does it take effort to speak?

[Running Girl]

(Not taking the fairytale challenge, too hot and humid), but totally agree about talking being extremely effort intensive, especially when tired or stressed. If i'm both, i wont even talk to my spouse, and he's on the spectrum too. Wont answer the phone, to anyone, if tired or stressed. Texting is so much less exhausting. It doesnt have the difficulty level of an actual conversation. I wonder if "social exhaustion ", as my husband and I call it, is the 1 quality we all have in common.

 

[Jojo_LB]

Yup. During my time of self-discovery, I realized that I always had trouble speaking. My mother told me that I was extremely quiet, rarely expressive. I knew how to speak, I think, I just rarely did it, probably because I had no clue when, where, or how to express myself. When I "found my voice", or wanted to express myself more (around 4 or 5), I ended up stuttering so bad until the age of about 11, 12.

There are multiple reasons for being unaware of this for the past three decades. One is that no one knew what ASD was when I was a child (early to mid 80's), so it never occurred to anyone to see a neurodevelopment expert about it (and then of course gender plays into this as well). Another is that my ADHD made me unaware of my autistic traits. Another is masking.

I deftly avoided having to speak many, many times in the past when it involved expression of thoughts, ideas, emotions, any time that required a bit of extemporization.

I am OK with scripts. I am OK if I rehearse. I am OK if I type or write with a pen. But I'm not entirely OK with verbalizing, especially if it's on-the-fly, requires a lot of thinking and decision-making in addition.

I have found that since my autistic traits have become so much more profound in the last few years, speaking has become difficult, unfortunately.

When I'm tired, yes. It takes a lot of effort.

If I'm experiencing sensory overload, again, it takes a lot of effort to speak.

Shutdown/meltdown mode, I become mute.

 

[Pats]

Yup. During my time of self-discovery, I realized that I always had trouble speaking. My mother told me that I was extremely quiet, rarely expressive. I knew how to speak, I think, I just rarely did it, probably because I had no clue when, where, or how to express myself. When I "found my voice", or wanted to express myself more (around 4 or 5), I ended up stuttering so bad until the age of about 11, 12.

There are multiple reasons for being unaware of this for the past three decades. One is that no one knew what ASD was when I was a child (early to mid 80's), so it never occurred to anyone to see a neurodevelopment expert about it (and then of course gender plays into this as well). Another is that my ADHD made me unaware of my autistic traits. Another is masking.

I deftly avoided having to speak many, many times in the past when it involved expression of thoughts, ideas, emotions, any time that required a bit of extemporization.

I am OK with scripts. I am OK if I rehearse. I am OK if I type or write with a pen. But I'm not OK with verbalizing.

I have found that since my autistic traits have become so much more profound in the last few years, speaking has become difficult, unfortunately.

When I'm tired, yes. It takes a lot of effort.

If I'm experiencing sensory overload, again, it takes a lot of effort to speak.

Shutdown/meltdown mode, I become mute.

Yes, I was born in 57, so it was not something anyone paid attention to then, for sure. My aunt has told me she can remember when I was a baby, I was so easy because I would just sit in my crib quietly and entertain myself. And I was in second grade (parents probably encouraged by teacher) when I was taken to speech therapy to learn to talk. (Nope, nothing abnormal there. lol) But I remember being made to play barbies with my neighbor - I loved barbies but didn't like playing with other kids because you had to talk and I didn't like to talk.

 

[Pats]

Personally, if I could get away with making noises (like grunts, whistling, licking my tongue, snapping) that represents a feeling or phrase, I would. I am not comfortable using own voice, and once I become more exhausted, my words become shorter.

ie- I'm nervous because of that test coming next week => Nervous. Scared. Hide. Limitation.

This also happens when I'm having a conversation, and people don't understand what I mean, and I feel like the words I've chosen are wrong, so I close up again.

Summary: very much so.

I was telling my son about the responses on this post and that someone had written they'd rather grunt if they could. He laughed and said he would, too, and sometimes he DOES. I said, "Yes, that's what started the conversation on the subject to begin with," LOL

 

[Pats]

Im still waiting for that future tech bee hive implant which makes people's thoughts see-through, automatically sent to someone else. Think outloud while eating!

Apparently species that instantly communicate with each other/the group have a much greater ability to solve problems. But we'll have to accept nature of people and honesty of thoughts.

'Did I just hear someone say I have a great ass?'

when I read this the first time I was reading it as you would want to read other people;s minds. Now I realize you meant for them to read yours so you wouldn't have to talk? Yes - I want one of those.

 

[All-Rounder]

when I read this the first time I was reading it as you would want to read other people;s minds. Now I realize you meant for them to read yours so you wouldn't have to talk? Yes - I want one of those.

Yeah, I actually did an experiment with boyfriend where we tried to share every thought as it came. It was pretty cool and funny.

 

[Vindicator Phoenix]

Yes. It takes me quite a lot of effort, for me to speak; writing, however, is easy and natural.

Often, opportunities pass, for me to say something that I highly wish to say. I get stuck in an interlude-free dialogue: always trying to say something before someone else starts speaking, but they speak first. I then wonder if I can appropriately say that tempting thing I'd wished to say, 5 minutes ago, even if that conversation topic had been buried.

Even worse are those times when selective mutism kicks in; it paralyzes me.

Once I get ranting, in speech, however, I can steamroll others' ears, with a bullet train of prolixity and sesquipedalianism. Perhaps, my id craves revenge, for all those times, when I don't get to speak.

To prevent this unhinged volubility, I limit my points to a sentence or two, and pray that someone doesn't broach a fascinating topic. If that happens, I try to hold back the dam. If it bursts, I bulldoze everyone, with my intellect, abstract perception, and vocabulary.

