I Need To Confess Something

[KevinMao133]

I might get a lot of hate for this. I don’t really care

Fact is, when it comes to dating, there’s a certainly type that I avoid. Certain people I refuse to talk to and there are certainly individuals I can relate to

As a Chinese person who’s been in Canada for over 20 years, as well as being a Canadian citizen, I refuse to date women within my ethnicity

I especially have a disdain for international students that come from China, as I can’t relate to them. I also find that their attitudes rub me the wrong way as most of them come to Canada with a sense of entitlement, yet they do nothing to contribute

I find that I do better with white women as well as black women as they treat me with respect and we don’t have major cultural differences

Weirdly enough, I find that I can relate to women who are living in China. So whenever I do go back, I enjoy talking to them

Might get taken down, but this is somebody that’s been bothering me for a while and I feel like it’s time for me to finally acknowledge my biases

 

[Levitator]

I don't think your biases are a big deal until you start acting on them and doing things like rejecting people over them, because that's what prevents you from resolving them. Formerly, I would have found political concerns reasonable; is a relationship safe? But I've advanced enough in faith, I try not to contemplate that either. It's in good hands.

 

[KevinMao133]

I don't think your biases are a big deal until you start acting on them and doing things like rejecting people over them, because that's what prevents you from resolving them. Formerly, I would have found political concerns reasonable; is a relationship safe? But I've advanced enough in faith, I try not to contemplate that either. It's in good hands.

I don’t even look at them, to be honest

Like if they want to talk to me, then yeah I will respond, but I don’t consider them as dates

 

[marc_101]

And what is the problem of liking what you like?

 

[The Pandector]

I am confused enough to ask what is probably a stupid question. Why would you need to ‘confess’ what sort of person you’re romantically attracted to? And, why would other people around here get bothered by this and give you grief?

Here’s something for the haters. I am not romantically attracted to Chinese women. I mean, I can see and appreciate their physical beauty as well as their personalities, but I find that my sexual preferences are biased; I am noticeably less likely to be attracted to a Chinese woman. It’s not a moral or even an aesthetic judgement, but simply a matter of preference.

Now, get a load of this: I don’t care one whit whether you or anyone else approves of my sexual preferences. I am not applying for a job as an international gigolo, and would never take a job where my sexual orientation either qualified or disqualified me from that job. And I don’t know how you rate, Kevin, but I have to admit that Chinese women, in general, don’t seem offended by my lack of amorous intent.

 

[Jumpinbare]

And what is the problem of liking what you like?

If you are prejudiced, but not  acting on those prejudices, you are not a bad person. My father was actively taught by his parents and other family members to be prejudiced against two minorities that I know of. As a child, I watched him deliberately teach my siblings and me that everyone was as good as everyone else, and that we should never mistreat  anyone no matter what their family background was. I could see he was uncomfortable around some people, but he always tried to treat them well anyway.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

What you are experiencing is totally normal. I think your post is more or less an "observation" rather than a "confession".

Some black men are more attracted to white women. Some black women are more attracted to white men. So on and so forth. The heart wants what it wants. If you put yourself into some cultural bias model of what a Chinese male should be attracted to, be married to, whatever, I think you are missing out on a lot of potential happiness. I know that early on, physical appearances do matter somewhat, but at the end of the day, if you are seeking a life partner, physical appearances will fade and what you are left with is who they are intellectually and psychologically. That's what matters. Who they are on the inside.

 

[The Pandector]

If you are prejudiced, but not  acting on those prejudices, you are not a bad person. My father was actively taught by his parents and other family members to be prejudiced against two minorities that I know of. As a child, I watched him deliberately teach my siblings and me that everyone was as good as everyone else, and that we should never mistreat  anyone no matter what their family background was. I could see he was uncomfortable around some people, but he always tried to treat them well anyway.

If I may belabor a point. Maybe I misunderstand, but…

It sounds to me that you are conflating preference with prejudice, as though the OP is toeing the line of being a bad person because of his sexual preferences. It sounds to me as though the OP is also confused on this point.

Assuming consenting adults, it is not racially prejudiced against one race to prefer a partner of another race.

Also, I find red hair very attractive, but don’t date redheads because they can’t be trusted. Trust the science.

 

[jsilver256]

Nobody likes everyone equally. If they do, it's probably a cognitive impairment of some sort.

Now, if we are to do a supervised binary classification of people as observations "I am attracted to these people more" versus "I am attracted these people less" and perform feature engineering to derive empirical measurements, we are likely to find that these piles are far from randomly distributed. We'd come up with some sort of linear equation to fit these patterns and predict future encounters, e.g., "many people in this pile are students from China."

What is wrong is taking that linear equation and making that our absolute gospel and starting switching around people in the two piles just so we can make the rule 100% predictive rather than letting the individual observations guide the model. A 100% predictive model is a sign of overfitting and broken training.

 

[Tired Anna]

I never had a chance to meet any Asian or Afro-American person in my life, so they just look weird to me, because I'm not used to seeing people who look like them. But of course it'll just move on the background, once I actually meet a person and get to know them.
So not sure what you're confessing about. It's your preferences, no one will force you into anything or try to change your mind.

 

[marc_101]

My only issue with the post is attributing the characteristics of the group to every single member of the group.

 

[Fino]

As long as you don't mistreat people, I don't see the problem. Everybody has biases.

