How reclusive/sociable are you?

[Vindicator Phoenix]

I'll start, with own tendencies. I'm very reclusive, and no matter how much time I spend alone, I neither get lonely nor crave human interaction. I have no friends, and that doesn't bother me. When associating with people, I treat them kindly, and will help them, if they want help. Doing nice things, for others, feels good, I'll admit. However, I never need them around, to be happy.

Some people have worried about my reclusiveness, and think that it's unhealthy. It's not unhealthy; it's simply a lifestyle that few can happily live. Therefore, to many, it's a "disease." Some say, "Everyone needs friends," but I'm joyous, without any. I enjoy reading others' perspectives online, but my wellbeing doesn't require tangible human interactions.

I write this, in total honesty. I'm happy, as a recluse. Do you hear that, stigmatizers? I'm not a disease; there's more than one way, to be happy.

Anyway, what about you? Do you spend a lot of time alone? Do you enjoy solitude? Do you like spending time around people or friends?

 

[Progster]

I spend a lot of my time alone. I have my partner, but that's the only company I actually need, though I may choose occasionally to meet up with someone or visit my family in the UK. I used to feel lonely and down sometimes, But not any more. I think it was a stimulation craving more than actually wanting friends or to be around people - I was bored and wanted something to do.

There is a difference between being alone, and being lonely. Being lonely is considered unhealthy, as it may lead to depression or other mental health issues. But being alone is a lifestyle choice and not unhealthy in itself. People who tell you that it's unhealthy to be alone are confusing these two different things.

Humans are social beings and for most people, being alone may lead to feelings of loneliness and depression. For many of Us with ASD, or introverts, being alone doesn't lead to loneliness and depression, it's our natural way of being.

 

[shysnail]

I'm almost totally reclusive, apart from my partner. I interact with hardly anyone. I've always been that way and I like it. I like being alone and having my own time to do whatever I want. My partner is an introverted person, but I don't think she understood when I explained to her that I genuinely have no desire to make human connections. It's like that drive just doesn't exist in me. I think I could live in a cabin in the woods and never see anyone and be my happiest self.

 

[Nomen Dubium]

I'm pretty much the same. I have a couple of friends who I see now and then, but beyond that the only human contact I get is with my dad (because we live in the same house) and colleagues at work (because there's no way to avoid them). I'm not actively 'scared' as such, it's just that I have only very finite resources of interaction ability before I run out of things to say and the awkward silence descends.

I've tried to acquire hobbies that get me out of the house, but these are solitary as well. Walking in the local woodlands, visiting historical attractions; that sort of thing. But with the latter a pattern very quickly developed. I'd drive upwards of a hundred miles to get to a place, a journey that could take a couple of hours or more and then, once I'd got there, I'd walk about the place in a logical A-to-B-to-C sort of way that could take maybe an hour, and then I'd get in my car and drive home again.

I don't know; it seems as if I just wasn't built for human interaction.

 

[rubicks52]

I spend a lot of time alone, but I do wish I had a bit more social interaction. My mom certainly wishes I had more friends. I think for me, part of it is that I see my twin sister having a serious boyfriend and large, close friend group, and it makes me feel like I'm missing out in life. For the most part though, I enjoy being by myself and talking with my friends online.

 

[Mia]

Used to be social when I was a child and well into my thirties. That was my time to go out, meet other people, make some sort of connection. After high school I was sociable to a certain extent, often went to cafes and talked and listened, and things like dinner parties and weekends in the country. Few of us were well-off but someone usually had a car and we camped together and went on hikes and canoeing and such.

Forced myself into being social, as I moved away from my hometown and was on my own at an early age. So I needed connections with people as I didn't really have family nearby. Even as a child I had friends, as a way to connect with others and I spent a good deal of time at friends homes. It didn't come naturally to me, and it takes a great deal of effort to be sociable.

As I've become older, I'm less social and quite insular really. Might meet up with two couples my husband knows, once every few months. And that's quite enough now.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

My morning walks consist of turning left and right according to where I see other people walking.

Rain is the best.

Because I spend time alone,with zero family commitments, I find I have little to talk about that other people will be interested in.

I am usually working well ahead of what the other person is saying,so the ordinary person usually bores me. I can usually join in with a joke or something - if the other person 'plays back' it can be fun.

I don't think I need it. Far less than most if I do.

 

[Juliettaa]

My main contact with other people is due to work. I have to go into the workplace 2-3 days per week, but I don't join in any of the chit chat and never ever go out with them socially.

I'm a very reliable, hard working, helpful person but I'm definitely not there to make friends.

I'm happy spending time alone and don't 'need' to talk to people. I try to avoid speaking to strangers like shop assistants, check out operators etc - I just can't do it. It causes so much anxiety being hyper-vigilant trying to work out why they're talking s%*t that's of zero interest to me; so I ensure that I'm accompanied by Mr J when I venture out. I also do not answer the door or the telephone.

I've been labelled 'miserable' in the past for not going out socially, or worse .......... actually someone called me a f***ing b**ch on one occasion simply because I refused to go to a Christmas meal at work.

I have several friends, but they're separate, not a group of friends so I see them one at a time. I can cope with that and enjoy spending time with them. But these are friends I've had for many years so we're used to each other and we're respectful of differences.

 

[Judge]

How reclusive? How sociable?

These days, about as much as the character Walter Eckland from "Father Goose".

Yeah, that's me. AKA "the filthy beast". Minus the kids, living in spendid isolation in retirement. Just not in a hut in a desert island as a coastal watcher. No boat either. But plenty of whiskey. Oh well...

Funny, I always thought of old Walter as kind of a role model.

 

[RMX07]

I think I see a pattern here...

I’m an INTJ and big-time introvert, so coupled with ASD, I need A LOT of alone-time to re-energise. I’d probably say I have a 2:1 ratio: I need 2 parts of rest to every 1 part of social interaction to be at my peak.

My current job requires constant social interaction, and with 3x 8-hour shifts each week, I’ve pretty much always depleted my energy reserves. This means I’m rarely involved in social engagements. I can count the number of friends I have on one hand, excluding my partner whom I live with and see every day, and couldn’t fathom having even more friendships than this to maintain.

That said, I’m sometimes social in other ways. Occasionally I’ll play online games with friends, and I am part of an online community that has monthly meetups in my area. What’s great about the latter is that I can be super casual with it, so I can show up only when I feel like it. I think it’s been about 6 months since I went there last, though, just because of how tiring work has been.

Just like many others here, I can absolutely identify with being at my happiest when alone and engaged with my special interests.

 

[Isadoorian]

I'd say anywhere between 50/50 to 75/25 of Alone Time to Socializing for me.

I don't mind socializing at all, though I mainly, as per usual, keep to myself, and not many people talk to me anyways, so it works out

I've also noticed for some time now that whenever I'm out playing Magic the Gathering on Friday nights, later on in the night while playing I'll feel... burnt out maybe? Like I'll get super tired/exhausted and sleepy, and trying to drink anything with caffeine in it for extra uppity energy sometimes doesn't help for some reason. Never used to happen, so it's rather mystifying to me.

 

[Fino]

My contact with people at work and church is generally enough and so I only do something social about every other month, which is always at the insistence of someone else, but I do message a few particular people frequently, almost all people I see regularly at work and church.

 

[BrokenBoy]

I spend a lot of time alone in my room and my parents often offer things for me to do outside and I refuse a lot because they are boring.

I still want friends though but most people are just unlikable or boring.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I was an recluse and it was an terrible feeling. Humans need interaction with others and family as much as I love them does not count as they don't understand.

I now socialize heck I am at an social event now as I am typing this. I still don't talk as much as others in the group but I do still talk and I can get into heated conversations with topics that interest me like computers and tech.

 

[tducey]

I'm somewhere in the middle in this discussion.

 

[tlc]

I've tried to acquire hobbies that get me out of the house, but these are solitary as well. Walking in the local woodlands, visiting historical attractions; that sort of thing. But with the latter a pattern very quickly developed. I'd drive upwards of a hundred miles to get to a place, a journey that could take a couple of hours or more and then, once I'd got there, I'd walk about the place in a logical A-to-B-to-C sort of way that could take maybe an hour, and then I'd get in my car and drive home again.

I do this, like going up north. I like to go to places where there are no people. I do the same, I get into a routine and feel like going home, but I don't. I'll either just keep doing the routine over, usually exploring a little more each time. For example going to Tahquamenon after the season is over, not only is the toll booth closed, but nobody is there, I've got free run of the place. I can do things that I can't when it's open, like explore the boathouse, go outside the railings, things like that. I'll stay there as long as I can. Even if I get bored, I'd rather be bored and be alone in a pretty place, than not be bored and have to deal with people.

