Tankgirlboy77
Well-Known Member
so here's the thing...
I work a 9 to 5 job constantly surrounded by people. Everyday I get home emotionally exhausted and so relieved to finally be alone.
Here's my sticking point:
Being myself is the problem - I don't respond to social chat like other people, I constantly miss cues and drop the ball conversationally, because I can't understand what they're expecting from me. I can't do the rhythm or tone of social chat, and the topics of these chats mostly just seem pointless to me anyway. No one else has any interest in my interests, so I don't bring them up.
Since being myself is the problem, I feel the need to pretend to be like everyone else. This involves great and continued effort, and only limited success. Also I have to research mainstream topics and watch tv I wouldn't normally watch just to be able to join in.
This all gets exhausting, feels inauthentic, is not satisfying and the projection or mask does eventually slip from time to time, leading me to withdraw and feel like a failure. I don't like the me I'm projecting, and really it feels like lying.
This can't go on, I think, hence my deep inner desire to 'just be myself'.
But (back to the start again) being myself is the problem.
What is the answer to this, and has anyone else ever felt this confusion? What should I do?
Thanks for reading
I work a 9 to 5 job constantly surrounded by people. Everyday I get home emotionally exhausted and so relieved to finally be alone.
Here's my sticking point:
Being myself is the problem - I don't respond to social chat like other people, I constantly miss cues and drop the ball conversationally, because I can't understand what they're expecting from me. I can't do the rhythm or tone of social chat, and the topics of these chats mostly just seem pointless to me anyway. No one else has any interest in my interests, so I don't bring them up.
Since being myself is the problem, I feel the need to pretend to be like everyone else. This involves great and continued effort, and only limited success. Also I have to research mainstream topics and watch tv I wouldn't normally watch just to be able to join in.
This all gets exhausting, feels inauthentic, is not satisfying and the projection or mask does eventually slip from time to time, leading me to withdraw and feel like a failure. I don't like the me I'm projecting, and really it feels like lying.
This can't go on, I think, hence my deep inner desire to 'just be myself'.
But (back to the start again) being myself is the problem.
What is the answer to this, and has anyone else ever felt this confusion? What should I do?
Thanks for reading