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How do you grow up?

I can figure out the toilet paper thing. It gets pretty messy if I don't. As for predicting adult life things & predictive consequences, I don't have a clu

(I just lost my keyboard here & freaked out that it took me 10 minutes & a phone call to get it back). Tantrum now in check.
 
Schism said:
Probably the most accurate quote I have seen here. Just underestimates the anxiety I feel on a day to day basis as a result. I tend to turn to drink to negate the day/feelings.
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I don't think any of us underestimate the anxiety we experience. We may have a lot of the same hang-ups as those not on the spectrum, but we generally sure know how to worry about 'em.

Anxiety is the autistic's familiar. Ever present on our shoulders.
 
Qoyote said:
... It feels like there's a wall in my head and once I break through it I'll be a better person, but every time I try it's too painful and I give up.

Did any of you go through what I'm talking about? What do you think I should do?
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You maybe expecting to break through that wall, get to the other side and be a completely different person.
To be all that you want to be?

It doesn't happen that quickly nor will you be a completely different person.

I believe we can change some aspects of ourselves albeit slowly, over time.
small increments,
through choices, responsibilities, self awareness.

Perhaps the first thing you might try is stop believing you're 'less' because you're you.

You're not perfect, nobody is.
That alone makes you equal to or the same as all others :)
 
I am a 40 year old man with the mind of a 16-18 year old boy in some respects. I don't think I'd be much of a help. I think growing up while necessary, is overrated. Enjoy being young.
 
Every adult is a grown-up child. The adulting is often just a social mask to cover up the real personality inside. When people are acting themselves, they tend to become more child-like.
 
1. figure out what you want
2. figure out what you need to do to get it
3. take small steps away from your comfort zone towards your goal
4. PROFIT!
 
Can I just shout THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK YOU to all of you with these quotes you've each posted!? Its like you read my mind. Do people actually fathom what it means to BE AN ADULT!? I'm me, and I feel like I'm evil for being me and I hate it! I'm trying and trying and trying to do right.....but I need my me time, time to be myself. I'M SORRY MOM! I'M NOT LIKE YOU, WHY CAN'T YOU LET THIS BE!? Stop trying to push me into answering you! And yet she always does! I'm not putting her down, but I deal with this everyday, not to mention being constantly told I'm a liar or I'm lazy or don't care about anything but me and my stuff. Anyone else have this trouble? I need some answers on what I can do cause I'm juggling being me with being in a technical college (third year) and trying to live up to the expectations of my parents. 31 and still the same old story. I'm not responsible, I don't care about my schooling, and it goes on and on and on. Stepmom OCD me ADHD and dad in the middle. I hate it but I feel like I'm always doing more harm than good, and when I deal I get into more trouble. And I gotta ask......is there something more that can help than lists? Because I've got a list that never can stay the same, I find all of the tasks trying to take over my brain, there are far TOO MANY important priorities! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TOO MANY! Even now reaching out to you guys is considered wasting time. But I'm like, "WHEN WILL THERE BE TIME!? TOMORROW ANOTHER SCHOOL DAY! THE NEXT DAY THE SAME! EITHER WAY, NO FRIGGIN TIME! TELL ME I'M WRONG! and I'm just......I wanna cry but no, I'm just pouting. I'm just being lazy, I don't care, I act like a brat, HONEY HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME OR HOW I FEEL, HE'S DISRESPECTFUL, I WANT HIM TO MOVE OUT!" How do I cope without it being a waste of time in my folks eyes? :'( I want to be obedient and to honor their wishes and please them in my actions.....but....some days its like they're all over the place and I hear them adding more demands, even when they're at work. Even when I'm in school. I just.....what do I do so that we all have peace in the home? Its not like I really want to hurt them. But things never seem to improve. And when they do.....its never staying that way and I need something more than a stupid band-aid like society tries to put on everything. Please help me guys.....I'm on fumes and scared I'll be kicked out if I screw up anymore, I want to do right by my parents and teachers but I cannot do it alone, and that is friggin hard to admit.
 
