My area has a very high population of refugees from Islamic nations.
My old neighborhood was mainly Somali, but also Iraqi, Kurdish, and Persian. I have made many close friendships with Muslim women, gone to Masjid (Mosque services) with them, and watched their children grow up. My daughter has grown up with a group of veiled girls as her very best friends.
We celebrated Eid together, and many nights of Ramadan, I would be presented with a platter of the most delicious delights from the Levant. I still hold the line that African food is ten times better than Mexican or Italian. I even had a cottage industry in my old neighborhood, sewing and altering curtains, dresses, hijabs, and burqas for my female friends.
In my new neighborhood, there are a lot of Afghani refugees living as neighbors to me. They go to the same mosque as my other friends, so I thought it'd be neat to get to know these families too.
I really love the Islamic cultural tenets of welcoming strangers, befriending neighbors, and taking care of each other's children. My Somali, Kurdish, Iraqi, and Persian friends are the bomb. I have been invited to so many henna parties for weddings and baby births, etc. I miss my old neighbors.
But the Afghani families in this new neighborhood seem much more insular and sort of frightened. Is it maybe a cultural thing, or is it me?
They smile and say hello. Especially the men more than the women. Most of the Afghani men are more than happy to carry out a conversation and are very polite. The women look away from me, as if they are afraid. Sometimes they even pull their veils up when they see me. But once I say hello, or ask about their children, they warm up. But when we do greet each other, there's a quickness to get away from the situation, that I sense with the ladies my age.
It seems like there's never been a bridge, where I could make true friends with any of the women. They are all about my age, and have children. But other than quick greetings, they turn their heads and walk away quickly. Meanwhile the men seem to stop, smile, look me in the eye and have long conversations. It's strange.
And the children, started out as curious and friendly. Most of the little girls are polite. But the boys now curse me out. Like for instance, I got flipped off this afternoon, coming into my apartments by a three year old. His tween-age babysitter chided him for it, but he was so happy to do so, and sat back and smiled about it.
It's this weird paradox. Where it's like Adult women-cold, adult men-friendly, young girls-friendly, young boys-rude. There are some exceptions, as everyone is unique.
I have a cross hung outside my front door. Do you think that's part of it? Am I seen as the 'other'? Do they think I don't like them?
Is it my westernized-style friendliness with the adult men? I mean it's all fraternal. Just, like, "Hi, how are you? How is your wife? Nice weather. Did you guys go see the fireworks?" kind of stuff.
Is there a cultural taboo that I am crossing?
I just don't get it. I'm just this mom in a wheelchair that's trying to be friends with everyone in the neighborhood. And I don't really have enemies. So I don't get it.
My other neighbors are all super chill people. Just friendly folks, regardless of background, we are friendly with each other. It's just I've noticed a pattern with my Afghani neighbors. And I don't know how it started, or what I did.
My old neighborhood was mainly Somali, but also Iraqi, Kurdish, and Persian. I have made many close friendships with Muslim women, gone to Masjid (Mosque services) with them, and watched their children grow up. My daughter has grown up with a group of veiled girls as her very best friends.
We celebrated Eid together, and many nights of Ramadan, I would be presented with a platter of the most delicious delights from the Levant. I still hold the line that African food is ten times better than Mexican or Italian. I even had a cottage industry in my old neighborhood, sewing and altering curtains, dresses, hijabs, and burqas for my female friends.
In my new neighborhood, there are a lot of Afghani refugees living as neighbors to me. They go to the same mosque as my other friends, so I thought it'd be neat to get to know these families too.
I really love the Islamic cultural tenets of welcoming strangers, befriending neighbors, and taking care of each other's children. My Somali, Kurdish, Iraqi, and Persian friends are the bomb. I have been invited to so many henna parties for weddings and baby births, etc. I miss my old neighbors.
But the Afghani families in this new neighborhood seem much more insular and sort of frightened. Is it maybe a cultural thing, or is it me?
They smile and say hello. Especially the men more than the women. Most of the Afghani men are more than happy to carry out a conversation and are very polite. The women look away from me, as if they are afraid. Sometimes they even pull their veils up when they see me. But once I say hello, or ask about their children, they warm up. But when we do greet each other, there's a quickness to get away from the situation, that I sense with the ladies my age.
It seems like there's never been a bridge, where I could make true friends with any of the women. They are all about my age, and have children. But other than quick greetings, they turn their heads and walk away quickly. Meanwhile the men seem to stop, smile, look me in the eye and have long conversations. It's strange.
And the children, started out as curious and friendly. Most of the little girls are polite. But the boys now curse me out. Like for instance, I got flipped off this afternoon, coming into my apartments by a three year old. His tween-age babysitter chided him for it, but he was so happy to do so, and sat back and smiled about it.
It's this weird paradox. Where it's like Adult women-cold, adult men-friendly, young girls-friendly, young boys-rude. There are some exceptions, as everyone is unique.
I have a cross hung outside my front door. Do you think that's part of it? Am I seen as the 'other'? Do they think I don't like them?
Is it my westernized-style friendliness with the adult men? I mean it's all fraternal. Just, like, "Hi, how are you? How is your wife? Nice weather. Did you guys go see the fireworks?" kind of stuff.
Is there a cultural taboo that I am crossing?
I just don't get it. I'm just this mom in a wheelchair that's trying to be friends with everyone in the neighborhood. And I don't really have enemies. So I don't get it.
My other neighbors are all super chill people. Just friendly folks, regardless of background, we are friendly with each other. It's just I've noticed a pattern with my Afghani neighbors. And I don't know how it started, or what I did.
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