Do you annoy NTs without realizing it?

[RecklessMick]

Yes.

 

[Cali Cat]

I don't know if I annoy NTs, but I certainly make many of them nervous ... intimidated maybe. I can tell they don't know how to regard me. Sometimes I find it amusing; other times it's frustrating. Mostly, I no longer care what they think of me. That's a big perk of getting older. You lose interest in how others view you.

 

[RecklessMick]

I don't know if I annoy NTs, but I certainly make many of them nervous ... intimidated maybe. I can tell they don't know how to regard me. Sometimes I find it amusing; other times it's frustrating. Mostly, I no longer care what they think of me. That's a big perk of getting older. You lose interest in how others view you.

I really want to be old right now >.<

 

[Cali Cat]

I really want to be old right now >.<

It's quite liberating.

 

[Nitro]

I take on the role of an equal opportunity pain in the ass. Does it really matter what someone thinks about me? Ask me if I really care too.

Age might have something to do with it,but I have never been any different.
I always say if ya don't like what I have to say,then don't listen to me.

I'm pretty sure I can annoy auties and aspies too and never narrow it down to neurological differences. Ever listen to the non-sense and utter bullsh*t that is spouted out by the so called dreaded enemy NT? Pretty lame and boring too if you were to ask me

 

[Adora]

I'm guilty of repeating myself a lot,it gets on my husband nerves when I repeat something but when I talk it's either too much or too little to the point I have had people commenting how quiet I am or they think there is something wrong with me, i also have a habit of bringing something up irrelevant to the conversation and I guess that can come across as rude or interrupting but usually I try to be polite as I can and I try not to go on about things I like for example my doll collection or cartoons,because I know myself if I do I get carried away and I have annoyed people with it in the past.

 

[Hidden_1]

Sometimes I try and come off friendly but annoy NTs by being repetative and sometimes blurt things inappropriate without knowing this, do you do the same?

 

[Hidden_1]

Several years ago I was in line for a small promotion. My supervisor was discussing the requirements and mentioned that the promoted person should be generally "liked" by the other departments he would interact with. I said I was generally liked. He informed me I was wrong and almost everyone was reluctant to deal with me. I was floored! I never realized I was so hated. It was a very tough blow to recover from. Needless to say I didn't get the promotion...even worse they hired a new person and required me to teach him how to do the job. It took me months to recover emotionally.

 

[Hidden_1]

I totally agree; I remember back when I worked at Dairy Queen in high school, my boss used to call me "Snap" as a nickname because of this. He used to tease me that if I weren't so damn good at every other facet of the job (i.e. correct change in drawer, rarely made mistakes with orders, and willing to stay late if necessary, etc.), he would've fired me early on due to my difficulties handling and diffusing difficult customers.

Case in point: A girl orders an ice cream. It costs $3.50. She gives me a $5. I give her back $1.50. She immediately tells me I gave her the incorrect change and I owe her a dollar.

I rebut - telling her the ice cream costs $3.50. She gave me a $5. So...

And she's like...yeah...exactly. You owe me a dollar.

And I'm like. Huh...? That's not correct. So, let's do the math together, shall we? I take out a calculator so she can see the math: $5.00 - $3.50 = $1.50. Now if the ice cream cost $2.50... Here. I'll show you. $5.00 - $2.50 = $2.50! But, alas, your ice cream cost $3.50.

My boss comes over. Apologizes to her. Gives her a $1 gift certificate. And takes me in the back.

He was all...what was that about?

I told him she wanted the wrong change back. And didn't believe me her math was wrong. So I needed to show her.

And he got frustrated. Said the customer is always right.

And I was like...but she actually was wrong.

And he said it didn't matter that she was wrong, as she's the customer, which makes her claims right.

I got frustrated. Told him that didn't make any sorta logical sense. And asked if I were supposed to give her back the wrong change cuz she's the customer and perhaps slightly impaired?

He said...no! That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying you need to treat the customers like they're right, even if they're not.

This confused the 'eff outta me.

Suffice it to say: that was not the last time he felt the need to pull me in the back for "snapping" at silly customers.

I now realize what the problem was. I don't think people should be coddled for their stupidity. But that's how it usually works.

I don't want to be mean to people. That's not what I mean...especially as people are often mean to me...when I don't understand why. I just want things to make logical sense.

It is infinitely frustrating.

 

[Hidden_1]

Ignoring another person's error is a vague form of lying and that can be a problem for me. You too?

 

[AveApollo]

Ignoring another person's error is a vague form of lying and that can be a problem for me. You too?

Yes! It feels like lying if I don't correct them. There's also an anxiety I feel. As if I know a secret, and I hate secrets.

 

[theminx]

Ignoring another person's error is a vague form of lying and that can be a problem for me. You too?

Yes. Very much so. But I've learned to keep quiet as often as possible, as it causes people to take offense.

Sometimes I don't even realize I've done it.

I'm not trying to be offensive. I just want things done properly.

I realize now people feel attacked. But it is difficult for me to understand why.

