Getting more socially isolated

[Markness]

I am getting more and more socially isolated. I wish things turned out differently with the person who I thought was going to be a new friend.

 

[lunarious]

Hi, Al-Salamo Alaykom

...Being socially isolated is better than bad company. We autists are in good company, equally much Humans like neurotypicals, but stronger. We see things they don't.

They are like ducks (with duck-face) or like sheep. We're like Tigers. Both ducks and Tigers likes to Swim, but not swim together.

We (you and I) are better because we have a higher share of Pain

Edit: Typo

 

[Markness]

Hi, Al-Salamo Alaykom

...Being socially isolated is better than bad company. We autists are in good company, equally much Humans like neurotypicals, but stronger. We see things they don't.

They are like ducks (with duck-face) or like sheep. We're like Tigers. Both ducks and Tigers likes to Swim, but not swim together.

We (you and I) are better because we have a higher share of Pain

Edit: Typo

That is not objectively true. I’ve had bad social experiences with other autistic people in person and they often had meltdowns over extremely trivial things. We are still human like NTs are.

Humans are not ducks nor tigers so it’s not a good choice to compare ourselves to them. There have also been sightings of ducks and tigers swimming together so claiming they don’t like to swim together isn’t objectively true either.

I know plenty of autistic people who don’t deal well with pain, whether it’s physical or emotional. I include myself among them.

 

[Grondhammar]

I understand where the hurt comes from, and so...

Being socially isolated is better than bad company

...this is a very wise saying. You can't control others, and every one of them could turn away. Each parting is pain.

But that doesn't reflect on you... that reflects on the ones walking away. If you look inside long enough, you can find a place where you are whole and complete, without the need for others to be with or praise or need you.

Until you've got that, other people are in control of your emotions, and from experience I know that's a terrible place to be.

 

[lunarious]

@Grondhammar @Markness

Also, three things: Good company is better than isolation and better than bad company. Humans need to feel good.

There are people whom has had success in life, and whom are elegant and are calm. I enjoy being around them. I enjoy being around God and good, and scholars. But scholars don't always have time, they have communities to lead.

I'm thankful for 1 minute with such a leader.

 

[velociraptor]

We (you and I) are better because we have a higher share of Pain

I'm not better than NTs and I don't think my life is necessarily worse than theirs, we just have different ways of succeeding and failing in the more extreme cases. I try and do the best I can in the day I'm in and trust that it adds up in the long run.

 

[lunarious]

Edit: To be more clear, about who are good company? IMO.

They are calm and elegant, and not angry. I'm trying to say some elegant calm people are attractive until you attack or critisize them, as soon you attack them they turn magically to stone.

i.e. in Norway we say Trolls (whom are enemies of gods in Norse Mythology) when they are exposed to Light they turn into Stone. Meaning they freeze.

So you can attack me, here on AF, and i haven't turned to Stone yet. But also i want to be ready for eventual attacks. Like Karate rules, every fight starts with a Bow and ends with a Bow.

The best place to attack is in dedicated locals. As a Dojo.

 

[AprilR]

I know what you mean. I am also very socially isolated. I make friends, and than we grow apart. Now i have only 1 irl friend left

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I agree. I make and lose friends quicker than I lose pens. Getting kicked out of groups hurts the most thought, especially when they initially accepted me for my neurodiverse, then they kick me out because of it.

 

[velociraptor]

Wish I could be more isolated. Feeling crowded as of late.

 

[Matthias]

I agree. I make and lose friends quicker than I lose pens. Getting kicked out of groups hurts the most thought, especially when they initially accepted me for my neurodiverse, then they kick me out because of it.

The fact that they accepted you knowing you were neurodiverse indicates they didn't reject you because of it. There must be another reason. If you can figure out what it is, you might be able to make some changes to avoid being rejected in the future.

Here are some reasons why I've rejected people in case it helps:
1. Negative attitude
2. Looking down at others
3. Blaming others when there is a problem instead of self-reflecting
4. Stubbornness (unwilling to correct behavior that annoys others)
5. Self-absorption (focusing too much on themselves instead of the needs of others)
6. Uninteresting (they don't do much with their life so they don't have anything interesting to talk about)
7. Victim mentality (blame circumstances on factors outside of their control instead of working to improve their life)
8. Lack of positive attitude or demeanor (I like friends who are positive, smile, grateful for what they have, and make a positive impact on my life)

Most of the reasons I mentioned are character flaws that people can change. Regardless of how bad someone's life is, everyone can choose to think positively, see the good in others, self-reflect, follow advice they've been given, consider the needs of others, accept responsibility for their actions, focus on what they can do (instead of what they can't do) to improve their situation, and be grateful for what they have (instead of focusing on what they don't have). If think most people, including NTs, would rather have a neurodiverse friend with these character traits than an NT friend who exhibits the character flaws I mentioned.

 

[Kayla55]

Edit: To be more clear, about who are good company? IMO.

They are calm and elegant, and not angry. I'm trying to say some elegant calm people are attractive until you attack or critisize them, as soon you attack them they turn magically to stone.

i.e. in Norway we say Trolls (whom are enemies of gods in Norse Mythology) when they are exposed to Light they turn into Stone. Meaning they freeze.

So you can attack me, here on AF, and i haven't turned to Stone yet. But also i want to be ready for eventual attacks. Like Karate rules, every fight starts with a Bow and ends with a Bow.

The best place to attack is in dedicated locals. As a Dojo.

I'm fine to not go out and dance and have friends, I've now learnt more about Islam and decided to convert for Allah, bless him. If apartheid returns I may have some issues with my religious freedom though, so I'll have to travel maybe near to cote DE ivore as I think most of Africa has now converted to Islam.
Perhaps you mean difference between Greek and Norse mythology, and days of paganism. I wrestle inside with my puritan tendencies and it's mostly the hidden 3rd meaning as is not defined in dictionary terms.

 

[Kayla55]

Edit: To be more clear, about who are good company? IMO.

They are calm and elegant, and not angry. I'm trying to say some elegant calm people are attractive until you attack or critisize them, as soon you attack them they turn magically to stone.

i.e. in Norway we say Trolls (whom are enemies of gods in Norse Mythology) when they are exposed to Light they turn into Stone. Meaning they freeze.

So you can attack me, here on AF, and i haven't turned to Stone yet. But also i want to be ready for eventual attacks. Like Karate rules, every fight starts with a Bow and ends with a Bow.

The best place to attack is in dedicated locals. As a Dojo.

Don't usually make music and as puritan most of my passion was for Greek God Hades, but lately the Irish seem to make more sense to my favourite song of the 'wanderer' but this song stir in me some inspiration against my Lilith plight, and sadness in Jeremiah at how evil some people can really be.

But I dedicate this song to not colonising Brazil and giving back freedom to the serfs. So forgiveness for this enigma music but it's no religious mockery. Always did want to at least see a Mexican festival of fire, suppose at my age I now never will.

 

[Markness]

I would appreciate it if the discussion on religion were taken elsewhere. The point of this thread is about social isolation.

Apparently cafes are supposed to be a better place to socialize than bars or even standard restaurants but in my experience, cafes are no different from either place.

 

[tree]

You've titled this thread "Getting more socially isolated."

The way the title is worded implies that there's been a
loss of connection, that there used to be a larger population
with whom you were acquainted in a friendly-ish way.

Is that what you mean to say?

Or is it a lament that currently there is no group of people
that you can do casual fun things?

 

[Kayla55]

I would appreciate it if the discussion on religion were taken elsewhere. The point of this thread is about social isolation.

Apparently cafes are supposed to be a better place to socialize than bars or even standard restaurants but in my experience, cafes are no different from either place.

I had few Greek friends who invited me to play, when we got older it was pls come with to a social..... I think this is much nicer way meet friends in terms of less stress of introduction, or isolated and cold canvas socialising.
I suppose I knew many people from synagogue, perhaps just different in the west, always noted how odd I felt when invited to Sunday service with Christians.

Socials are not religious events, and most helpful to meet people.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

but in my experience, cafes are no different from either place

143 days in one last year gave me real major Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria much more than 2 years of PTSD that college did.