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Does anyone project great vulnerabilty?

E

Edward764

Well-Known Member
Among the many things that gets me wired is an inability to come to grips with how often I was bullied and disrespected in life, including a few times as an adult.

I feel as though there must be something about my personality, temperment, movement, disposition, posture, or something that makes it either fun or OK to disrespect me.

Some of a fraction of the examples include:

1. Not given a seat on my 7th grade bus so I had to sit on the floor on the way to school. Even the bus driver laughed at this.
2. Being dumped in a trash can in 7th grade by two strangers.
3. Having a student put his hand up my shirt and make nipples.
4. Having a student come up to me and shove the books out of my arm.
5. My "friend" dumping a trash can over my head in class.
6. Same friend ripping books out of my hand and taking books out of my locker, multiple times.
7. Student just shoved me down a flight of outdoor stairs for no reason
8. Student passed wind in my face in the locker room every day.
9. same student in charge of passing out towels. refused to give me one so i got dressed wet.
10. Student spent an hour drawing big blob in felt pen all up my arm in class.
11. Student in geometry class sitting behind me would randomly sock me in the back multiple times
12. Student would rip my gym clothes out of my arms as I walked home from school. Multiple times

As an adult when 30 years old,
13 A fellow in my aerobics class wanted the spot where i was standing. He picked me up around the waist, and physically moved me stating " I want you over here"
14, A friend in step aerobics, kicks my steps over and says, "Get these out of here."
He wanted my spot.
15. In college, student kept insisting on borrowing my notes for two days and would not take no for an answer.
16. Two other students in college wanted to take my textbook home since they lost theirs.

I simply cannot be this unlucky. People read the vulnerability in me, and take advantage.

Has anyone experienced anything like these examples? No wonder I am 61 and have never earned more that $27,000.
Did they pick up on my autism, or is it likely something else?
 
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Well I was bullied from the ages of 5-11 about and abused multiple times. I assume they are picking up on our differences and vulnerabilities and stuff.
 
It's certainly not being unlucky, no.

Yes, they sense weakness. Humans are predators.

It's in the way we move, talk, our facial expressions, tone of voice, etc. People will instinctively know who they can get away with hurting.

And they were right, weren't they?

I remember when I realized this identical thing. I remember thinking, "There have been too many different, unrelated people behaving the same towards me. It must be me."

And it was.

I was bullied starting in kindergarten!

I would never list the incidents like that, but many of them are similar and the ones that aren't are exceedingly more violent.
 
But, of course, none of this explains your income. It may have influenced you in ways that led you to make decisions which led to that income. But it's not causal.
 
I was actually not bullied nearly as much as one would expect through age 11, despite my learning disabilites and severe obesity.
But all hell broke loose when I reached 7th grade.
The income problem is indirecly related as I foolishly tried to counteract my inferiority complex or" concept of satisfaction" by stubbornly trying to succeed in STEM where I had no business being.
 
Fino is living one of my occupational fantasies with a career in music, and keyboards would be my first choice.
He seems to have overcome his issues and achieved great success.
I have great envy and respect for musicians.
 
Yeah Im similar, though i have envy for good musicians and psychopathologists. He does seem to have overcome his struggles and its impressive {:
 
7th grade is also when it became hell for me! Everything before that was adorable by comparison.

I started music when I stopped going to high-school when I was sixteen and spent all day playing on a small keyboard, learning from youtube.

Eventually, I had to go to school, attempted suicide shortly after, then started a home-schooling thing after I got out of the hospital where you finish high-school from home, which allowed me to spend all my time playing piano.

I finished high-school then went to a community college for five years where I took classes which totaled to almost 200 units, many of them music, then transferred as a music major to a university.

That's the short version of how music happened. I used music to distract from thoughts of self-harm and suicide.
 
I'm written a lot of piano songs but never anything with words if that's what you mean. That did help a lot. I don't do it as much anymore but used to spend a lot of time doing it, back when I was more emotional.
 
I dont know, ive only really written word songs but I hope to get into writing my own music, though I do need to have a clearer schedule first. I get that emotional bit (and luckily ive always been emotional! so a lot of content to write about).
 
@Edward764 I'm sorry you've had to deal with all of that. And, I do think that certain personality types seem like easy targets for people who are like that.

Fino said:
Humans are predators.

It's in the way we move, talk, our facial expressions, tone of voice, etc. People will instinctively know who they can get away with hurting.
Click to expand...

This is awful BUT I think there's some truth in it. I think many people act less so because they are taught to be nice and follow a code of not picking on what they see to be weaker people. But those who don't care or who aren't taught or who have a personality disorder or some other dysfunction, well...

I remember when I was about 20 I went to a bar with my boyfriend and we ran into a girl we knew from school. I was never friends with her but I knew her. We were talking. It could have been really nice, you know. There was no reason for it not to be a nice social interaction. But in conversation she found out that I had not got my drivers license yet.

I was nervous to learn to drive. There was so much to think about and I worried about the responsibility of trying to do everything right and not hurt anyone. Those were my reasons - with the benefit of hindsight, probably aspergers related (for me) - I was diagnosed only recently. However, I never told her any of that.

What I said to her was that I hadn't felt the need yet as I relied on public transport which was quite good in the capital cities. Wow, did she turn on me. She berated and belittled me because I hadn't learned to drive as though it were some kind of crime or just really weird. I was mega shocked and I realised then that sometimes when people meet me they just really don't like me and see me as easy pickings. Even decades later I don't have a fix for that and it still happens sometimes. When it does there seems to be no way for me to turn it around :/
 
An Arctic fox said:
Not all personality disorder mean someone is an unfeeling person or a maniac or whatever.
Click to expand...

It isn't always. But sometimes it is. Not all dysfunction (which I also mentioned) is nasty for the people around, either. But I mentioned a variety of reasons that 'might' lead someone to behaviour that was anti-social. Perhaps I shouldn't have listed any.
 
Rectify said:
It isn't always. But sometimes it is. Not all dysfunction (which I also mentioned) is nasty for the people around, either. But I mentioned a variety of reasons that 'might' lead someone to behaviour that was anti-social. Perhaps I shouldn't have listed any.
Click to expand...
Yeah listing none would have been best.
 
I think it's good that you did list some and good that he clarified what he clarified, just to be sure. Everyone is right!
 
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