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does it take effort to speak?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Pats, Jul 3, 2019.

  1. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Got into interesting conversation with daughter in law as she was complaining about my son's lack of speaking. She was saying she didn't believe it took any effort to speak, that it takes effort for her to NOT speak. I explained that it does take effort to speak. Kind of hard to explain to someone who is the opposite and who comes from a family that speaks loudly constantly. I mean, they'd give you guys a headache - each one talking over the other and no one on the same subject and no one listening to the other. Just all talking. It's crazy to me.

    But to me, it does take an effort to speak, especially if I'm tired or stressed. Does it you guys?
     
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  2. Kirsty

    Kirsty ND

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    Yeah, I only find it easy to speak if I’m feeling apprehensive or in a genuinely really good mood. Otherwise, I say very little and often the other person has to start talking first; especially If I’m feeling down or lacking confidence. That’s when it’s more of a real effort for me.
     
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  3. Monachopia

    Monachopia ...spiral out... keep going.

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    Depending on my mental state... yes. Sometimes my mind is blank and there seems to be nothing to say. Or sometimes I know what I should say, but I have to force the words out, consciously make my mouth move and make my voice work. It takes effort and I often wonder how people just talk without thinking about it at all, words tumbling out like waterfalls. Speech and making sentences, trains of thought just works for them... while I sit and have to work out the structure and how it should all fit together...
     
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  4. SolarPoweredNightOwl

    SolarPoweredNightOwl Walking contradiction

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    Spoken language is much harder for me than written, especially listening to it. Speaking itself usually isn't too hard, but I have to be mindful or else things come out jumbled, full of dysfluencies, or just plain incoherent. It's much worse when I'm tired, or otherwise unable to regulate things properly. Then there's the matter of translation--figuring out how to express things in a way others will understand. My partner asks me all the time "What are you thinking?" and I absolutely hate it. A lot of the time it's not worth the bother trying to retrace and spit out everything that went through my mind in the last minute, especially when most of it won't make sense to her.

    Oddly, though, I have no problem with public speaking, even if I have no script and have to improvise. Go figure.
     
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  5. BrokenBoy

    BrokenBoy 戯言使い(Nonsense User)

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    Sometimes I get so anxious I can't say how I feel which causes problems.
     
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  6. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    If I have something to say, no. But if I don't, just making conversation is real work, and very tiring.
     
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  7. stewdog80

    stewdog80 I want to help People with ASD

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    In all of my posts, I end up cringing after I post them because I come off sounding like I believe people on the spectrum are better than other people. This is truly not how I feel. Not saying we are worse, but you get it.

    Contrary to what many of you have said; I have never had trouble coming up with words! Stressed or not. Often times, my National honor society friends wouldn't be able to say something I said as intelligently as I did, and I made "meh" grades. I am just a "meh" person, in general, but, I think differently than most people. I am also an amazing writer, or was. The user here Autistamatic, is a brilliant writer!

    I love her posts. I ask these questions all the time.
     
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  8. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    You would enjoy Autistamatic's (he, by the way :) ) youtube videos. Just type in Autistamatic in the youtube search.
     
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  9. Sherlock77

    Sherlock77 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I believe this is something even NT's often struggle with, let alone Aspie's and our tendencies...

    I'm not dumb, but often my mind thinks rather slowly, which frustrates me when I see other people popping off ideas what seems to be instantaneously

    When brainstorming an idea in a group, other people typically have the idea/solution, I start talking about how to to implement the idea and/or possible concerns

    So each one has their place
     
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  10. Autistamatic

    Autistamatic He's just this guy, you know? V.I.P Member

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    Thanks for the kind words @stewdog80 & @Pats :)
    All my publicly available work on autism related issues are hosted or linked on my website which is linked in my signature.

    I do find speaking a tremendous effort in many circumstances. There are very few people I feel comfortable enough with to just "chat". I prefer to be precise in the words I use in order to minimise misunderstandings which isn't as easy on the fly as it is in writing. I only feel comfortable chatting with people who will forgive my errors and allow me to correct myself, and they are few & far between.
     
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  11. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    If I'm expected to talk, it takes effort, but if I'm expected to be silent then it takes effort to not talk. :rolleyes:
     
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  12. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    Talking takes a lot of thought. I rarely speak without carefully measuring my words.
     
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  13. Ranunculus

    Ranunculus Member

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    Personally, if I could get away with making noises (like grunts, whistling, licking my tongue, snapping) that represents a feeling or phrase, I would. I am not comfortable using own voice, and once I become more exhausted, my words become shorter.

    ie- I'm nervous because of that test coming next week => Nervous. Scared. Hide. Limitation.

    This also happens when I'm having a conversation, and people don't understand what I mean, and I feel like the words I've chosen are wrong, so I close up again.

    Summary: very much so.
     
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  14. Rexi

    Rexi uwu owo uwu SlightlyFilterless Atheist Science=<3 V.I.P Member

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    Im still waiting for that future tech bee hive implant which makes people's thoughts see-through, automatically sent to someone else. Think outloud while eating!

    Apparently species that instantly communicate with each other/the group have a much greater ability to solve problems. But we'll have to accept nature of people and honesty of thoughts.

    'Did I just hear someone say I have a great ass?' :eek:
     
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  15. Autistamatic

    Autistamatic He's just this guy, you know? V.I.P Member

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    Had to be done...
    [​IMG]
     
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  16. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member

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    speech will be one of the first things to go if my head is crammed with a multitude of other things.
    bit like a labour saving device.
    (I can still write, sometimes)

    in addition to the above, there are times (in real life) I have nothing to say...

    ... honestly :)

    No opinion, no need to fill a silent gap or just observing.
     
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  17. onlything

    onlything Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I once met a person at work that I could communicate with instantly. We spoke little but what we spoke was so easy to understand. Somehow we knew how to find solutions and tackle problems quickly, when to leave the other person alone, even small talk - it required so little effort and was one of the most surprising and amazing things I have experienced.

    Outside of that instance, talking is always exhausting.
     
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  18. zurb

    zurb Eschewer of Obfuscation

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    As one grows in maturity, one realises that not everyone is the same, and everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. I don’t call my wife stupid for not easily backing a trailer (she has enough trouble backing without a trailer!). And she doesn’t hassle me for not enjoying cooking. Sometimes I’m quiet because there’s literally nothing to say. I’m not going to make noise just for the sake of it. Other times I’m slow to speak because there is just too much going on. For an idea of the cognitive load that can be involved, try telling the story of red riding hood without using any word with the letter d in it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2019
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  19. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    Yes, I find talking very tiring. I find it hard to keep a conversation going. I have a job where I need to talk a lot, and this is exhausting. I can talk to individuals that I know well, but not in group situations. I don't process fast and am slow to respond, and by the time I've thought about what I want to say, the conversation has moved on. So in group conversations I'm usually silent.
     
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  20. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member

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    is that throwing down the gauntlet? :D

    a wolf got the urge to consume a pubescent girl wearing a rouge cloak at her granny's house.

    A tree surgeon burst through the entrance of granny's house, swung an axe, the result being a swift, clean cut straight through the wolf's neck.

    game over.
     
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