Having ASD as men means being lonley

[Autistamatic]

If you think critically, this has nothing to do with you personally, nor you or any women in US has undergone this procedure, it has something to do with traditions/beliefs in certain African tribes and i am sure even women (mothers of this girls) participate in this because its part of their belief system.

As a intellectual human being i know you are from talking to you in the past i am sure you understand that feminism getting good funding from government and its in their interest to portray women as victim and blow up the statistics for domestic violence in order to get more funding, its capitalism.

P.S. Fact most boys in US do get circularized at birth... yes its not same, however it happens and now always done properly.

You're partially right in that the practice known as Female Genital Mutilation originated in Africa, however tens of thousands of girls in the US & Europe undergo this barbaric procedure every year. Male circumcision can have complications certainly, but nothing in the scale of FGM.

In addition - domestic violence against women is a very real problem and on a much LARGER scale than the media portrays or any government is willing to admit since it represents failure on their part. Most of it goes unreported until serious physical injury occurs. Please don't try to gloss over it. I've seen it's consequences multiple times. My wife is a qualified Social Worker and has had to help countless victims of violent boyfriends/husbands in their efforts to find justice - rich & poor, black or white, young and old. The physical injuries (not to mention the emotional damage) range from cuts & bruises to broken bones and disfigurements requiring reconstructive surgery.

As to women finding dating easier to find men because they get lots of offers...
Have you ever stopped to think how creepy those offers can be and how perverse some of the men making unsolicited approaches to women are? My wife has no pictures of herself online and all her profiles make it clear she's married, yet every week she receives dozens of msgs on the few public profiles she still has from men who think they're in with a chance. This isn't dating sites - it's regular social media and forums - things like her cat pictures page, her EDS groups and the like. Most of my female friends get the same. It's not something they welcome - in fact it's disgusting and unsettling much of the time. Count yourself lucky you DON'T get such approaches - they'd turn your stomach.

 

[Kalinychta]

@OrdinaryCitizen You sound like you’re really suffering. I’m sorry. I would hang out with you if we lived in the same city. Is there a meetup or support group for autistic people nearby? Those can be good places to make friends, especially since people there know what you’re going through and won’t judge you. Have you considered volunteering somewhere? You can meet some very kind, less superficial people that way.

I understand what you’re saying about ASD men. We all have our difficulties, both men and women, that the opposite sex can’t possibly understand. Men’s are no less valid than women’s. Generalizations about women, though, are only going to make you bitter.

 

[GrownupGirl]

Yes, I get it. Women with ASD never have any problems at all. *sarcasm*
And if we do, they're inferior to those of men with ASD, just like everything else about women is inferior to that of men. *REAL sarcasm*
How about going to WP to moan about how eeevil all women in the Loathe and Hating Forum instead? *not sarcasm*

 

[Autistamatic]

This was written by somebody I know and only just published. I think it's rather relevant to the topic of this thread.

Autism and Sexual Vulnerability-One Woman’s Story | The Aspergian | A Collective of Autistic Voices

 

[Fino]

How do you get by without romantic relationships and sex?

I'm asexual so the sex part is easy. Sex is rarely worth the effort, in my opinion.

As for romantic relationships, what is being sought in those can, for the most part, also be found in friendships.

It's likely that part of this is due to the fact that I dated non-stop for seven years and had sex hundreds of times. Now I'm just kinda over it. As far as I can tell, having friends is like dating but with most of the bad parts removed.

 

[Aspychata]

I like all the parts l just don't want the hangups, but l strive to also free myself from hangups. Hangups up over anything.

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

It's likely that part of this is due to the fact that I dated non-stop for seven years and had sex hundreds of times. Now I'm just kinda over it.

Perhaps when you get enough of it its easy to get bored and let go of it completely, i on opposite side had too little of either (and its not by choice).

Also i experience fear of loneliness and neurotic need to be loved.

Generalizations about women opposite sex, though, are only going to make you bitter.

