Do you care what others think of you?

[sisselcakes]

This is probably the best description of most people that I've ever read. If I were any good at woodworking, I'd make a sign of this and hang it above my front door. Maybe above a nice unwelcome mat...


Just to illustrate to OP about consequence vs caring: I wouldn't care either in terms of what people thought, but I would take a moment to consider if I actually looked homeless or if it were just hyperbole. If I concluded I actually could be mistaken for homeless, I would remedy it, because cops and security guards tend to harass homeless people, and I don't need that.

Just to illustrate to OP about consequence vs caring: I wouldn't care either in terms of what people thought, but I would take a moment to consider if I actually looked homeless or if it were just hyperbole. If I concluded I actually could be mistaken for homeless, I would remedy it, because cops and security guards tend to harass homeless people, and I don't need that

This made me laugh. Never thought of it like that, but I get it. Of course, in my case it's hyperbole. He wouldn't actually be confused with a homeless person. I say it with good humor. (Wonder if he appreciates it? LOL. Doesn't seem to get offended)

 

[sisselcakes]

For me I do care. But dont always show it. Or usually im just trying to keep my emotions under control and not send the wrong message to people around me. Unintentionally hurting them which i fear most of all. Hurting soneone you really care about. When you didnt mean to.

Yeah, I get this. My bf said the same. He feels badly he has hurt me at times, saying he hasn't intended to. He just doesn't realize how he comes across sometimes. Then again, it's also on me to take our differences into account and not make assumptions.

 

[Streetwise]

I'm an NT and I'm wondering about something. Do you care about what others think of you?

I'll lay out the scene. As an NT, I'm extremely sensitive to being judged by others. If we don't follow social norms, we feel a very strong internal "cringe" and the desire to just disappear- like a sense of shame. There is a very strong pressure to follow strict social rules, and we experience painful emotions from simply imagining we are being judged by others, even if we aren't treated differently as a result of breaking a norm.

I realize that people on the spectrum deal with social repercussions if they misread cues or inadvertently do something that isn't socially acceptable (as defined by NT's), so someone with ASD likely deals with others' REACTIONS to their behaviors; but does it matter to you what others THINK of you if it doesn't result in being treated differently?

I'm curious because I'm always trying to gain more insight into my bf who we believe has Asperger's but isn't formally diagnosed. It's helpful for me to get feedback here because he has trouble explaining his own inner world to me.

Thanks!

not completely because I'm a Christian Zionist,I have an idea of where I should get what I need that might be slightly different to other Christian's, an idea from Judaism is don't make people that important, I'm an introvert so that's fairly hard .

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes l like to come across as uncaring to get you or the person next to you to back off and leave me alone say if l am out in public. If someone is asking personal questions or just being in my face because they can, then l am extremely uncaring how l will say or do something to put you in your place. People are trolls. l see this and l don't need babysit them or baby them in anyway. If l judge the encounter to be okay, then l am way nicer.

 

[LadyBird84]

Yes. After I've had interactions with people I go over them again and again and try to pinpoint if and (usually when) I said or did something wrong.
The problem is, most of the time I end up doing something wrong.
Caring about what people think and using up all my energy to try to pass as NT does not mean I succeed.
I just get exhausted and disappointed with myself.
Also I often don't know what people think of me, not until later and sometimes not ever and so I try to be perfect.

I wish I didn't care so much about what other people thought of me.
I'd just be myself and life would be easier, I think.
But I've been pretending so much that I'm not sure who I am anymore sometimes.

 

[sisselcakes]

Sometimes l like to come across as uncaring to get you or the person next to you to back off and leave me alone say if l am out in public. If someone is asking personal questions or just being in my face because they can, then l am extremely uncaring how l will say or do something to put you in your place. People are trolls. l see this and l don't need babysit them or baby them in anyway. If l judge the encounter to be okay, then l am way nicer.

Agree. Way too many trolls out there.

 

[sisselcakes]

Yes. After I've had interactions with people I go over them again and again and try to pinpoint if and (usually when) I said or did something wrong.
The problem is, most of the time I end up doing something wrong.
Caring about what people think and using up all my energy to try to pass as NT does not mean I succeed.
I just get exhausted and disappointed with myself.
Also I often don't know what people think of me, not until later and sometimes not ever and so I try to be perfect.

I wish I didn't care so much about what other people thought of me.
I'd just be myself and life would be easier, I think.
But I've been pretending so much that I'm not sure who I am anymore sometimes.

That must be hard and exhausting to constantly pretend. And it’s sad you have to do it so much that you doubt who you really are.

This made me think of something. If most ppl on spectrum have to learn to do this, it must really complicate the process all young adults go through of learning who they are. It seems that it could cause confusion between knowing the real self vs the social one.

 

[Wolfnox]

Ueah. im still going threw that.

 

[dragonfire42]

I'm very self-conscious and hate drawing attention to myself in any way. I'm almost constantly afraid that people are judging me, I fully admit that I'm paranoid about it.

 

[AwkwardSilence]

I usually don't know what they think of me until it's too late, and what I thought was a neutral or positive relationship suddenly comes crashing down as bullying (as a child), job/client loss, rejections by friends or family members. Clueless as I usually am, though, in a social situation I can always tell I'm regarded as the eccentric one in the group, and the others put up with me and seem kind of patronizing.

 

[sisselcakes]

I usually don't know what they think of me until it's too late, and what I thought was a neutral or positive relationship suddenly comes crashing down as bullying (as a child), job/client loss, rejections by friends or family members. Clueless as I usually am, though, in a social situation I can always tell I'm regarded as the eccentric one in the group, and the others put up with me and seem kind of patronizing.

You bring up something here that made me remember some bad memories. But first, I’ll mention that my (recent) ex lost many a job because of his interactions. He was truly puzzled as to what he did wrong. Same with his marriage.

So with regard to bad memories, your comment about rejection by family - this was one area that caused me severe anxiety when I was with my bf.

I’m very close to my family. My family didn’t like my bf. Honestly it was probably in part bc we had different political beliefs and I would complain to them about that. Apart from that he would do things that my family felt were offensive. For example, coming across as rude to a waitress or appearing critical when he was sincerely asking about something.

Since I’m close with my family, it was important for me that they got along. I’m kind of hurt that my family didn’t make an effort to give my bf some leeway. I tried to explain how his traits made him come across in a way that wasn’t representative of his intentions. He never knew how they felt and I would feel terrible if he ever realized it.

Anyhow... sorry to go on and on. Thanks for your response!

 

[anxiety247]

I'm an NT and I'm wondering about something. Do you care about what others think of you?

I'll lay out the scene. As an NT, I'm extremely sensitive to being judged by others. If we don't follow social norms, we feel a very strong internal "cringe" and the desire to just disappear- like a sense of shame. There is a very strong pressure to follow strict social rules, and we experience painful emotions from simply imagining we are being judged by others, even if we aren't treated differently as a result of breaking a norm.

I realize that people on the spectrum deal with social repercussions if they misread cues or inadvertently do something that isn't socially acceptable (as defined by NT's), so someone with ASD likely deals with others' REACTIONS to their behaviors; but does it matter to you what others THINK of you if it doesn't result in being treated differently?

I'm curious because I'm always trying to gain more insight into my bf who we believe has Asperger's but isn't formally diagnosed. It's helpful for me to get feedback here because he has trouble explaining his own inner world to me.

Thanks!

It depends, I do care if it's people I would like to hang out with and make friends with. But if they are already buttholes that no one else really likes anyway and someone I wouldn't care hanging around then I wouldn't care what they think.

 

[sisselcakes]

It depends, I do care if it's people I would like to hang out with and make friends with. But if they are already buttholes that no one else really likes anyway and someone I wouldn't care hanging around then I wouldn't care what they think.

"Buttholes" made me LOL

 

[Aspychata]

I have felt l think out of the box. l am not a sheeple. So l don't care what people think about me, they don't pay my rent, cook my food, do my laundry or take out the garabage. And when l draw my last breath, they won't be there so l refuse to give anyone that power. It comes down to survival mode. I don't believe cavemen were coming up with sophisticated social encounters either. Take away our jobs, cars, social systems, what do have? Just the raw human level of people. Some you like, more that you hate. And plenty more people that are way screwed up or are heading there, l live in a state for notorious stories. The last story: A person who shoved a gator down their pants when stopped by the police. Sit down with coffee and think about that for a few mins.

l lived in another state, where a person called the police because the person wasn't speaking English. I look daily social intetactions as hit or miss. Outside of that, l see if l learned anything and or was right in my assumptions of the person and their said career choice and social standing.

 

[hardrockandmetalguy]

i used to be that person that would care but as time went on, i just stopped caring entirely. this entire world has way too many problems and why should i feel the need to care about what some grunt thinks about a nobody like me. people will be people i guess. after all, im not here to please or impress anybody, im not here to hold hands (like i want to), or gather around a campfire and sing kumbaya and all of that nonsense. im only here for me and my well being. you only have one life so live it well!!!!! - Adam \m/