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Drakkonwing89 said:
Can I just shout THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK YOU to all of you with these quotes you've each posted!? Its like you read my mind. Do people actually fathom what it means to BE AN ADULT!? I'm me, and I feel like I'm evil for being me and I hate it! I'm trying and trying and trying to do right.....but I need my me time, time to be myself. I'M SORRY MOM! I'M NOT LIKE YOU, WHY CAN'T YOU LET THIS BE!? Stop trying to push me into answering you! And yet she always does! I'm not putting her down, but I deal with this everyday, not to mention being constantly told I'm a liar or I'm lazy or don't care about anything but me and my stuff. Anyone else have this trouble? I need some answers on what I can do cause I'm juggling being me with being in a technical college (third year) and trying to live up to the expectations of my parents. 31 and still the same old story. I'm not responsible, I don't care about my schooling, and it goes on and on and on. Stepmom OCD me ADHD and dad in the middle. I hate it but I feel like I'm always doing more harm than good, and when I deal I get into more trouble. And I gotta ask......is there something more that can help than lists? Because I've got a list that never can stay the same, I find all of the tasks trying to take over my brain, there are far TOO MANY important priorities! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TOO MANY! Even now reaching out to you guys is considered wasting time. But I'm like, "WHEN WILL THERE BE TIME!? TOMORROW ANOTHER SCHOOL DAY! THE NEXT DAY THE SAME! EITHER WAY, NO FRIGGIN TIME! TELL ME I'M WRONG! and I'm just......I wanna cry but no, I'm just pouting. I'm just being lazy, I don't care, I act like a brat, HONEY HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME OR HOW I FEEL, HE'S DISRESPECTFUL, I WANT HIM TO MOVE OUT!" How do I cope without it being a waste of time in my folks eyes? :'( I want to be obedient and to honor their wishes and please them in my actions.....but....some days its like they're all over the place and I hear them adding more demands, even when they're at work. Even when I'm in school. I just.....what do I do so that we all have peace in the home? Its not like I really want to hurt them. But things never seem to improve. And when they do.....its never staying that way and I need something more than a stupid band-aid like society tries to put on everything. Please help me guys.....I'm on fumes and scared I'll be kicked out if I screw up anymore, I want to do right by my parents and teachers but I cannot do it alone, and that is friggin hard to admit.
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I presume your parents are neurotypical , if they are are ?you need to think about moving out !you're not going 2 get respect , if you had cancer they would give you respect , people do not respect autism.
 
Streetwise said:
I presume your parents are neurotypical , if they are are ?you need to think about moving out !you're not going 2 get respect , if you had cancer they would give you respect , people do not respect autism.
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I'd love to, but I need financial stability. And I've got that here. I'm trying to get where I can drive and where I can move out on my own and not when they're sick of me being here. You know? I've no job and I'm trying to do what they say while juggling school and everything else. I just wish they could somehow see where I'm coming from instead of their own experience rearing its ugly head and dominating.
 
Drakkonwing89 said:
I'd love to, but I need financial stability. And I've got that here. I'm trying to get where I can drive and where I can move out on my own and not when they're sick of me being here. You know? I've no job and I'm trying to do what they say while juggling school and everything else. I just wish they could somehow see where I'm coming from instead of their own experience rearing its ugly head and dominating.
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You've got to tell them ,I was very close to my mother so it was different from you but she was always trying to make me do something that I just wouldn't do then she became terminally ill would have her back in a heartbeat
 
Streetwise said:
You've got to tell them ,I was very close to my mother so it was different from you but she was always trying to make me do something that I just wouldn't do then she became terminally ill would have her back in a heartbeat
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Have told them, but they don't see it cause its all based on "my" actions as they put it. I'm trying and trying to show it but its exhausting. It friggin sucks and I feel stupid because I can't seem to get with the program you know?
 
I was lucky that my parents never tried to rule me or make me live as I didn't want.
They were like my best friends and we enjoyed doing things together and living together.
As long as I was happy and they were happy with me living at home why would I want to
break that when I never longed for a different way?
Mom didn't work and I made more than my Dad, so no problems there.
I could live as I wanted and do things in my own time and own way.

I know a lot of parents try to mold you to what they want you to be.
They want you to grow up, move out and start living the typical American dream.
And sometimes they just don't want that third wheel hanging around when they get older
even if you can be helpful to them.
They want you to want what they deem you should want. But, what if you don't?
Some will give you the boot.
Thankfully I didn't have to put up with this do as "I want" attitude.
Unfortunately you can't change what they want or how they think anymore than they can change you.

I wouldn't have wanted to make a life and family of my own anymore at age 20
as I do now at 60!
But, now that they have passed, I have to. Don't like it though and will always want it the way
it used to be.
 
Hi hi. I want you to know that your behavior cannot be changed. Watching children's tv, playing games you've played since you were a kid, making small gestures (like pumping your fist or ninja running). I want to assure you that you can do all of that even as an adult. If someone negatively responds to your behavior then rebuff them. Tell them it makes you happier to behave that way and you won't change for them. Never expect that everyone will agree with your perspective because their opinions should not matter. I hope this helps.
 
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