Do you forgive easily?

[AnneTheEmpress]

I can forgive things that were honestly unintentional, and things that I would consider minor offenses. (Things I can rationalize and are "honest" mistakes.) However bigger things that are unjustified, repeated offenses, or unprovoked callousness is not something I like to forgive. There should be a mutual respect among people. For the most part, I only fantasize about revenge. Though, there was a kid in HS that took my car for a joy ride.. when he got back I reamed him up one side and down the other. He cried and was terrified of me thereafter. I still don't regret it. He never messed with my car or me again. Don't get the wrong idea.. I didn't hit him and am usually a peaceful person with a more diplomatic approach to things.

 

[Aspie@60]

For the big stuff, a simple "I'm sorry" simply will not do for me. I make allowances for the little stuff, but only to a point. I hold grudges (going back 50 years) against people who have hurt me deeply. For them, provided they are not family, I simply cut them out of my life. If they are family, I maintain minimal contact. Asperger's as a diagnosis didn't exist when I was growing up, and I was emotionally "abandoned" more times than I can remember.

 

[theduckrabbit]

I forgive my family more or less, aside from that no, not anymore. I do not get very upset over minor things, but i have no interest in forgiving those who took advantage of me and used me and made me miserable. I dont buy the line that you must forgive to heal. Hearing about their failures is better than sex. Sorry, jesus

 

[Grumpy Cat]

It depends what the person has done. Lying definitely not (especially if they already know I don't tolerate lying). However, at this very moment I'm talking with an ex friend that I knew 20 yrs ago and we broke up our friendship back then over a couple guys. Now it's 20 years later and I just happened to meet her at the doctors office today and we remembered each other. She thought I was still mad at her. I know how much people can change in 20 yrs because I have. I don't even remember what it was we had argued about (which means it must not have been that important). Life is too short to hold a grudge you can't even remember the reason for. I'm hoping I can get our friendship back like it used to be. I think even with time I could forgive someone for lying (although some lies maybe unforgivable - this would be lies like cheating (totally unforgivable).

 

[Licorice]

I forgive little things pretty easily (passive person). But if someone does something that totally violates our friendship/ relationship/ whatever... and then don't take responsibility for it... well then they have to deal with the wrath of whale_bone. I forgive if people are genuinely sorry & want forgiveness, and understand the nuance of how much they hurt me.

I'm similar to this. It's not so much my anger that's the problem, it's what some of the actions say about them as a person and how trustworthy they are.

 

[Ylva]

I don't really care enough about what someone does if it is small. By the time it grows big enough to bother me, it is also entirely unforgivable.

I figure "forgive" is just another NT slogan. They say they think highly of it in order to influence others to let them off the hook. There is hypocrisy I can forgive, and then there is this kind of hypocrisy. Cutting people loose is just the thing to do.

 

[Arashi222]

I do not forgive people easily at all. Once you **** me over I stay pissed. People have told me I am like the ice queen. I can end up being very cold especially toward people who make me upset. I don't forget and I don't forgive when someone does something to me that is horrible. I also tend to stay angry over things that most people would just say forget it.

 

[Aspie510]

I forgive the individual. I NEVER forgive the crime. I'll hold a grudge against the transgression itself for years replaying it over and over in my mind. Sometimes I think I'll never be able to overcome my victim rumination problem. That's the primary reason I self medicate, to be free of the victim conversation.

 

[Pyrola]

I forgive people fairly easily, but I never forget. Once they do something, I always keep in mind that they may do it again, and while I try to be kind, I treat them accordingly. It really depends on the magnitude of the offense, though, honest slip ups are quite different from something more serious and frequent.

 

[Etzelaire]

There are several things I cannot forgive and I don't forgive easily. I have strict rules which people that know me know they have to respect. There's a principle here in spain (I don't know in which other places too) that says something like: the fact of unknowing a law doesn't mean it doesn't apply to you. Well in my case I am indulgent with people that don't know me but those who know me have to be really careful.
E.g. Don't sit in my spot (sounds like Sheldon), or, don't ever move ANYTHING from my room.

