Do you annoy NTs without realizing it?

[AspieOtaku]

Sometimes I try and come off friendly but annoy NTs by being repetative and sometimes blurt things inappropriate without knowing this, do you do the same?

 

[Datura]

If I annoyed somebody and didn't realize it then how would I ... um ... realize it?

 

[wanderer03]

Sometimes I try and come off friendly but annoy NTs by being repetative and sometimes blurt things inappropriate without knowing this, do you do the same?

This happens but I realize it after the fact. When the day is said and done, I don't really give a damn. I am who I am and if someone decides not to like me or find me annoying, so be it. Life is just plain too short to sweat that stuff. If you think about it, NTs can do and say things annoying to us.

 

[Judge]

It's tricky. I mean like with all traits and behaviors, we may have varying degrees of control over them.

When it comes to inappropriate things, there's a learning curve I can adjust to. But only after I've determined or been told that what I may have said was deemed inappropriate. After that, depending on the individual(s) in question I may not make the same mistake. But being repetitive...hmmm. I don't seem to have much control over that.

But I know quite often the process is taxing to me...as talking to some people is like treading through a mine field. Which sometimes results in me simply saying far less to someone who is easily offended. Or I just avoid certain subjects of conversation altogether.

I will say this though. In my own case with self-awareness I feel a little more empowered in attempting to speak less bluntly than I used to. I just have to be careful about not instantly responding to much of anything.

 

[jfk]

Yes, I usually say things that NTs consider 'socially unacceptable' , usually I'll be having an internal dialogue with myself and say something. It may sound insulting / rude ... I'm just being a bit honest.

... probably need to tone down the 'socially-acceptable'small-talk-for-NTs'

*sigh*

 

[Zames]

I will say this though. In my own case with self-awareness I feel a little more empowered in attempting to speak less bluntly than I used to. I just have to be careful about not instantly responding to much of anything.

This

 

[AveApollo]

If I annoyed somebody and didn't realize it then how would I ... um ... realize it?

Because sometimes they tell you straight after we do the 'annoying' thing, but we didn't realise while we were doing it at the time.

 

[AveApollo]

They hate being corrected on facts or logic. They get irratated, but I have a compulsion to correct if I know they are factually wrong or illogical.

 

[jfk]

I will say this though. In my own case with self-awareness I feel a little more empowered in attempting to speak less bluntly than I used to. I just have to be careful about not instantly responding to much of anything.

Yeah, I need to do this more. I need to learn to take a breath and think ... before speaking honestly lol. It's tricky. I don't really manage it very well , it's like the staring intently at others ...

 

[AveApollo]

Yeah, I need to do this more. I need to learn to take a breath and think ... before speaking honestly lol. It's tricky. I don't really manage it very well , it's like the staring intently at others ...

My therapist told me to take a pause before responding, and that it will get easier the more you do it. HOWEVER, I have that even when I don't say something, people will still accuse me of things I didn't even say or do and when I insist on explaining that I am a straightforward person, and I never had an ulterior motive, they get angry.

 

[wanderer03]

My therapist told me to take a pause before responding, and that it will get easier the more you do it. HOWEVER, I have that even when I don't say something, people will still accuse me of things I didn't even say or do and when I insist on explaining that I am a straightforward person, and I never had an ulterior motive, they get angry.

Mine said the same thing.

 

[Astroganga]

Yes I do. I either realise some time later or am told that I have been offending people or have been cold and aloof, the latter one I really find it hard to see how I have supposedly been like that.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I annoy people just by being quiet. But I don't give a f*ck if they're annoyed or not.

 

[Judge]

I annoy people just by being quiet. But I don't give a f*ck if they're annoyed or not.

It does seem to set some Neurotypicals ill at ease. Just another thing that sometimes makes me feel like I'm from another planet. If I have nothing to say, I have nothing to say. It's not rocket science!

 

[AveApollo]

It does seem to set some Neurotypicals ill at ease. Just another thing that sometimes makes me feel like I'm from another planet. If I have nothing to say, I have nothing to say. It's not rocket science!

Before finding out I am an Aspie, I used to hate awkward silence in conversations, because I assumed the other person was either bored with me or uncomfortable, or that I may have offended without realising, plus I talk when nervous (which is virtually all human conversations,especially with new people). But now I'm learning to stop caring about other people's perceptions of me as much, and the less I talk, the less misunderstandings...usually!

 

[Judge]

But now I'm learning to stop caring about other people's perceptions of me as much, and the less I talk, the less misunderstandings...usually!