My mom still lives in my house, supposedly only until July 1. She talks a lot. When she gets here I feel my spirit drop. If I'm trying to read or think about something, and she starts trying to tell me about all the people she works with and whatever, I feel like she's standing between me and what I'm trying to do. Same when my dad calls me on the phone, I feel like I'm being physically blocked from what I want to think about. He said something the other day, the reason my mom is still here is because he told her I still need a babysitter or I'll get into trouble. Which really makes me feel worthless because I'd like to think I've done enough things in my life to prove myself worthwhile. Let's see, engineering degree, job for 20 years, homeowner for 20 years, raised a kid who is now graduated, pay my own bills, fix my own things, I don't need anybody for anything. Was married but it failed miserably so I won't do it again. What am I missing? I just want to be able to live my own life and think for myself. I didn't think that was out of line.

 

[Bronzelincolns]

I am a reclusive and couldn't care less what people think about it.

 

[100skerls]

I am happy alone with animals and plants but I definitely have a desire for human interaction sometimes. I’m just often disappointed by those interactions. I go on long stretches of avoiding social interaction and then some phases of wanting to be social and kind of study people to understand what people are like. Like I’ll go to bars just have one drink and try to get drunk people to tell me about themselves because drunk people are more open. Every now and then I’ll be sad and wish I had autistic friends or animal rights friends or gardening friends. But I don’t need companionship to be happy most of the time. I guess I have a desire to feel I don’t stand out as much as I do. I do not like to feel very different than everyone else and often have to hide key elements about my identity and it makes me feel empty. Sometimes I feel I’d be more comfortable not hiding myself if I had some friends who had the same values and quirks as me. Or alternatively I think I’d also be more comfortable if I lived in a more accepting community that was more in line with my values and interests.

 

[100skerls]

I'd say anywhere between 50/50 to 75/25 of Alone Time to Socializing for me.

I don't mind socializing at all, though I mainly, as per usual, keep to myself, and not many people talk to me anyways, so it works out

I've also noticed for some time now that whenever I'm out playing Magic the Gathering on Friday nights, later on in the night while playing I'll feel... burnt out maybe? Like I'll get super tired/exhausted and sleepy, and trying to drink anything with caffeine in it for extra uppity energy sometimes doesn't help for some reason. Never used to happen, so it's rather mystifying to me.

I used to play Friday night magic with my ex boyfriend! Haha. It was fun.

 

[BlueSky Aozora]

I'll start, with own tendencies. I'm very reclusive, and no matter how much time I spend alone, I neither get lonely nor crave human interaction. I have no friends, and that doesn't bother me. When associating with people, I treat them kindly, and will help them, if they want help. Doing nice things, for others, feels good, I'll admit. However, I never need them around, to be happy.

Some people have worried about my reclusiveness, and think that it's unhealthy. It's not unhealthy; it's simply a lifestyle that few can happily live. Therefore, to many, it's a "disease." Some say, "Everyone needs friends," but I'm joyous, without any. I enjoy reading others' perspectives online, but my wellbeing doesn't require tangible human interactions.

I write this, in total honesty. I'm happy, as a recluse. Do you hear that, stigmatizers? I'm not a disease; there's more than one way, to be happy.

Anyway, what about you? Do you spend a lot of time alone? Do you enjoy solitude? Do you like spending time around people or friends?

Interesting thread.

I think i'll be happy if I can socialize just once a week (having other days just for myself/work or with brief social moments), and fine with no social activities during weekends. If both weekends are full with social activities with people i'm not comfortable with - that's terrible.

I think people found this kind of thing to be terrible when we seem like we don't care about them. What I mean is, I see that normal people usually do something for others, helping others, for example: family members helping with household tasks, occasionally visit grandparents/relatives etc, occasionally prepare gifts etc, ask how they're doing, show up, etc.

I'm worried if I'm not doing something that I'm expected to do, i.e. my 'responsibilities'. I think we tend to not notice that we should have done this and that..

I think the least people should do, whether they're reclusive or not, is helping out with household chores, voluntarily & regularly. Just my opinion..