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Does anyone project great vulnerabilty?

An Arctic fox said:
It isnt so easy as a perception change because as mentioned the host of this account has PTSD, she also is anorexic and has many other issues so it isnt that easy and she cant just choose to not be upset. That isnt how it works for some of us. And we cant just change our reactions when we are upset it isnt that easy. So have fun being able to change how you react but som of us cant.
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I completely agree with the 'can't'. It's like hitting - can't and couldn't if my life depended on it. Can't hit a person or an object. That makes me vulnerable to a lot of things, but I can't change it. Even if it's not a person - I was locked out of my house and stuck out there for hours. I could have broken a window with a hammer that was outside and gotten right in, but couldn't. Can't explain the inability to do certain things and it's more than just a decision. I just physically can't. There's a block there or something.
 
@AloneNotLonely

I would fear getting in trouble with the law for kicking people in the face, or getting beat up by them in the middle of a crowd for fighting back. I would rather have my butt touched than my jaw broken.

I would feel I'd be very violent if I did that, and it resembles the behavior of the people I don't like, gotta not lower myself to their level.

I would also try to understand people acting like such because it's maybe some issue they have and I dont think harming them would help them or me much.

I also would seek to see if I didnt misunderstood what they meant, e.g. grandma is old fashioned and touches people easily, even store people. I tend to be paranoid about such acts but sometimes it can cloud my logical thinking and stress me more than help me.

I wouldnt say people have physically harrassed me as much as they did to you, especially strangers
 
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Start learning how to say no and start pushing back. The sooner you do, the better off you'll be.

At one point in time, if I had to handle some of the cases listed in the OP both me and the offender would probably be in deep water. Though I've calmed down since, I absolutely do not tolerate anyone (especially grown adults) doing some of the crap that's been listed here, and I definitely know how to get the message across if needed.
 
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you have to create a situation where people don't feel they can treat you poorly with impunity. that's something we have to do ourselves. when people can disrespect you without consequence, this only emboldens them to continue and ramp it up.

the lifeblood of a man is his ability to garner respect. if he can't do that, he can't actually be a man and his self-confidence and self-esteem will be shot.

understanding this helped me to understand the old saying "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do".
 
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Before I knew Why I was different, before the diagnosis and the subsequent reclaiming of my space, so-called people did this sort of thing to me. It's fun to them. Think James and Sirius in Snape's Worst Memory.
 
An Arctic fox said:
The second paragraph is quite offensive to the owner of this account (about how only if you let it), it's a PTSD reminder most likely but it isnt easy for her to say no. (She literally seems incapable of it). Also I'm an alternate personality so hello.
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Aye, but I'll put it this way:

I used to think *I* was "literally incapable of saying no". Used to think I was incapable of doing much of anything to help myself. I couldnt win, I couldnt stop the pain, I couldnt do anything. That's what I thought. For so many years.

It turned out, this was untrue. But it took a long, long time for me to learn that.

There's a quote I got from a book somewhere: "The moment you think you cant win, is the moment you've truly lost the fight". It's incredible, really, what we often do to ourselves via our own thoughts and attitudes. That, too, is something it took me a *long* time to learn, and I only learned it because my father utterly refused to give up on teaching it to me.

In other words, always saying "I cant do it, I cant win, there's no way I can handle that, there's no way I can perform that action" pretty much creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. But so many people do exactly that, and then wonder why they cant get anywhere.

To repeat myself: If *I* can do it, with all of my problems (of which I have many more than I've ever expressed on this forum)... anyone can do it. But it's NOT easy, and you cant guarantee victory here. Even if something is technically POSSIBLE... we dont always win. But it's worth fighting for, even if failure results in the end. Hell, it's worth picking yourself back up AFTER failing and fighting again. Simply because we didnt win before... doesnt mean we CANT win. However, your chances of winning that fight (whatever that particular "fight" may be at the time) will stay near zero, with an "I cant do it" attitude.

That's all I'm going to say about it though. I shall stop here. Normally I stick around a bit after saying my piece, but I'm seeing some red flags here that I dont normally spot in this place, so I'm out of this particular topic. Do have a good day, and I wish you all the best.
 
