How reclusive/sociable are you?

[All-Rounder]

For years I didn't exit my home and was happy, especially with online interactions and activities, more recently I go outside every day and am open to convo with people but I don't necessarily start it myself. I try to take the pathways which most make me feel anxiety and try to decrease it and check myself, but Im much more courageous and able to get things done that involve going out without the need of someone.

 

[DuckRabbit]

I'll start, with own tendencies. I'm very reclusive, and no matter how much time I spend alone, I neither get lonely nor crave human interaction. I have no friends, and that doesn't bother me. When associating with people, I treat them kindly, and will help them, if they want help. Doing nice things, for others, feels good, I'll admit. However, I never need them around, to be happy.

Some people have worried about my reclusiveness, and think that it's unhealthy. It's not unhealthy; it's simply a lifestyle that few can happily live. Therefore, to many, it's a "disease." Some say, "Everyone needs friends," but I'm joyous, without any. I enjoy reading others' perspectives online, but my wellbeing doesn't require tangible human interactions.

I write this, in total honesty. I'm happy, as a recluse. Do you hear that, stigmatizers? I'm not a disease; there's more than one way, to be happy.

Anyway, what about you? Do you spend a lot of time alone? Do you enjoy solitude? Do you like spending time around people or friends?

"The needs and necessities of mankind are manifold. What sets one man free is another man’s prison. So also with normality and adaptation. Even if it be a biological axiom that man is a herd animal who only finds optimum health living as a social being, the very next case may quite possibly invert this axiom and show us that he is completely healthy only when leading an abnormal and unsocial life."
~ Carl Jung

 

[BlueSky Aozora]

Okay, I think what they mean by unhealthy to recluse is:

• Less time to 'practise' socializing. So when we need it in the future, we might feel difficult to do it.
• Less time spend to contribute in helping others, e.g. household chores etc.
• Less time to show our acts of love & appreciation towards people who make it possible for us to live comfortably (maybe the one who strive to provide money for us; providing food, providing the internet connection!! (for people who doesn't work or live with somebody else)), i.e. people who cares about us.
• Less time to tell the people who cares about us, that we're doing fine & happy (thanks to them also)

By the way, what level of recluse are you referring to?

 

[BraidedPony]

I think that all or most of you who say you are mostly reclusive are living with a partner or family member.
Would you still identify yourselves as happily reclusive if you were truly alone?

 

[All-Rounder]

I think that all or most of you who say you are mostly reclusive are living with a partner or family member.
Would you still identify yourselves as happily reclusive if you were truly alone?

Thats harder but it can be freeing to do stuff your own way in your own time, but can be very hard with anxiety about going out and no stable workplace/finances.

 

[Judge]

I think that all or most of you who say you are mostly reclusive are living with a partner or family member.
Would you still identify yourselves as happily reclusive if you were truly alone?

That's kind of a "loaded question" to me. Yes, I live as a recluse. Yes, I do so completely alone.

Am I "happy" about it?

I was diagnosed with chronic clinical depression at the outset of my adulthood. From my perspective I'm not sure what "happy" means or implies, relative to one's emotional being and the amount of time such a condition might allegedly span. Nor can I really relate to envy or jealousy.

Let's just say that I prefer routinely living alone as opposed to routinely occupying living space with another human being. While on select occasions I can experience loneliness, it never surpasses a relative feeling of contentment in not having to struggle in so many ways with the sharing of my personal space with others.

If I were to quantify it all on a balance sheet, living alone would consistently surpass the value of being lonely by at least one integer. Does the difference in values constitute something so profound as defining "happiness" ? -No.

 

[Kirsty]

I don’t have anyone in my life. The only time I see people is at work and meet-ups. I really need a hug, but I’ve got no one. I’m painfully lonely and have been for most of my life.

 

[HidinginPlainSight]

I don't really have any friends, in the sense of someone I could call up and think of a reason to spend time with. I tend to do things by myself for the most part. Except when it comes to playing sports. I suppose those are sort of friends as we aren't on bad terms and tend to meet once a week, but I don't really know what they do without themselves otherwise.

At work it's pretty much the same thing. I can go days without talking to anyone at work, but then get caught in some conversation or another. I really have no idea what my co-workers think about me and I doubt they would ever tell me.

All in all, I do like doing the things that I'm into and understand that very few people are on the same wavelength. That said, it can be a very lonely experience at times and I would like to find at least one person who is.

I've actually felt more lonely in the few relationships that I've had. This is no doubt I'd be considered a recluse, but the extent of it would be very hard to give a solid answer on.

 

[shysnail]

That's an interesting point @BraidedPony. My partner is my main social interaction, and I wouldn't be as content if I didn't have her. So I guess my ideal is being a total hermit, but with a plus one .

 

[JDShredds]

I'll start with: All of my long lasting friendships have been long distance, and usually with other recluses. Also, leave it up to this forum to make me seem sociable.

On the day to day I live alone (though that is becoming an increasing financial struggle I'm trying to tackle) and, since I work from home as well, its always intentional when I go out. But I make myself go for walks and hikes, and I've recently been reaching out to old friends online.

For me, there is a distinct difference between isolation and solitude. I need an unusual level of solitude, but when it gets to isolation where there is NO contact at all for very extended periods of time, it does start to become a bit too much of a self-centered vacuum where my head starts to spin and I need to get out of my hole.

I do value connection and friendship - but I have to pick very selectively because of just how fatiguing it can be otherwise. I'd also say, in short bursts, I am quite a friendly personality. Its just when you get close to me that you learn I'm really a porcupine.

 

[tlc]

I think that all or most of you who say you are mostly reclusive are living with a partner or family member.
Would you still identify yourselves as happily reclusive if you were truly alone?

That's all I yearn for, is to be truly alone. That's the only time I can truly think for myself, be myself, and feel unstressed and happy.

 

[Gracey]

I think that all or most of you who say you are mostly reclusive are living with a partner or family member.
Would you still identify yourselves as happily reclusive if you were truly alone?

Great point.
No companion animals.
No husband, family, wider family.

What about online interaction? Does that count?
Are we talking physically alone? Physical absence of a human or animal form?

Or complete isolation?

 

[Ylva]

It's funny, because some of my neighbors seem to have agreed between them to ignore me, possibly as punishment for being weird (I have a tic disorder). The irony of it is that I don't mind. I love it. No more awkward "hello"s and "how are you"s. No more wondering if I should make eye contact. No more hearing about random stuff in their lives.

So yeah, definitely reclusive. I'd rather read inside on a sunny day. Tried to be social enough to read at the library for a while, but I am simply happier at home. Love rainy days.

 

[grimmy]

In short in the last month outside of the forced interactions doctors appointments, solicitors and so on I have seen one person twice. I'm much happier in my own company and I don't really miss face to face interactions they come at too high of a price for me and I don't yearn for them at all.

 

[JDShredds]

I think that all or most of you who say you are mostly reclusive are living with a partner or family member.
Would you still identify yourselves as happily reclusive if you were truly alone?

This is pure wisdom and I cannot emphasis it enough. If you haven't lived COMPLETELY alone for an extended period of time - ie no pets, no partners, no work associates, no friends, no roommates, no family, no neighbors - then you're kidding yourself if you think you're immune to needing connection... because you don't actually know from experience. "Feeling better when I'm alone" is not evidence enough.

I learned from experience: Most of my social interaction was with my spouse and pets, but over the course of the last 2 years that is all no more. I did learn that I am indeed okay completely alone, but I also recognize the nuance in needing some form of connection.

Bold statement time: You want solitude (extended time alone), not isolation (no contact whatsoever). If you're seeking isolation, even on the spectrum, it is unhealthy and you just don't want to admit it.

 

[Juliettaa]

I think that all or most of you who say you are mostly reclusive are living with a partner or family member.
Would you still identify yourselves as happily reclusive if you were truly alone?

Good point @BraidedPony

I definitely wouldn't class myself as being reclusive nor would I ever want to be. I have my husband, pets and friends.

I'm happy spending time alone and really need alone/quiet time to recharge, but if I didn't have to go to work, as in leave the house and work in different environment completely, surrounded by people, I think this need would be diminished somewhat.

No man is an island. John Donne.

 

[oregano]

I also spend nearly all of my time alone. The only time when I WASN'T like that was high school, when I did stuff like go to school dances, because I liked the music and I liked watching the kids dance. I HATED the sports games that the dances were hooked to, so I'd bypass the game and go straight to the dance. I even had a semi-girlfriend for a while who I took to the big couples dances like homecoming and prom.

After HS I went to a community college since my grades were poor and in a CC there is no social life, just arrive, go to class, and go home. It was a shock at first. I tried going to punk rock concerts, to raves, to youth nightclubs, but I really didn't like it. The vibe was totally different, and I felt rejected. Raves especially had horrible problems with psychoactive drug use, and it would be like a nightclub version of a zombie movie. Eventually I gave up on trying to "be social".

As America has gotten to be an angrier, more judgmental place, where you can get murdered for a minor traffic collision or sent to prison for kissing a woman (with her consent, at least at first)-an act which quickly becomes "sexual assault"-I have spent increasing lengths of time indoors. The outside world is becoming less and less safe. I am actually making plans to do what @shysnail suggested, live alone in a remote area, just me and the chickens.

 

[Noelle]

I love what the original poster has written here. It does take a very unique person to enjoy your own company so much that you don't want or need human interaction. I'm not like that, but I definitely don't crave the interaction the way I think I might have when I was younger.

I would call myself very selectively social. I can't really work out what my process is for this though. I feel like I have a snob complex and am praying that this will disappear now that I am aware of my own ASD. But I worry that I've become more uppity and stand offish since getting diagnosed last year. It's almost as if the rest of the world just bores me, and now that I know why, I don't care, and I don't try. I would like to grow out of this.

Friends have always been important to me. I treasure mine and stay in regular communication with them. I would struggle emotionally if I didn't have them, but they are not physically around me. Nor do I use social media to communicate. I love Skype and old fashioned texting. I do live in quite a reclusive physical space though, I think. This may be self preservation. I've got some pretty strong sensory issues and really thrive when I can have complete control over my environment.

This is a great thread.

 

[savi83]

When I was at school I was a recluse. I didn't mix with the other kids so on breaks I'd lock myself away in the IT room and use the computers. After school I would lock myself in my room and would only come out for food.

In college I tried to be more social. My class went to the local pub when we finished early on the Friday. I got bored and ended up taking on another class so I had an excuse not to go.

I had a group of mates in my 20's, our relationship was quite shallow. We didn't have deep conversation or no much about each other. We went out and experienced the atmosphere of a few bars.

Now in my 30's, I work in a face to face customer service role. Not quite what I expected to go into. Outside that I have my partner. Don't socialise anymore unless it's a family event.

I tend not to mix outside of family. I don't handle the drama that people have.

 

[Mllry]

I can relate so much to what some people have written in this thread, especially when it comes to the difference between being alone and being lonely. People around me always acted and spoke like being alone was not normal, that it was a something unhealthy. But I could never quite agree with that. I often don't understand when people say they feel lonely, I can't see how being on your own is a problem. Everyone acts as if having human connections is necessary to live a happy live, but I only see it as a necessity to live in society, not something that I internally crave. It feels like I have to maintain a social life because this is what is expected of me, it's the norm. I would spend time with friends at school, but going out with them in my free time felt too bothersome, it was like I'd have no time for me to breathe.

All I need are a few online and text interactions, because I somehow feel like those are easier to 'control'. It's really frustrating for me when I hear people say that online interactions are 'isolating' people, that people don't have 'real' interactions anymore and so on. I personnally see it as a way for people with social difficulties to actually have easier interactions. It can be really accommodating for some people and I don't see anything wrong with that. It also makes it easier to find people with whom I share common interests so that we have clear discussions subjects other than uninteresting small talk. Although I do enjoy a few persons' company, I really don't mind being on my own. I could spend days locked up at home without any social interactions and it would not bother me. I wouldn't get sad nor depressed, I only find it relaxing because it's a time where I just don't have to think about social interactions, I feel like I can actually 'recharge' if that makes any sense. I enjoy my own company, and it gives me time to indulge in activities that I enjoy without the fear of being interrupted nor having to worry about talking and figuring how to expressing my thoughts.

I do enjoy being around people without necessarily talking, I guess I enjoy their presence and observing them rather than my interactions with them. I'd also rather have individual friends rather that a large group of friends, because talking one on one is a lot easier. I can tell when the other is expecting me to talk, like when they ask me questions and so on. If there are more than two persons I can no longer take part in the conversation as I have no idea when to jump in or not. Having fewer friends also allows me to interact with them more often so that they won't feel like I abandonned them or stopped caring, which is simply not true. I'd rather focus on having one deep and meaningful relationship where I can get invested rather than having a bunch of acquaintances that I wouldn't be able to keep track of.