Thank you for the many above welcomes, and insight offered.
It's been a long path of discovery, and experiences for me, which led to this self diagnosis. Prior to such, I thought it might be an ADD diagnosis, for many of that pattern overlaps and gives off false flags.
That said, I do not share this with others. It took a lot for me to understand what this is and isn't. I attempted to share information on my being an Aspie, and it proved to be a disadvantage. I no longer feel the need to educate others, and be faced with the debate, stigma, and lost energy in doing so. It's a very private thing for me, to be shared with only those who are closest to me, who have a mutually supportive outlook.
@Au Naturel...As far as dexterity goes... It took me close to a year to learn how to move on the dance floor, and thank goodness a strong smooth lead, lets me live the fantasy of being smooth and looking seasoned. Yeah it was worth the year's effort. I too like the Buddhist teachings... and yes, that said: Worry is inevitable. The pain/discomfort of life is inevitable. Sometimes controlling (my) response to the many concerns or rejection, is impossible. How many of you internalize those emotions? I internalize, so the majority will not even know of my response.
Remember: No one gets out of here unscathed, neuro-typicals/NT included. I remind myself, those whom are least accepting of ATypical wiring, are often challenged, result of their childhood. Though NT, they are far from normal.
NT or Atypical does not infer that a person is normal in my book, not by my definition at least!
I in accepting others where they are, often open myself up for disappointment. I have concluded, that must change. At this point I have maxed out on my evolvement in regards to communication. I must be met where I am, and for who I am, not despite who I am!
My focus is choosing healthy connections. I am not 'necessarily' trying to dig in to change my communication style. If I learn extra skills, wonderful. I am not seeking perfection from myself, and even those who are so called normal, don't have to hold themselves to that super human standard? It serves no purpose.
I offer a hell of a lot of space for people to come as is. I expect that in return. And for yes, nourishment (
@Giant Hogweed), now more than ever. Thus, I am shifting gears, looking for friends in atypical places, for guess what... Those NT are just too much work, with too little return. Sadly, I have realized, Some NT have even have a subconscious agenda, in finding themselves attracted to me. That is unfortunate. When that happens they are in for a surprise, as I don't buy into self-deprecation. In response; I've been told many a time, that I am far too forgiving of myself. I believe that is a very important learned skill, to appreciate one's worth. We often give that to others, before we offer this too ourselves?
@Alexej We all have communication missteps. MY communication challenges, shouldn't require I take FULL responsibility for those stumbles. Communication is a two way street. Let's remember that. In the past, such ownership has often let the other person off the hook, with them pointing the finger at me. Blame does not make for great communication lol. Communication takes two. If that makes sense. I've had that card used often against me, all the while knowing that what I said did make sense.
@Martha Ferris Likewise... Wonderful to meet another woman who has also stumbled upon this defining component of Aspergers. Until one does, they never quite feel that calm of this ah ha moment. I am looking forward to sharing with you and others. I view meeting others of this wiring as such: It's an opportunity for a full out Atypical no need to walk on eggshells experience.
Again thank you for all who welcomed me.