Great advice, i believe its universal and with your permission i want to direct this message to women who post hatred for me and for men in general, hope its not too late for them.

 

[Kalinychta]

This was written by somebody I know and only just published. I think it's rather relevant to the topic of this thread.

Autism and Sexual Vulnerability-One Woman’s Story | The Aspergian | A Collective of Autistic Voices

This is a really sad story and one that so many women can relate to. I was so vulnerable and trusting for a long time, too, but now my watchword is this: if a man treats me like a human being, then he’s probably just trying to manipulate me into sex. I know that’s a generalization, but it’s one based on survival and self-defense, not bitterness. You mentioned before about how creepy constant e-mails and online messages to women are: I know so many, many women who have this problem. I don’t use social media (except this forum), but they tell me they’re constantly being sent photos of penises. So, yes, it might seem to @OrdinaryCitizen that women have it easier, but it’s simply not true. The attention we receive is primarily sexual (and often sexually harassing), which is so hurtful and confusing.

 

[Kalinychta]

Great advice, i believe its universal and with your permission i want to direct this message to women who post hatred for me and for men in general, hope its not too late for them.

Of course. It does help, though, if you don’t post comments trivializing women’s experiences. People on this forum are generally very respectful, so if you post comments that are civil and fair, you’ll likely receive non-hostile replies.

@Maddiexo posted a fantastic video the other day about her experiences as a 14-year-old autistic girl. The thread is called “Please check out my Youtube video about life with Aspergers.” Check it out. Autism isn’t easy for anyone. My life has been extremely difficult, too. We all have our stories and experiences, and they’re all valid and important.

 

[Aspychata]

This is a really sad story and one that so many women can relate to. I was so vulnerable and trusting for a long time, too, but now my watchword is this: if a man treats me like a human being, then he’s probably just trying to manipulate me into sex. I know that’s a generalization, but it’s one based on survival and self-defense, not bitterness. You mentioned before about how creepy constant e-mails and online messages to women are: I know so many, many women who have this problem. I don’t use social media (except this forum), but they tell me they’re constantly being sent photos of penises. So, yes, it might seem to @OrdinaryCitizen that women have it easier, but it’s simply not true. The attention we receive is primarily sexual (and often sexually harassing), which is so hurtful and confusing.

Thank you so much for saying this. I was stalked for 4 years by a unknown man, l have been harrassed so many times growing up, l stopped counting. It does filter how we look things. Now as a older female, l have been informed, if a guy takes me out for dinner, l have to put out. Guess what, l can take myself out for dinner, and leave with myself.

Also live in a place where men feel it's their right to go out with any female they please because ????? It's some strange sense of entitlement. And they seem horribly confused that you would rather go to your job then go out with them. I have been insulted at my piddlywiddly job that why would l want to work? Isn't that boring? Aren't l enthralled about being in the company of any random male? That truly is how backwards the place l live in.

To the OP - Until you are a female, you really cannot understand what we deal with on a daily basis. So step back a little, step outside yourself, try to see the female perspective by reading these comments and not judging but understanding, this will help you.

 

[xudo]

nor any women in US has undergone this procedure, it has something to do with traditions/beliefs in certain African tribes and i am sure even women (mothers of this girls) participate in this because its part of their belief system.

While I can't comment on the US, it does happen outside of Africa. There have been cases well publicised in the UK.

most boys in US do get circularized at birth

I will assume you mean circumcised. A cursory Google search actually shows the opposite is true. Rates of circumcision in the US have continued to drop since the 1960's.

 

[Kalinychta]

You're partially right in that the practice known as Female Genital Mutilation originated in Africa, however tens of thousands of girls in the US & Europe undergo this barbaric procedure every year. Male circumcision can have complications certainly, but nothing in the scale of FGM.

In addition - domestic violence against women is a very real problem and on a much LARGER scale than the media portrays or any government is willing to admit since it represents failure on their part. Most of it goes unreported until serious physical injury occurs. Please don't try to gloss over it. I've seen it's consequences multiple times. My wife is a qualified Social Worker and has had to help countless victims of violent boyfriends/husbands in their efforts to find justice - rich & poor, black or white, young and old. The physical injuries (not to mention the emotional damage) range from cuts & bruises to broken bones and disfigurements requiring reconstructive surgery.

As to women finding dating easier to find men because they get lots of offers...
Have you ever stopped to think how creepy those offers can be and how perverse some of the men making unsolicited approaches to women are? My wife has no pictures of herself online and all her profiles make it clear she's married, yet every week she receives dozens of msgs on the few public profiles she still has from men who think they're in with a chance. This isn't dating sites - it's regular social media and forums - things like her cat pictures page, her EDS groups and the like. Most of my female friends get the same. It's not something they welcome - in fact it's disgusting and unsettling much of the time. Count yourself lucky you DON'T get such approaches - they'd turn your stomach.

Re: female genital mutilation: I’d like to add that the male equivalent of FGM would be cutting off the entire tip of a man’s penis. Circumcision and FGM are not the same at all.

 

[Aspychata]

Another case of something really horrific happening to a female being downplayed and trivialized. So common in society.

 

[Kalinychta]

Thank you so much for saying this. I was stalked for 4 years by a unknown man, l have been harrassed so many times growing up, l stopped counting. It does filter how we look things. Now as a older female, l have been informed, if a guy takes me out for dinner, l have to put out. Guess what, l can take myself out for dinner, and leave with myself.

Also live in a place where men feel it's their right to go out with any female they please because ????? It's some strange sense of entitlement. And they seem horribly confused that you would rather go to your job then go out with them. I have been insulted at my piddlywiddly job that why would l want to work? Isn't that boring? Aren't l enthralled about being in the company of any random male? That truly is how backwards the place l live in.

To the OP - Until you are a female, you really cannot understand what we deal with on a daily basis. So step back a little, step outside yourself, try to see the female perspective by reading these comments and not judging but understanding, this will help you.

I know what you mean. I used to get so sick of that—the unwritten, implied rule that if a man does something for you, then you owe him sex. I’ll never forget when I was younger and still figuring this out how confused I’d get when a man would talk to me, like in a bar or wherever, or help me with something or do a favor for me, then at the end when he’d ask me out (read: give him the chance to seduce me), I was supposed to feel guilted into saying yes, and if I didn’t, I was an evil tease and a whore for leading him on. It makes you paranoid, especially as an ASD female, never knowing if you’re being lied to and manipulated or if you’re putting yourself in danger. One out of every six women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape (RAINN statistics), and I have to wonder if the number is even higher for autistic women.

 

[Kalinychta]

I want to reiterate, though, that men (including ASD men) have their own issues and problems and experiences that women cannot relate to. @OrdinaryCitizen I suggest you start another thread sometime about your challenges and experiences as an ASD male but leave out the hostile comments about women. This thread became about women defending themselves against what you wrote—your story about loneliness and the difficulties you face was basically dropped. So, alter your approach next time. Be respectful. We here are all more than willing to hear you out and help you.

 

[Autistamatic]

I know what you mean. I used to get so sick of that—the unwritten, implied rule that if a man does something for you, then you owe him sex. I’ll never forget when I was younger and still figuring this out how confused I’d get when a man would talk to me, like in a bar or wherever, or help me with something or do a favor for me, then at the end when he’d ask me out (read: give him the chance to seduce me), I was supposed to feel guilted into saying yes, and if I didn’t, I was an evil tease and a whore for leading him on. It makes you paranoid, especially as an ASD female, never knowing if you’re being lied to and manipulated or if you’re putting yourself in danger. One out of every six women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape (RAINN statistics), and I have to wonder if the number is even higher for autistic women.

The last time I was dating was in the year before I met my now wife. I was in my mid 30s and dated quite a few women - the youngest being 19 and the oldest 45. It amazed me how different the dating scene had become in the 7 years I had been in a relationship prior to then. I found it quite unnerving how quickly a number of them were ready to sleep with me - not just the younger ones either. I felt like I barely knew them. One actually got really angry that I didn't want to go back to her place for sex on the first date - she thought it was a rejection. It wasn't - I just wanted to know I liked her before we got physical. It's quite difficult to be a gentleman these days. Plenty of women have accepted the unwritten rule you described above which no true gent would feel comfortable with, whilst others are so cautious after mistreatment they can have tangible problems trusting even the most sincere of men.

Call me old fashioned if you like, but I really want to get to know someone before I jump into the sack with them. I tried doing it the other way in my youth and it was unfulfilling. It left me feeling empty and kind of dirty.

BTW - I read a US academic paper about autistic women & rape not so long ago and it suggested that yes, autistic women are significantly more likely to have been forced into non-consensual acts, particularly if they had spent any time in a mental health facility. I don't have a bookmark for it but if I find it I'll link it.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

I want to reiterate, though, that men (including ASD men) have their own issues and problems and experiences that women cannot relate to. @OrdinaryCitizen I suggest you start another thread sometime about your challenges and experiences as an ASD male but leave out the hostile comments about women. This thread became about women defending themselves against what you wrote—your story about loneliness and the difficulties you face was basically dropped. So, alter your approach next time. Be respectful. We here are all more than willing to hear you out and help you.

To the op, I am sorry that more here could not support you. I am wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving. (Oops maybe not in your area.) Your concerns though based on your experiences were legitimate, so I am not sure why the sensitivity and decisions to be defensive in this forum. Men are allowed to express all types of feelings too, and to generalize as well, just like women here do often, without complaint but support. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. You did well!

 

[Major Tom]

Fine for women to do it and men should suck it up shut up, nice logic...

Women privilege?

You have issues and I want no part of them.

 

[tducey]

There are disadvantages with ASD for sure but never let it define you. When you give yourself a chance you can do anything.

 

[onlything]

You should try using a dating site with a photo of a moderately good looking woman. As a social experiment.

You wouldn't believe how gross guys can be. Much like dogs jumping at the first sight of meat.

No offence towards nice guys but let's be honest - most men look for little else than a play night.

And, wait, one question. Do you really think that women with ASD have it any easier? That we're not lonely as well? In the world that have such specific gender roles and ways women should look and behave? It's difficult for both sides if in different ways at times.

I think there are many silent victims out there. We are the ones that can't prove what happened to us, and because we are female, our abuse is immedately discounted. I was emotionally and psychologically abused, and my abuser turned to me and said in the car :" go ahead, go to the police, they won't believe you". 15 years and l walked away. So there are many female stories that are never told. I talk to countless older females who have no desire to remarry. So to the author, some woman choose not to meet men. And woman work because we were tired of being used just to pop one out and be a domestic slave for our lifetime only to be kicked to curb with zero to fall back on.

Woman are no longer groomed to get married or even to date. There are way less marriages, and stats show younger people engage less in proclivities so teenage pregnancies have dropped. I am taking your frustration and showing you a change in thinking as illustrated by more woman speaking up about sexual harrassement, which many woman in the past would never say anything. There is a giant shift in how woman view men, it's taking time for men to catch up and see this fundamental change of the female belief system. l talk to a lot of younger females and most of them chose not to date because they feel work is their priority.

I agree, although we shouldn't forget that the type of crime you're speaking of is just as shameful and as difficult for men... After all, females always exaggerate and males are supposed to be the strong ones and deal with it, right? - on both sides psychological and emotional abuse are discounted. Unfortunately.

From the darker aspects... Ever heard about the issue of rape done on a man by a woman and how it 'doesn't exist'? Nasty.

Of course, I'm not trying to discount your experiences in any way. I understand, really. Just wanted to say: there are many human stories that are never told.