 

[theminx]

i also have a habit of bringing something up irrelevant to the conversation and I guess that can come across as rude or interrupting but usually I try to be polite as I can and I try not to go on about things I like for example my doll collection or cartoons,because I know myself if I do I get carried away and I have annoyed people with it in the past.

A coworker used to call me the "Queen of the Non Sequitur". But what I've learned is, what might seem irrelevant to everyone else seems like it is connected to me. And my brain has often already made all the connections in my head. So...it's like I've already had a full discussion about it with myself.

Problem is...no one but me is privy to my thoughts.

My boyfriend has gotten good at saying... "Why don't you bring the rest of us up to speed as to how you've made this seemingly unrelated connection and come to that conclusion?"

It causes me to pause...and realize where my brain filled in what seems to others like irrelevant gaps. But once they better understand my thought process. They often see said non sequitur isnt irrelevant or illogical at all.

My mouth just isn't very good at communicating my thoughts in the proper sequence when I get excited about something.

Is this similar to what happens to you?

That's why I prefer electronic text to true social settings. It gives me a chance to line up my train of thought properly, so I don't seem so tangential and rambling.

 

[Datura]

A coworker used to call me the "Queen of the Non Sequitur". But what I've learned is, what might seem irrelevant to everyone else seems like it is connected to me. And my brain has often already made all the connections in my head. So...it's like I've already had a full discussion about it with myself.

Problem is...no one but me is privy to my thoughts.

My boyfriend has gotten good at saying... "Why don't you bring the rest of us up to speed as to how you've made this seemingly unrelated connection and come to that conclusion?"

It causes me to pause...and realize where my brain filled in what seems to others like irrelevant gaps. But once they better understand my thought process. They often see said non sequitur isnt irrelevant or illogical at all.

My mouth just isn't very good at communicating my thoughts in the proper sequence when I get excited about something.

Is this similar to what happens to you?

That's why I prefer electronic text to true social settings. It gives me a chance to line up my train of thought properly, so I don't seem so tangential and rambling.

This deffinitely happens to me. Somebody will saysomething, my brain will make several connections in the span of a moment, and I will suddenly find myself thinking about something very interesting that I feel the strong need to share because obviously everyone else will think it is fascinating too. Unfortunately I often seem to be wrong as people will either not respond or say things like, "Wow! You sure like useless facts." I now try to sensor myself and keep the conversation on track, but I still misjudge.

Just today I was talking with my mom about how a friend of mine ill and says she needs antibotics. During our conversation I recalled a documentary I had seen about how they trace the transmission of hospital borne infections by analysing the genetic differences between a spe. By looking at the mutations they can determine not only the lineage of strains but also the aproximate time of their divergence. From there can narrow down transmission vectors which is usefull for identifying breaches of protocal or areas in which procedures can be improved. My mom was like, "Okay, back to the real world.", and I was like, "But that is the real world."

the customer is always right.

Argh! This frustrates me to no end. The thing is, when you come up with money missig from your till then you have to take the blame. And frankly I think it is unethical to encourage the bad behaviour of customers by cowtowing to their demands. People should be willing to admit to their mistakes and also treat service workers like human beings deserving of respect. I know it's bad for busness, but if more people addopted that attitude I think this would be a better world.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Sometimes you say something and its innapropriate and you dont realize it until they tell you and you feel bad about it and feel guilt for days they get over it like its no big deal in less than a day but you dont and the guilt lingers for days and it sucks, but it is a learning experience and you learn not to say certain stuff again or share too much of your personal information like an open book. You feel bad for a long time and it sucks. But you must learn to forgive yourself as well and not beat yourself up over it.I tend to beat my self up over it even if its something small, the guilt and embarrassment lingers.

 

[Adora]

Sometimes you say something and its innapropriate and you dont realize it until they tell you and you feel bad about it and feel guilt for days they get over it like its no big deal in less than a day but you dont and the guilt lingers for days and it sucks, but it is a learning experience and you learn not to say certain stuff again or share too much of your personal information like an open book. You feel bad for a long time and it sucks. But you must learn to forgive yourself as well and not beat yourself up over it.I tend to beat my self up over it even if its something small, the guilt and embarrassment lingers.

I'm definitely very similar it takes me ages to get over an embarrassment and have had a habit of over sharing my personal information in the past which I try to be very careful of now,I tend to feel guilty very easily and I end up stewing over for days and I end being over apologetic as well,but It's hard for me not to stew since once I have something in my head I can end up getting fixated which is worse.

 

[Nightingale121]

Ignoring another person's error is a vague form of lying and that can be a problem for me. You too?

Yes. Very much so. But I've learned to keep quiet as often as possible, as it causes people to take offense.

Sometimes I don't even realize I've done it.

I'm not trying to be offensive. I just want things done properly.

I realize now people feel attacked. But it is difficult for me to understand why.

