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How do aspies/auties feel about holidays like christmas?

M

Mia

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Bit nervous as this is first time I've booked a trip so I can be away from friends and family who celebrate christmas. Have in the past celebrated this holiday with family and later with friends. Although after childhood I found it stressful and anxiety provoking. Needed a week of work and quiet alone time afterwards. Looking forward to a somewhat quiet time as I find that holidays make me sad, in another two countries with friends that I don't see all that much. How do you feel about such holidays? Would you go away to discover something other that the traditional things that are done on such days?
 
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Christmas is always a rough time for me, and has been for the last 38 years.

My father died just 12 days before Christmas. My mother as well, some 28 years later on the exact same day and date.
 
I am actually quite fond of Christmas and put in every effort to celebrate (decorating, buying gifts, etc). This is partly because I was raised Jewish and never celebrated and was always envious of the other kids and also because I live with just my husband and we celebrate just the two of us (I also fly my younger brother here who is also an Aspie since we get along so well together. I thoroughly enjoy buying gifts for them (and my cats) and because I'm so perceptive, I always seem to buy the best and most apppropriate gifts! I like going outside during that time as well on Christmas itself, usually because everyone's away or at home so it's quiet and peaceful.

What is it about it that bothers you guys? The amount of people? In that case, I'd be irate as well, but am fortunate it's just my brother and husband.
 
There are things about Christmas that I like and don't like. I love the music and the decorations. I like the weather. Yes, I do live in Canada.

I don't like the gifting. I don't like the thought of "Christmas is for kids" and the subsequent guilt-tripping to give poor kids new, unwrapped toys. I really don't like the orientation towards the poor and away from that other group who'd like something more for Christmas, the lonely.

I don't like the language police in both directions. Say what you want, I don't care.

Christmas specials are a mixed bag. A Christmas Story is wonderful. It's A Wonderful Life is just insane. Olive, the Other Reindeer is underrated. Don't make me watch The Trolls and the Christmas Express ever again.

I laugh at the endless pile of bowl games that exist pretty much solely to supply ESPN with programming during the holidays.

The food, I can take or leave. Office Christmas parties are a joke.
 
Mia said:
Bit nervous as this is first time I've booked a trip so I can be away from friends and family who celebrate christmas. Have in the past celebrated this holiday with family and later with friends. Although after childhood I found it stressful and anxiety provoking. Needed a week of work and quiet alone time afterwards. Looking forward to a somewhat quiet time as I find that holidays make me sad, in another two countries with friends. How do you feel about such holidays? Would you go away to discover something other that the traditional things that are done on such days?
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I'm with you guys! Christmas and birthdays are hugely stressful and demanding in a house with children. Luckily, my kids are quite realistic with their expectations. I can't help feeling that I must measure up to some 'celebration' standard. I feel very low, mood wise from spooky Hallowe'en until middle of January at least. Christmas is the time of year I want to curl up with my e-reader and pet my dog, not party it up with everyone. I find travel very hectic around Christmas, so try to avoid it. Also not a fan of hosting extended family through the holidays (none are local, all must fly in and stay a while). Mainly, it stresses me out. My favourite grown-up Christmases have been low-key and largely spent at home with just kids and hubby and pets, and plenty of playing outside in the snow. I expect most of society would find it boring, but that's my speed!
 
Lorelaine said:
What is it about it that bothers you guys? The amount of people? In that case, I'd be irate as well, but am fortunate it's just my brother and husband.
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There were lots of people usually. Making a meal for twelve to fifteen was the norm, pretty much each day for a week. Lots of noise, people housebound and drinking all day, lots of smoking, gift competition. Who will buy the best most expensive gift? The same people who made the meals, did the dishes, the shopping, the gift wrapping. While half the people sat there doing, well, not much of anything. I did it for a long time, forty some years.

Was exhausted for weeks afterward. Now it's my husband and myself and occasionally a few friends. And really we don't need anything, we have everything we require. Think it's more a matter of not having to celebrate it, except in a very small way.
 
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I don't like having to interact with people on Christmas, but I do like following traditions. I usually find I enjoy little Christmases myself, big gatherings are just too much.
 
I don't mind Christmas myself, it was actually one of my favorite holidays as a kid. There were few things that were as exciting as waking up and knowing that "Santa" had been there. :D However, one thing that always made me really uncomfortable was being watched by my entire family while I was opening my presents. My grandparents especially would make a big deal out of it, and even try to videotape me while I was opening them, which put a lot of pressure on me to act super excited about everything. My grandmother especially was kind of sensitive, and if I didn't act "appropriately excited" enough, I would be accused of not liking whatever she got me, even if I did. I once spent an hour trying to convince her that I liked a pair of boots she bought for me, because she kept insisting that I was lying. She continued to ask off and on for a few months after that, just to make sure that I really liked them. I know wanting to watch your kids and grandkids open their Christmas presents is a perfectly normal thing, but I just really hate it when people sit there to watch my facial expressions in general. It makes me feel like I have to put on a performance, and it's exhausting. Because of this, I decided that if I ever get married, I'm going to make a deal with my husband that instead of exchanging gifts on our birthdays and the holidays, we'll just go out and spend quality time together.:)
 
I love decorating my little tree. I like the eggnog. I hate pretty much everything else. Card sending, gift buying, gift wrapping, the big meal, the messy kitchen, the gatherings of people, the crowds at stores (no Barnes and Noble for me from Thanksgiving until it's all over), songs about Santa, bad Christmas movies; all of it is just awful. Oh, I do like some peoples either understated or kitschy yard decorations. I hate the over done, flashing stuff that makes me dizzy. Yeah, I'm a bit of a Grinch except I always hated the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Why does he end up joining them and bringing all the stuff back? Sad ending, that story.
 