 

[tree]

I might get a lot of hate for this. I don’t really care

Fact is, when it comes to dating, there’s a certainly type that I avoid. Certain people I refuse to talk to and there are certainly individuals I can relate to

As a Chinese person who’s been in Canada for over 20 years, as well as being a Canadian citizen, I refuse to date women within my ethnicity

I especially have a disdain for international students that come from China, as I can’t relate to them. I also find that their attitudes rub me the wrong way as most of them come to Canada with a sense of entitlement, yet they do nothing to contribute

I find that I do better with white women as well as black women as they treat me with respect and we don’t have major cultural differences

Weirdly enough, I find that I can relate to women who are living in China. So whenever I do go back, I enjoy talking to them

I Don’t Like Interracial Dating

People tell me to keep this to yourself. I do, I never reveal much But I don’t like interracial dating and I don’t think it’s for me Now I’m not against interracial dating as what others do, none of my business I don’t mind others doing it but I know I won’t

www.autismforums.com

You appear to have mixed and changeable feelings regarding ethnicity or race as a factor in dating/social interaction.

In another thread you said you refused to rent to any Chinese people.

There seems to be a lot of confused hatred within you.

 

[Fino]

I Don’t Like Interracial Dating

People tell me to keep this to yourself. I do, I never reveal much But I don’t like interracial dating and I don’t think it’s for me Now I’m not against interracial dating as what others do, none of my business I don’t mind others doing it but I know I won’t

www.autismforums.com

You appear to have mixed and changeable feelings regarding ethnicity or race as a factor in dating/social interaction.

In another thread you said you refused to rent to any Chinese people.

There seems to be a lot of confused hatred within you.

Now that's a different matter. I thought these were private feelings, not open bigotry.

 

[KevinMao133]

I Don’t Like Interracial Dating

People tell me to keep this to yourself. I do, I never reveal much But I don’t like interracial dating and I don’t think it’s for me Now I’m not against interracial dating as what others do, none of my business I don’t mind others doing it but I know I won’t

www.autismforums.com

You appear to have mixed and changeable feelings regarding ethnicity or race as a factor in dating/social interaction.

In another thread you said you refused to rent to any Chinese people.

There seems to be a lot of confused hatred within you.

I softened my stance a lot over the last year

I don’t mind renting to them

Yeah I might not like them, but I’m willing to talk to them and respect them. Who knows, I might be friends with a few of them

When it comes to dating, I don’t prioritize dating a Chinese woman, that’s all

 

[The Pandector]

I Don’t Like Interracial Dating

People tell me to keep this to yourself. I do, I never reveal much But I don’t like interracial dating and I don’t think it’s for me Now I’m not against interracial dating as what others do, none of my business I don’t mind others doing it but I know I won’t

www.autismforums.com

You appear to have mixed and changeable feelings regarding ethnicity or race as a factor in dating/social interaction.

In another thread you said you refused to rent to any Chinese people.

There seems to be a lot of confused hatred within you.

Interesting. My initial gut reaction was that the OP was employing the lawyerly trick of tossing up a straw man designed to draw the unwary into comments which agree. IOW, red meat for racists.

But then I thought, why would any one of any nationality want to draw other people into unforced racial slurs against Chinese people? The computations are too complex for my mind, so I tossed those thoughts aside and simply replied to the OP on the basis of some sort of obvious moral confusion.

This autistic thing of being blind to other people’s intentions, leaving me to think things through on my own, is a real impediment to forming trusting relationships.

 

[Masked Man]

I might get a lot of hate for this. I don’t really care

Fact is, when it comes to dating, there’s a certainly type that I avoid. Certain people I refuse to talk to and there are certainly individuals I can relate to

As a Chinese person who’s been in Canada for over 20 years, as well as being a Canadian citizen, I refuse to date women within my ethnicity

I especially have a disdain for international students that come from China, as I can’t relate to them. I also find that their attitudes rub me the wrong way as most of them come to Canada with a sense of entitlement, yet they do nothing to contribute

I find that I do better with white women as well as black women as they treat me with respect and we don’t have major cultural differences

Weirdly enough, I find that I can relate to women who are living in China. So whenever I do go back, I enjoy talking to them

Might get taken down, but this is somebody that’s been bothering me for a while and I feel like it’s time for me to finally acknowledge my biases

Interesting. Have you considered that your issues are not necessarily cultural, but instead generational or social class?

You say you have issues with Chinese students. If your profile says you're 27. While a student would not necessarily be that much younger than you, it might be just enough to cause a rift.

You also mention that you can relate to women who live in China but not the Chinese women who have come to Canada.

This is my assumption because I live in a moderately sized college town with lots of international students. The international students who are here have money. Their families have money. They are very likely to be very privileged and in a completely different social class, and also possibly more enlightened and educated than someone who has never had the opportunity to leave their own country.

I don't want to get into politics but are you very traditional, like into more defined gender roles - things like that?

 

[KevinMao133]

Interesting. Have you considered that your issues are not necessarily cultural, but instead generational or social class?

You say you have issues with Chinese students. If your profile says you're 27. While a student would not necessarily be that much younger than you, it might be just enough to cause a rift.

You also mention that you can relate to women who live in China but not the Chinese women who have come to Canada.

This is my assumption because I live in a moderately sized college town with lots of international students. The international students who are here have money. Their families have money. They are very likely to be very privileged and in a completely different social class, and also possibly more enlightened and educated than someone who has never had the opportunity to leave their own country.

I don't want to get into politics but are you very traditional, like into more defined gender roles - things like that?

This is the reason

Culturally I’m also different. I’m all the way immersed in western cuiture

I see them as tourists, people whom I can’t relate

 

[Levitator]

This sounds like a really unproductive line of discussion. Be aware you have aesthetic biases. Challenge yourself to ignore them and overcome them. End of story.

 

[Masked Man]

This is the reason

Culturally I’m also different. I’m all the way immersed in western cuiture

I see them as tourists, people whom I can’t relate

That is interesting and I guess not what I expected. Because (in my mind anyway) if you felt you were completely integrated, I would expect you would likely have more in common with a student, who is probably from a privileged class and probably (although not certainly) more typically Western with Western ideas than someone who never left the mainland.