I agree with you both here. Because of what you said, theminx, it even gets worse although you could think it might be easier when you know what to avoid to stop offending people.
The problem is now that I feel bad whatever I do.
My natural mode is to correct errors and so I don't like it to shut up about errors I notice because I want things to be correct and fixed if needed. Supressing this urge can make me feel uncomfortable because I have to live with the error and cannot correct it, it just feels "wrong".
But since I realized people are offended when you always tell them their errors, I also feel a bit bad when I correct them even though it should be rather satisfying to fulfill my natural urge to do so.
I am rather insecure now about the exact dose of those two modes, i.e. when I should say something and when I should be quiet.

Just today I wrote an email about a presentation I have to do with another person. She sent her part, so I could add mine and see if I am okay with everything regarding the order and so on. I corrected her spelling and grammatical errors automatically in her written presentation and added a few notes about other errors as well.
Even though I know we will both have benefits through that and it is a good thing that I noticed those errors, I feel a bit bad because she might find my email offensive. I hope she doesn't think so and can see the benefits of my correction too.
Whenever I correct people nowadays I always try to keep it in a friendly tone, so it comes across less offensive. At least I hope that works.

 

[paloftoon]

I agree with you both here. Because of what you said, theminx, it even gets worse although you could think it might be easier when you know what to avoid to stop offending people.
The problem is now that I feel bad whatever I do.
My natural mode is to correct errors and so I don't like it to shut up about errors I notice because I want things to be correct and fixed if needed. Supressing this urge can make me feel uncomfortable because I have to live with the error and cannot correct it, it just feels "wrong".
But since I realized people are offended when you always tell them their errors, I also feel a bit bad when I correct them even though it should be rather satisfying to fulfill my natural urge to do so.
I am rather insecure now about the exact dose of those two modes, i.e. when I should say something and when I should be quiet.

Just today I wrote an email about a presentation I have to do with another person. She sent her part, so I could add mine and see if I am okay with everything regarding the order and so on. I corrected her spelling and grammatical errors automatically in her written presentation and added a few notes about other errors as well.
Even though I know we will both have benefits through that and it is a good thing that I noticed those errors, I feel a bit bad because she might find my email offensive. I hope she doesn't think so and can see the benefits of my correction too.
Whenever I correct people nowadays I always try to keep it in a friendly tone, so it comes across less offensive. At least I hope that works.

If a correction absolutely, positively, must be mentioned, do it in an environment where it is done 1-1 and not in front of others. Rather than speaking or pointing out specific errors, if an error is bugging you, you can just fix the errors yourself and then send only the final product to other(s). If you must keep a specific list, keep that to yourself unless someone specifically asks for a list of what you did.

If you aren't close friends with the person/people involved, they might have a natural inclination to feel attacked for their work rather than it being good advice. Emotions and being able to listen are important factors to consider. A number of NTs don't follow this very well either as I have experienced. The bad thing is, some know what they are doing and are just so unempathetic and lacksadaisical that it's disgusting. This seems to be much of the youth of today.

 

[ASD_Geek]

Mine said the same thing.

This is great advice and something that I do as well, although I will admit that occasionally people will get made and assume that I'm not listening if I take too long to answer.

 

[theminx]

My natural mode is to correct errors and so I don't like it to shut up about errors I notice because I want things to be correct and fixed if needed. Supressing this urge can make me feel uncomfortable because I have to live with the error and cannot correct it, it just feels "wrong".
But since I realized people are offended when you always tell them their errors, I also feel a bit bad when I correct them even though it should be rather satisfying to fulfill my natural urge to do so.
I am rather insecure now about the exact dose of those two modes, i.e. when I should say something and when I should be quiet.

Just today I wrote an email about a presentation I have to do with another person. She sent her part, so I could add mine and see if I am okay with everything regarding the order and so on. I corrected her spelling and grammatical errors automatically in her written presentation and added a few notes about other errors as well.
Even though I know we will both have benefits through that and it is a good thing that I noticed those errors, I feel a bit bad because she might find my email offensive. I hope she doesn't think so and can see the benefits of my correction too.
Whenever I correct people nowadays I always try to keep it in a friendly tone, so it comes across less offensive. At least I hope that works.

I completely agree. I think it's balance, finding the right tone to say it...and the right time. I am not very good at this, so...it is hit or miss. Sometimes people appreciate my candor...sometimes I inadvertently offend. I guess it is a constant learning experience. The problem is...everyone is different. So, there's no true set rule or standard to gauge yourself by. I think that's the crux of my own problem.

People tell me I have too many rules. The frustrating thing is these rules are based on what I think I'm supposed to be doing. And if I'm supposed to follow these rules, then I begin to get frustrated when most people (especially NTs) don't seem willing to do the same.

I've come to the realization that, because social norms and cues fluctuate depending on a number of variables, unless you have that social antenna the NTs seem to have embedded in their brains, then you're likely going to get it wrong at least part of the time...and will be giving out mixed signals to NTs trying to use their embedded antenna to try to read those of us without our own antenna, who try to substitute it with a very static set of rules which don't make sense for every potential situation.

There are going to be miscommunications on either end, no matter how hard you try to ensure otherwise.

It actually kinda makes me sad...that our thinking is so divergent that it often makes clear communication so difficult.