• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Difficulty making friends

Well I live in Southwest Georgia about an hour north of Tallahassee, FL. I have a hard time making friends as well IRL but I am always willing to give any chance at friends a shot. If you want to talk I am always willing to talk I love to talk lol. Also I am a very good listener. IRL I love hugs, hunting, fishing, reading, talking about emotions, getting pedicures, listening and trying to support others, and letting people know how important they are to me.
 
Today my roommates where talking about a party they went to Friday night, they said it was a "20 something year old party, Very loud" (had to yell to be heard, noise complaints occurred)
For the record both of my roommates are NT and 30(I think) and 33(I know).
A comment that stood out to me though was "Man how boring are their lives that their so excited just to be in the same room. I don't seem to get together unless there is it's to do something these days"
And I thought "That's how I've always lived my life" (gotta have something to do)

From what I hear and experience it's fairly normal to not make/keep friends as easily after 30.
I have one best friend, go figure,
and around 15 friends about 1/2 of which are family,
and some people I like at work along with.
Long distance friendships don't last beyond not playing the same games online anymore.
"Social media friends" don't count
 
I find with other guys I usually can't be friends because I feel I can't be myself around most guys without getting hurt... However with women I am normal me, very sensitive, kind and caring.
 
It's the annoying "small talk" that makes it hard for people like us to make friends. I can only do "small talk" if the topic interest me. Talk about computers and smart phones and I can talk. Talk about stupid things like "how was your week" or "where are you from" I can answer briefly but then that's it.
 
There are times when I have opportunities to make friends with similar interests, and once in a while when I'm up to it, I've invited people I meet to join me for a beer. I've "never" received a reciprocating invite nor do any of these people come back to hang out and chat again. I have no idea what I say or do that turn's people off. I can only speculate that my preference to talk about things with substance is too much for newly met people who maybe want to keep things limited to shallow small talk, something that I don't understand or know how to do. Anyway, I haven't had any friends for decades, just acquaintances that don't go further than an obligatory hello in passing.
 
This is how [I was told] making friends works. Ask people stuff like, "Do you have pets? I have a dog, a cat, and a hippopotamus."

This small talk is supposed to identify common areas of interests that will then lead to the beginnings of friendship.

Maybe that is how NT or NT-appearing people do it.

I tried and I can't.
-----

This is how I actually make friends: go hang out in the park with the dog. Say hello to random people also hanging out in the park.

If an interesting ND [Or any person Othered by society] is found, then take turns info-dumping. Info-dumping is a form of autistic bonding.

Hang out in the park with homeless people and street musicians. Most of them will also pay attention to your dog which is a bonus.

-----
The thing I have to always be careful of: I drive and I have a beat-up old car that gets me to where I need to go.

Random people who pretend to befriend me just want a free personal taxi cab driver. They really need a ride to everywhere all the time.

Discouraging???? Yes.

-----
The one publically autistic i know is really into a certain organization that hates us and is triggering for me.

-----
I am not giving up. Frankly, my dog has more friends than I do.

Sigh.
 
I have found most women tend to be more understanding about people with disabilities, I have noticed a lot of the people who work at the restaurants I go to go out of their way for me. Like at the home cooking place I go to my usual waitress treats me like a little brother.
 
If you can't find them, make them yourself, I always say. I think the best place to start is to collect the right ingredients. It looks like a lot of them are things you might already have around the house.
480581927_aa5c1bc783_o.jpg

;)

Seriously, just joining here is a potential start. I hope you can find some like minded folks to talk with.
 
Tom said:
If you can't find them, make them yourself, I always say. I think the best place to start is to collect the right ingredients. It looks like a lot of them are things you might already have around the house.
View attachment 54435
;)

Seriously, just joining here is a potential start. I hope you can find some like minded folks to talk with.
Click to expand...
thanks
 
I have someone who is "being my friend" right now. o_O They want help creating a designer guitar pedal, because the only time we talk is over schematics and about pedals. Realize I'm being used, but am being kind. Not letting them take advantage of me, just messing around because what we are doing is fun. :) I do have one particular custom pedal that is legit. Not sharing that information with them. They are out to make money, but not with my design. So... friends when I can do something for them... yeah, got those....;)
 
renee87 said:
I'm a 31 year old female in Georgia. I was diagnosed with autism back in 2014. Lately I have been having difficulty making friends. I have been struggling with this for quite some time now. I'm looking to meet some friends online who have the same problem as I do. I have hard time making friends in person, so I want to see if I can meet them online.
Click to expand...

I've found it's easy to make friends with artists and musicians if you really discuss what you like about their work instead of just trying to tell them they're cool, etc. Creative people are very open minded and accepting of people who are different.

I got an office job and hardly talked to anyone because I didn't understand the social rules of an office, but I met a few environmental scientists there and made friends because of mutual interest in nature.

I joined a Young Professionals group and figured I could make friends by joining a committee. I made acquaintances, but I didn't really make friends with anyone until I started being vulnerable and admitting that I was nervous or felt awkward in a situation. Because they did too, we kind of bonded over being introverts.

If you can manage participating in large social events, look for the people on the edges of the crowd. You will probably fit in with people who don't easily fit in.

Best wishes!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom