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How to test people and find like-minded individuals?

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by Greatshield17, Oct 12, 2021.

  1. Greatshield17

    Greatshield17 An Appeal to Heaven! V.I.P Member

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    I really need to find like-minded individuals to network with, they’re essential for me getting employment, finding my future wife and having an independent life.

    The problem is, I wasted a lot of my teenage and early adult years shut-off from the world; and when I finally started changing my attitude and lifestyle, the political climate had become heated and thus, I retained my reluctance to socialize on the grounds of worrying about revealing too much about my views, and getting into heated exchanges and the like.

    I need help finding like-minded individuals in my local community to make friends with; and so I need help here with tips, tricks and the like, to do that more easily.

    Please give me your advice and knowledge on this.
     
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  2. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Sounds messy.

    ;)
     
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  3. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

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    Ask people about things that are important to you, and see how they respond. If you like what you hear them say - then you're on the right track to finding like-minded people.

    Ed
     
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  4. Yeshuasdaughter

    Yeshuasdaughter You know, that one lady we met that one time. V.I.P Member

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    Maybe if you notice someone on the forums is from your local area, strike up a conversation with them. Maybe you'll see you have more in common than just similar neurology. Even if you don't meet up, at least you'll have a local friend.
     
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  5. Yeshuasdaughter

    Yeshuasdaughter You know, that one lady we met that one time. V.I.P Member

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    I'm not from your area, but I am curious, is Columbia/Kootenay BC above Kootenai County Idaho? Are you north of Sandpoint and Bonner's Ferry, Idaho?

    I think Northern Idaho is God's Country. If you ever have a chance to get down to Coeur d'Alene, I suggest it. It's so beautiful. If you live north of there, it's probably even greener and more mountainous. Is this true?
     
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  6. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    What's your mind like anyway, we wouldn't know. One of the things some people do is quickly establish rank and pliability - as creepy as it is. Ask for a favour and see what the reaction is?
     
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  7. UncertainAdult

    UncertainAdult Member

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    It's hard. I met my best friend because she was my roommate and we were forced to be friends, haha! But it turned out awesome and 6 years after college were still best friends.
    One way I try to talk to people is to notice something like a personal object on their desk at work, or something they are wearing if it's not at work, that I relate to or like or something and say something and see what happens. Sometimes it's weird and sometimes it works.
     
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  8. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝️ V.I.P Member

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    I lived in Coeur d'Alene when I was 3[?].
    (I don't remember anything about it, though.)
     
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  9. Greatshield17

    Greatshield17 An Appeal to Heaven! V.I.P Member

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    Yes, a bit to the west of Idaho, and yes it is greener and more mountainous.

    I wouldn’t mind visiting Idaho sometime in the future.
     
  10. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝️ V.I.P Member

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    In my experience, networking with other auties has not been productive in job search because so many of us struggle with employment.
    If people do connect, it is still worthwhile for meeting a future spouse, though.

    Networking through special interests/hobbies is more productive for the the former (especially if it is tied to a vocation).
    That kind of networking can also introduce you to a future spouse.
     
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  11. Greatshield17

    Greatshield17 An Appeal to Heaven! V.I.P Member

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    It’s not just fellow-Autistic people, it’s NTs as well who share other things with me; however easy or difficult that may be.
     
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  12. Gerald Wilgus

    Gerald Wilgus Well-Known Member

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    When I started coming out of my cage I really did not test people, rather, I would observe. What are their affinities? Are they accepting of differences? Those two questions led me into activity groups; hiking, cycling, canoeing/kayaking, XC skiing, and many people seemed to share my interests and values.
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2021
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  13. Yeshuasdaughter

    Yeshuasdaughter You know, that one lady we met that one time. V.I.P Member

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    You should visit it sometime. Beautiful finger lakes crisscross a perfect city shrouded by deep woods, and steep, endless mountains surround it all.
     
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  14. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝️ V.I.P Member

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    I am probably in the same latitudes being on the southern side of the Nicolet Forest. ;)
     
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  15. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    As a Christian you have a social advantage. Church, Bible studies, church events, missions, and more are all opportunities to meet like-minded folks, like-minded in that they love Christ just as much as you do. And that's what matters most, right?
     
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  16. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Meeting people is hard. Because all the wrong people are actively trying to meet and manipulate since that is their MO. So meeting people has to be carefully approached and slowly taken.

    Think just saying hello to people you encounter and take chances and join a group you might feel comfortable in. I like being alone for the most part so meeting people is no longer a priority at my age.

    Good luck with your search. May you find happiness with a special someone.
     
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  17. Gerald Wilgus

    Gerald Wilgus Well-Known Member

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    Nice area, and not too far from some great nordic skiing, like Minoqua Winter Park.
     
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  18. Varzar

    Varzar Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Coeur d'Alene is really beautiful. I also highly recommend visiting there.
    And yes, you've got the geography right. I'm in the same area as Greatshield, about 2 hours west.
    It's definitely more mountainous here I think, I'm not sure about greener. Probably about the same I guess? I haven't seen Coeur d'Alene enough at different times of year to know what it's like all the time.
    It can get pretty dry up here in the mid-summer, with forest fires posing a constant risk.

    As for Greatshield's questions..
    I'd suggest cultivating a diverse set of interests, so you always have something to talk about with new people you meet. I know you're quite religious, but even if you meet others that share your views on that, religion and politics are things people often don't want to talk about until they get to know you better and feel more comfortable with you (unless you're meeting at church, in which case I would guess religion is a fair topic of conversation there).
    Also, in general, people like to talk about themselves, so practice asking more questions and listening to what people have to say. If you can get them talking about stuff that is interesting to them, then they will be enjoying the chance to chat.. Hopefully it is something you are interested in too, and can stay engaged with them on.
     
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  19. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes listening is a great skill, and a gift to the person you listen to, also.

    I guess what struck me is, probably most people here struggle to an extent with communication issues and social interaction, one way or another, so you do have a fairly typical dilemma there, which isn't necessarily going to be easy to solve by getting advice or picking up skills in that area, as skills may be hard to pick up. Maybe join some interest groups as has been suggested, and be a good listener there too.
     
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  20. Suzette

    Suzette Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    My grandmother always said that one should not discuss money, religion or politics. I agree with her. These topics are fodder for division and heated exchanges.

    The concept of "like minded" people often makes one think that your best friends, those that you can trust the most, wiill believe as you do about the topics I listed. In my experience this is just not true.

    I have actually found my most reliable and trust worthy friends do not hold my beliefs in these matters. They are the ones who will do anything for us but we do not agree on many things. We talk about our shared interests and common experiences, our families, movies, books, music...there are many things in this world that do not induces ideological chest thumping!

    My suggestion is to explore your interests and have something to day about it.. Take note of movies and books that you enjoyed and why you liked them so you can share with others.

    When divisive subjects come up, change the subject. If someone insists on knowing your views you can be assured they are boores and probably minor bullies. Proceed with caution.

    The thing is, nothing we do will ensure we will always get along with others or make deep meaningful friendships. To some degree you must accept that the human experience is difficult and we are largely alone. But you can make friends that will check on you, miss you and go out of their way to help you. And they don't even have to believe in the things you do.
     
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