Fear of progress

[Jenisautistic]

Hi everyone, it's been a long time so here's an update
I have been in this place called respite. It's temporary, but it's nice. I been having this problem, though that keeps popping up for some reason I seem to be terrified of progress. And my memory is horrible even worse than usual sometimes. Even small things could be overwhelming it's been a year and I have been working so far which I'm very happy about but I seem to need a lot of help with my job. My job is sopportive employment, but my coworkers are usually the ones giving Support because the job coach is not allowed in the school really although I am doing pretty good I'm also afraid of friends sometimes like making friends because I find that overwhelming as well
How many of you had a fear of progress? I feel like anything that I built up can fall down in a second if that makes sense.
I think I’m doing pretty well overall, but I still get scared of making friends or trying new things. Sometimes the idea of friendship or socializing just feels too big, even when people are nice.

Does anyone else ever feel afraid of progress? Like anything you build up could fall apart in a second? That’s how it feels for me, and I’m wondering if others can relate.

 

[Dagan]

These are the areas of progress that has to include the social stuff. You'll mask more, even if you don't mean to, and then you are more likely to feel imposter syndrome symptoms. You'll wonder if you are really good enough of a person or qualified enough, etc. especially if you start to get roped into the social / professional ladder that folks in a lot of jobs want to climb. At the same time, there's no better therapy with that stuff than personal experience. "The way out...is through." That kind of thing.

At almost 50 years old, I can still deal with these same things. You are not alone.

 

[Masked Man]

That doesn't really sound like a fear of progress to me, it sounds like general anxiety. I mean - when trying to make friends, what's the worst that is going to happen if you're not successful? The worst is that people may get turned off and stop coming around. And to me that's what you're describing. So that's not a fear of progress, it's a fear of something you're built up in your mind.

I have it too to a certain extent. I have several anxiety disorders that are completely irrational. One of them is crossing bridges when I'm driving. I have no idea why I have this anxiety, I've never had a crash on a bridge, I'm not afraid of heights, etc. But every time I drive across a bridge (which isn't often) I have to talk myself out of a panic attack.

 

[Jenisautistic]

That doesn't really sound like a fear of progress to me, it sounds like general anxiety. I mean - when trying to make friends, what's the worst that is going to happen if you're not successful? The worst is that people may get turned off and stop coming around. And to me that's what you're describing. So that's not a fear of progress, it's a fear of something you're built up in your mind.

I have it too to a certain extent. I have several anxiety disorders that are completely irrational. One of them is crossing bridges when I'm driving. I have no idea why I have this anxiety, I've never had a crash on a bridge, I'm not afraid of heights, etc. But every time I drive across a bridge (which isn't often) I have to talk myself out of a panic attack.

No, my fear of making friends is not about being successful it’s about encountering and solving through problems
Also,the progressing and friendship if that makes sense

Basically, I’m afraid of what something goes wrong and I don’t know how to handle it

Although you could be right about the anxiety thing

 

[Masked Man]

So it's social anxiety. Congrats, you're in good company!

 

[Jenisautistic]

So it's social anxiety. Congrats, you're in good company!

Whatever it is Social or general, what some things I can do to stop being so afraid? do you happen to have any strategies or things that might work for you?

 

[Masked Man]

Whatever it is Social or general, what some things I can do to stop being so afraid? do you happen to have any strategies or things that might work for you?

Oh heck, I have a huge amount of social anxiety, and unfortunately, no I've not completely overcome it. I think I just don't care anymore lol. I realize intellectually that no one cares about me and by that I mean people have their own stuff going on and their own worries, etc. And I also realize that a lot of times when someone may be hostile to me, or is rude, or whatever, that really is more a reflection of them, because I'm harmless, I pass as completely normal, there's really no reason for anyone to act the way that people sometimes act. I guess what I'm saying is I've done a lot of work internally and I don't carry the weight of other people and their issues around on my shoulders anymore. If someone wants to not like me, that's okay, it's not my problem, not my business.

The other anxieties I have - well that's something else. I'm working on those. I haven't figured out the bridge one.

