• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

How can I be the best girlfriend?

AngelWings17

AngelWings17

Well-Known Member
As an Aspie how can I be the best girlfriend I can be?

My boyfriend is a NT, and I want to make sure I can be the best girlfriend for him that I can be. I'm not going to be perfect and I'm going to make mistakes, but I want this relationship to go as well as I feel it will.

Does anyone have any advice for an Aspie-NT relationship to be successful?
 
My advice would be communication! I’ve been married to a NT lady for 20 years and our best times are when communication, not just verbal flows. We understand each other, any difficulties or problems, good times or bad can be worked on, improved or enjoyed. When the talking stops or slows, the mind can go into overdrive and the imagination can invent many scenarios, generally erroneous, blown up or invented, out of proportion or negative for me! So my advice, be honest with each other and let the communication flow.
 
Starfire said:
My advice would be communication! I’ve been married to a NT lady for 20 years and our best times are when communication, not just verbal flows. We understand each other, any difficulties or problems, good times or bad can be worked on, improved or enjoyed. When the talking stops or slows, the mind can go into overdrive and the imagination can invent many scenarios, generally erroneous, blown up or invented, out of proportion or negative for me! So my advice, be honest with each other and let the communication flow.
Click to expand...
Thank you!

I'll talk to him about more communication.
 
AngelWings17 said:
Thank you!

I'll talk to him about more communication.
Click to expand...
It’s key to deciphering misunderstandings which will probably happen without either of you realising it quite often, until you get to know each other and the quirky behaviour you may both have. Good luck
 
It's not a question with an easy answer. There's no more a "typical" NT person any more than there's a typical aspie.
Communication as mentioned above, is key to any successful relationship and it helps if we Aspies pay close attention to the listening part rather than get carried away with talking.
I always tried to be the best boyfriend I could be but I didn't always get it right. Sometimes because they didn't tell me where I was going wrong, other times because they were trying to tell me something I wasn't picking up on. I made a lot of mistakes getting to where I am now, but I'm a better person for it.
I think a huge part of the reason my marriage has worked so well is that she has taken time to understand autism and understand me. I've spent a lifetime trying to get to grips with the NT world, but thanks to her efforts we meet in the middle. There are no hurtful secrets, no guessing games, no manipulating emotions, just honesty, candour and plenty of love on both sides.
If you and your boyfriend can give to the other and learn to understand each other in a similar way, you've got the makings of something that can last.
 
Being yourself. Don't try to be fake or pretend to be things you are not. And remember that whatever you convince him you like, etc - you're the one stuck with it. :)
 
Autistamatic said:
It's not a question with an easy answer. There's no more a "typical" NT person any more than there's a typical aspie.
Communication as mentioned above, is key to any successful relationship and it helps if we Aspies pay close attention to the listening part rather than get carried away with talking.
I always tried to be the best boyfriend I could be but I didn't always get it right. Sometimes because they didn't tell me where I was going wrong, other times because they were trying to tell me something I wasn't picking up on. I made a lot of mistakes getting to where I am now, but I'm a better person for it.
I think a huge part of the reason my marriage has worked so well is that she has taken time to understand autism and understand me. I've spent a lifetime trying to get to grips with the NT world, but thanks to her efforts we meet in the middle. There are no hurtful secrets, no guessing games, no manipulating emotions, just honesty, candour and plenty of love on both sides.
If you and your boyfriend can give to the other and learn to understand each other in a similar way, you've got the makings of something that can last.
Click to expand...
We do try our best with each other. We've been learning so much about each other, but he still feels a mystery to me and I love it. There's so much to uncover about him and so much he has to uncover about me.

I think I'll pay some more attention to myself to see how my Asperger's affects me.
 
Pats said:
Being yourself. Don't try to be fake or pretend to be things you are not. And remember that whatever you convince him you like, etc - you're the one stuck with it. :)
Click to expand...
Oh, trust me. I've been myself with him since he messaged me for the first time back in March. :)
 
As others have said, be yourself and try to communicate as openly as possible. Your boyfriend will probably make as many, if not more, mistakes than you. It is part of being human. Treat him as you would like to be treated, be open-minded, and try to communicate well and you'll have a great relationship.
 
It doesn't make sense being the best gf unless he is also trying to be the best bf.

Its ok to take the initiative and do things for him, but make sure it is appreciated before continuing.

As far as what, I don't think its standard. What does he like?
 
Tom said:
It doesn't make sense being the best gf unless he is also trying to be the best bf.

Its ok to take the initiative and do things for him, but make sure it is appreciated before continuing.

As far as what, I don't think its standard. What does he like?
Click to expand...
He's similar to me. We love a lot of the same music, etc. His sense of humor matches mine, and his confidence makes up for my shyness. He loves to spend time with his friends, but he also loves to kick back and play games on his XBOX.
 
AngelWings17 said:
As an Aspie how can I be the best girlfriend I can be?

My boyfriend is a NT, and I want to make sure I can be the best girlfriend for him that I can be. I'm not going to be perfect and I'm going to make mistakes, but I want this relationship to go as well as I feel it will.

Does anyone have any advice for an Aspie-NT relationship to be successful?
Click to expand...

I’d say being yourself and kindness are the best policies. If he loves you for being you, you really are being the best girlfriend. In my experience I’ve had to learn to be a little less blunt, which I don’t mind because I can see how it can be hurtful to NT’s. But remember he also has to understand you. Relationships are recriprical, it can’t be one person changing and working to keep it going, you’re a team.

Hope this helps!
P.s the fact that you’re even wondering how to be the best girlfriend for him, shows you’re incredibly considerate.
 
It usually depends on who you are dating... I'm sure us guyshere have different ideas on the perfect gf.

As a general rule of thumb though... Fidelity & honesty where it counts. Sounds basic right? but it's missing from many relationships lol
 
Communication is the most important thing... Even if sometimes you might get stuck in what you want to say or how you feel, you might figure it out together. As others have said, just be yourself. Be forgiving and never expect anything.
Like yourself, I met my partner at 19 - he's an NT and I didn't know I was on the spectrum. Your boyfriend sounds a bit like mine! Outgoing - to combat my social awkwardness. What kept our relationship strong is that we seem to fill each others weaknesses with each others strengths i.e. I'm organised and keep a track of all his stuff and he's more assertive and sorts things out that involve phone calls and the like, so it works.
I guess what really kept it going for 13 years is that we never pressure each other to do something the other doesn't want to do (apart from gentle encouragement!). Such as - if my partner wants to go out with his friends to the pub, or spend the day playing computer games, then it's totally ok! That is never a sign that he doesn't want to spend time with me or doesn't want to do something I've asked him to. And vice versa - if I want to have some time to myself and don't feel like talking, he'll give me a kiss and make some plans to give me some space.

<3
 
Last edited:
He started dating you for a reason. He wanted you! So do not change yourself or try to be someone you're not. So do not change your personality but that does not mean you shouldn't try different things in your relationship.

Organize dates doing the things he loves, give him homemade gifts, help him if he is in a tight spot etc.

Just do things that show him you care about him.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom