I understand and appreciate your point of view, even if others do not or cannot admit your right to express the things you are saying which I feel is rational in what you say, and is largely if not totally accurate. You expressed your feelings well, just as others express their feelings, in the ways they know best too. I found absolutely no problem with what you said, as I relate, and I feel bad for your situation. Sorry you are going through this.
Before I show support for your position though, I need to say both men and women have it equally hard in many different ways, so the purpose of this post is not to be anti-women, as I would not want to be one as it could be difficult trying to have either family and feel pressure to work these days. Having said that though, you have a right to address a certain topic, and frustration as well, and truths as you see it, as you experienced that, and so others have no right to say otherwise, as they are talking from their positions. The op is talking about the relationship issue, and related positions.
I am a very open minded person, and I analyze everything, and I now will not shy away from some direct truth, even if controversial, or offensive, if I feel some fiction again is happening, or truths hidden, or if I feel support for the other side must occur to create more balance, or to make the real truth somewhere in between. Yes, again, it is true that women have it hard in other ways, with often more worries of sexual abuse or extreme violence against them, or more feeling they have to look a certain way to get more attention.
But, yes, with regards to the issues you address, I feel women may have an easier time getting into relationships, and men generally often must be seen as successful, confident, or with less flaws or needs, to get a variety of interest from others for dating, much less a relationship. To discount that obvious truth, is fiction. To minimize that true feeling of the poster, or deny his right to express his hurt and perceived truths too, will not solve anything, but make matters worse, and as what he says is largely correct.
And yes, from my experiences too, and those I know well, I feel it may seem to men, that women can either be more themselves, be more lacking in some big way, or be unemployed even, yet they will have an easier time dating, getting married, than a guy with a condition who is not perceived as working, strong, confident or successful. I have seen more such guy persons alone than women, and it is not just because the guy had a bad attitude, but because the woman wanted more than the guy wanted. They of course would not admit that. It is easier to fault the guy.
Society does not like admitting this, but women are just as apt to use or abuse men in direct and indirect critical, emotionally abusive, other sexual, and physical abusive ways than men are, but they are just minimized, hidden or tolerated more. All these abuses against men and others are are accepted more in society, and minimized, and we can see why, in this thread, from seeing the replies. We in reality do not want a society in which men express all points of view. We do not want them expressing pain, or how they feel wronged. Women are entitled to expressing in all ways. Not men. They must hide what they think and feel. So, when that frustration from men occurs, we must minimize that, hide that, while women are allowed to not only express that daily, but to picket and march. Supporting men’s positions such as stated by the op, is more helping matters. I feel his remarks were fine!
I have seen equally nice men and women in this forum, with no preference for either, but unfortunately I have seen also posts from women stereotyping against men or Aspie men that were tolerated, and with support or no critiques to those posters, but when some guys posted of anything that was unfair or wrong from the woman gender, defense and attack messages went up against that guy. I and other guys were and are apparently trained by society for guys to be silenced for abuse, wrongs committed against us, and for such unfair situations, but not any more. I do not fear critiques or rejection anymore.
Men, and women, if you are being mistreated or abused, speak up. And if either gender feels the other is being superficial or unempathetic by not considering you as a partner because of looks, no job, less self esteem, or because you are not tall, dark and handsome, or beautiful, then of course you can be upset, just as women can be upset if they feel rejected or not appreciated because of other reasons. Generalizations occur every day, if there are societal patterns. That is natural. Sometimes those truths need to be heard for learning and real changes to occur. Until both genders can admit their own faults, and see equal wrongness, it is fair for others to find those faults in those others and call attention to it.
The reason my post might here might seem slanted, is because I am replying to the posters points. There will be other posts I would slant towards a woman’s position, if the topic was such I related more to that side. But, in this case, regardless how many likes I, the op, and ones who relate, we know the truth in our eyes, as we have experienced that, and are smart enough to see that. I was alone for twenty years, despite much efforts at dating. It was not until I became more confident, less shy, more stronger, and hid my real feelings or frustrations or learned to focus on the positives instead, that did women give me more chance. That is unfortunately the double standard, with regards to dating and relationships. That is not a myth. And women are still more allowed to show anger, sadness, and stay at home, and be imperfect when dating. To suggest or say otherwise is absurd. Sometimes the truth stings, but it is needed in life. I am telling that more here.
Regarding anyone asking for statistics of men versus women for violence and abuse, statistics cannot be counted for hidden abuses, minimized abuses, and not prosecuted abuses. Women and law enforcement will not call constant nagging as criticism and abuse. Women and police will not call exposing themselves to children and others as abuse. Women and police will not call controlling people, through manipulation or intimidation as abuse. Women will not call smoking or drinking when they are pregnant as abuse, etc. Women will not call a slap, push, or punch to a man as abusive, even if that other did not resort to a physical action. Men though need to be accountable for all abuses too, and the court system should not minimize abuse against women either. So, sorry, the statistics theory is an attempt to hide the equal abuses against men and boys too. But, we will see often the stories of the blond and pretty woman being abused. Rare, will attention be focused on abuses against boys and men, and its because society does not care. They say boys and men must be strong regardless. Look at talk show members laugh when such abuses against men occur. Is that really funny? Well, in the end society pays partly for those suppressed male real emotions, and minimizing men’s pain and those truths. Fiction and double standards will hurt society more than it helps. I want equality for all, men and women, but until abuse against men is not accepted and punished, and until men can feel more comfort in sharing all feelings, more of the same problems will occur.
Unfortunately, society is not going to do anything about it soon. They do not care about that unfairness, at times against men, and other times against women. But, for relationships topic you talked about. You are right. So, often that means we must adjust somehow, or else we will be alone. But, telling people to get over being lonely, or get over the problems getting into a relationship, and change. That is not how ASD works. Some things can be changed; some cannot. It’s not fair, but it is what it is.
