I just want to be loved?

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Anyone else feel that way? Like you will feel like you are loved perfectly come what may?
And just be bestowed with so many kisses and hugs and affection and just wrapped in a bubble of love.
And you know it when you receive it that nothing else compares to people who love you for you and are there for you.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

More than love when I was in my period of being existentially lonely, all I wanted was to be accepted. When that happened, love followed.

I hope that you know that you are accepted in this community, @lovely_darlingprettybaby .

 

[Wolfnox]

More than love when I was in my period of being existentially lonely was to be accepted.

This.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

More than love when I was in my period of being existentially lonely, all I wanted was to be accepted. When that happened, love followed.

I hope that you know that you are accepted in this community, @lovely_darlingprettybaby .

I do not want to be accepted because I accept myself.
I want to be loved like I matter
I know there are people in my life who do love me
But I just want it to make sense.
To me you can be accepted more easily because some people are not that mean
But to have people in your life that seem happy you are there and pay you attention is rare at least it has been in my life.
Who can help you, support you and love you with a caring and cheerful disposition sometimes

 

[The Pandector]

I do not want to be accepted because I accept myself.
I want to be loved like I matter
I know there are people in my life who do love me
But I just want it to make sense.
To me you can be accepted more easily because some people are not that mean
But to have people in your life that seem happy you are there and pay you attention is rare at least it has been in my life.
Who can help you, support you and love you with a caring and cheerful disposition sometimes

Yes, ma’am, that would be wonderful. However, I wonder if the vast majority of humans would not cry out with the same words, if only they knew they could. Man’s inhumanity to man and the distance between all people in general, I suspect is a nearly universal phenomenon.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Yes, ma’am, that would be wonderful. However, I wonder if the vast majority of humans would not cry out with the same words, if only they knew they could. Man’s inhumanity to man and the distance between all people in general, I suspect is a nearly universal phenomenon.

I do not know why...
Because feeling like hurt from childhood trauma does not feel normal.
And I just do not always understand in my mind because then I think life is supposed to be harsh which does not feel right.
I cannot live a harsh life and it does not agree with my soul.
I know problems, issues exist but I cannot just suck it up and live something so harsh, feels wrong.
Just feels stupid.
Like why would someone want you to experience, this what is the lesson. Have no feelings?
Stoics and sly and cunning people win.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

That is the way a man thinks just suck it up and get on with it well women will be more sensitive.

 

[Tom]

I often read what you want from others, but relationships are recipricol. To get you must give.

And something to consider if a relationship is not possible is a dog. I'm quite serious. They are or at least can be trully wonderful unconditional loving companions. But you have to take great care of them.

Personnally I recommend Chihuahuas, but any breed is good.

 

[The Pandector]

That is the way a man thinks just suck it up and get on with it well women will be more sensitive.

I’ve noticed that you are given to broad generalizations about groups of people. It might be helpful to remember that, for every stereotype, there are many types of exceptions.

While many/most men may be of the suck-it-up type, there are many men out there - such as myself - who do not resonate with that approach to life. I could easily fill a few pages with invective against that mindset: you and I agree on this. How can that be, given that I’m one of those nauseating human males?

You are not the first female I’ve come across who regularly badmouths men in general. Would it be fair to the next woman I met if I assumed she hated men, therefore treating her as a hostile person? Believe me, please: women are capable of being far more cunningly hateful than your average man. But, I don’t hold that against you, or against the next woman I meet.

Fact is, I am more of the sensitive type. Which is why my feelings are hurt whenever someone lumps me in with a group due to, for instance, skin color or genitalia. But, it is also why I understand and forgive you every time you slap me in the face with your unfair and insensitive comments about men.

You also are the sensitive sort, @lovely_darlingprettybaby . So try to imagine how you would feel if you kept coming to a forum for support, only to constantly find hateful comments about women? It would hurt your feelings, right? Wouldn’t you think it unfair that your support forum overflowed with anti-YOU rhetoric?

It makes me wonder if you feel that you have the right to send endless criticism in my direction. If that’s so, I would like to hear you explain why you think you are justified in hurting my feelings when you obviously feel others have no right to offend your feelings.

I’m a real person over here, not your stereotypical male lout. After reading your posts, I have a recommendation. Next time you’re writing about how your feelings are hurt, make a conscious effort to consider whether your words are hurting others.

Because, if you’re demanding that other people consider your feelings, but you feel no obligation to consider the feelings of other people…

…

 

[Mr. Stevens]

That is the way a man thinks just suck it up and get on with it well women will be more sensitive.

I would have to disagree with this, as The Pandector does. If we were never sensitive, there would be no Shakespeare. No Sophocles or Beethoven. Which is not say these people are perfect, just that we feel and express.

I don't think our lives are harder, but what I see is that men are expected to be perfect. We are told not to be emotional, then criticized for being unfeeling. We are expected to be stable and to achieve constantly, while being treated like cavemen or children. If we struggle, we're called weak. When women struggle, it's because life is hard.

It's hard for us to complain about the bad behavior we've dealt with from women, because this is perceived as necessarily sexist. So we don't complain, and are told we lack emotion. Or, we don't open up because people tell us we're unfeeling. When people do this to me, I feel hurt and like they are not trustworthy.

I've had women use me for money, tell their friends I hit them so they looked like the victim in a breakup, and act like my biggest losses (a parent's death) were nothing. Complaining about this either got me no response, or I was told how immature I was. But, if we don't compliment a woman enough, or understand all her thoughts and feelings, we're seen as sub-human. It is deeply frustrating.

I can tell you've been hurt and mean well, but it's unfair to stereotype us and act like we're all the same. All this does is push away decent men, and give more space to those with serious character flaws.

 

[Rodafina]

Well said, @Mr. Stevens and @The Pandector. Your perspectives shared here are immensely valuable and important to hear. We are all fellow human beings through the struggles of life and none deserve to be shuffled into a negative stereotype.

 

[Forest Cat]

That is the way a man thinks just suck it up and get on with it

That's what we are taught, it begins in kindergarten. Suck it up, don't complain, be a man, never give up, don't show weakness, don't cry, don't be a wuzz, et cetera. We learn to push everything deep down and ignore it.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I’ve noticed that you are given to broad generalizations about groups of people. It might be helpful to remember that, for every stereotype, there are many types of exceptions.

While many/most men may be of the suck-it-up type, there are many men out there - such as myself - who do not resonate with that approach to life. I could easily fill a few pages with invective against that mindset: you and I agree on this. How can that be, given that I’m one of those nauseating human males?

You are not the first female I’ve come across who regularly badmouths men in general. Would it be fair to the next woman I met if I assumed she hated men, therefore treating her as a hostile person? Believe me, please: women are capable of being far more cunningly hateful than your average man. But, I don’t hold that against you, or against the next woman I meet.

Fact is, I am more of the sensitive type. Which is why my feelings are hurt whenever someone lumps me in with a group due to, for instance, skin color or genitalia. But, it is also why I understand and forgive you every time you slap me in the face with your unfair and insensitive comments about men.

You also are the sensitive sort, @lovely_darlingprettybaby . So try to imagine how you would feel if you kept coming to a forum for support, only to constantly find hateful comments about women? It would hurt your feelings, right? Wouldn’t you think it unfair that your support forum overflowed with anti-YOU rhetoric?

It makes me wonder if you feel that you have the right to send endless criticism in my direction. If that’s so, I would like to hear you explain why you think you are justified in hurting my feelings when you obviously feel others have no right to offend your feelings.

I’m a real person over here, not your stereotypical male lout. After reading your posts, I have a recommendation. Next time you’re writing about how your feelings are hurt, make a conscious effort to consider whether your words are hurting others.

Because, if you’re demanding that other people consider your feelings, but you feel no obligation to consider the feelings of other people…

…

I have trauma.
I am in no way hateful towards men or woman.
In fact if anything I seem to get tormented with how against me 'women' are and how 'evil' woman are.
So my trauma is hare because voices in my head are being told how 'horrible' woman are
Because of trauma
So I think I should not try to post too much trauma posts on here.
Because it is hard when you have severe trauma and no one understands the way you feel inside or how horrible the feelings get.
I have nothing against men.

 

[The Pandector]

I have trauma.
I am in no way hateful towards men or woman.
In fact if anything I seem to get tormented with how against me 'women' are and how 'evil' woman are.
So my trauma is hare because voices in my head are being told how 'horrible' woman are
Because of trauma
So I think I should not try to post too much trauma posts on here.
Because it is hard when you have severe trauma and no one understands the way you feel inside or how horrible the feelings get.
I have nothing against men.

On the contrary. I think I have a clear understanding of how it feels inside and how horrible that can be.

I was born and raised in constant trauma. As much as I could gather, I was often beaten as an infant, apparently because I cried too much. That man died, but the resulting nightmares alone were a constant trauma, didn’t fade away until my teens. When I got old enough, I went on my own and did well on the outside and absolutely terribly on the inside. Of course, I was expected to suck it up and show no weakness, probably much more so than you were, given that I’m a man. Undiagnosed through marriage, children, a career, I knew for certain that no one would ever understand. So, yes, I’ve long understood about not being understood. Now that I think about it, I have been enduring this pain just about twice as long as you’ve been alive.

Thinking your own suffering is so bad that it dwarfs that of others… is a serious problem with a simple (didn’t say easy) solution. Look around and recognize that one reason people aren’t as worried as you’d like about your suffering is because they’re so busy trying to alleviate their own.

Which is what makes a support forum like this so useful; it’s filled with people who have a pretty good understanding of your suffering.

 

[Dagan]

The complications seem to be, in being able to process any of the trauma. What you think and feel in any given moment isn't absolutely wrong or intentionally harmful. We / you just aren't / don't process it so well, and many times on a forum, trying to explain it just results in the word salad posts. We've all done it, as I have seen in my time here so far. It happens. We are always learning from everything.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I’ve noticed that you are given to broad generalizations about groups of people. It might be helpful to remember that, for every stereotype, there are many types of exceptions.

While many/most men may be of the suck-it-up type, there are many men out there - such as myself - who do not resonate with that approach to life. I could easily fill a few pages with invective against that mindset: you and I agree on this. How can that be, given that I’m one of those nauseating human males?

You are not the first female I’ve come across who regularly badmouths men in general. Would it be fair to the next woman I met if I assumed she hated men, therefore treating her as a hostile person? Believe me, please: women are capable of being far more cunningly hateful than your average man. But, I don’t hold that against you, or against the next woman I meet.

Fact is, I am more of the sensitive type. Which is why my feelings are hurt whenever someone lumps me in with a group due to, for instance, skin color or genitalia. But, it is also why I understand and forgive you every time you slap me in the face with your unfair and insensitive comments about men.

You also are the sensitive sort, @lovely_darlingprettybaby . So try to imagine how you would feel if you kept coming to a forum for support, only to constantly find hateful comments about women? It would hurt your feelings, right? Wouldn’t you think it unfair that your support forum overflowed with anti-YOU rhetoric?

It makes me wonder if you feel that you have the right to send endless criticism in my direction. If that’s so, I would like to hear you explain why you think you are justified in hurting my feelings when you obviously feel others have no right to offend your feelings.

I’m a real person over here, not your stereotypical male lout. After reading your posts, I have a recommendation. Next time you’re writing about how your feelings are hurt, make a conscious effort to consider whether your words are hurting others.

Because, if you’re demanding that other people consider your feelings, but you feel no obligation to consider the feelings of other people…

…

The more my wife watches videos with me on autism the more she appreciates me. Probably why women enjoy my company.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Thank you for sharing, @lovely_darlingprettybaby. And sorry for dashing off a post before work. I would love to have given it more time, but was afraid the thread might move on too much. You definitely gave a lot to think about.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

On the contrary. I think I have a clear understanding of how it feels inside and how horrible that can be.

I was born and raised in constant trauma. As much as I could gather, I was often beaten as an infant, apparently because I cried too much. That man died, but the resulting nightmares alone were a constant trauma, didn’t fade away until my teens. When I got old enough, I went on my own and did well on the outside and absolutely terribly on the inside. Of course, I was expected to suck it up and show no weakness, probably much more so than you were, given that I’m a man. Undiagnosed through marriage, children, a career, I knew for certain that no one would ever understand. So, yes, I’ve long understood about not being understood. Now that I think about it, I have been enduring this pain just about twice as long as you’ve been alive.

Thinking your own suffering is so bad that it dwarfs that of others… is a serious problem with a simple (didn’t say easy) solution. Look around and recognize that one reason people aren’t as worried as you’d like about your suffering is because they’re so busy trying to alleviate their own.

Which is what makes a support forum like this so useful; it’s filled with people who have a pretty good understanding of your suffering.

I do not believe you have to just accept suffering as your eternal existence and I do not believe you should just accept pain and be stoic and suck it up.
I also do not believe you have to constantly relate to others pain or inadequacy and share it
I struggle with that as an autistic I do not always like intrapersonal or feelings like I have to always 'relate'
I hate bring put in a box told to feel or act a certain way particularly if it is not agreeable to your soul or beliefs
And also I am compassionate and I like being peaceful with others so I do not like any form of conflict with others and feel the best when I get along with them and they love me for me and I can be honest about my feelings, beliefs, thoughts and ideals.
And I struggle with that as an autistic that I have to mask stuff others will get mad at
Or feel like I cannot trust anyone to keep me safe which is particularly hard with trauma

 

[The Pandector]

I do not believe you have to just accept suffering as your eternal existence and I do not believe you should just accept pain and be stoic and suck it up.
I also do not believe you have to constantly relate to others pain or inadequacy and share it
I struggle with that as an autistic I do not always like intrapersonal or feelings like I have to always 'relate'
I hate bring put in a box told to feel or act a certain way particularly if it is not agreeable to your soul or beliefs
And also I am compassionate and I like being peaceful with others so I do not like any form of conflict with others and feel the best when I get along with them and they love me for me and I can be honest about my feelings, beliefs, thoughts and ideals.
And I struggle with that as an autistic that I have to mask stuff others will get mad at
Or feel like I cannot trust anyone to keep me safe which is particularly hard with trauma

I can relate about not accepting a fate of suffering. It does sometimes feel as though we’re expected to understand and appreciate the suffering of others, yet we’re supposed to just accept our own and move on. Like we’re supposed to really care about others but forget about ourselves. It’s frustrating, to say the least.

However, that’s the way it is. I know when someone tells me about some suffering that they are experiencing, it is often my first reaction to tell them about some similar suffering that I am going through. But humans just don’t seem to care about me at that point; they’re too wrapped up in their own problems to think about my problems. Which, when I think about it, means that they are much like me in that regard. So, I figure I can’t be too upset about them being like that, because I am that way too.

It seemed like most humans have to work through their own problems before they can even care or understand about my problems. Maybe that’s why I hang around this forum, because so many of us have similar problems that we don’t have to try very hard to understand each other’s problems.

One thing others can’t do is experience MY suffering as much as I do, just like how I can never experience their suffering. In that way, I think we do have to accept that we are each doomed to know our own suffering more than we can imagine the suffering others are going through. So, I just try to keep in mind that that’s how it is as a human, me as much as them.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I can relate about not accepting a fate of suffering. It does sometimes feel as though we’re expected to understand and appreciate the suffering of others, yet we’re supposed to just accept our own and move on. Like we’re supposed to really care about others but forget about ourselves. It’s frustrating, to say the least.

However, that’s the way it is. I know when someone tells me about some suffering that they are experiencing, it is often my first reaction to tell them about some similar suffering that I am going through. But humans just don’t seem to care about me at that point; they’re too wrapped up in their own problems to think about my problems. Which, when I think about it, means that they are much like me in that regard. So, I figure I can’t be too upset about them being like that, because I am that way too.

It seemed like most humans have to work through their own problems before they can even care or understand about my problems. Maybe that’s why I hang around this forum, because so many of us have similar problems that we don’t have to try very hard to understand each other’s problems.

One thing others can’t do is experience MY suffering as much as I do, just like how I can never experience their suffering. In that way, I think we do have to accept that we are each doomed to know our own suffering more than we can imagine the suffering others are going through. So, I just try to keep in mind that that’s how it is as a human, me as much as them.

Yes this is so right on. I have spent my life caring about others suffering, yet no one seeing my severe illness or suffering.
I like attention and I like privacy and autonomy.
And I have really struggled with this..

Is the world seems too hard and I expect gentleness and thrive in gentleness. I mean some challenges are ok but sometimes it seems ridiculous.

And it is true, there is so much pressure to understand others problems which is really hard on an autistic to understand others problems, issues and flaws and just be like-minded. It is hard I have been caring my whole life but I get sick of being what 'others' expect or 'fit their box'
And you know what even if you do understand at times people are just like 'I relate' and this is why I gave up social media all the toxic negativity and hearing that line all the time as well.
I mean everyone wants their pain and problems seen by someone who gets it.
But there is so much pressure to understand and when you tell someone your problems anyway aop they can say is 'I relate'
Not even 'I'm sorry for your pain'. 'Or I hope you problems get better' or hope thinhs get better or something.
Just a Big Fat I relate.
And really how can someone relate if they do not know everything you have in face been through and only see bits of it on Facebook or something.
It is true I do not know their life fully and they do not know mine.
So the worse thing someone can say is I relate instead of I am sorry for you and just try to be your friend without pouring so much negativity on you.
And maybe I can not be their friend easily because I am autistic and it becomes masking to fit what they expect.
The feelings I have to fit some box has become really encompassing to me before this I was just my self and felt certain in who I was at least in certain aspects of my identity just had been through a lot.
I felt I was actually much the same person, just came into my identity more, expanded my interests a bit, grew up a lot. I thought I was expanding and growing and maturing.
But it feels like the weight loss I have been through too makes me feel like a different person.
I feel different with more weight on.