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Featured Does this happen when you try to socialize?

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by Tony Ramirez, Feb 12, 2020.

  1. GBWest

    GBWest Member

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    Happens all the time in both real life and on chat rooms.......
     
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  2. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    I don't use chat rooms. I socialize on forums, texting including WhatsApp and face to face. I always found forums easy to chat on as you can think of what to say and then modify the post or even remove it.

    Texting including WhatsApp makes me a bit nervous typing out what I should say and should I send it not bugging them. Once you send a text there is no going back. So far I have not bugged them and they said so as I am very polite in my chats.

    The most difficult of course is face to face but I am getting better even with small talk which I don't like but understand more why it's used. I find small talk easier if the person who is talking is passionate about a topic then I mostly listen and comment.
     
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  3. Mindf'Elle'ness

    Mindf'Elle'ness Peace and passion for ALL

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    Hey. Yes it's probably happened to everyone at some point.
    I think I realized it happens when I am not so good at 'active listening' which I think aspies are notorious for. We may be looking at someone when they're talking but we're not giving them the vibes that we're really listening.
    Active listening is making comments every now and then which lets them know that you are listening and understanding to what they say. If you're not doing that and a third person joins the group, the person you were speaking to will direct their attention on the new person because maybe they'll get more of a reaction.
    I don't get my nose out of joint about it so much. Chances are that I thought what they were saying was either boring or I really didn't have any comment. Now that that person is engaged with someone else, I can silently slip away to do something else.
     
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  4. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    These are all perfectly valid points. I now have gotten to the point of where am l in the pecking order? Some conversations with co-workers, l am at the bottom. Some conversations - l am at the middle. So it helps to read nuances of where you stand. If someone is going to fully butt into a conversation, then they are kinda of a pompous ass, and l really don't care period. They are the one with the issue or insecurity or totally devoid of social parameters. Social norms mean different things to different people. What matters to a female from my block is going to be different from what matters to the jet club couple l wait on in a nice place. What offends one, the other one won't care. Worked in a touristy upscale retail and l sized up what l could say and how l could say it. Mostly importantly - be yourself, then if someone doesn't like you, that still leaves 99999999999 more people that may like you left on the planet. Lol
    My issue- one guy really makes me shy-up because my anxiety of just liking them makes me go to on a one way ticket to shove a pie in my face idiotville. So l have a hard time calling them.
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2020
  5. Phlogiston101

    Phlogiston101 phlogiston101

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    Hi Mindf'Elle'ness, I just learned about active listening this last week, wow! Who'd have thought these things take so long. Since I've been divorced I've make understanding myself, and other people what I call one of my projects, I guess the psychologists call it a special interest, but whatever. I think your right onn about the active listening, I've been trying to do that at work, but I mostly forget so I write a note to do it. I think people expect us to restate things they say as a way to show we're listening to them. I have a bit of echolalia sometimes, so i guess I sort of do this "naturally" in a way. But it is good information to know to help with relating to and forming bonds with others.
     
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  6. LonelyCanadian

    LonelyCanadian New Member

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    Maybe being more assertive could be a solution here. I've definitely experienced this, other people butting in.
    Could a good strategy be to just keep talking as if you hadn't been interrupted, or to find a way to include the newcomer to the conversation? After all, they probably knew they were butting in so they have no right to get offended.
     
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  7. Phlogiston101

    Phlogiston101 phlogiston101

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    Thanks, dependiing on the person/situation including them would be a good strategy, the least conflict inducing one. But ignoring them is another depending on who they are, or how the butting in occurs.
     
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  8. sport

    sport Member

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    I've been in a chat room because of anxiety it was also why girls and later women scared me soo much have gotten much wife is the big stabalizing effect on my life.