn't excuse his actions. might want to talk to them about what they did, theyre in with him on the lie, they lied to you too, causing you distress. might want to cut ties if they don't respond well to you communicating this or just never trust them or avoid them