Christmas in particular is bittersweet for me, since my mum died. But I still like it because of all the joy it was infused with over the years.....I try to keep that joy alive.

Holidays generally are difficult for me because of the social expectations....although I'm lucky to have a family that loves me and wants to spend time with me, doing so stresses me out. Socializing (even when I enjoy it) takes a lot of energy, and there is a lot of pressure to socialize at the holidays. When it was just me and my mum, or me and my dad, it was great and far easier....but it never is anymore. (I wish I could visit with everyone one at a time....over a period of more than one day.)

Sorting out gifts for everyone all at once (for Christmas) is difficult as well, but then if I can get someone something that makes them happy it's pretty awesome.
 
I always loved Christmas. The decorations are fun and pretty. The tree was special. Gifts in the morning while dinner preps were already starting.
But, that was because it was only the three of us, me, Mom and Dad. So it was like a special celebration for us.
Never had company. Wouldn't have liked that. Christmas was our time!
Now that they are gone, I still keep a small tradition of it alive. A small tree. Decorative lights outside. Gifting doesn't mean much and no more wonderful home cooked dinners. Now it is just find a restaurant. That's not Home!
The feeling of home and love is what made it and what I miss. I just have The Grinch for Christmas Day company now. Thankfully though I live fairly close to Busch Gardens and they always have beautiful shows and nights full of lights. And if I get really lucky there is Disney World just 2 hrs away. Hate the crowds, but, again it is the beauty kept alive at least. Just usually can't afford it there.
Christmas Show Busch Gardens
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I've always been a massive fan of Christmas. Our house used to look like Santa's grotto. That is, until the past few years. I don't know if it's some sort of burnout over it. 2015 I didn't really feel like it, and took quite a while to just put the tree up (normally I'm putting it and everything else up at the end of November). 2016 I just didn't bother at all. I did get my husband to put one set of lights on the porch, mainly so people who just saw the house from the outside weren't asking what was going on (which they would have if nothing was up, all of my husbands family live very close). I didn't have any decorations up in the house at all, and I just didn't care about Christmas.
 
for me its trying to keep the celebratory mask on or I like being with my mothers brothers which i dont or mothers mother
Lorelaine said:
I am actually quite fond of Christmas and put in every effort to celebrate (decorating, buying gifts, etc). This is partly because I was raised Jewish and never celebrated and was always envious of the other kids and also because I live with just my husband and we celebrate just the two of us (I also fly my younger brother here who is also an Aspie since we get along so well together. I thoroughly enjoy buying gifts for them (and my cats) and because I'm so perceptive, I always seem to buy the best and most apppropriate gifts! I like going outside during that time as well on Christmas itself, usually because everyone's away or at home so it's quiet and peaceful.

What is it about it that bothers you guys? The amount of people? In that case, I'd be irate as well, but am fortunate it's just my brother and husband.
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As a young child I couldn't sleep in awe of the 'magic' particularly Christmas Eve.

Again, when much, much younger Christmas Day itself was a bit overwhelming, the entire family (aunt's, uncle's, cousins, great uncle's) would get together for the whole day. (No escape)

With my own children, it was all for them. Decorating the tree and house with things they'd been crafting, Advent calendars, baking all manner of sweet treats, letting them feel the awe and wonder of the 'magic'

Fourty years later, it's just me and my husband. It's really peaceful and calm. The childish part of me longs for that buzz of excitement. The awe and the wonder.
 
I love Christmas, every year I still get gifts, even though I'm under orders not to buy for the rest of the Family except my Niece and Nephew.

This year I've asked for an Amazon Echo.

Only thing is, Boxing Day last year was weird, because my Nan died last September so it was weird that she wasn't there, she's usually there washing up between meal courses.
 
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Growing up, I celebrated all the traditional holidays of our culture. Since becoming a Christian, I have found some of those holidays to be incompatible with my faith, while others remain compatible or are, at least, neutral. Easter, Halloween and Christmas comprise the former group.

I have adopted a position of live-and-let-live, but I believe that they distract from the Christian experience.
 
Mia said:
Making a meal for twelve to fifteen was the norm, pretty much each day for a week. Lots of noise, people housebound and drinking all day, lots of smoking, gift competition. Who will buy the most expensive present. The same people who made the meals, did the dishes, the shopping, the gift wrapping. While half the people sat there doing, well, not much of anything. I did it for a long time, forty some years.
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Who would like that?!?! Sounds horrible to me.

We do Solstice which includes before and after the 21st, Festivus on the 23rd, Christmas Eve. Christmas Day, and Boxing Day. I take the week off and we usually have a gathering with friends about that time. Occasional guest who are easy to be around, but mostly me, husband, and cats. The humans exchange gifts, the cats get a Holiday Rug, there is much feasting for everyone.

I don't get stressed about decorating or wrapping and I don't have a huge list of people to get stuff for. Just some lights, a Christmas tree with the ornaments wired on (cats) and lots of cuddling :)
 
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