 

[AsheSkyler]

If it was an honest (and harmless) mistake, yes, I forgive. If it was a careless mistake or intentional, especially one you keep doing, "sorry" ain't gonna cut it. I won't forgive, I won't forget, and I'll only go easy on you if you prove that you won't do it again.

 

[Sander]

If it was an honest (and harmless) mistake, yes, I forgive. If it was a careless mistake or intentional, especially one you keep doing, "sorry" ain't gonna cut it. I won't forgive, I won't forget, and I'll only go easy on you if you prove that you won't do it again.

That's exactly the same for me! I don't ever forget something like that. And people don't seem to understand.

 

[Harrison]

I forgive but I never forget.

 

[Ylva]

I forgive but I never forget.

Why would you? It's valuable information about them.
Similarly, no need to waste emotions.

 

[Ferdinand94]

If it was an honest (and harmless) mistake, yes, I forgive. If it was a careless mistake or intentional, especially one you keep doing, "sorry" ain't gonna cut it. I won't forgive, I won't forget, and I'll only go easy on you if you prove that you won't do it again.

Pretty much what AsheSkyler said, however I distract too easily to hold a constant grudge. If you cross me intentionally you'll lose a great deal of my trust (if not all of it), but I won't actively bring it up every time I see you.

As for honest and harmless mistakes, I don't even need to forgive. There's nothing to forgive, I'll probably suggest we forget about it.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Pretty much what AsheSkyler said, however I distract too easily to hold a constant grudge. If you cross me intentionally you'll lose a great deal of my trust (if not all of it), but I won't actively bring it up every time I see you.

As for honest and harmless mistakes, I don't even need to forgive. There's nothing to forgive, I'll probably suggest we forget about it.

True dat. Only bring it up when they insist on the situation where they will undoubtedly be bad again. ^,^

 

[alien girl]

I'm one of those people who tend to forgive a person easily which in a way is a bad thing but because my heart seems to tell me not to.

Even if a person was to really annoy to me to the point where I want to snap, I seem to actually forgive and forget what happened and so on.

I don't know if I'm the only person that actually does, do you?

i find it very difficult to the point that it's almost impossible to forgive if someone does something really mean for no reason. i'll hold it over his/her head for decades and centuries later, until the end of time.

 

[May Black]

I've learned to forgive people quite easily, as it is a negative emotion that only holds me back, I don't hold grudges, and I'd never bring the event up in a heat of an argument. However, if I get hurt by someone who was close to me, friend or family, I will stop trusting them, I will no longer consider them close, I can still meet them, hang out with them, be friendly and enjoy them for the characters I like about them, but I won't be able to ask them for help or rely on them and I wouldn't go out of my way to help them. The bond between us was broken, and so far when this has happened, I haven't been able to find a way to repair it.

 

[JohnnyRock]

Yes, this has caused me a lot of trouble in my life. My best friend since year 7 in high school has constantly done things to hurt me. Spread rumors about me, set me up with a girl and then tried to break us up because he realized he liked her. I spent 7 years in a relationship with her and the whole time he was trying to get in between us. He moved overseas for a couple of years and this aloud me to make new friends, who i have realized are much more loyal to me and are true friends. When he moved back i even gave him another chance but he did something that hurt me more than he has ever done in the past. That was the last straw for me, as much as i try to make everyone happy all the time and keep wishing that if i forgive people they will have the same respect for me in return, i have realized this isn't always the case and sometimes you just have to learn to drop people who are constantly hurtful.

Over a very long time i have realized that there are a lot of good hearted people out there and i have now realized forgiveness is only deserved for the ones you truly believe have no intention of hurting you.

 

[Spinning Compass]

I heard a sermon a couple of weeks ago on forgiveness that made the most sense of any I have ever heard on the topic. It went like this: Forgiveness is NOT the same as reconciliation. You may have forgiven a person but you are under no obligation whatsoever to reconcile with them. Unfortunately many people confuse the two and when they insist that you must forgive what they really mean is you must reconcile. It is that fundamental misunderstanding that keeps people like us in situations long past the time when we should be cutting our losses and getting out. Forgiving a person does not mean you keep allowing them to treat you like sh^t.

So, to revise my understanding of the terms, I tend to forgive, but not to reconcile.