 

[s704m]

Got into interesting conversation with daughter in law as she was complaining about my son's lack of speaking. She was saying she didn't believe it took any effort to speak, that it takes effort for her to NOT speak. I explained that it does take effort to speak. Kind of hard to explain to someone who is the opposite and who comes from a family that speaks loudly constantly. I mean, they'd give you guys a headache - each one talking over the other and no one on the same subject and no one listening to the other. Just all talking. It's crazy to me.

But to me, it does take an effort to speak, especially if I'm tired or stressed. Does it you guys?

Yes, because if I speak too quickly, no one understands me, or people get upset or offended by what I say. Arguments happen. Too tiring to fix it all and I make it worse when I try. Easier not to speak, less to fix, less tiring. But lonelier. Just so much effort to deal with people who read into and twist everything I say.
Storm

 

[All-Rounder]

Yes, I was born in 57, so it was not something anyone paid attention to then, for sure. My aunt has told me she can remember when I was a baby, I was so easy because I would just sit in my crib quietly and entertain myself. And I was in second grade (parents probably encouraged by teacher) when I was taken to speech therapy to learn to talk. (Nope, nothing abnormal there. lol) But I remember being made to play barbies with my neighbor - I loved barbies but didn't like playing with other kids because you had to talk and I didn't like to talk.

I can imagine that turning into a fun experience if you could have played a mute barbie, and just nod her head and say "mhm", maybe a bow with a hold of the dress to mean yes

 

[Pats]

I just noticed something else I sometimes do - try to get all my necessary talking out of the way at one time so I don't have to worry about it the rest of the day. I just did that. Now I can sit back and not have to worry about talking the rest of the day. Happy 4th!! LOL

 

[techteach]

Just sat here and laughed! This is exactly how it is, good thread!

Yes, because if I speak too quickly, no one understands me, or people get upset or offended by what I say. Arguments happen. Too tiring to fix it all and I make it worse when I try. Easier not to speak, less to fix, less tiring. But lonelier. Just so much effort to deal with people who read into and twist everything I say.

I know! Right!

Once I get ranting, in speech, however, I can steamroll others' ears,

I only feel comfortable chatting with people who will forgive my errors and allow me to correct myself, and they are few & far between.

I know.

When I get tired but I need to say something I have to slow way down and it feels like I take the information out of my memory one idea at a time and compose it into words that will make sense. I know I am acting like an automaton but ... the fear is always that I will thought of as a freak.

 

[onlything]

Yes, I was born in 57, so it was not something anyone paid attention to then, for sure. My aunt has told me she can remember when I was a baby, I was so easy because I would just sit in my crib quietly and entertain myself. And I was in second grade (parents probably encouraged by teacher) when I was taken to speech therapy to learn to talk. (Nope, nothing abnormal there. lol) But I remember being made to play barbies with my neighbor - I loved barbies but didn't like playing with other kids because you had to talk and I didn't like to talk.

My mother used to say exactly the same thing about me! - a quiet, easy child, always amusing myself with anything I could, especially in comparison to my rather wild brother . Although I was never taken to speech therapy, I was tested for hearing loss because I wouldn't answer when called by a teacher in preschool (well, if you call me 'hey, you!', then how can I know you're calling me? just let me play with my toy in peace, thank-you-very-much).

 

[zurb]

Yeah, I actually did an experiment with boyfriend where we tried to share every thought as it came.

“I have no thoughts”
“I’m thinking about the fact I have no thoughts”
“Is that ironic?”
“Is it a problem I have no thoughts?”
“Should I share that I’m thinking about having no thoughts?”
“I can’t think about anything while I’m thinking about having no thoughts”
...

 

[blue_bird]

Maybe not so much effort required these days, but when I was young I had selective mutism, so I almost never spoke to anyone besides my mum. I have tried to break my silence due to the negative perception and awkwardness it brought. I was tired of hearing things like 'you're so quiet' or being called 'the man of few words' so I have tried to make more of an effort to talk, even though it doesn't come naturally.

 

[zurb]

she was complaining about my son's lack of speaking. She was saying she didn't believe it took any effort to speak,

Have you heard of the DiSC profile? I’d bet she’s a ‘I’, extrovert, relationship focussed and can talk non-stop without saying anything. Your son may be a ‘C’ for whom communication needs a purpose, must be accurate and precise, and therefore finding the right words takes effort.

 

[tducey]

It does for me. I can speak relatively well when I do talk but it takes some kind of effort for me to do so.

 

[LucyPurrs]

is that throwing down the gauntlet?

a wolf got the urge to consume a pubescent girl wearing a rouge cloak at her granny's house.

A tree surgeon burst through the entrance of granny's house, swung an axe, the result being a swift, clean cut straight through the wolf's neck.

game over.

Gracey,
I just have to say that was magnificent!!!!

 

[Ken S.]

I'm only good speaking one on one, I can do it with almost anyone but more than that and I hear what everyone is saying at the same volume and the same time mixed up. Then the confusion sets in and I'm out of there. Sometimes cognitive fog even makes it hard for me to follow multiple chat conversations.

 

[inkfingers]

I usually don't have any trouble talking, actually I sometimes talk too much. But when I'm super tired and stressed and feeling burnt-out, talking takes a lot of effort.

 

[Kyou Nukui]

I'm usually mute in group conversations.

I find it difficult to give my thoughts or response when too many points have been made before I got the opportunity to respond. I can't pick which point to respond to.

I find it difficult to answer a very open question.

I can talk to one person and answer a specific question.