As I get older I too have become far less concerned of peoples' perception of me. Especially being self aware of my own autism. I am what I am...and am ok with that.

 

[forowls]

I, unfortunately, always annoy NTs. I can't help it; which is quite frustrating because all I want are friends who aren't annoyed by me.

 

[Ylva]

Don't we all. Sometimes I swear they're just putting it on to have an excuse to be "assertive" and intimidating.

 

[theminx]

They hate being corrected on facts or logic. They get irratated, but I have a compulsion to correct if I know they are factually wrong or illogical.

I totally agree; I remember back when I worked at Dairy Queen in high school, my boss used to call me "Snap" as a nickname because of this. He used to tease me that if I weren't so damn good at every other facet of the job (i.e. correct change in drawer, rarely made mistakes with orders, and willing to stay late if necessary, etc.), he would've fired me early on due to my difficulties handling and diffusing difficult customers.

Case in point: A girl orders an ice cream. It costs $3.50. She gives me a $5. I give her back $1.50. She immediately tells me I gave her the incorrect change and I owe her a dollar.

I rebut - telling her the ice cream costs $3.50. She gave me a $5. So...

And she's like...yeah...exactly. You owe me a dollar.

And I'm like. Huh...? That's not correct. So, let's do the math together, shall we? I take out a calculator so she can see the math: $5.00 - $3.50 = $1.50. Now if the ice cream cost $2.50... Here. I'll show you. $5.00 - $2.50 = $2.50! But, alas, your ice cream cost $3.50.

My boss comes over. Apologizes to her. Gives her a $1 gift certificate. And takes me in the back.

He was all...what was that about?

I told him she wanted the wrong change back. And didn't believe me her math was wrong. So I needed to show her.

And he got frustrated. Said the customer is always right.

And I was like...but she actually was wrong.

And he said it didn't matter that she was wrong, as she's the customer, which makes her claims right.

I got frustrated. Told him that didn't make any sorta logical sense. And asked if I were supposed to give her back the wrong change cuz she's the customer and perhaps slightly impaired?

He said...no! That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying you need to treat the customers like they're right, even if they're not.

This confused the 'eff outta me.

Suffice it to say: that was not the last time he felt the need to pull me in the back for "snapping" at silly customers.

I now realize what the problem was. I don't think people should be coddled for their stupidity. But that's how it usually works.

I don't want to be mean to people. That's not what I mean...especially as people are often mean to me...when I don't understand why. I just want things to make logical sense.

It is infinitely frustrating.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I totally agree; I remember back when I worked at Dairy Queen in high school, my boss used to call me "Snap" as a nickname because of this. He used to tease me that if I weren't so damn good at every other facet of the job (i.e. correct change in drawer, rarely made mistakes with orders, and willing to stay late if necessary, etc.), he would've fired me early on due to my difficulties handling and diffusing difficult customers.

Case in point: A girl orders an ice cream. It costs $3.50. She gives me a $5. I give her back $1.50. She immediately tells me I gave her the incorrect change and I owe her a dollar.

I rebut - telling her the ice cream costs $3.50. She gave me a $5. So...

And she's like...yeah...exactly. You owe me a dollar.

And I'm like. Huh...? That's not correct. So, let's do the math together, shall we? I take out a calculator so she can see the math: $5.00 - $3.50 = $1.50. Now if the ice cream cost $2.50... Here. I'll show you. $5.00 - $2.50 = $2.50! But, alas, your ice cream cost $3.50.

My boss comes over. Apologizes to her. Gives her a $1 gift certificate. And takes me in the back.

He was all...what was that about?

I told him she wanted the wrong change back. And didn't believe me her math was wrong. So I needed to show her.

And he got frustrated. Said the customer is always right.

And I was like...but she actually was wrong.

And he said it didn't matter that she was wrong, as she's the customer, which makes her claims right.

I got frustrated. Told him that didn't make any sorta logical sense. And asked if I were supposed to give her back the wrong change cuz she's the customer and perhaps slightly impaired?

He said...no! That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying you need to treat the customers like they're right, even if they're not.

This confused the 'eff outta me.

Suffice it to say: that was not the last time he felt the need to pull me in the back for "snapping" at silly customers.

I now realize what the problem was. I don't think people should be coddled for their stupidity. But that's how it usually works.

I don't want to be mean to people. That's not what I mean...especially as people are often mean to me...when I don't understand why. I just want things to make logical sense.

It is infinitely frustrating.

Ha. The customer is wrong the vast majority of the time.