Although I can see why someone might do so, if I understand correctly, I think it would be wrong to interpret anything Misery says as, "Just decide to stop" whatever or "just decide to start" whatever, as if it's some snap decision you need only to make and why aren't you just making that totally awesome decision???

It's much more complex, in-depth, and long-term than anything that can be adequately explained here. What Misery is explaining just makes up the basic tenets of it all. It's not meant to diminish or dismiss anyone's difficulties to any extent.

Assuming I understand correctly.
 
Fino said:
Although I can see why someone might do so, if I understand correctly, I think it would be wrong to interpret anything Misery says as, "Just decide to stop" whatever or "just decide to start" whatever, as if it's some snap decision you need only to make and why aren't you just making that totally awesome decision???

It's much more complex, in-depth, and long-term than anything that can be adequately explained here. What Misery is explaining just makes up the basic tenets of it all. It's not meant to diminish or dismiss anyone's difficulties to any extent.

Assuming I understand correctly.
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Aye, you are correct.

This goes for pretty much any advice I give anywhere on this forum. If things were as simple as merely flipping a switch on and off... nobody would need to give any advice at all, or ask for any. None of this stuff is ever simple, nor is it easy.


Also I specifically told this bloody thing to unwatch this thread, and it did not do so... feh. Whatever. Catlike curiosity would have eventually made me have "just another quick look" sooner rather than later anyway. Not so good at resisting that. Dunno why I "unwatch" anything to begin with. Waste of perfectly good mouse clicks, is what that is.
 
I'm sorry about whatever febe said it was rude of her to do so, she is very blunt and isnt good at knowing what to say so I'm sorry
 
I'm kinda blunt but I try and be nice about it and I just feel really bad about it so sorry but thanks for saying it's all right
 
An Arctic fox said:
That isnt how it works for some of us. And we cant just change our reactions when we are upset it isnt that easy. So have fun being able to change how you react but som of us cant.
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It's true some of us can't easily change the way we think and make things all better. But it's also not 100% wrong that it's possible to change your situation through changing the way you think and do things. I feel like this is a situation where there is truth in what Misery said and truth also in how you're feeling. I have been stuck in negative thinking on specific issues for years, to the point where I thought that was it, it would never change. Yet, with the help of a counsel I have turned it around.
 
An Arctic fox said:
Yeah I've mostly turned around but I still cant really change my reaction to things easily
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Early days though @An Arctic fox You're young. All I'm suggesting is don't close your mind off to the idea that change is possible.

To be clear - I'm not saying I'm a different person. But I had truly become hopeless, thinking I couldn't change how I felt and ruminated over certain tings. But I have improved. A lot.

That showed me that how we think and how we feel can change to varying degrees. That's hope right there. But you have to at least entertain the idea that change is possible and be willing to try things.

Now, I'm not trying to negate what I said, but I also understand how difficult it can feel. That it can feel like change is impossible, or too hard. Too much effort. Man, have a I been there.
 
Well I try to be hopeful but I have tried to change my reactions with little to no success and it is tiring and makes me feel more guilty (for instance when I'm startled I growl).
 
Fino said:
Hey, I growl sometimes when I'm overly stressed! It feels great!
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Yeah and I howl and I bark and I will shake my head and growl if I'm trying not to attack something or someone. These behaviors are also less controllable when im my wolf alter
 
I seem to come across to people as one of the two opposites-vulnerable or invincible. In reality I am not as much of the first and not at all the second. I have definitely been targeted and picked on but if it is physical I will fight back. Emotional and verbal bullying was more likely when I was younger and as an adult I was often taken advantage of in the work place. Because I am tall for a female, and my blank face looks arrogant or aloof or unfriendly to some people, I have also been misjudged as emotionally stronger than I am and treated accordingly.
 
I shake my head when I'm trying to stop thinking about something, like I'm shaking it out of my head literally Ha! It's just awkward when it happens in public. :eek:
 
If I could go back in time, I would have, as a minimum, swore at them and let them know how pissed off I was. If that did not work, I would fight back physically. I would have gotten beaten up, but if others saw I as fighting back, maybe I would have earned some respect and would not have been bullied as much.
I still do not know what i would have done with the guy in aerobics class who lifted me up and moved me.
I would not want to lose my gym membership over it.
 
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