 

[RemyZee]

"My job is sopportive employment, but my coworkers are usually the ones giving Support because the job coach is not allowed in the school". Don't want to make assumptions here, but in terms of your job sometimes we don't make progress because of external factors, like your job coach not being able to meet with you. How are you supposed to move forward if you don't have access to the right supports, and instead you have to look to co workers who need support themselves. I wonder if it might help you move forward some if you found a way to address that you aren't getting access to your job coach. The social stuff? Oh my. All I can say is with human beings being so complicated, it can be hard to even know when you are making progress. They will always surprise me. But you may find you are making progress even when you don't realize it--just by sticking around.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Hi everyone, it's been a long time so here's an update
I have been in this place called respite. It's temporary, but it's nice. I been having this problem, though that keeps popping up for some reason I seem to be terrified of progress. And my memory is horrible even worse than usual sometimes. Even small things could be overwhelming it's been a year and I have been working so far which I'm very happy about but I seem to need a lot of help with my job. My job is sopportive employment, but my coworkers are usually the ones giving Support because the job coach is not allowed in the school really although I am doing pretty good I'm also afraid of friends sometimes like making friends because I find that overwhelming as well
How many of you had a fear of progress? I feel like anything that I built up can fall down in a second if that makes sense.
I think I’m doing pretty well overall, but I still get scared of making friends or trying new things. Sometimes the idea of friendship or socializing just feels too big, even when people are nice.

Does anyone else ever feel afraid of progress? Like anything you build up could fall apart in a second? That’s how it feels for me, and I’m wondering if others can relate.

There is something called "cautiously optimistic". Life is like that many times. Fear of the unknown. However, we all have to walk our path in life... and with that, means change. Nothing has permanence... the tallest mountains will eventually turn to dust. Do not be afraid of making mistakes... mistakes give us wisdom. We cannot concern ourselves with all the "What if's" and then decide to just squat and do nothing. So what if you make a mistake? Use it. Keep pushing yourself forward... challenges can be good for us... especially in situations where we might fail.

 

[NDR2]

In a way I am a little afraid of success - particularly if I don’t know what I did to achieve it. My fear is that I’ll be expected to repeat the success, and I may not be able to follow through.

 

[Dagan]

About the only thing that can help these such scenarios is figuring out a way that you feel "reward" or "joy" any in the social aspects or even one such social aspect of it all. I'll try to explain:

Playing live music. I enjoy the act of playing on stage and entertaining the crowd quite removed from me - down below - on the floor - "not on the stage." I enjoy doing the work and completing the work, and the work doing what its intention is, it winds up being the reward for me. Any kind of having to mix, mingle or socialize after doing the work on stage - I don't do so well. It's anxiety inducing. What only helped was figuring out if I could steer / stick to conversations about other music in said instances - not about my music or me or what I'm like overall, etc. Other music, other musicians. I had to figure out an end goal / reward / joy to try and at least "chase" to get through forced socializing stuff.

I hope that made sense.

 

[Grondhammar]

How many of you had a fear of progress? I feel like anything that I built up can fall down in a second if that makes sense.
I think I’m doing pretty well overall, but I still get scared of making friends or trying new things. Sometimes the idea of friendship or socializing just feels too big, even when people are nice.

Just putting my hand in the air and saying, "Me!"

Anytime anything social -- either a situation, or a group or relationship -- starts going well, I get scared and leave. I'm working on becoming aware of this when it's happening, and stopping. Sometimes I don't realise I did this until later. Sometimes I regret it, and sometimes I just sit alone and feel safe.

I experience this with most new situations as well. I can handle it for a little bit, but every moment gets more uncomfortable, even if it seems to be going well.

A couple of things that help keep the fear away in new situations, or (nice/supportive) social situations:

1) Having a fidget with me. I wear a necklace with a big amulet on it that feels nice just in case I forget to bring something, or for when I'm doing something that makes it so I can't hold onto a fidget.

2) Taking breaks when I notice I'm feeling so much anxiety I can't hold it anymore. I can't do this a lot because it's very awkward every five minutes to say, "Sorry, bathroom break"

I wish I had more ideas. I also wish you best wishes learning how to handle this!

 

[Matthias]

I feel like anything that I built up can fall down in a second if that makes sense.

It absolutely can. However, I'd rather enjoy something good while it lasts than never enjoy it at all.

I think I’m doing pretty well overall, but I still get scared of making friends or trying new things. Sometimes the idea of friendship or socializing just feels too big, even when people are nice.

It's hard at first but the more you do something, the easier it gets.